Cape Town is a Cunt!
That’s right. I said the city of Cape Town is a cunt. How can a city be a cunt you ask? Fair question. And here’s the answer. Cape Town, South Africa is in the midst of a severe water crisis. So severe in fact, that it has been announced that on May 11 of this year the city will no longer be able to provide water to anyone for any reason.
I have been following this clusterfuck for a while and have concluded that there is not a single individual I could single out as 1st Cunt, so I have simply decided to cunt ’em all and let God sort ’em out.
First a bit of background for those of you who are like WTF is this Yankee Cunt on about now?
For three years Cape Town has been in a state of drought caused by a recurring El Nino effect. (Look it up if you must.). The City is supplied by a series of reservoirs and due to a literal complete lack rain, the water levels have fallen below the minimum levels required to supply the city.
This utter fucking disaster has been three years in the making and has not been addressed. On May 11 the city is turning off the spout and setting up “water distribution” points, where under the protection of the South African Police Service, water rations will be distributed to the populace.
What could go wrong with this plan? ?
Who is responsible? ?
On with the cunting!
1. Patricia de Lille is Mayor of Cape Town and one who deserves cunting. As Mayor she is the chief executive officer of the city and has been in office since before the crisis began. She has not dealt with the problem and by one press account has been removed from all dealing in this mess. She is of course a liberal and a founding member of the Democratic Alliance party. She is a crusading Social Justice Warrior and a crony of Kofi Annan who has been accused of election misconduct. She has won a shit load of awards and is one of the most respected cunts in Africa. But she didn’t address the problem of her city running out of water. Miserable fucking cunt!
2. The CapeTown city “Bureaucracy.”. This collective bunch of nameless cunts have spent 3 years tickling each others twats rather than dealing with the problem. A water desalination plant was proposed and a company whith experience building them (in Australia I believe) tried to negotiate with them and eventually backed out. A study done by some cunts (typical way government deals with a crisis) found that due to…and I quote…” a high level of bureaucracy, lack of urgency and an inadequate proposed supply”…that they were unable to…”deal effectively and timeously (sic)”…with the problem. Worthless Fucking cunts!
3. The citizens of Cape Town. According to some press reports the good citizens simply didn’t take the matter seriously and didn’t reduce or conserve water as recommended, thereby exacerbating the problem. It’s too late now. Dumb fucking cunts!
4. The Climate Change Mafia. These fucking cunts are chalking this mess up to man made climate change and exploiting it for their own nefarious goals. It goes without saying that they too offered no practical solutions. The reality is that El Nino and it’s counter part La Nina are documented weather patterns that account for precipitation, or the lack thereof, in climes the world over. The last time El Nino effected Cape Town in a severe manner was 1933. (For those of you who don’t know your history google “The Dust Bowl” and learn what my ancestors dealt with in the same years when El Nino also affected the land of consumption and the home of excess.) But the reality of historical weather patterns disturbs the Climate Change Dogma so they just dismiss it and continue to spew their propaganda. Stupid fucking cunts.
5. The Western Cape Provincial Cabinet. Other than being an arm of South African government I don’t really know who these cunts are. Whoever they are, they didn’t do a fucking thing! Now their response is to say it’s our responsibility to provide water.
To that end they are setting up armed distribution points around the city. So another group of governmental cunts abdicated responsibility and now at gunpoint they will decide how much water a person can have. Despicable fucking cunts!
A few quick facts. A human being can survive for about 3 weeks without water. A healthy adult man should have 3.7 liters per day and a healthy adult woman should have 2.7 liters a day. I don’t have numbers for infants, children, the sick or the elderly.
What happens when an entire city runs out of water? Who drinks? Who thirsts? Who survives? Who suffers? Who lives? Who dies? Well boys and girls we’re about to find out.
So with this 21st century, brave new world crisis looming over the horizon, I proudly cunt Cape Town et al!
Nominated by General Cuntster.
Excellent posting General.
I would suspect that those in a position to have done something about it but who failed to address the problem will be fine, as with those who have money.
The rest will not be ok. This is the way life usually works.
Seems to me that people throughout the world are being badly let down by those elected to represent them and to protect their interests.
