David Beckham [5]

Nomination for fuckwitted thicko David Beckham. Unfortunately just switched channel to BBC1 and old dimbo is on the One (shite) Show sitting amongst a group of school kids. Now I judge, rightly or wrongly, a persons likely Intelligence Quotient by the number and locations of their ‘body art’. This thick cunt has em all up the back of his neck and all over his fucking hands. Sitting there in his sweatshirt he wouldn’t be out of place in a line of Death Row convicts. A more unnatural communicator would be hard to find with his limited and often childish awkward shyness and vocabulary. I think going for a pint with this boring muppet would have anyone reaching for the nearest corkscrew to jam up their rusty sheriffs badge to numb the fucking pain. Another case sadly of Awfully nice but shit thick.

Nominated by Kendo Nag

Thick cunt Beckham has become the face of a Chinese advert for “Cock Grease Pomade”

His image is being used to promote the brand of hair gel – whose slogan is ‘Xxtra hard’ – which is manufactured in Japan.

Cock Grease” !!! I mean, you couldn’t make it up, could you..?

Nominated by Dioclese

51 thoughts on “David Beckham [5]

  1. The day will come when oh so fashionable tats will be the kiss of death. Once there are loads of saggy old cunts walking around covered in that shit they will become figures of fun amongst the young.
    Of course David and his slag wife can afford to get theirs removed but all the other cunts will be fucked.

    Newcastle might be the exception as every fucker there seems to be covered in the cunts. Last time I was there I felt like Captain Cook…..a long way from home and surrounded by painted savages.

    • Cock grease?? Classic
      Xxhard should be changed to xxxxxxxx thick!!
      Beckhams a modern day krusty the clown! Got his name on stacks of stuff …..
      brand Beckham!! Kerchhhhhing!
      Good luck to him……….

  2. Alex Ferguson walks into the dressing room before a match and says…

    “Everybody feeling fit for today’s game..?”

    Roy Keane says..”Well boss, I don’t think I’ll be able to play today unless you give me a Cortisone injection”….

    “What about you Becks..?” asks Fergie….

    “Well if he’s getting a new car I want one to”….

  3. Grade A, self entitled cunt, threw his toys out the pram when he couldn’t buy a knighthood earlier this year – slagging off others who got their dubious honours. Horrible cunt family to boot. Would gladly put them all up against the wall when the time comes.

    • To the tower with the cunt.

      Bet he thought it was in the bag with all the brown nosing he got in with Wills while out and about world cup promoting.

      • Cunt must have thought he had it in the bag after putting in time with UNICEF. When the Knighthood didn’t materialise he had a hissy fit and threatened to withhold a £1million donation, emailing someone “it’s my fucking money!”

        Beckham and his vulgar tattoos symbolise everything that’s sick and wrong with this cuntry. Not to mention his waste of space wife. Ok, he’s done a bit for charity, but so did Savile. Nice guy? Or cunt on the make for publicity, prestige & a Knighthood? Yow decide…

  4. David Beckham goes shopping, and sees something interesting in the
    kitchen department of a large department store.
    “What’s that?” he asks. “A Thermos flask,” replies the assistant.
    “What does it do?” asks Becks. The assistant tells him it keeps hot
    things hot and cold things cold. Really impressed, Beckham buys one and
    takes it
    along to his next training session.
    “Here, boys, look at this,” Beckham says proudly. “It’s a Thermos
    The lads are impressed.
    “What does it do?” they ask.
    “It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,”says David.
    “And what have you got in it?” asks Roy Keane.
    “Two cups of coffee and a choc ice,” replies David.

  5. just seen him in a Gin advert.. do people actually exist who say ‘ oooh David Beckham is advertising that , good enough for me ,i am definately going to be buying that’ ? there actually must, companies aren’t just going to throw money away.. un fuckin believable.

    • Remember seeing him in Sapporo, Japan. Argentina 0 England 1. Beckham scored the goal (penalty).

      Almost godlike to the Japanese.

      Once a decent footballer, now would have more respect for the man if he chose not to still be chasing and accepting money for endorsing pretty much anything. FFS he has enough money already.

      And should keep away from acting. An unconvincing sqeaky twat, about as talented at acting as his pouting wife is at singing.

    • I probably wouldn’t recognise the cunt if he sat on my face…
      No, hang on, forget the second part of that sentence.

      Linekunt, with his jug-ears is easier to spot, and anything with his seal of approval gets the bum’s rush from me.

  6. You are dead right KNOW on your ratio. The higher the number of tattoos the lower the IQ. Without a doubt.

    • Add facial studs to the equation, it multiplies the ratio by the fucking speed of light.

  7. Apart from the fact that I think Beckham is a useless fuckwit who peddles shite. Can anyone tell me why he is a footballing icon, mega marvel.?
    I mean over the last 60 years I have watched footballers who I would rate very highly. Some I would say are absolutely fucking brilliant. but I can’t say that about Beckham.
    I have obviously watched him play. And yes, at times he has been quite good. But I can’t see what it is that is so special.
    My favourites of old included Best, Stiles, Davies ( Wyn ) Brian Clough, Peter Beardsley. I can’t see how the poofy picture man rates anywhere near those guy’s
    He’ a cunt.

    • Totally agree ASA, could never understand the hype. George Best described him thus “He cannot kick with his left foot. He cannot head a ball. He cannot tackle and he doesn’t score that many goals. Apart from that, he’s allright”. Timeless.

