Exotic pet ownership

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I would like to nominate people who keep ‘Exotic’ pets.

It appears that some guy name of Dan Brandon was asphyxiated by one of his 10, yes 10 snakes he kept in his bedroom along with 12 Tarantulas. On the night in question his Mam said she heard a thud in his bedroom but just assumed he had knocked something over. By the time they found him it was too late. What’s more at the inquest the coroner concluded that the death was caused as a result of contact with the snake but that he had no reason to suspect it was because of aggression or confrontation but if anything a show of affection! Affection. Affecttion!! This is a fucking snake not a fucking kitty kat.

It appears to me that there are three cunts in this sorry tale. No1 and biggest cunt is obviously Dan who chose to keep these fucking deadly creatures in his bedroom so I don’t think he’s got much to complain about when one decides to do what it’s fucking here on Earth to do.

No2 are his Ma and Da for even contemplating the notion of letting the thick cunt bring them in to the house in the first place. What in fucks name were they thinking. Imagine living there. You’d be scared fucking shitless to open a cupboard door or even take a dump lest some slithering reptile jumps out or decides to latch on to your fucking nutsack. Fuck me!

No3 has got to be the fucking coroner. To suggest that a snake somehow is capable of showing affection makes the mind boggle. I don’t ever recall old Davey Attenborough in the jungle with a twenty foot python making it roll over while he tickled its fucking tummy or seeing a King Cobra striking out only to stop short and say ‘just kidding’. No I’m sorry. Sad as this whole affair is there is no other conclusion to be drawn except that people who keep such beasts are indeed Cunts.

Nominated by Kendo Nag

51 thoughts on “Exotic pet ownership”

  1. This is some fucked up shit Mr Nag. Since moving to Australia I’ve had one or two encounters with these reptilian bastards. Don’t understand the twats who keep them as pets. A few months ago I went outside and one was sunning itself by the pool; needless to say I beat a very hasty retreat.

    Talking of fucked up shit, is there anything more oxymoronic (or just plain moronic?) than the term ‘Muslim feminist’? Cock-hungry virgin? Honest lawyer? Modest Scouser? Here’s some words of wisdom from the man himself…

    https://mikesplace2017.wordpress.com/2018/02/18/quote-of-the-day-40/

  2. Any Cunt stupid enough to want to bring the dangers of the Amazon or Serengeti to their family home should be instantly driven to the nearest psychiatric hospital for assessment!!
    I can only presume this Cunts parents didn’t have a swimming pool or we could be reading how his pet great White had eaten his mum and dad!! 😂

    • Any Government stupid enough to allow the import of “exotic overseas animals|” is …….hang on, what am I sayin ….?

  3. They’re not really pets in the true sense of the word are they. They are just captive beasts locked up and denied the freedom of their natural surroundings. Only a cunt would do such things to wild animals so I laugh my nuts off when one of em gets their comeuppance.

    • I heard of a case where one thick cunt was keeping a Bengal Eagle Owl in his shed and feeding it on Cheesy Wotsits. It ended up in a bird sanctuary and is now extremely vicious. What sort of cunt thinks that Cheesy Wotsits are the right food for something like that? Mind you the fucking things probably don’t do people any good either.

      • Noted, Mr B..I will avoid them in future,although they probably don’t turn you into an EU loving libbo twat like Quinoa seems to.

      • Cheesy Wotsits consumers…would be interesting to know how the demographics break down re: Leavers & Remainers & Remoaners, etc.

        Maybe some poncey overpaid waste of University space cunt will one day spill the beans.

