We surely cannot let this evening pass without a heartfelt cunting for Burns Night.
As we all know, our friends in the north will welcome any excuse to shift a few drams and get royally – or should that be republically – pissed. Lets face it, you have get pretty pissed to bring in a sausage stuffed with offal on a silver dish to the accompaniment of catawalling bagpipes and read it a fucking poem!
Don’t get me wrong. I actually like haggis, but this is just bullshit excuse for a piss up.
Mind you, what do you expect from a nation that elected one as a leader?
And that Rabbie Burns wrote shit poetry too!!
Nominated by Jock Strap
Urrrr … is that what haggis actually looks like?
Loads of people have told me that haggis is really nice but looking at that I’m not so sure about trying it.
….looks like the contents of someone’s bowels after a heavy night on the beers and vindaloo, wrapped in cling film.
Urrrr.
I’ll still try haggis when I get the chance but I’m gonna have to be pretty pissed.
Great cunting by the way.
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Being English an all, can’t get excited about Burns night, if the Jockaneese wish to celebrate the fella North of the border, then good on em, but not for me. The Beebistan Broadcast Corp seem to like ramming down our throats though, must be diversity again, or the fact they don’t much the English…
I
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Jock Strap from one cunt to another what a fucking waste of a cunting but each to his own
I loved the ” sausage stuffed with offal”
Daft cunt its sheeps stomach stuffed with offal – please get it right !!!!!!!
Be good to see you at auld alloway kirk some winters nicht !!!!
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So it’s a big sausage then?
Small sausage = stuffed intestine
Big sausage = stuffed stomach
FYI I like haggis and don’t just eat it on Burns Night. Anyway, it’s a lot cheaper the week after…
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Haggis….beautiful fried, beautiful boiled, add some slices to your gravy….hmmmmm. have it at Burns Night, have it for breakfast indeed have it any time. Wonderful stuff!
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Great cunting my hole
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Apparently most Scottish people can’t stand the sound of bagpipes. Which reminds me of the old adage:-
What’s the definition of a gentleman? Someone who knows how to play the bagpipes and doesn’t.
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Anyone else utterly fed up with hearing about the fucking president’s club.
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Are we supposed to believe this year’s Presidents’ club bash was the first time that this alledged behaviour took place, or is it because the ‘all men are cunts’ mantra has hit overdrive.
If the roles were reversed and I was working at an all female bash, being ogled, groped and propositioned, you wouldn’t hear me complaining…
Fill ya boots girls….
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They were asked to dress like where’s.No way did they go to the dinner expecting to be treated like royalty.
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#####Whores ###
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Ask any doorman who ever did a womans only hen night or one of those Chippendale nights if women are the fairer sex? Right bunch of lunatics. Funny (not) that nobody ever mentions a guy pride do or the chutney locker worshippers week they have in Benidorm – fucking makes me want to yak some of the stuff they get up to but as that’s an equal opportunities thing its bang in fashion.
Fuck – just switched the telly on after QT and that cunt Paul Mason is on the week with Andrew Neil. Now that’s the telly off – I cant afford any more TV’s after almost yanking the last one off the wall. And to top that off Chukker cuntamunha is on too. FUCK, FUCK, FUCK
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GAY pride – not GUY pride or was I right to start with? 😉
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I mentioned something similar in a cunting that I wrote a couple of days ago, polished and posted today.
It’s vanished, so it’s either been deleted or in the queue.
….oh the trepidadation!
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The MSM have gone into meltdown over it.
Boils my piss.
Check out any media or Internet advert for a ‘Girsl only Ann Summers Party’ or any host of so called Ladies Nights that involve the odd stripper or 5…. Silly me I forgot equality only works one way. I’m a cunt.
Bit extreme also but ‘Dancing Bear’ is always a good one on xhamster or you porn….
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Osbourne on Qt says what I have been for two days.Why the fuck are the children’s hospital giving all the money back?