  8. Soldiers seem to be fucking covered in tattoos I’ve noticed, I have a few from when I was 18, I don’t regret them as such but I wouldn’t get anymore. It seems more like a fashion trend now, back in the old days it was generally outcasts of society like sailors and bikers who had them, now its shelf stackers and estate agents sporting them.

  9. I believe that Beckham is covered in tattoos because the pain involved in getting them distracts him,for a brief moment, from the realisation that he is married to a pig-nose,delusional bitch,and has bred a family of special-needs,future drug-addicts children.
    It’s been asked before on here, but again… Why the fuck,if you were Beckham,would you ever marry? I’d never dip my wick in the same well twice if I had the chances that’ll be available to him.

    • A cunt in the hand is worth two in the bush if you need a spot orf instant relief even if it’s with a stick insect.
      Also remember a few years back hearing about Beckham and a cock tattoo or was it a chicken? Same time as his Stick Insect was collecting labia jewellery.

  10. This Damian Green porno story still running. Spot orf wanking homework orn his laptop? So what. No suggestion thus far orf any kiddy porn. Poor cunt was probably just reminding himself what a woman looks like after daily proximity to The Hunchback. Why deny it.

    • If he hasn’t raped, assaulted or broken the law I don’t see the problem.

      If he did break the law, shouldn’t it have been dealt with in 2000 whatever?

      I’m betting this ex cop is just trying to cause difficulties in the brexit negotiations.

      If there has been a crime, this cop one should be struck off, dishonourably and prosecuted himself for perverting the course of justice. Strip the cunt of his pension the lot.

      Northing worse than a dirty pig.

  11. I can understand why a sailor or perhaps a soldier might have a Tat; washed overboard ones body subsequently found, the Tat will provide evidence of who you are and where you come from.

    The trouble with most Tats is this: you think the Tat means x when I, on viewing it think it means y. Neither of us are right or wrong but you can’t prevent my viewing the Tat the way I perceive it. As a tat-less person I see them, generally, as the latest go-faster stripe and every bit as naff.

  12. The worst thing about Beckham and the old trollop he is married to is that they have raised their kids to expect media attention, so instead of mum and dad finally losing publicity and becoming the forgotten twats they are, they have pimped out the kids to keep the name going for years to come. Those kids, ugly little bastards have no talent and just trade on the family name

    • I find cases like this quite sad because it’s not the kids fault who their parents are. However I would love it and the same goes for the royals as well if one of the kids decides once they’ve grown up to just fuck off from the riches and live a normal life, sadly with the media the way it is I don’t think that’s possible.

    • I care not a toss for the game, but I just want to see Belgium lose, although I guess the whole cuntry can’t really be held responsible for the likes of paedophile Dutroux, and the Tera-cunt Verminhofstadt

  13. Special cunting to the world media responsible for badgering the pope into using the “R” word in reference to the trouble makers that Myanmar are trying to liberate their country back from.

    Bullying high profile figures to say and do what they deem to be the right thing, the media is closer to the root of all evil than religion itself.

  14. To be fair to Becks anyone who was at Old Trafford that day he played Greece on his own and banged in that last minute free kick could forgive him anything.
    Also he didn’t cry like a bitch when bollockbrain Maclaren kicked him out of the squad but played himself back in.
    He always turned up for friendlies, even flying back from the States for some midweek non-event, unlike those Tottenham poofs last week. Just a thought.

    • Yeah, those Sp*rs cunts are barely even proven at the higher levels and yet they act like they can pull that shit already.

      Sp*rs….. fucking one man team cunts.

    • It took the useless cunt eight attempts to score from a free kick in that match, the cunt was fucking overhyped, that drunken cunt Best was spot on with his assessment of the thick squeaky voiced bastard

  15. I’ll keep it succinct: anyone who trademarks their kid’s name is ipso facto a cunt.

  16. David is the the biggest cunt of them all, in sleb world. He started all the nancy boy bollocks that everyone wants to imitate. Insipring the likes of Lewis, wanting the same fame by employing his agents. That cunt fucked off to the States as usual to celebrate, fucked off his taxes and vat since he was in short pants to get even richer, then has the nerve to drape himself in the union flag (whatever that means). Someone should tear that flag off his shoulders and smack that unruly brillo pad off his scalp. The cunt.

    • When you are more famous as a preening metrosexual media whore, flogging everything from hair products to jeans than your chosen profession, you can fuck off.

      • At this rate, people will ever forget he was a footballer…..

        Anyone else reckon that all modern day footballers are more or less a bunch of preening pillow biters?

      • There are no characters anymore PMS, where are the Gazza’s Keano’s or Ince’s?.

      • There aren’t any, just a bunch of overrated, overpaid, preening, narcissistic cunts!

      • Saw his gaffer once on the M6 in her bullet proof Rangey. My instinct was to run her into a ditch. Sense prevailed so I ended up pulling up beside her to give her the digit. Its the simple pleasures in life…

      • Are you sure it was her? Don’t this lot normally have the blacked out drug dealer windows on their cars?

      • Blacked out rear windows. Sat in the middle lane overtaking nobody. Saw the reg …BEKS. It was her alright, she saw the digit too. Cunt.

  17. I is a gay and I wouldn’t touch him….And I once snogged a black man so I is not a RRRRRRAAAAACCCCCIIIIIIISSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTT.

  18. Fergie once said to Beckham, ‘So, laddie… What do you think of the tactics?’

    Becks replied, ‘I like ’em, gaffer….’

    What do you like about them?’ says Fergie…

    Beckham replies, ‘That they’re nice little mints that you can eat when travelling…’

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