13
3 weeks without water? I wouldn’t try that if I were you.
7
Three weeks without food yes, but without water five days tops and more likely three in a hot climate. Kids, the sick and the elderly even less.
Informative post tho….
9
You cunts are correct. 😉. I put the food info in instead of the water. Four to 5 days is the usual timeframe and 1 week is generally the longest a person can go without H2O.
For whiny libtards, blowhard politicians, self righteous celebrislags, and just plain cunts in general hopefully, the timeframe is a lot less.
5
…self identified trans camels considerably longer.
🐪. 🐫
2
…self identified trans frogs considerably less.
🐸
😜
2
Water is needed in 3 to 5 days, not 3 weeks, thats for food.
1
Yeah I looked it up because I originally intended to make a comparison. But I changed my mind in the editing and wrote the wrong thing. What can I say…I’m a cunt.
3
Cape Town, a part of South Africa. South Africa, a part of Africa. Africa, a Ginormous CUNT!
14
This is what happens when squabbling tribes people are put in charge, no idea how to deal with anything and it all goes to crap.
Rather like Venezuela, put a bus driver in charge, oh yeah, that will work….
I was speaking to a south african guy 15 odd years ago working in the UK to get eventually into Australia, he said that many of those vying for power in the new south african govenment were little more than tribal bushmen with their own petty axes to grind, hence why he wanted to get out, he could see the whole place going to shit
12
“Menny of those, voying for pewer in the new seth efrican government”
5
“Well boys and girls we’re about to find out.”
Not very inclusive of you General.
What about all the trannies, shemales, rednecks, ladyboys, hermaphrodites, Rounders players, gender fluid cunts, Scotchmen, Scotchwimmin, gender neutral scum and black panthers engaging here with your otherwise excellent nomination?
10
No matter what you do there’s always gotta be one! Always some cunt whose never satisfied and has to find fault and has to complain.
All right ScB…just for you…🌈.
😀
4
You are the kindest amongst us.
2
Those living in or around London will have a little longer.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-42982959
1
Luvverly! I am not a fan of Londonistan, nor its population . I think its Mayor is a cunt, and as for its questionable title of “Capital ” I would beg to differ.
10
There’s s good reason why London will be running out of water and Suckdick is well aware of it. It’s Muzzie cunts washing their fucking feet five times a fucking day.
There are hundreds more arriving every day, trust me.
8
How many gallons does a camel suck up ?
1
Spot on (as we say in the states) Willie!
https://www.bbc.com/news/amp/world-42982959
2
Appreciate the link General. Willie’s link didn’t really cut the mustard…..
1
It’s called redundancy…a principal developed by engineers in case something fails or in case some dumb fucking cunt doesn’t click/read the link he’s praising. Oops!
🤓
2
Thanks for the much needed support General.
Better twice than not at all.
1
Actually, it had a different headline and a different address so I just assumed it was a different story. As the millennial cunts say here in the states…my bad.
1
Following many years of fucking about. The Africunts are going to dehydrate!
Not fucking likely. Oxfam and the bottomless pit of GB money will rescue the fucking ignorant puke faced shitcunts, and all it will cost is a few aids infected whores to satisfy the lust of aid workers!
let em drink piss!
16
As an ex Seffrican resident and regular visitor I will point out the following:
Capetown & the Western Cape region are the best governed in South Africa. Scary eh? But true. It is not governed by the ANC. This water fiasco is not typical. The other provinces are run by corrupt ANC savages and are far worse. The ANC encouraged 1000s and 1000s of blacks in to the Western Cape in an attempt to swing the vote their way. The old Coloured ghettos were bad enough but the Blacks took them to a new dimension of squalor and violence.
Historical fact.
There never were blacks in the Western cape. Ever. The Dutch, Portugese and Brits were there 100s of years before them. The indigenous population were lighter skinned San, (I think that is the accepted name but it might vary) and they were exploited by the colonisers but they were also driven out of the East by blacks moving southward. But of course it is whitey who bears the guilt.
As long as you know where to avoid, Capetown is much safer than anywhere else in RSA.
Don’t for instance take your newly wedded bride for a meal in a murderous black township as a certain ‘innocent’ gentleman did a few years ago.
