Extreme weather warnings

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I would have thought that generation snow flake would be comfortable with the influx of brethren but apparently not.

I am receiving e-mail notifications of impending severe weather temperatures will plummet to -3 and a possibility of up to 4 cm of snow!

Britain is doomed! where as I am mildly bemused, firstly the cause of the chaos is the fuckers who cant drive unless its a clear sunny day and to be honest shouldn’t be on the road (various safety features fitted to vehicles have thwarted Darwin’s law and we now have 3rd generation fucktards)

Another factor I believe is the penchant of purchasing cheap pretty shit from primark that has practically no thermal protection coupled with the dependence on tropical levels of central heating.

At this point I need to elaborate that generation snow flake is not exclusive to ourselves, last cold snap we had I had to go up into the hills and rescue a driver “trapped” in some wood, Imagine my surprise when I discovered that the driver was in fact Polish, Imagine his surprise that after explaining the treacherous conditions to me (ice, snow) he got the most almighty bollocking in serbo/Croat about his inability to drive in what I consider to be a chilly day in Tatri, his ridiculous route planning and rounding off with the fact he had come over here because he definitely couldn’t cut the mustard over there.
again I wander off topic, far too many cunts to cunt!

Nominated by lord benny

42 thoughts on “Extreme weather warnings”

  1. I’ve never worked out what the fuck a “weather-bomb” is meant to be. Apparently we no longer have storms,gales,hail,rain,snow or even a zephyr as gentle as an angel’s fart, now every new front is a “weather-bomb”

    Most male weather forcasters are The Gays,but some of the females are canny. Lucy Verasani or Clare Nasir would get it…not that droopy -dugged old howler Carol Kirkwood…put them away,you old bag,afore you trip over them.

    • I dunno, knee ticklers or not, I’d love to see them out of their wrappers!

      Lucy Martin is the spitting image of Naomi Watts but with dark hair.

      • Dick has ( as usual ) started an excellent and worthy thread. On this very rare occasion, I must be at odds with the esteemed gentleman on the matter of Carol Kirkwood. Now there’s a lady to replace your porrage on a cold winters morning, and I too would love to see those knee bruising melons out of the wrapper rebel. As for weather, bollox. The Northern Counties and Scotland get this shit every year. Nowt new. Grow up you silly London Bubble Cunts.

      • Carol’s great, but I’m a little worried that her tits might be “enhanced”. That would be an awful disappointment… But if they’re not… WOOF WOOF!!!

      • As opposed to that fucking thing Diane Oxberry – her of that other cunt Steve Wright in the afternoon. She was one of his “gang” and apart from fucking around laughing like one of her pubes was facing the wrong way she has now become a fully fledged weather person in her own right. The Spectator made a remark about her a couple of years ago – “What is the point of Diane Oxberry”? Exactly. I note Beast from the East 3 has been downgraded to “a bit chilly over the weekend” – fucking hell, we want to colonise Mars and the cunts at the Met office cant even get a 5 day forecast right. The Huffingtoncuntingdon Post led with “Temperatures set to plummet to -10 over the Easter weekend”. The online version of the gnardiu is the new fake news cock of the walk.

      • Nice image Pedantic. The caption should be …

        “A large front to the north, and a bit damp in southern regions”

    • Gemma Humphries had a fine pair of puppies on Meridian weather Dick. She made way for the childrens tv presenter Simon Parkin…..what a fucking insult.

    • How can you knock Carol’s knockers Dick Fiddler? Imagine waking up to them on a cold winters day. I’d use one as a pillow whilst I suck the the other. Lovely.

      • What a wondrous thought Blackvand White. Must admit to having been intrigued as to what Carol’s snowy peaks might look like unleashed.

        I would certainly pay as much as £3 to any charity for a quick gander.

  2. And what cunt started the trend for naming weather?!
    We never saw Bill Giles or Michael Fish referring to shitty weather as ‘Doris’ ‘Angus’ or ‘The Cunt from the East’…. Yet another example of how Blighty has been Americanised and bastardised… These wankers now talk about snowstorms, winds, and pissing rain like they are fucking celebrities.. ‘Oooh! That naughty wild man of rock, the Beast from the East, is going to cause trouble tonight!’ No it isn’t, you fucking spunkbubbles…. Good old fashioned crappy British winter weather is all it is, nothing more…

    Anthropomorphising weather?! Fucking massive cunts! Britain is fucked….

    • “Anthropomorphising” – fabulous Norman – must find at least one opportunity to get that one in tonight – if only I could say it 😉

    • Great point Norman!

      Anthropomorphising should be in the dictionary.