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#Peter Obourne #
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Oborne is a good man.
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“Ladculture “as soon as I heard that from the Qt audience I guessed the woman would be ugly.Was I wrong?Was I fuck.
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Yea it always seems that the women that are complaining are those short haired cunts, squawking away and loudly expressing their “outrage”, when really they’re just pissed off coz no man within their right mind would touch em with a barge pole. … not unless they were going to whack them with it.
I don’t know why I don’t trust women with short hair, but I just don’t.
Especially cunts like Yvette Cooper, Shitty Chukyerbalti, Angela eagle, Caroline Lucas, Emily Cuntberry, to name just a few.
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Emily Cuntberry.I keep calling her that in public.
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That Green Party bint on QT is the dictionary definition of swivel eyed. Crazy bag lady in waiting….
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That Maggie wotsername ugly fucker from the greens was an hysterical cunt on QT tonight
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And a stuttering cunt to boot.Bet she smells of mothballs too.
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Whoever picked Tessa Jowell on deadpool should ask for the crown now. The cunt looked like an extra from a George A Romero movie in the Lords tonight – Bring out yer dead.
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If she doesn’t die next I am going to be tempted to steal her but that would make me a cunt.Have seen someone die from glioblastoma.Dreadful disease.It can go on for over a year’s it did with my neighbour.She looked worse than Jowell The last months were horrendously bleak.
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She is right about extending the availability of trials for people in her situation.Even if it hastens your demise it would do you a favour by sparing you a drawn out demise.Also even if it goes wrong it rules it out for others in the future.Using willing participants that are royally fucked anyway as human Guinea pigs is a no brained (no pun intended).
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How come she’s so vociferous about cancer treatment, she wasn’t so vocal when she was a minister ….. oh, hang on
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Fucking Malteser head Umunna on This week talking bollocks the cunt
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I love haggis, ‘neeps and tatties, and the best one was me Auntie’s who served it wi’ mince gravy d’yah ken!
The ones who deserve a real cunting – and I saw it plastered all over shite food pubs even in Lutonistan: “Celebrate Burns Night Here for JUST £25 Pounds!”
Firstly England does not do Burns Night well, especially South of Tyne & Wear.
For £25 knicker you get what looks like a slice of black pudding, shit mash, shit neeps and nee sauce! You get a miserly single shot of whatever paint-stripper is passing for whiskey there (where JagerBombs are the usual norm) and the pipes come courtesy of an MP3 player (which is handy cos you can turn the cunt off).
The fuckwit “Yah! Yahs!” are sat there thinking they’re in with their celtic brethren when the truth is they have more in common with a vacuum cleaner than they do the Scots.
England – Don’t Do Burns Night! (cos your shit at it)
Best thing for me is that top-end haggis in the butchers going for an eye-watering amount now will be down to a few quid post the event where I shall partake, have a wee dram (or seven) of a nice single malt and toast wee Rabbie’s yearly benevolence to my rotund belly – but without the bagpipes!
Birdman’s got a bit of Jock in him but he’s a veggie! Unlucky!!! 😆
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@Vermin Cunt Spotter,
If you’re still out there, come back…I promise not to take the piss ever again.
As for Burns Night – in the words of the great Oliver Hardy, “I have nothing to say.”
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Christ on a trike, This Week – Christine Hamilton! Where did they dig up that crusty old cunt?
I’d completely forgotten about her. I remember watching that Louis Theroux doc on the Hamiltons way back in the early 2000s, when they were accused of sexually assaulting some tart via Max Clifford. Christine came across as a really creepy old cunt… Neil seemed to be moderately ok in comparison.
Talking of This Week, Michael Portillo – now, back in his parliament days I had him down as a regular cunt from the elite corps… but since then, I’ve found myself agreeing with him very frequently. A rare case of someone reversing my opinion of them as a total cunt.