12
Wasn’t the “innocent” gentleman a Gay looking to get rid of the arranged marriage wife? I wouldn’t have cared but she looked quite bonny from what I remember. I’d have taken her on no bother,if the Gay didn’t fancy her….not if he’d been “at” her though,obviously.
6
She was well doo-able, very reminiscent of my missus 25 years ago…
2
How did you meet your wife, Shitcake?
3
@Dick Fiddler
Bit of a cliché – met the wife in 1990 doing the same psychology course at University College Suffolk, as it was known then.
Some initial cultural resistance (her parents) had to be overcome, but once safely married in 1992 everyone lived happily ever after…
3
PS: She was a child bride of 25, I was 39.
3
He was a pathetic piece of shit. His wife was a lovely girl who deserved better than the sado masochistic poof she married.
1
@Cunstable
Please don’t talk about my friend Shitcake that way.
😜
4
Yeah – who’s he calling a poof!?
2
He looks like a “peaceful” elon musk cunt in the first picture with his wife.
0
Oops! Link might help…
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-bristol-13226067
1
I’d be inclined to extend this cunting to Siff Ifficans generally. I’ve never met a nice one, etc etc.
6
Afrikaaners and Seffrican Indians are by and large the salt of the earth and extremely generous and hospitable. English Saffas are a mixed bunch – some ok, some hypocrites, some cunts. Coloured can be ok, but there is a lot of gang and drug culture. Blacks are beyond unspeakable.
7
CC- what is the difference between black and coloured? (Genuine question)
1
You are getting into SAs complicated racial classifications here.
Black – an African. Zulu, Khosa, whatever tribe they come from. Zuma is a Zulu. Mandela was a Khosa although his light skin may have been due to white genes way back. There is a suggestion that some white shipwrecked crew may have stayed in the Eastern Cape in the 1800s.
Coloured – these were the mixed race people, mostly from the Cape who were part white, black, Malay and god knows what else. Seem to be Afrikans speaking and a lot are Muslim. Trevor Noah is coloured. Also a cunt.
Do not confuse SA ‘coloured’ with USA coloured which for some reason causes offence amongst the Twatterati.
3
Very informative – cheers.
1
Oh Dear..but if there’s no water,what will poor Mtembe do? I suppose he’ll just have to carry it 2 miles from the nearest donkey piss-pool. Serves the Cunts right. If they hadn’t drunk all the Umbongo without a thought for the future they wouldn’t be in this pickle.
Fuck them.
7
Just £2. Yes, just £2….£2 will buy the video of the 35 mile trek to the nearest piss pool!
Another £2 and you will receive an annual update and a wonderful cuddly toy.
5
Another £3 will allow a “helpful worker” bang the arse off Mtembe’s mum for a month while Mtembe is gone, fetching the bison piss.
8
I would buy that !!
1
Don’t they have a city funded tribal rain man who has to sacrifice a goat or something for this quandary?
4
I’m on a private water supply that ran out once due to a split pipe. You didn’t hear me whinging about “Oh I’ve got no drinking water,woe is me”.I drank bottles of Frosty Jack and Port until we got the digger in and fixed the pipe.
That’s the trouble with those people,they just can’t think for themselves.
6
Something isn’t adding up here. Why doesn’t Mtembe and his family simply order bottled water from Sainsbury’s online? It’s free delivery on orders of £100 and over!
Even if it means a few families clubbing together, that would be better than trudging miles for bison piss, surely?
Maybe I’m missing something.
11
The Sainsbury van would be on bricks and stripped in about 5 minutes.
11
That’s the bit I was missing. Thank you.
4
No it wouldn’t. It would be carjacked and the driver killed before it reached poot Mtembe.
8
i would like to cunt 50 shades of Grey and its god awful sequels for Everest levels of hypocrisy and cuntitude. It seems that despite the entire female population of the world closing their collective legs to any kind of suggestive approach by us bastard rapist men (leading eventually to the doom of the human race) and the all of a sudden sudden collective remembering of all the awful things we have done to women over the years the are literally crawling over broken glass to the cinema to get all moist over a mysogynist female abuser and a male domineering control freak? lets see the aptly named MeToo collective hate brigade come out in solidarity on this one. They’re probably so thick they’ll start claiming to be one of Mr Greys Victims………
11
Wow, what a cunting! What I like from ISAC is just how much you learn. If they do run out of water they are gonna have to bring in massive security. There will be riots, looting, gangs of blacks with knives, cars set on fire, police stations attacked, the whole nine yards.
