Advocaat

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A heartfelt Cunting for Advocaat (the drink not the football manager)

This dreadful, mucus-like slime is only ever seen at Christmas when some senile old Great-Aunt drinks it before farting and frightening the dog (one of my happy childhood memories),

Seeing it for sale is truly the harbinger of the dreaded Christmas festivities. It’s not fucking Christmas trees, or Christmas fucking songs (I understand that Dio and Chas are making a shameless, but probably successful, attempt to usurp Slade as the voice of Christmas awfulness), or begging adverts about the homeless that lets me know that “the most wonderful time of the year” is upon us again,it’s the sight of that vile concoction being sold.

I’d have assumed that as the old fuckers died off,the demand for Advocaat would have dwindled…not a bit of it. The shelves are stuffed with it. Who the fuck is buying it – and why? If any Cunter has recently bought a bottle,I demand that you explain yourself.

Nominated by Dick Fiddler

52 thoughts on “Advocaat”

  1. To be absolutely honest, I haven’t seen a bottle of said mucous since I left home in 1975. You’ve made me cum over all dewey eyed and nostalgic like…

    • Likewise, cannot remember seeing any since I was just a teenager, nearly 45 years ago. My late parents had a bottle, think they even gave me some (in a snowball) but only the once.

      Did not realise it was still on sale, but as no use for it wouldn’t be looking.

      Disappointingly unable to get Bath Oliver’s this year for the first time.

      • Ahhh simpler times. In the 70’s the word snowball was either a drink or a near fatal lump of ice thrown at mates, foes, teachers and windows. These days you cant even type snowball + xhamster into google without utter filth. And as for advocaat – looks like some clap infested man fat. Drink up cuntaaaaaaaaaaahs

  2. Good cunting.

    I think 1970 was my last sighting. I assumed it had gone the same way some nostalgic greats have gone, Duoble Diamond, Watney Party 7 and Mackeson. Please dont tell me they are still available.

    • I’ve got some Mackeson in the fridge right now. And I used to like Double Diamond too. But Advocaat? I wouldn’t have that Dutch cat sick anywhere near my mouth. And I’ve licked a few grimy minges in my time.

  3. It tastes far far worse than it looks too. I had a sip of it out of curiosity a few years ago, sort of like I think pus would taste, if I do ever think that! Absolute mystery that anyone would want it except they mix it with Christ knows what to make exotic cocktails.
    It used to be on the shelf with all the other Bols Puke ,lots of coloured bottles of liqueurs whose main purpose was to give your vomit a bright colouring after silly top shelf games.
    There was another one, purple colour called Parfait Amour, which smelt like perfume and tasted fucking awful. Supposed to drop a pair of knickers within ten minutes of consumption. I couldn’t possibly comment but we did give some to Jerome someone or other who finished up in a gay pub on his stag night and had a busy night by all accounts . For months after, his arse whistled when the wind blew.
    Not sure I’d cunt Advocaat but you have to be one to like it.

  4. And let’s not forget that adding a drop of R. Whites Lemonade and voila – the snowball is born.

    Actually, are you allowed to buy R. Whites lemonade these days? Probably not “ees rass-eest no!?!”

    Maybe it’s been rebranded as “Riz Rainbow’s Lemonade” made with 100% genuine halal lemons??

      • EC’s father composed and sang the “I’m a secret lemonade drinker” in the tv advert.

        Thought Elvis Costello was ok, much better and far more talented than that other Elvis twat.

      • “Bimbo! Bimbo! What-yah gonna do-ee oh?”

        OY dunno. Depends orn wot ‘arvee’s do-win!

        ‘Arvey! ‘ARVEY!!!

        “Wot?”

        What are you gonna say to the noice man ‘Arvey before oy give him bowf ‘oles an-ah gobble?

        “Hello you CANT!”

        Oh wots ee loike, ayyyyy! A real card in-ee!

  5. I LOVE this stuff. Never have it in a glass otherwise you don’t fucking GET any, I drink it from a shallow ramekin. Why cunt this this and leave things like Heinekin alone?

  6. Fuck advocat. I’m already half-cut on a mixture f Bushmills and cans of Guinness. . What do you think of that,yer Cunters

  7. I love advoccat. Every year I will buy at least two bottles. This year, Tesco had advoccat 750mls at £10 per bottle, so I bought 3. I love the smell, I love the taste, and above all I love getting smashed on advocaat. I can’t think of any better drink ( excepting Fentaman’s Dandelion & Burdock.)

