Van Morrison

Northern Eyerish bastard cunt from a mangled race orf bastard cunts has a new album oit called Versatile. Only thing versatile about the cunt is its arsework. What voice the 72 year old tosser ever had was lorst years ago along with the barnet. Correct, another cunt that performs in a hat. Bastard.

Now retreated to fucking up the Great American Songbook repertoire with a dodgy fake yank accent with rhythm and intonation all over the shop (check oit Chas C). Always the sign of a muso orn the skids. Orf the top orf me old brain box cannot recall a single orf the cunts numbers (sure to be a sad cunt oit there that can) and he must have written fahsounds orf ’em.

Only saving grace aboit the miserable tosser is it’s never got into politics and saving the planet but only doine to the tightness orf its arse. Typical jocko/mick mix. Only spends money orn lawyers to sue neighbours, ex-wives and girl friends. Notorious cunt to try and talk to (what the media term “spikey”) and filthy rich with it.

Typical miser mick so it is.

Nominated by Sir Limply Stoke

( Van Morrison? Where I live that’s a grocer’s delivery vehicle )

95 thoughts on “Van Morrison

  1. Van the Man has made some great music over the years – he first fucked me sideways with ‘Baby Please Don’t Go’ in 1964 with group ‘Them’. Favourite albums: ‘Hard Nose The Highway (1973) & ‘Veedon Fleece’ (1974).

    But tend to agree, Van has been a bit of a self important, up his own arse cunt at times. Not helped by the consistently fawning music business – who wouldn’t have grown an outsize head with every critic portraying you as anything from Beethoven, Bob Dylan to God itself.

    Breaking News: Jihadi strike in Manhattan…?

    • Fuck me. I thought I was the only person in the world that liked Hard Nose the Highway. I played it a couple of days ago.

      • Did you ever hear about the great deception? Plastic revolutionaries take the money and run…after all, it’s not easy bein’ green, eh C n R…?

      • Great band ( Them ) and I saw them live in the sixties at two venues in Newcastle. Fantastic “Gloria” best ever live , made the fucking walls shake.

  2. Has always been a miserable cunt. Saw him in the 70s. Did an hour and half and didn’t actually speak once. Music and band was good though.
    Coincidentally I met some Irish people on holiday who live near his NI home and know of him. He is apparently an even bigger curmudgeonly cunt than can be credited. Nasty, pig ignorant and cuntish in his treatment of staff at restaurants etc.
    Unfortunately a cunt. C U N T cunt. Sung to the tune of Gloria.

    • Yes, saw him live in the late ’70s, and found his lack of interaction with audience disappointing.

  3. Although not a big fan I’ve got some of his stuff from back in the day..
    I did however hear that he would sometimes play his whole set with his back to the audience? VM fans is that true?
    In my book that’s pretty cuntish…….

  4. Miles Davis used to do that, apparently to give cues to the band so it might not be for cuntish reasons??

  5. In my courting days, I made a youtube vid of a VM song especially for my girlfriend, within days of uploading the vid I received an email via youtube from VM solicitors acting for VM saying unless I removed the vid I would get sued, what an Irish cunt

  6. Other than when he was in Them I can’t think of much he’s done that’s any good. Brown eyed girl was fucking lame and cunts keep banging on about it. I did like TB Sheets though

  7. Off subject but have you seen these cunts on Sly news adverts trying to sell us gold sovereigns ? There’s this yank cunt that goes by the name William Devane trying to flog shnied gold. Looks to me like some knocker boy pikey crew trying to act respectfull.

    • That advert’s as close to a legalised scam as you can get, you’d have to be a brain-dead cunt to fall for that one!

      • Lucky I’ve seen that!! Just cancelled my order…… Fuck I thought that was gonna make me rich!! …. Thought I was getting in on the ground floor.. 😂

      • Ferrari order cancelled….
        better give sunbed surfing man moobed quisling remainiac cunt Branson a call and cancel my holiday on necker….. GUTTED…

      • Just thinking. This bit coin shite? Apparently it only exists in the ether. Its not real, you can’t touch it and you can’t see it. You can buy a theoretical make believe coin for £14.000 ! And If you do, you can sell it for fucking millions!
        Send your dosh from your bank account immediately by bank transfer and you will receive an e-mail

        Christ, isn’t that a wonderful way to get rich?

