The Grand Tour

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Clarkson and his two hangers on are monumental cunts.
I’ve defended Clarkson over the years as always enjoyed his stuff and his ability to piss off the over sensitive amongst us.

Until the other night when I sat and watched the latest installment of The Grand Tour (on a pirate website, no way I’m paying for it) and the three cunts utterly trashed a 1967 MK10 Jaguar for a stunt.
I love old Jags (new ones are invariably driven by cunts, sadly) but at the mo can’t myself afford one myself (which rubs it in even more) and now there’s one less left.
Fuck all three of these twats. Hopefully the next time some daft hippy shoves a pie in Clarkson’s face it will number Hydrogen Cyanide amongst it’s ingredients…

Nominated by Mr Bastard

63 thoughts on “The Grand Tour”

  1. Should have done it to old Froggie cars or Germanski ones. Now that would’ve been funny. I still like the show tho. Sadly one of the few that still tugs at the PC shite.

  3. Never before has anyone “rotted away” in my eyes like these three twats did on that fateful night.
    I can almost sympathise with those beige clad bores from the Marina Owner’s club.
    Overpaid wankers…

  4. I’ve never seen The Grand Tour,but I didn’t much care for Top Gear when the Cunts were on that. Clarkson is like his bum-chum,David Cameron..a public-school educated wanker with an inflated view of his own abilities. Hammond is a Cunt who consistently disappoints by not actually completing the job of killing himself…the sooner he gets it right,the better for me. James May is just….dull.
    I’d have been delighted if the producer that Clarkson tried to hit had kicked the flabby wanker into an ICU bed. His daughter Emily looks like she’d take a scuttling,she’s suprisingly attractive…probably not his,couldn’t blame his wife if she strayed while married to that Cunt.

  5. I don’t mind a bit of Grand Tour (I’ve also acquired it from a less than scrupulous source). It’s a slightly tired format yet it manages to work. Just.

    Alas, I can’t help but recall Clarkson (astonishingly) siding with the Remainiacs in the Great Referendum Victory of 2016 which baffled me entirely (was it a late-in-life bid to obtain some Centre Ground kudos or did he honestly believe his £Millions were at risk). Furthermore there have been several jibes at Brexit since. Nonetheless, a good programme with genuine laughs.

    • And in his own words “fanatically pro-European”
      Of course he would be, the cunt is fantastically rich.
      I’d have had more respect for him if they’d wrecked one of those overblown “exotic” Italian shitheaps they are always wanking over rather than a vintage Jag.
      Still, thanks to certain bootleg websites, at least i never had to pay to watch the cunts…

      • Like to see them trash an Alfa Romeo although realise that will never happen.

        The three of them drool over Alfa’s however as a car admirer have never seen the fascination with the brand.

        Bit like some blokes (including Clarkson) drooling over Cameron Diaz. Can’t see it myself.

      • Clarkson is establishment.

        Yes he likes to be controversial but it’s part of his act.

        There’s a good clip on YouCunt where he’s talking to DC who’s a cunt but gave us the vote so not a total cunt.

        Anyway they’re all bum chumming and Clarkson says to Cameron ‘I just can’t explain it but I just feel European’.

        What a cunt.

        This coming from a bloke that has done countless programs effectively promoting his Britishness.

        What Clarkson is good at is knowing how he can guarantee a reaction which he’s able to exploit.

        His first motoring review in the ST Motoring section post the vote was on a 1956 Humber.

        He did this ‘cus, in his words, that’s where those that had voted leave were taking the country.

        Fuck off Clarkson you fucking fat asshole.

      • I don’t understand the actual mechanics of it though. I mean, is it a dog-ugly woman who’s somehow grown a beard and “identifies” as a man or what?

      • Either way, I truly hope they’re driving a convertible car, crash it and through a series of colosally unlikely yet interesting coincidences, they’re horrifically killed but the baby is somehow thrown into the back seat of a nice, infertile couple who raise it as their own. Oh, and the car they crash into is Tom Daley and his faggy “husband’s” whilst their on their way to collect their own undeserved child, the quartet of sick cunts.

  8. Have always loved Top Gear, especially Clarkson. One of the few guys who can make me laugh out loud with his in PC comments and straight talking, whether it be on tv or via his excellent column or many books.

    Was particilarly fond of the Top Gear Specials, where Clarkson, May and Hammond travel to different parts of the world. The three hour plus “uncut” versions when aired are especially watchable. Highly entertaining, both amusing and informative.

    To be absolutely honest I have never been keen where the boys destroyed something accidentally on purpose just for the sake of it, just my personal preference.

    The onscreen chameradery of Clarkson, May and Hammond is certainly the best thing about Top Gear, the testing of the all to often supercars to be was almost secondary. Star in a car excellent, cool wall boring but pretty much everything else mostly brilliant.

    Suspect the end of the BBC run was just about right as I got the impression they were running out of ideas and that the best was probably behind them.

    I do miss it a lot as similarly I do not want to give Besos our hard earned money and because of this have never seen a Grand Tour.

