My camel is better looking than yours.

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Remember racehorse doping and greyhounds on steroids?

Well it seems beauty pageants are no longer immune to cheating.

We are used to Miss World, Miss Universe and their ilk but in Saudi Arabia they do not parade their women like that. Not wanting to miss out on beauty contests altogether, they have since 2000, held the annual camel beauty pageant. The festival also includes camel racing and camel milk tasting.

I guess it would be difficult to put a wife or five, or a daughter or a dozen, up for a beauty contest since they would all be wearing the same black sheet and pillow case emsemble. The bikini parade would be a tad difficult to judge under those circumstances.

Instead they enter their other prized possessions  – their camels. Thousands of camels are paraded at the King Abdulaziz Camel Festival to be judged on their shapely lips and humps. You can hear the leacherous remarks “Nice pair of humps on her!  Phooaaarrrrr”

The prize money totals a massive 40 million squids. That’s a lot of dosh for a smelly camel. With that kind of money on the line, the cheating A-rabs have been giving botox injections to inflate the lips, nose and jaws of their beasts. This year twelve camels were banned by the judges for cheating.

What next DD hump jobs for camels?

Nominated by Mike Oxard.

68 thoughts on “My camel is better looking than yours.”

  1. I’ve hated camels since I was a kid when one of them gobbed on me in Bristol zoo. Dirty fucking A-rab bastards.

    • The animals in Bristol Zoo have always been dirty bastards. There used to be a chimp called Buttons who,if he heard a Welsh accent,would crap in his hand and hurl it at the speaker, there was also a Pygmy Hippo that used to shoot jets of liquid crap at anyone looking into it’s pen.

      • Camels are filthy disgusting stinky bastards and thats coming from someone who lives near a cow farm. Apparently camels spit at you if you get to close or they feel threatened by you, another good reason to hate them

      • Liquid crap !!

        Now that’s GOT to be proof positive that The Flabbott is a defective Pygmy Hippo.

        (Defective as in NOT being remotely Pygmy…)

  3. Used to insure a share of King Abdul Aziz’s yacht.

    From memory valued in excess of £350m, and that was 20 or so years ago.

    One of the yachts many decks was completely secretive to the broker placing the business and strictly off limits even to some crew members.

    Fuck knows what he had in there.

    Raghead.

  4. One day last week I was up bright and early, I opened the front door only to find my Arab neighbour Abdul lying face down in the snow with a carving knife and meat cleaver sticking out of his back.
    I ran back inside and shouted to the wife…

    “Quick, come outside and see what’s happened.”

    “What is it?” she asked.

    I replied “You’re not gonna believe this, it’s been fucking snowing”….

  5. That’s quite possibly one of the most mental stories I’ve ever heard!!
    First class stuff MO!! 😂😂😂😂

  6. I bought a pack of 20 Camel tabs back in the early 1970s, shudder to think what I took into the temple of my body.

    Not as satisfying as Disque Bleu – that I will tell for nowt. Proper fucking lung-busters they were!

    Also had a couple of Camel albums – ‘Mirage’ & ‘The Snow Goose’. Mirage, with the volume turned up to 11, was a total fucking blast!

    Camels as a species have never much appealed, with or without lipstick. But as a committed Islamophobe I suppose that’s hardly surprising. Do feel sorry for the poor creatures though, having to live in a shitholes with a bunch of retarded savages.

  7. Ha ha ha. Never heard of this before but I can’t say I’m surprised.

    Nice one mike.

    • Loved the O’Bingo thing. One omission……whenever he mentions immigrants it is always preceded by “hard working, tax paying.” There is no other kind in O’Shithead’s world.

      • I think you’re free to send additional vacuous phrases you may hear Mr Oh’Fuck No utter.

    • Ah they’ve missed ‘Neatly Segway to my next point’.

      Not that I listen to the cunt or anything.

      Actually I don’t anymore but used to. I genuinely can’t listen to him now.

      Before Brexit he was clearly a cunt that I disagreed with on many topics but his program could be interesting, he covered many topics and within reason listened to what callers had to say.

      Since Brexit though he’s become an insufferable cock. I think we all know that and how he works, Every subject is Brexit, Trump or how great immigration is.

      There’s no debate, the only contra opinion callers who make it through aren’t the brightest and he sets about them like a cat killing a mouse.