      • I don’t even know where real money comes from (apart from trees & the royal mint) – this Bit Coin shite truly makes MY BRAIN HURT!

    • I had a rant the other day on here somewhere about the Seth Armstrong of Emmerdale Farm lookalike that goes about ramming a “book of gold” onto cunts.

      Anyone up for ordering a selection to hacksaw up to find out what’s in the middle?

      Mild steel washers or good old chocolate?

    • And what’s worse his butler side kick. That’s Jim Tavare – famous for doing a comedy act with a double bass. Nice to see that’s paying off dividends!


      Anyway just chucked on Egg Heeds with Cuntery Vine on ABBC2 and they’ve got some sleb presenters on (its digs – so I’m lucky there’s more than one channel).

      I was just about to eat my dog-eared butty when some cunt called Adam Pearson came on.

      Well that’s the end of that sandwich. I’d go for a beer if it wasn’t so fucking cold and slippy out.

      Still, every cloud… While having a tab in the alcove I can piss myself at the “peacefuls” sliding around. Flip flops and sandles deffo not ice wear!

      Pity it wasn’t windy cos the cunts would be away like catamarans! 😂

    • I didn’t expect the shaking of the Yew tree to bother him but he must have been aware of much of the shit going on at ABBC.

  8. Never ever let liked this tuneless cunt after I heard he walked off stage once after some cunt had the temerity to shout something at him. Probably ‘hey Morrison, you’re a cunt’. Cunt.

  9. Van morrisson… I know naffink abaaaaaht him. Looks like the kind of cunt who would whinge and debate who’s round it is in the pub , anyone’s but his. The cunt.

    • Nothing he did after Them came close to interesting me. Best song was ‘I Can Only Give You Everything’, I think it was on their first album. ‘Richard Cory’ wasn’t bad either.

  10. Keith Chegwin is a goner, I had him in the pool a while ago. Something abaaaaaht this time of year which makes the celebrities die off.

  11. Is this cunt Ed Sherrans dad….?
    Very similar ….. Ugly , small , ginger and fucking useless

    • We’re on to something here cunters !! So we’ve got a festive serial killer who hates small ginger ugly celebrities?? hmm who’s next??

      • Sure Van Morrisons a cunt but don’t bring him down to Ed sheerans level of cuntishness The guys got 38 solo albums so hes not lazy at least even tho he peddles shit

        Ed beetroot on the other hand has 3 mediocre albums and few singles and is declared a national treasure what the fuck?!
        Also gingers are not somehow magically related you silly anti gingerist bastards

    • Bilal Fawaz?

      He’ll be missed.


      Like I say those cunts are getting tooled up forra ruck while our lot go crying on TwitCunt about gender fluidity!

      We stand no fucking chance!

      • Deport the cunt with or without a passport. The number of times Ive heard this shit. The Chinks are masters of “noo passyportie”

  12. I see there’s been a bit of “peacefulness” in New York.

    Who had them in the Jihadi Lotto?

    • P.S. ABBC excuse it because the IED didn’t kill anyone. So that’s ok then…!

      Fucking “peaceful” cunts!

  13. Breaking news on sky!!!
    The hunchback bites back!
    May announces the 40 million on the table will be withdrawn if no satisfactory deal is reached ? Tough talk from may? But what exactly is a satisfactory deal?

    Oh yeh!! “ nothing is agreed till Everything is agreed “ ……. 👍

    • Yeah, but Remainers ecstatic in Commons this afternoon about the deal made on Friday, wonder why that might be…

      • Yeh I saw CLARKE and soubry bigging up May?? The brexiteers kept their powder dry? It’s all very odd ….. either she’s bull shitting one side or it’s a complete sell out?