  9. Can’t stand Clarkson, or the other 2 bellends, running around acting like schoolkids left alone in a derelict house.
    If I want to see cunts smashing up cars there’s a breakers yard just down the road from me.
    Apparently Clarkson was bullied at his posh school and it shows, as he is just a bully himself. He picks on employees who can’t fight back and wankers like Piers Morgan. Getting rid of this boring little boy is the best thing the BBC has ever done.

  10. I hate these three cunts with a passion usually reserved for Tottenham. Hate Top Gear. Hate Grand Tour. Hate the fucking audience. Hate driving. Hate cars.

    I live by the rule that I spend 4 times as much on a stereo system as I do a car. A rule that’s served me well.

    • I rather like old cars, and my own car which is getting old, but I much prefer a motorcycle truth be told.
      Another reason to tell Clarkson to get fucked…

      • If I was allowed to, I would love a white TR6. Featured in a lot of retro porno movies. My friend told me that.

      • My Da had a red TR6 for nearly 9 years…… I remember that car.

        Now I know a lot of cunters on here don’t like certain car brands but I must say that the SECs that Merceded did in the 80s- early 90s were great.

      • Plenty of TR6’s still about and they go very well even by some modern standards but the values have skyrocketed.

      • I like my old lorrys , much better value for your quid and anything pre 1960 doesnt need hgv license

    • I wouldn’t get peace to appreciate expensive hi-fi in my house, the car is the place where I can listen uninterrupted.

  11. An interesting cunting. I don’t really have a dog in this race. I don’t watch Top Gear or Grand Tour but obviously I’m aware of who JC is. He’s a bit of a buffoon but harmless enough. I do like, however, that like Piers Morgan (also a bit of a buffoon but harmless enough, etc etc) he fierces the snowflakes and leftie spastics up something rotten.

    Not at all related: Did any of you cunts see that bit on the evening news on Al-Beebera about the darkest shade of black that has ever been discovered? Apparently a building has been constructed at the winter games. The beeb are raving over the potential scientific implications.

    It wasn’t until the end of the article that they show you the architect of this wonder – one Asif Khan – or show you the building – which looks like……Mecca.

  12. Eh Clarkson is alright as far as cunts go, he’s an open cunt after all.

    We know he’s a cunt
    The public knows he’s a cunt
    Most importantly he himself knows that he’s a cunt.

    Open cunts are more tolerable than the sanctimonious closed cunts.

  13. Can’t see what all the fuss is about the Oxfam workers getting a few slappers in for the odd party. As long as they weren’t kids,what’s it matter? We’ve all got to empty the tanks occasionally and at least the whores get to earn a few quid and don’t have to feel demeaned by accepting charity. It’s a lesson that a lot of those sponging beggars would do well to learn.

    • Are you suggesting that you’d let a bearded tramp with pieces of value dog food in his greying hair give you a blowie outside WH Smith on a wet Tuesday morning in exchange for a couple of quid, Mr Fiddler?

      • Bloody hell Fiddler I know some of your standards are dubious but this……….

      • Well I’d probably want a bit more than a couple of quid off him,but perhaps a whole new smorgasbord of sexual delights awaits me? The way it’s been going with the fairer sex lately, I’ve been wondering if poofery may be the way forward.
        Perhaps Krav. may care to me under his wing and teach me the ways of the woofter?

      • Alternatively, you could self-identify as a young baby, dress yourself in a romper suit and offer yourself up to Tom Daley and his not-in-any-way-a-borderline-nonce “husband” for adoption? You’d doubtless be the tender meat in a man-wich before the month was out.

      • Oh no,no,no…I’m not making that mistake again. After the unpleasantness in Uncle Elton’s romping-room, I’ve learned my lesson about talcum-powder and rashes.

      • Eh, at this rate the prostitutes will be doing big business soon because that will be the only safe way for blokes to have sex without later getting accused of rape.

        Remorse does not equal rape!

  14. I actually like the grand tour.

    The first season was shite but the second has been great. I do agree with this cunting though. It’s a shame when you see them destroy a perfectly good motor (or almost perfectly good motor) just for a cheap laugh.

    I do admit that I find Clarkson funny and even bought his books. They were a series of rants (usually aimed at labour and the pc brigade) just like this site in fact, but without the swearing.
    ISAC is much better though.

    This has probably been posted by a cunter before but I thought I’d post it in case.
    Clarkson Island. Fucking great stuff.

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DMuO-8S_0Wg

    “Asylum seeking Clarksons. They come here and ticket our cars.” Ha ha.

    • Many of Clarksons books were from his columns written circa 2003 to 2005.

      Interesting to see how many of his predicictions and forecasts have happened and are extremely relevant today.

  15. Aren’t colds a fucking cunt. Had this for over a week and do you think I can shake the fucking thing off. I have stockpiled on Halls, Strepsils, Jakemans, Lemsip Max day and night capsules….Jack Daniels. Bollocks.