      It’s kind of funny…here in the land of the cents and home of the bucks we come up with something so utterly idiotic as anthropomorphising storms and you Brits buy it with your last farthing.

      I don’t know which one of us is worse.

      Long live Canada!

      🇬🇧. 🇺🇸. 🇨🇦

  3. Call me a cynical cunt but isn’t this “severe weather” gobshite specifically targeted to enforce the “Global Warming / Climate Change” agenda ? As soon as Joe Public can be brow-beaten into accepting responsibility for any “problem”, we can be forced to accept further taxes – because we’re to blame ? Calling me a “Climate Change DENIER” dictates that their baseless claim that climate change exists is actually a FACT… Clever tactic !
    CUNTS…

  4. OOps! Weather News this evening is forecasting severe storms , snow, cold and every other horror you can imagine, commencing Thursday and lasting all over the holiday weekend. Well fuck me rigid! That means all the fucking Tesco’s will be fucked again!

    • We had 4 or 5 inches of snow in Bristol a couple of weeks ago. I walked to work in wellies, 2.5 miles,took about 45 minutes. When I got to the workplace only 10 of 100 staff had come in..including a couple of cunts whose houses I had walked past on the way in. I was asked how I had got in and you would have thought I was some Antarctic explorer from the way some of the other cunts went on about it. How did this nation become so pathetic?. You can guarantee that,come June or July these same cunts will be complaining about heatstroke or poor air quality.

      • Mary, that’s exactly the sort of thing I used to do. Did it get me anywhere? Did it fuck. Chances are those cunts whose houses you walked past are better thought of than you. And they know it, that’s why they stayed put.

  5. My rather more accurate weather app is predicting that everything will be absolutely fine – indeed improved given that every single fucktard snowflake who gets hysterical at the sight of another sthe snowflake will be barricaded indoors.

    Hope the skies drop 10 ft of snow and it lasts a month – then these cunts (who would Risk Assess the trip to the local shop) would starve to death. In their honour I would construct the largest snow penis ever seen (and the one I did 4/5 years ago was epic).

    • It will be slightly colder over Easter, possibly some snow over hilly ground, sleet or rain lower down, possibility of night frosts. Colder than average for the next fortnight, but you can unhitch the huskies – the trackless wastes between you and Tesco will be navigable by wimmin drivers of SUVs (although the rail network will be enjoying its seasonal chaos anyway.) Source: Met Office.

  6. Fuck me, just seen a TV advert for body shaving shit for men.
    “Nivea for Men”
    The poofs are taking over. We are doomed.

    • Yeah I saw that and genuinely thought it was a sketch on a comedy channel and then the golf started again…!

      What a pile of “Soy Boy” keek!

    • Any bloke who shaves his body is clearly a chutney ferret. A trim of the man-minge every 4 months or so is more than sufficient. If any guy does shave his body, he’s in for an annoying and itchy time; I know this for a fact. My mates paid a stripper to shave my chest whilst I was pissed as fuck on my stag do and when it grew back, it was enragingly itchy.

    • Didn’t it bear the imprimatur of Liverpool FC ?

      Sterling recommendation indeed…

  8. I saw a thing on the construction of pizza ovens…

    On the front, it bore the proud and honourable name of Acunto !

    Good to know we have friends in Naples…

  9. Wow! Four centimeters of snow and -3° C! That’s over 2 1/2 inches and almost 25°F!

    Hear that Paul? Our British cousins think that’s winter weather worthy of a warning. Pfffbbbt!

    Pansy assed cunts!

    😁. 🇨🇦. 🇺🇸

    Wait…that’s the point of the cunting. Never mind.

    🙄

    • Still need to sort out your avatar General.

      Interesting to see who you finally decide on .

      Sergeant Bilko perhaps? Another of your fellow countrymen. So many choices.

      There have been a couple of links recently as to what to do.

      Gravatar.com

      • Damn Willie I spent about an hour one night and still couldn’t make it work.

        Will try again soon…stay tuned.

  10. Looks like the police will be off to Portugal again for their bi-annual break.

    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/uk-43550383

    Following many, many previous jollies, (sorry, that should be lines of enquiry) wasted trips and a trail as cold as absolute zero is there any real point of continuing this ridiculous waste of time and money in the misguided notion of obtaining justice or closure (how I hate that fucking word, bit like untenable) for the McCanns?

    After all, we all know were really to blame for her disappearance don’t we boys and girls. Don’t we?

  12. Storms should have proper names like TWATBLASTER or HITLERGEDDON not Cedric or Kylie. Literally fucking puffs 💭

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