      • Given the choice, I’d have to go for “complete sell out”, cos May is way too useless to bullshit anyone meaningfully now, and besides I wouldn’t trust a word she says about anything anymore – she cooked her goose in the General Election as far as Shitcake’s concerned.

        Just interested to see who the replacement patsy is going to be…and Brexit is finished, of course. So is Remain, for that matter…

      • I have it on good authority, that German is now a compulsory language starting in the Infants schools.

  14. Total bollocks! The only way that won’t be paid is if we stay in.
    It’s a fucking set up.

  15. Mourinho barges into the City dressing room, to complain about them crowing after turning his mob over, and gets a load of milk chucked all over him.😁😁Fuck me, I would love to have seen that. Cunt

      • Mourinho is a soft cunt and has no idea how a Manchester Derby works… The Doc and Big Mal used to give and take banter/insults with gusto in the 70s… Same with Big Ron and John Bond in the 80s, and Fergie never whined when Citu (in those days rarely) turned United over… Instead he took it out on United for being crap… Mourinho has an almost Scouse-like attitude: always the victim, never his fault, somebody else is always to blame…

        Now, I love Man Citeh about as much as I love Lily Mong… But they pissed on United yesterday, they did a dirty great big steaming blue shit on the Old Trafford turf and there’s no denying it… They were the best team by a fucking mile… That said though, I don’t know how Souness and Gary Nev didn’t kick fuck out of that plastic bluenose midget fraud cunt, Noel Gallagher, in the Sky commentary box yesterday…

      • It appears that winning the Derby means more to Citeh players than it does to those useless cunts that disgrace the red shirt…. They celebrated in a way that I’d expect them to… Just as I would if United had won… Mourinho is a mardarse…

      • Mourinho will be gone at the end of the season. Manchester United took him on as he’s meant to be the best. They’ve seen he’s not and will get rid by letting him wore himself for Dick Emerys job at PSG to save a few bob. I shouldn’t have any feelings towards Man UTD, but I hate Citeh and even more so Pep the schlep.

      • Pep is a sanctimonious cunt.

        As much as I can’t abide ol’ Maureeno, he’s got a point about the double standards with Pep and his teams.

        It was always a piss boiler the shit his Barcelona team could get away with when it came to the ref decisions. Arsenal in the ’06 final and Chelski in the ’09 semi final spring to mind.

        And any other cunt would have got a bollocking from the FA for making the type of political statement Pep has, or would have got a fine or touchline ban for going off on another team’s player like he did with Redmond.

        Fucking hate him and all the cunts he’s ever managed.

      • Truthfully, I think the media and other cunts in charge of the game fancy him. I’m sure that’s what is.
        Definitely the media. Pundits love describing what he’s wearing.
        They done the same with Mourinho up until a few years ago, but Jose has gotten older and his looks are fading.
        That’s my honest opinion on the love for this cunt, coz as a manager/coach, he’s never had to do a thing.

      • The thing about Mourinho is that he’s what I call an open cunt.

        You and I know he’s a cunt.
        Most people know he’s a cunt,
        The media knows he’s a cunt.
        Mourinho himself knows that he’s a cunt.

        Pep is a closed cunt, really he’s just as much of a cunt as Mourinho but the media love him.

        He’s a cunt from a land full of cunts.

      • Perfect that, Prime Minister Sinister.
        I’m a cunt that admits to being a cunt, but it’s they closed cunts that are the cunts that fuck me off.

      • As for that fucking Barcelona team, any cunt could run that team!

        He got found out at Bayern Munich.

        Sure he totally dominated the Bundesliga and totally killed the competition dead but he flopped in Europe with them big time.

        As for his Citeh team, those cunts will get found out eventually and will fall hard when they do. It helps when he has near limitless money to burn and the refs have a blind spot towards his teams.

      • Awww, you’re nota cunt Birdman.

        You might have a streak of it but that’s about it.

        The closed cunts are indeed the ones that fuck most people right off. It’s why we hate them. Right? Right?