      So I’ve turned off. Then yesterday I’d been listening to Nick Ferrari and went in a meeting. When I got back in the car he’d just come on and as I went to switch channels he was doing his opening bit about how bad it was that black or ethnic people were being offered tickets to a conference with Catweazle £10 cheaper than Whities.

      Fuck my boots I thought, O’Shithead is finally seeing the madness of Left, however as he started upon his self indulgent introduction he reverted back to type, O’Shithead simply cannot start the day without finding some way to attack Paul Dacre/ Daily Mail, Brexiteers, Right Wingers or any group that he see’s as fair game that don’t subscribe to his version of the world.

      So in classic O’Shithead fashion his introduction needlessly mentioned ‘inadequate white males’, ‘blokes that can’t form relationships with women’ bla bla fucking bla.

      As I reached for the fuck off button I actually hurt my throats as I screamed ‘fuck off you cunt’.

      I would love to take this asshole on in an open televised debate where he didn’t have control of the mic and volume button, he’s utterly transparent and totally predictable.

      His debating skills are appalling, almost non existent and he always starts by framing his opponent, either real or imagined, as per his introduction yesterday as being an inadequate knuckle dragging Brexit voting skinhead.

      Once he’s done that he’s comfortable because he’s now set the terms of reference.

      He’s got a filing cabinet full of ‘off the shelf’ arguments to prove he’s right and you’re wrong and even more dubious quotes from politicians from ‘your’ side to prove you’re a cunt.

      However there’s no right to reply with O’Shithead, any caller who’s able to navigate through his carefully placed traps and debunk his argument is swiftly moved on to accomodate the next caller from Londistan that thinks Freedom of Movement should be extended to include the rest of the world.

      i just wish he’d take cycling on the busy streets of London, you can just see the cunt refusing to give way to the 40 ton artic as it was turning left whilst he’s in the blind spot…. ‘you may well be bigger than me but I am absolutely within my rights to own this space on the road and there’s no way’ SPLAT!

      Ohhhhh mate…..

      • Spot on……I can’t get enough slagging of this repulsive cunt. I can’t see him taking to the bicycle….. he’ll tell other cunts to do it ( to save the environment, to stop Brexit, to help the hard working tax paying immigrants) but he won’t be doing it himself. Total fucking bastard!

      • We can all live in hope though, I think your right cycling is below this cunt, besides it’s a fact that he gets ‘a driver’ every morning.

        He’s referred to it on a few ocassions in the past but I reckon he’s not so keen to mention it now.

        He used to say that LBC sent a driver to ensure he could make it into work.

        I can get that. Theres no tube connection from Chiswick to Leicester Square and despite what you may see on a map it’s a six hour walk so clearly O’Shithead needs a chauffeur, sorry I meant a driver.

  10. ISAC is a haven for racist cunts

    Fuckin racists the lot of you, and I can’t take it any more without commenting on it.

    I’ve been reading this site for a while and have come to notice that very very few people of a black nature are cunted.
    Months and months with very few black people getting a cunting, but a fuckin camel can jump the queue……. A fuckin camel!?!?!?!

    Disgusting behaviour.
    Black people can be cunts too and deserve to be cunted along with their white counterparts.

    I say we introduce the “Rooney Rule”
    For every ten white cunts cunted, we could have a black cunt cunted.

    Lets make a difference.
    The first black person cunted under the Rooney Rule will become a hero, so there’s that incentive.

    “Yes we cunt, yes we cunt, yes we cunt “

  11. I read of the Camel Story in the press the other day. Hundreds of Camels disqualified for having had botox injections to the lips. In all seriousness the reporter stated that the Camel “pout” was considered edifying and most attractive.

    For a short while , I was stationed at RAF El Adem in Libya, and believe me, the only things that attracted the locals was the arse end of the beast.

    The locals used to race the camels. And for the winners there were prizes. The prizes were always given behind a building, and used to take some little time for the awards ceremony to be completed. Funnily, the Camels always attended those awards.

    • I just shuddered at the thought when you used the word “enter” followed by the word “Abbott” in the same sentence.

      Can you imagine it??

      Don’t have nightmares.

  13. Leave it to Sheik Yadosh and Sheik Yadong to upgrade from Goats to Camels. Well they wouldn’t want an ugly one would they. There have been cases in other parts of the “Islamic” Cultural Desert where they have court cases involving carnival knowledge of goats. In Pakistan they have gone so low as to rape chickens FFS!

    • Aaaaah, so now we know why the chicken crossed the road.

      To get away from hard-working, tax-paying, goat-fucking mohammedans….