    Advocaat is a potent alcoholic drink that renders you palatik very quickly. It is also a drink that makes you both horny and insatiable. Wor lass wears a worried expression as I return each year with my supply!

  8. off topic but well done Jo Johnson for telling Universitys that they must allow free speech in their student debates and stop treating students as though they are all delicate little flowers who will fall apart if their have to listen views which they dont like, the poor fuckin little things..

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-42481329

    • Agree, great and timely words….but will he follow through? Does he have the stomach for an inquisition?

    • Amen to that!

      Bet the cunts are melting at the thought of having to listen to common sense and not be able to “unfriend” it!

      Hah! The soft cunts! 😃

    • Absolutely second that.

      Not before time, I also believe that the body that’s being set up to regulate it will have the power to deselect universities who persistently allow this ‘no platforming’ nonsense to take place.

      Last week an Oxford Academic called Prof Nigel Biggar wrote a piece where the basic Tennant was a more balanced debate on colonialism was required and that the Empire had many positive outcomes that were being overlooked.

      Some utter über cunt called Dr James McDougall of Trinity College subsequently organised an open letter signed by I believe 60 like minded cunts attaking the prof for his naieve position and essentially set the Twatter mob on him.

      This McDougall cunt has got previous. He’s a member of the Labour Party that’s organised an ‘academic boycott of Israel’ what a bastard cunt.

      One of my favourite films as a teenager was Weird Science where the 2 geeks create the perfect women by cutting out their favourite body parts of various women, feed them into the computer as a whole body and out pops Kelly LeBrock.

      I’m starting to think this McDougall cunt maybe the outcome from a similar snowflake led experiment.

  9. Never ever bought the jollop but have been coming acrorss an unopened half bottle orf Bols at the back orf me drinks vault for years. Have always assumed it is some Dutch revenge, a mixture orf vomit and spunk. In me recollection back in the 60s and 70s was only drunk as a mixer, a mucilage used to line the stomach so one could keep doine a triple vodka or three. Marketed as a health food once due to it being made from eggs (plus brandy). Really an alcoholic custard. Not to forget its use in eggnog. Only the Dutch cunts could have come up with it. Found a Chicken Brick and a Fondue Set from the same period up in the loft a few years back.

    Has made a cumback among the young and trendy this year alongside gin. Lidl punt it oit for some unknown. A Vomit Angel is now bang on trend me dears:

    http://imgur.com/xuYhzRn.gif

  10. Isn’t it used to treat dogs for fleas? 😂
    Never entertained the stuff, it’s just seems like something that should be left back in the 70.s…

  11. Yellow puke in a bottle. Along with Harvey’s Bristol Cream it can fuck off.

    I got a box of bottled real ales and French/Belgian lagers (7% minimum) for Christmas, more than do the job.

    But I do like a Baileys at Christmas, go figure.

    • I’m a real cultural philistine. My daughter got me a bottle of brandy cost £75 for Fathers Day. I much prefer my Co-op own label.

      Ditto white wine. Sainsburys dry is for me.

      Not that I have an alcohol problem or anything like that.

  12. Never ever drunk the yellow filth, but I remember the advert, “Evninks und morninks I drink Warninks”.

  13. Can’t beat a nice fuckin snowball. Goes down lovely in about 10 seconds then on to the San Mig.

  14. Contains not just eggs – but raw egg yokes.

    Used to mix it with Pernod and lemonade! A real sick making concoction.

  15. Never had the shite and never likely to as I’ve given it up altogether after getting married (yes, I know getting married should drive you to drink, not the other way round?).

    I had a quiet stag do, or so I thought? 5 pints of Strongbow, which I would have been happy with, but no that wasn’t enough. The brother-in-law decided to buy a round of BMW’s (and I don’t mean cars!). Bailey’s, Malibu & Whisky in the same glass. The final lid on the coffin of me drinking alcohol was topped off by a single malt whisky! I’d Never puked so much in my life, to the extent of what felt like leaving my stomach lining on the driveway when I got home.

    I now spend the little relaxation time I have taking recreational narcotics/happy pills to soften the onset of old age, senility and death!

  16. Been a bit quiet these past couple of weeks due to recovering from a double surgery – like one fucking surgery wasn’t enough.