  16. Never really cared for Van Morrison perhaps I haven’t listened to enough of his music to get the a full grasp of his work but I’ve listened to enough to know it wasn’t my cup of tea. I listened to moondance a year ago and I dunno thought it was sort of overhyped aside from a track or two. So I agree with Sir Stoke that Morrison is a one trick pony

  17. I used to listen to The Doors version of Gloria. I don’t know how similar it is to Van the Twat’s version, but when I got older I realised it was about fuckin a little girl when her mater and pater where out. I don’t play it anymore and I have my reservations about Whiskey Bar.
    “show me the way to the next little girl, oh don’t ask why”

    I watched Stardust (Essex, Faith, Moon) recently and the opening song is Sweet Sixteen. Fuck are they dodgy lyrics.
    I read in yesterday’s Sun that some group of snowflake soft cocked cunts have compiled a list of classic filums with dodgy content and giving us sheepol the heads up that we’re to be offended these days.
    Well, they’d have a ball with old song lyrics.

    • Problem these days is that there’s always some cunt who gets offended about something.

      Even worse are the cunts who are offended about something on the behalf of other cunts even if said other cunts don’t actually give a toss about what these cunts are offended about.

      • I don’t know what offended feels like.
        Anger yes
        Wanting to bash some cheeky cunt, yes.
        But offended? Nope.

      • I wouldn’t get to worked up about ‘Sweet Sixteen’ (legal age, innit?) or The Doors singing about ‘the next little girl’, which was just another ‘hip’ way of referring to a chick in the ’60s.

        More disturbing however is this extreme example of paedo-schmaltz by The Righteous Brothers:

        Baby, baby, I’d get down on my knees for you
        If you would only love me like you used to do, yeah
        We had a love, a love, a love you don’t find everyday
        So don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t let it slip away
        Baby, baby, baby, baby
        I beg you please, please, please, please
        I need your love, need your love
        So bring it on back, so bring it on back
        Bring it on back, bring it on back

        And what about ‘Baby Love’ by the fucking Supremes, ffs!

  18. Three Van the Cunt stories, Number 1, i once worked with a drummer who sessioned for the colossal ego that is this shitstick, and apparently he made everyone stand up when he walked into the studio and made everyone call him Mr Morrison, sacked anyone who spoke back to him and he then smacked a lighting engineer for shining the spotlight wrong at him. Number 2. My eldest went to school with a lad who’s dad was the Cunts tour manager, who he calls at any hour of the day or night for the most trivial of demands (he got an hours notice to fly to LA in the middle of the night)
    Number 3. I was talked into going to see this prick with Bob Dylan, one night only, two legends on stage for the first time ever. Fuck knows why (a shag i think) They spent half a single song on stage together, Bob was a mumbling shambles and Van the Ego left the stage during one song SEVEN times, and on each return the band announced him back on to the stage. Not my proudest moment, but between songs i shouted “stay on the stage you fat cunt” and went home.
    This creature is all ego and very little else, i have spent nearly my whole life despising his over inflated sense of self worth, for me he is Cunt of the year.

    • Dunno about COTY but it seems like he deserves a Lifetime achievement for being a monumental cunt.

      Does anyone else think ISAC should have a category like that?

      • That would be great but van the man would be up against Cunt of the ages Blair!!
        Talk about worlds colliding…..

      • Van might not be everybody’s idea of the perfect human being, but I don’t think he’s had quite the same effect or been as responsible for the sorry state of modern day Britain (or the world for that matter) as Labour’s most successful leader and psychopathic Prime Minister Tony B. Liar.

        I mean, if you could press a button and either Van Morrison or Nick Clegg would never have been, which would you choose?
        VM or Diane Flabbott?
        How about Alastair Campbellend?
        And doesn’t come even close to Treesa, surely?! You get the idea.

        VM may be a cunt, but he never took us into an illegal war in Iraq or opened the floodgates to uncontrolled EU immigration – anyone would think he was Gary Glitter the way some cunts go on about him here.

        The cunt ain’t even a fuckin’ poofta, ffs!

        An egotistical, curmudgeonly, white, male, Oirish cunt for sure, but COTY? Jeez.