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I’ve said that about Portillo myself in the past, I couldn’t stand the cunt back in the days when he was an MP, now listening to him and seeing him put cunts in their place on This week is fucking great
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He is also a good replacement for the late Sir John Betjeman, when it comes to pootling around on trains.
However, b/w tv would be good for him, it would tone down his bizarre colured rags…
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Indeed he does dress like some sort of batty boy.
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Chukka Remoaner was particularly odious this evening.
Virtue-signalling about his colleagues struggle with cancer – yadda, yadda, yadda.
I wouldn’t trust that cunt as far as I could throw the cunt, and no it’s not because he’s black, it’s because he’s a (quite clearly Blairite) CUNT!
Any fucker who comes across like the “And we won’t be falling for the banana is the tailpipe trick!” detective in Beverly Hills Cop needs a fucking good cunting.
About as much soul as Bill Nighy!
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BILL – miserable fucking leftie luvvie cunt – NIGHY.
Please don’t get me started!
Admins would have to step in again…think I’ve learnt my lesson now, btw guys…
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Yes, M Portillo certainly has managed to climb a rung or two up the ladder of late, certainly not an uber cunt or mega cunt any longer, and certainly talking more sense than when he was one of the ‘elected elite’. So maybe now just a strange dressing,train riding quiff haired ex politicunt.
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My Granny always use to say that most Scottish cuisine was partly based on a dare…. Truthfully she made a great Burns supper tho
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I’m not a Jock but we need to keep up all these BRITISH traditions. 🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧
Before you know it we’ll all be celebrating Divwally and Ram-a-dam-a-dingdong.
Look out for your left…..you are turned!
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I agree, Freddie… But the thing though is if Burns Night was English and in England, tinpot councils, musical mongs,crap MOTD presenters, Labour lunatics, snowflake fannie, Twittertards and John/Paul/George/Jack Monroe would be calling for it to be banned: as it might ‘offend’ or ‘exclude’ peaceful camelbuggerers, bogo=bogos, or can’t be arsed to learn the language or customs euromuck…
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Porage is good, especially with cream and demerara sugar, and a good outdoors whisky.
One traditional way of serving it is to leave it in drawers to solidify, then retrieve it, and cut a slice off.
By drawers I meant the furniture variety.
La Twatson probably has some ready-to-slice “delicacy” available from her bottom drawer.
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Didn’t they just have a two day pissup for New Year in Scotland?
Any excuse- got to love the Scots.
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And I do, I just couldn’t live there! I’d be as yellow as Ben Hardwick’s shit after a week there with cirrhosis!
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Only two DAYS ??
I was reliably informed by a Weegie that it’s more like two weeks, but to be fair that covers Christmas.
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Let’s face it a lot of Burns’s poems were shit. My daughter is having difficulty learning Address to the toothache for school. Nobody talks like that any more. This dead, syphilitic old cunt was over-rated. He wasn’t a man of the people, he was a land owner. When Rabbie was my age he had been dead for 5 years. The cunt.
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The thing that tickles me is that the privileged folk of Londonistan wrinkle their noses at the thought of cooking summat in a sheep’s stomach.
“That’th dithguthting Jemimah!”
And then go fist deep tucking into a £250 dish of Gressingham duck breast cooked “en vessie” at the Dorchester, Savoy or Le Manoir aux Quat’Saisons.
And they can’t get enough of then cunt!
I wonder how many would still be licking their lips if they knew “en vessie” means “cooked in the bladder”?
So a sheep’s stomach that’s had a bit of grass/cud in it, or a pig’s bladder full of piss!
Now who’s so refined now eh! Pretentious fucking cunts!
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Haggis is Gaelic for Shithouse Floor Sweepings cooked in a tramps ringpiece. It is on page one [also the last page] of Great Scottish Dishes.
Eating Haggis fast tracks you to Cunthood.
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I am that cunt!
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Long ago in the then untouristified Highlands, first-footing was the thing at New Year. And it could last a week of long nights. Burns Night was effectively for Edinburgh solicitors. O tempora! O tae fuck!
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