  16. A big fat stinky dump.in Clarkson’s breakfast for trashing a MK10 Jag. For this classic GB car genocide he has notched up a couple of ratchets on my cunt-o-matic patent spectrum cuntograph.

  17. All fucking three of them, Clarkson, Hammond, and May are cunts. what fucking purpose do they serve, only time i’d like to see these overpaid cunts trash a classic car is to drive the fucking thing over Beachy Head with all three of the bastards in the fucking thing

  18. Never watched it, never will
    pile of complete cunt. I like a nice motor as much as the next man but i can’t understand some cunts obsession with them. As long as the cunt starts and doesnt fucking break down it’s a fucking decent motor

  19. I found this website by typing “James Corden is a cunt” into Google, as I truly believed I couldn’t be the only guy to hate that talentless fuck, so I’ve been a fan for a while, but it just as easily could’ve been Clarkson I typed…

    Monumental cunt of a man. Says things to get a reaction, doubt he even knows his own opinion anymore. Good cunting.

    I’m not sure what’s worse though, that lanky pube-headed cunt or the 2 sycophantic rim-jaws that follow him around, trying to pass off their scripted bullshit drivel as off-the-cuff banter.

    I briefly thought there may be a higher power when Hammond smashed his motor and went to ICU… Then he recovered, so if there is an almighty then he’s a cunt an’ all.

  20. Go and watch Clarksons first ever appearance on Top Gear(it’s on Youtube) and you’ll see that the ‘lad’ persona he portrays is just an act, he’s a posh privately educated tory cunt.

    Despite this Top Gear used to be quite fun to watch at times until the show became more about them than it did about the cars, this started around the time Hammond was almost killed in that dragster and next minute started to appear everywhere with his books and failed chat show but ultimately he is just Clarksons lackey, JC is the school bully and Hammond is the weedy kid who follows him round laughing at the inappropriate things he does.

    James May I actually like though, he’s far too good for those pair of fuckwits and most of the shows he’s done away from those two are actually really good, I was over in the Isle of Man when he was filming one of his shows where he takes a motorbike made out of Meccano around the TT circuit and he’d spend quite a lot of time chatting to people.

    I’ve seen a few episodes of The Grand Tour but it’s just Top Gear isn’t it? Nothing new, lets build an amphibious car again. As my dad would say it’s money for old rope.

    • Agreed. James May likes old Honda bikes and buys his parts from the same specialist supplier as I do. Maybe I’ll bump into him one day and have the chance to point out in person what massive cunts his colleagues are and how he could do much better by himself.

    • “…where he takes a motorbike made out of Meccano around the TT circuit…”

      You think that’s good? I once took a Dnieper round the TT circuit in under a week…

  21. Also Clarksons hatred of motorbikes is funny because he knows he doesn’t have the bollocks to ride one other than pootling around town, you can get away with thrashing a 1000 horsepower supercar because it’s got 4 wheels so if you lose control 9 times out of 10 you’re going to spin, it’s not likely to flip over. A motorbike with just 50 horsepower can seriously hurt you if you mess up let alone those big superbikes, they take real bottle and skill to ride the way he drives cars.

    Also the “cool wall” a pubeheaded middle aged man who looks like a geography teacher lecturing people on what is cool.

    • Best ever bit of Top Gear was the fat cunt falling off his Vespa in Vietnam and sliding down the road on his ugly mush…

  22. Agreed Mike.

    I’m not saying thumping someone at work is the best course of action, but pound to a penny that bog trotter gave Clarkson some lip when he had a hissy fit about no hot food after a long day’s shooting. The fact Clarkson reacted in the way he did was exactly what the higher ups (read lefty libtards) at the ABBC were waiting for. Exit Clarkson shortly thereafter.

    The mis-reporting of that event was a cunt. He was not fired. The ABBC simply chose not to renew his contract. Not quite the same thing.

  23. I had Amazon Prime during the period the first series of TGT was on. I loved Top Gear, but felt TGT was a pale imitation. The Stig has been replaced by The American – a fat unfunny southern drawl cunt whose ‘talent’ seems to be to slag off anything European while remarking how great anything American is. The new track is a bit of a disaster if I’m honest. The news section is now ‘Conversation Street’ and just doesn’t work. Plus they kept doing this really stupid and unfunny bit every week that beggars belief. A ‘celebrity’ would be booked for the show and would make their way to the tent in some bizarre fashion, e.g. jet ski or parachute, something like that. Then they’d be fake killed by some mishap, then James May would say – EVERY FUCKING WEEK – “So, they’ll not be on the show then?” and Hammond would reply, “Well no James, they just died”….or “they just got eaten by a tiger” or some such bollocks. It wasn’t that funny in episode 1 and by the time episode 2 came along it was just banal and annoying.

    The whole things seemed very forced to me, like they were trying too hard to be Top Gear by not being Top Gear. Amazon Prime is a fucking rip off so we ditched it soon after. Not seen the second series and don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything special either.

    • The American has now been replaced by Abbie Eaton, who’s actually alright because she just drives.

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