  19. Jethro Tull ……Aqualung

    Sitting on a park bench…..
    Eyeing little girls with bad intent

    Sitting in the cold sun…..
    Watching as the frilly panties run
    That was 1971. You’d never get away with that these days.

    • Aqualung is a pretty good album tho Benefit and Heavy Horses were my personal favs from Tull but the lyrics just talk about a creepy down’nout hobo not really a nonce so to speak its a edgy silly lyric I think. The song was actually speaking about homelessness

      • On the subject of lyrics, I think too much can be read into them. Take The Move’s ‘Fire Brigade’ written by Roy Wood and released in 1968 when he was about 22.
        “Cast your mind back ten years
        To the girl who’s next to me in school
        If I put my hand upon her leg
        She’d hit me with her rule”
        So he’s talking about feeling up a twelve year old? I’m sure those who spend their time searching for sexual scapegoats would have a field day with that one. Maybe the coppers will be knocking on the old cunt’s door with an arrest warrant for historical sex crimes.

      • Whilst on the subject of lyrics, special mention should be made for ‘A Quick One (While He’s Away)’ by the Who.

        Edited highlights:

        Little girl guide, why don’t you stop your crying?
        Here comes Ivor the engine driver to make you feel much better.

        My name is Ivor,
        I’m an engine driver
        Please take a sweet
        Come take a walk with me
        We’ll sort it out
        Back at my place, maybe
        It’ll come right
        You ain’t no fool, I ain’t either
        So why not be nice to an old engine driver
        Better be nice to an old engine driver
        It’s like a dream to be with you again
        Can’t believe that I’m with you again
        I missed you and I must admit
        I kissed a few and once did sit
        On Ivor the engine driver’s lap
        And later with him, had a nap

        You are forgiven, you are forgiven, you are forgiven…

        As a 14 year old in 1967 I heard those lyrics over and over and never once imagined them inappropriate…mildly amusing, yes, but nothing to get hung about. Ffs, we made jokes about dirty old men and their macs all the time!

        Ok, Pete Townshend might have been a bit suspect, but if those words are so dangerous (they get edited out of most reprints in these pc times) how can it be that I and a whole generation of Who fans did not grow up to be kiddie fiddlers? Maybe the others did and I fell through the net miraculously unaffected?

        PC Nazis have destroyed this country along with it’s world transforming culture.

  20. A moderately only talented Oirish jockstrap whose inflated ego overshadows this by some margin.

    His voice left the building many years ago. Silly old cunt now strains to squeeze out ‘mubblealong’ performances. I have heard less muttering from Jack Pallance or Brando’s Don Corleone.

    “You’re my brown stained cunt, etc.”

  21. my old dear went to school with van morrison
    cheeky cunt had the balls to ask her out!!!!!
    thankfully she said no though it does mean im a poor cunt these days

  22. Once heard a story, it maybe a load of Bollocks but a session musician who was in the studio with the miserable cunt recording an album, stuck a harmonica between his bum cheeks, gave it a good wipe and then passed it to Morrison who then gave an impromptu tune for all in the studio. Classy!….

  23. Van The Man may be a bit of a cunt, but he has more talent in his piss than that tuneless egomaniac ginger gargoyle Sheeran cunt has in his whole body… Same goes for that Plastic Bluecunt, Noel…

    • Thought you were going to say more talent in his little finger than the rest of his body put together. Not a fan of either If I’m honest.

  24. I’ve mentioned before that Spain is very non pc, and my favourite comedy series of all time La Que Se Avecina attacks every cunt. Trannis, gays, Muslims, Spanish, everycunt.
    Tonight’s episode has an African guy that has been brought back by a divorcee from some shitehole to be her lover.
    His name is Umbungo.

    Que viva Espana………

    • Her ex husband blacked up, and donned a grass skirt and spear in the hope of winning her back.
      It’s like being a kid in the early eighties again, watching this.

    • What a stupid drunk cunt, the old bill can be cunts too but in this case knucklehead was acting the twat so they gave him an electric perm.
      Now he has suicidal thoughts well go ahead beachy head is about an hour drive from Brighton. Lovely views on the way down I believe.

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