Oops, sorry, got confused. I was describing the Notting Hill Carnival.
10
That’s what it will be like when the Grenfellians realise the red cross have galloped off into the sunset with the £18M + (Possibly well into the twenty’s by now).
Though I expect that they are still partying at the thought of the thousands that May shook them from the “Sterling Tree”.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-42821900
Can’t believe the figures in the above link that have been paid out…starting at 3.5 hours in A&E, that got them £3.5K.
That’s why if they refused two offers of accommodation, they would be paying their own hotel & food bills etc….No more money!
0
Same in Maputo (Mozambique) Which is in the south…while in the north, cyclone, torrential rain, flooding and deaths. Simultaneously. Looks like a pipeline could help.
4
Always love that line about South Africa from Ray Carling in Ashes To Ashes:
‘It’s just like Liverpool, with sunshine and elephants!.
7
That’s a slur on Africa Norman.
5
I can see this getting very nasty, very quickly.
3
Would never have happend with an Afrikaaner government.Even the black South Africans are saying it now.
4
Yes, a desalination plant might have solved the problem, The technology has been available since when, the 1860’s? And isn’t Cape Town a port city?
Maybe the new South African president will knock a few heads together and get the problem sorted out. But don’t count on it. It makes me laugh to see all those idiots jumping up and down and singing, as though everything’s going to be rosy from now on. It won’t be. After all, he’s a multi-millionaire businessman. And those kind never stop looking for new ways of making even more money, even when they’ve got more than they know what to do with. That’s the reason they go into politics. A bit like someone else in the news.
2
No he is a terrorist wgo got rich at the expense of all South Africans.
0
Admin cunt(s) – how can I personalise my avatar?
0
Google ‘gravatar’. Note, be careful that you do not use the same avatar for (eg) Mumsnet and ISAC, as it may be offensive to cunters at the latter.
2
What did happen to “Ebola”? Did it just end one day or go away like Brazil’s Zika?
The men in suits walking around with the smoke cans did the trick after all?
Funny how one GB nurse who slipped up with her protective equipment got struck down repeatedly but all the cunts exposed with no protective equipment are fine now?
2
Well they can always help themselves to a cup of M’Tembe’s bison piss?
Apparently it’s only an 8 mile walk away.
M’Tembe has been doing this himself for the last 15yrs according to Save the Children so it must be good stuff.
3
What is clearly needed is for Saint Bob of Geldof to organise a pop concert and record a new song probably entitled Don’t they know its Easter. That worked quite well last time as the population of Ethiopia has doubled since 1984.
1
Well you say that Cuntflap me auld sausage but…
I bet there’s some self-righteous cunt already thinking that the first mission our brand new, leaky as fuck, £n-billion, ridiculously late, aircraft carrier should perform is carrying bottled water from here to there.
They’ll be campaigning: “Donate bottled water and we’ll deliver it!”
Then Sir Bob: “Give us your Evian! NOIIIIIII!!!!”
Rita Ora singing a duet with Emily Sandae (preferably naked – two hot ladies IMO – is that sexist? Sorry I am a weak white man as portrayed on TV after all): “Quench the worrrr-old! Do they know you couldn’t give a shit! Quench the worrrr-old…”, etc.
And we’re fucking daft enough to do it!
South Africa is NOT a poor country, it has an embarrassment of natural riches and resources.
The real issue is that South Africa’s administration makes Jeremy Corbyn’s shadow cabinet seem half competent (Dianne Abbott excepted – she’s probably thick enough to fit right into a S.A. govt).
Any cunt asks me for a water donation for S.A. and I’ll happily give one except it’ll be slightly yellow in colour with a salty tinge to it.
It’s good enough for Bear “barbecue” Gryls to drink so fuck ’em!
1
Guses they could drink their own piss
0