      • I’m pretty sure they hunt them in the wild?
        Mind you I didn’t go to school, ever read a book or watch a wildlife programme so it’s quite possible that I’m wrong……..
        😂

  4. Chap not far from my humble abode (8 miles) has a fair bit of cash to play with. He bought some land and stated that his great dream is to open his curtains in the morning and view wild animals. Thing is he did not mean rabbits, hedgehogs and the odd Muntjac deer. No he meant Serengeti type wild animals and Northern Indian wild animals ie Tigers. So now when one drives along the lane that passes through his land one can see Zebra and other wild animals and take comfort in the fact that the Tiger is not in the first flush of youth and the Tiger compound has been passed safe by local council. What is the point? If said Tiger attended the Saturday market that would get us on page two of the nationals which I suppose would help us now the tourist season is starting. Come and see your neighbor get savaged etc. I hate hangovers

    • I suppose you can count yourself lucky that Jurassic Park is still just fiction …..
      WTF is your neighbour thinking? 😂

      • Q I count myself very lucky that Jurassic Park scenario is still fairey bells as the thought of some ravening beast from 65 plus million years ago stomping on what’s left of the village fills me with horror naturally. As to the chaps state of mind It appears to be “wow my childhood dream come true “which is ok with me as long as he keeps the nasty fuckers secure. Which in to days World means, locking cage? That’s the other cunts job innit; will keep members informed if the balloon goes up unless some smelly half starved carnivore is noshing on my arse .

      • Must cost him a fortune emulating the temperature or climate as experienced in Northern India. Can’t see these Serengeti type beasts taking kindly to the British weather.

      • Anybody owning, sleeping in close proximity to or handling a dangerous exotic pet? Is indeed a universal Cunt!!
        And if they die by the fang or sting of their exotic pet they can expect not a fuckin ounce of sympathy from me……. CUNTS

    • Clearly more money than sense whoever the cunt is. We make do with garden gnomes and cabbage patch dolls.

  5. This goes along with the humaniaation of animals. Like the polar bear who killed a teenager a few yeaes ago. They disected it to find our what caused it to attack.

    Err..simple – it’s a fucking bear.

  6. Exotic pets are just plain wrong. I include all birds in cages in that as well. Nothing sadder than a beautiful animal in a prison. It is heartening that this stupid twat got loved up by his pet.

  7. St Neots 13 years ago. Some cunt had an alligator and released it when it got to big for the bath ( yes you dumb cunt….they grow )

    Stupid cunt released a 4 1/2 ft alligator into the nearby river Ouse.

    Of course, said reptile was overjoyed to be released into a veritible supermarket of wild geese , ducks etc etc.

    It was eventually caught having consumed most of the local wildlife and that was that . But!

    I kid you fucking not. Within 3 miles of my present home in Huntingdon, we now have a crocodile farm. The crocs are Nile Crocodiles, which are some of the worlds biggest and most dangerous. Are they housed securely? Yes, but how safe is safe ?

    These crocs are intended for the meat market ( we have a burgeoning Africunt population ) to cater for the tastes of the “new Brish ” who are kindly replacing us.

    I understand that other suppliers of “Bush meat ” are sprouting in surrounding areas. Not long now before some fucking big Python gets loose in the school playing field.

    • That’s not Komodo you’re talking about is it Asim? I mean the croc, not the stupid cunt who released it…

    • There are a few Ostrich farms springing up now as well. I was out walking near Yeovil and came across one. There was a huge ostrich running round and round the field in a blind panic because it had got a crisp bag stuck over it’s head. A bloke walking past told me he had been mending the fence and the thing nicked his hammer and swallowed it!. seems hardly in keeping with the green and pleasant countryside.

  8. And in other news-
    An earthquake has devastated S Wales. Damage of up to £3 has been caused. Oxfam are sending a team in to the Bute area of Cardiff, Pill in Newport and Swansea docks. They will be there for both short time and long time, depending on expenses.

  9. Any animal outside of its normal environment and in a cage, compound or chavs’ bedroom is a crime against nature….

  10. Anyone who keeps anything more than a dog,a horse or a goldfish as a pet is probably a social inadequate incapable of having a meaningful relationship with a member of the opposite sex.,or is a pensioner.
    Queers and coffin-dodgers keep cats. I don’t much care for cats…don’t much care for queers or coffin-dodgers,either,come to that. Most of the inadequates who keep spiders and snakes tend to do it in their bedroom in their parents house…telling that.
    Fuck them.