    Thought I’d chime in on the old Advocaat debate. I used to love this stuff as a kid. At Christmas time from age 9 or 10, us kids were allowed to choose a ‘special’ drink for Christmas. I always went for Woodpecker Cider – fuck off – I was 9!! Then one year, mother of the house was downing a snowball made with Cream Soda and a dash of lime cordial (we didn’t rough it like cunts who just made it with cheap lemonade). I had the balls to ask if I could have one and to my amazement, dad said I could. I downed it pretty quick and lost all feeling in my legs for several hours afterwards. Fucking amazing! Takes about 6 frozen strawberry margaritas to have the same effect now. Those were the days my friend, we thought they’d never end…..(fuck off – I’m still on pain meds).

    • Ouch, surgery, rather you than me, get well soon old boy.

      Fond memories of advocaat at Crimbo in the 70’s as a kid was allowed to have it also babycham and the odd woodpecker cider, the old folks thought it was all weak stuff. More fool them. Good old days, Henry Copper advertising Brut 33 on the telly, The Guns of Navorane, Where Eagles Dare….. Broadsword calling Danny boy, Broadsword calling Danny boy , ahh the memories.

      • Clint Eastwood and Richard Burton seeing off the entire Vermacht with two sten guns.
        And Ingrid Pitt’s knockers… unbeatable.

      • MP40’s and PPK’s but I get your point, lucky for them the gerries were as bad a shot as star Wars stormtroopers.

      • My mistake Dick. The Sten is in the hands of the traitor at the finale. Big goof in the film, they don’t have a separate firing pin.
        I’m probably too pissed to spell “Schmeisser”

      • Where Eagles Dare. First film my father ever took me to see. 1969, I was 10. Fucking excellent.

      • Battle of Britain in ’68 for me. Picked up the special edition dvd recently and it’s still great…

      • Cheers Dick. Appreciate the kind words.

        Ever seen Hannibal Brooks? That was on one Christmas when I was a kid. I cried my eyes out several times during that – some painfully sad moments. Had to hide the tears or my sisters would have taken the piss. Bitches!

        Battle of Britain – another good’un. I’ve always loved Reach For the Sky starring Kenneth More. His portrayal of Douglas Bader is epic. What a great, great man.

        Are they still allowed to show ‘feel good’ British movies around Christmas these days, depicting Brits kicking butt and taking names? Or would that upset and offend the ‘peaceful’ community too much?

      • I doubt half the stuff I saw as a kid in the late 70’s and early 80’s would be allowed on tv now the PC brigade have taken over.

        Hannibal Brooks you say? That’s the one where Ollie Reed dicks around the Alps with an elephant. Vaguely remember it, I’ll look it up.

      • That’s the one, Dick. It’s a wonderful, wonderful movie. First rate acting, gorgeous scenery, some massive highs and some desperate lows, brilliant story and Reed delivers some great one liners in the direction of the Krauts. Do check it out and enjoy a great movie from the era when movies were really something.

        Happy New Year – all the best for 2018!

  17. Advocaat reminds me of my childhood of regular chronic sinus infections. Gallons of bright yellow snot accompanied by the ill concealed revulsion of family members and friends.
    A few Hobgoblins topped off with a quadruple neat JD have made a much happier xmas and I’m floating nicely now.

    Season’s Greetings cunters, may the yuletide log slip from St Lineker’s fireplace and burn his mansion down…

  18. Personallly never had the stuff what is it, like a gross eggnog concoction with cheap liquor or something?

    If thats the case just buy some rum or brandy, buy the eggnog or make your own batch of noggy yourself its top notch stuff Those cheap overly sweet liqueurs is dog piss and will rott your teeth Don’t go half arse on cunttails punters, get and make the proper recipe this Advocaat shite will just give you a sore stomach bad hangover and a day of regret

  19. I’m trying to think of who Romelu Lukaku reminds me of…
    Is it Alan Brazil,Ted MacDougall, Garry Birtles or Charlie Chaplin?….

    What a waste of money and what a useless fucking cunt…

    • He was never worth what Man Utd paid for him. He needs to watch Zlatan very carefully in training to learn how it’s done. Trouble is, at his age and where he’s ended up, he should already know – but he clearly doesn’t.

      My man Kane on the other hand……watch and weep, Norm. 🙂

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