  14. Things are getting out of hand now. “Hostesses” at a swish charity fund raising event have claimed they have been sexually harassed. Boo fucking hoo. You are paid to look nice, smile and make all the old ( rich ) cunts feel like Brad fucking Pitt, dig deep into their pockets and fork out huge sums of cash thinking that if they do you will be so impressed you give them a blow job. What is coming next? Pole dancers claiming sexual harassment? Hookers? And off course Sky fucking news is all over it , one cunt after another wheeled out to say how “unacceptable” it all is. 10 minutes of this garbage so far, is a few well paid slappers being ineptly importuned by some pissed up bankers really all that important? The only contrary voice speaking out against the faux outrage is Aaron Banks who said words to the effect that sick kids getting some cash was more important than PC bollocks.

  15. Are the cracks beginning to show? Finland have said they are not gonna pay to fill the Brexit £15 billion black hole. Fucking hell. I never really thought about it. £15 billion we were paying those cunts. Ireland Spain and Greece won’t be able to contribute. All the east shitholes won’t be able to pay. Leaves France and Germany, fucking brilliant.

    • £8-10billion net. We get a ‘rebate’, which used to be bigger before Blair agreed to a reduction for fuck all in return.

      • Treeza May or May Not fucked that one right up the Khyber Pass when she told em that nobody will have to pay more when we leave. Oh, except us of course. When I go on holiday and people ask me where I come from I reply ‘Moronland’

    • Instead of doing the sensible thing and cutting back on expenditure, the EU carries on with their grand schemes and just expects each member nation to pay more. This is the kind of La La Land logic these cunts work on.

      • Not until they’ve pissed our £40billion down the shitter. And they’ll soon be back for more – you can bank on it!

      • How long do you think the cunts would take to blow £40 billion? We know what wasters the EuroFucks are……

  17. @TitSlapper….. Told you so.

    I told you to get Mark E Smith in the deadpool.

    I wish I had picked the horrible cunt.

    • Mark was the bitterest of bitter blues, but he was a dry and funny cunt… It’s hard not to like a bloke who left us with these words:

      “Jeremy Corbyn? Going to Glastonbury is so clichéd isn’t it? I’ve seen it with groups once they get a scent of fame. He’s been waiting 25 years for it. He’s got aftershave on. It’s like Ed Sheeran. I think Sheeran and Corbyn are evil twins. See Corbyn in Europe the other day? He’s started wearing what they’ve asked him to. He’s like ‘oh it’s my first hit record’. He’s turned into Rod Stewart.”

      Ta-ra, yer grumpy old cunt…

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DPTpBoYVD8Q

      • I always hated him growing up….. but TitSlapper uploaded some interviews and I changed my mind.

        I realised that I was very similar to him in having disdain for the cunts that incumber us in this world.

        RIP, original cunter…

      • Mark was a very funny bloke… But when he was pissed he was one of the funniest men on the planet… Ah well… Another Manc bites the dust… RIP…

      • He did a great version of JERUSALEM. Still very relevant today – Lyrics and link below…

        And did those feet in ancient times
        Walk upon mountains green?
        And was the holy Lamb of God
        On England’s pleasant pastures seen?

        And did the countenance divine
        Shine forth on clouded hills?
        And was Jerusalem
        In the dark satanic mills?

        Jerusalem, Jerusalem
        Jerusalem, Jerusalem
        It was the fault of the government
        It was the fault of the government

        I was walking down the street
        When I tripped up on a discarded banana skin
        And on my way down, I caught the side of my head
        On a protruding brick chip
        It was the government’s fault
        It was the fault of the government

        I was very let down from the budget
        I was expecting a one million quid handout
        I was very disappointed
        It was the government’s fault
        It was the fault of the government

        I became a semi-autistic type person
        And I didn’t have a pen, and I didn’t have a condom
        It was the fault of the government
        I think I’ll emigrate to Sweden or Poland
        And get looked after properly by a government

        Bring me a bowl of burning gold, bring arrows of desire
        Bring me spear, O clouds unfold
        And though I rest from mental fight
        And though sword sleeps in hand
        I will not rest ’til Jerusalem
        Is built in England green and pleasant land

        It was the fault of the government
        It was the fault of the government
        Jerusalem, Jerusalem
        Jerusalem, Jerusalem

        Of government
        It was the fault of the government
        Jerusalem, Jerusalem
        Jerusalem, Jerusalem…

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkZhh_7Px00

  18. A camel once farted next to me at Blackpool Zoo….the air suddenly looked like one of those wavy heat mirage in the desert things… And the fucking pong!?!! Jesus Christ….