  11. Just watched some travel show on BBC. There in Bongo Bongo Land , where else ?
    The little black fella in a wheelchair is talking to a blind back packer in a wheel chair, that’s travelled the world…
    ( yes i know it sounds like a stand up gag ) Now isn’t back packing around the world about seeing the sights ??? The BBC’s obsession with being right on and PC is in the realms of total fucking absurdity .

    • Maybe next weeks program will contain a man with no arms or legs who’s blind one armed friend has kindly rolled him around the world??
      The BBC can fuck right off and equally annoying is the new river island TV advert!! Apparently white people dont shop in RI…… fuckin Cunts!! 😡😡

      • I certainly don’t shop there! Is it because I is white…?

        Then again, now that my favourite clothes shop Oxscum is no longer PC friendly, I may have to give RI a try…

        Afternoon Q, btw.

      • Hiya SB ……
        been a tad busy, my mum passed 4 weeks ago and the funeral was on Friday! Fuck the crematorium but that’s a cunting for the future!
        I can’t do this now but I’m still laughing about the wake, basically my completely UN PC cousin turned up and fuckin ripped into my sister in laws libertard champagne socialist mates , not horribly but with wit……..
        Even my Labour Party unionist wife loved it?
        He’s a brexit supporting ex market trader who is as sharp as a razor!, My mum and dad ( both sadly gone in last 3 years) would have pissed themselves.. 😂😂😂

      • Thanks Norman,
        She’s was ill for ten years with Alzheimer’s, horribly long and tricky road, I was there when she passed…. I was always there…….

      • Sorry to hear that Q, but sure the wake would’ve given your parents, watching from above, a good chuckle! Both mine have been gone for 15 years+ now, would be spinning in their graves (if they hadn’t been cremated) at the way the country’s been going since Bliar got his grubby hands on the reins of power (my dad died only 3 years into Bliar’s first term). Coincidentally I’ve got an aunt’s funeral to go to tomorrow.

        Take care Q, will look forward to reading your funeral anecdotes in the coming months…

  12. These celebricunts like Paris Hilton who have these ornamental pets are cunts… The daft slag goes around with a chihuahua in a stupid diamond studded bag and doesn’t allow the poor little hound to walk around… Same goes for these celebricunts who have monkeys a pets… Jacko was terribly cruel keeping that chimp from its natural habitat, its fellow chimps and its nookie… Dressing a chimpanzee in a fucking tuxedo and making it use a human toilet?! The man was a fucking menace and should have been certified, the cunt…

  13. I’m with the animal rights hippies on this one. Cats and dogs are the only thing I would allow and you have to pass a written exam to own a dog. That should exclude a lot of thick cunts. Cats are selfish bastards and can look after themselves……treat cats badly and they just fuck off and ponce off somebody else. A bit like peacefuls really.

  14. We used to have a budgie called Merlin (after the great Gordon Hill)… He was a proper nutter and he drove my dad mad with the perfect telephone impressions… My cousin, Barry, taught Merlin to say ‘Fuck off’ and ‘Big Knockers’… I went bright red when I took one of my first girlfriends home (a well built girl called Gail) and Merlin chirruped ‘Big Knockers’… Thankfully she loved the budgie and saw the funny side… The days when young women had a sense of humour…

  15. I have an “exotic” animal, its a Greyhound, fucking massive, has been caught on a gatso doing 41mph and as I recently found out it eats cats.
    Cats can’t do 41mph nor do they have shells they are also the right size to fit in a greyhounds mouth, the bastard can burst tennis balls with his mouth, you can imagine what happens to cats.

    For the cat lovers out there, I can inform you I compensated the cat owner for vets bills and offered a replacement item, the dog was on a lead and the cat was just fucking stupid and walked out from under a car in front of us.
    It also took a big lump out of his ear, but I didn’t think that the former Cat owner would be interested in that.

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