    • There’s no doubting that I’m a weirdo……. One of my favourite memories of childhood is the mixture of candy floss, hot dogs, warm sand and the smell of horse and donkey shite.

      I wonder if Glade will ever recreate that in spray form?

      • I am sure nobody thought you were remembering your childhood home Birdman. Got me thinking orf childhood trips to Brighton – dosser shite and puke under the shady canopies orf Marine Drive, the essence orf meths under the pier, rancid piss and the odd johnny in the phone booths. Fair share orf donkey doings as well. All that plus fish n’ chips and stale sticky bitter beer. Would not want that available in aerosol form.

  19. A note to Dick Fiddler.
    Sorry old heart, did not mean to rub you up the wrong way (as the actress said to….) but I was not around during the late kerfuffle so only picked up on it very second hand. Did not mean to suggest anything really and had had a right old skinful previous to posting so genuinely could not remember your name. No disrespect intended. Glorious news that you are still up on the mount and observing us from on high. Thought you might be and missing you mightily so noodled oit that linking the other sad bastard with you via the mention orf Trolling (remember no names passed me keyboard) might flush me fox. Indeed it has and in high dudgeon. Can be a cunning old cunt when called for.

    Take it as read that you were not banned and are not a Troll (although in my circles being the possessor orf a good old ban is a mark orf distinction). Indeed grateful to have that information and from the horses mouth as t’were. Moving orn once a chap’s cover is blown he can feel the cold winds orf discovery flapping aroinde his posteriors at any juncture. Now that The Cunting Community is aware that a little spot orf ribbing will flush oit old Dick Piddler then expect it to happen agin’. Purely for sentimental reasons naturally. We miss you Dick.

    Love and kisses xxxx.
    Christ I’m pissed agin’.

  20. 3 times now I’ve tried to post a nomination and each time it fails to show up.

    Plus, almost every post I make is met with the Javascript error page. I need to refresh every time before a post goes through.

    Am I doing something wrong here or just blacklisted?

    • Same thing is happening to me. I get through eventually. Perhaps the geeky johnnies have added a spot orf extra bleach to the spam filters.

    • I’ve had that too. Are you using an iPhone. Mine was doing it last week all the time. It’s ok now and not sure how I resolved it. Just tried going through all settings but not sure what cured it. Fucking good luck.

  21. Whenever I see camels I think Citeh fans, mercenary footballers, empty seats in the council house that is Eastlands or the Emptijihad as its now known to the bigger and better neighbours. The jewel in the crown being Mainsewer – Citeh and Chelscum – billionaires hobbies. Get in early – you don’t want to end up with an ugly camel.

  22. Reposting this (sorry if it is a bore) but me last post has stayed greyed oit.

    A note to Dick Fiddler.
    Sorry old heart, did not mean to rub you up the wrong way (as the actress said to….) but I was not around during the late kerfuffle so only picked up on it very second hand. Did not mean to suggest anything really and had had a right old skinful previous to posting so genuinely could not remember your name. No disrespect intended. Glorious news that you are still up on the mount and observing us from on high. Thought you might be and missing you mightily so noodled oit that linking the other sad bastard with you via the mention orf Trolling (remember no names passed me keyboard) might flush me fox. Indeed it has and in high dudgeon. Can be a cunning old cunt when called for.

    Take it as read that you were not banned and are not a Troll (although in my circles being the possessor orf a good old ban is a mark orf distinction). Indeed grateful to have that information and from the horses mouth as t’were. Moving orn once a chap’s cover is blown he can feel the cold winds orf discovery flapping aroinde his posteriors at any juncture. Now that The Cunting Community is aware that a little spot orf ribbing will flush oit old Dick Piddler then expect it to happen agin’. Purely for sentimental reasons naturally. We miss you Dick.

    Love and kisses xxxx.
    Christ I’m pissed agin’.

  23. Further to my earlier post on James O’Bastard there’s another geezer on twatter goes by the moniker Brian O’James@ChiswickOBrien rips the piss something rotten out of the cunt. Very amusing.

    • I wonder if Brian O’ James lives on Whitehall Park Rd Chiswick where the average house price is £1.2m.

      Apparently it’s a popular residence for self righteous holier than thou, public school educated one percenters (not the bike gang) who spout self congratulatory shite on a daily basis.

      Oh mate……

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