The News

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News that has gone up its own arse

Bugger me butler, at a time in our history when there is more news aboit than ever and more ways to report it – 24hr rolling news all with updating news tickers at the bottom plus internet ect ect – there is actually less reported news than ever. Bath went oit the window with the baby with the coming orf satellite and digital TV and all these bastard channels. All cunts.

All showing the same stuff at the same time taking the same interminable live feeds. Get fed up waiting for some camel shagging cunt to get taken oit in Paris, turn to another channel and it is the same scene, still nothing happening. Same cunt showing worldwide. And now it’s time to see what the papers say – all say the same thing so sod that and change channel, exactly the same cunt on the other side and the other side and the other side. Same with the sports segment and the arts segment and bugger me, the actual news. Paedos, latest MPs sleeze, groping at the BBC, doom orf Blighty following Brexit. Johnson and Patel (what a double act) having “secret” meetings ect ect all orn at the same time and in the same order. Over to Russia Today and the commie cunts are at it too. Bugger me-ski.

Do believe that if Yours Truly got me old arse stuck in the Kharzi that would make the interminable news 24/7 as well. There was a time, in the days orf three channels (and no cracks cunts because me first tv had just the one channel and God that spinning disk was a cunt), when news had integrity and your intrepid reporter actually came up with something original and exclusive. The Current Affairs programmes such as Panorama (now a pale imitation) and This Week and Man Alive and World in Action had some balls.
Fake News is not the danger orf the day, that’s Old News.

Nominated by Sir Limply Stoke

P.S.Me first telly if you cunts want to take the piss. Obviously not digital but wish I still had it. Worth a fortune.

38 thoughts on “The News”

  1. The Baird Televisor is a bit before my time M’Lord, but I started as a teenager servicing sets with wooden cabinets, metal chassis and line output valves with 25KV dancing around their top cap connectors. A jolt off one of those can clear hangovers instantly. Supposedly keeps one rheumatism free for life too.
    Hope so as it fucking hurts and the smell of cooking human flesh is disconcerting, especially when it’s your own…

    • memories…remember gas thyratron line outputs? And copper oxide diodes? All-valve colour jobs with a wall full of trim pots which never got the colour and focus right at the same time? Young people today don’t know what they’re missing. But arthritis hasn’t kicked in yet, so maybe there IS something in taking an EHT burn or two.

  2. Wow Sir Limply that TV is a thing of beauty. Getting into Antiques or old things with a bit more about them than the soulless shit you get these days. what a nlot of people dont actually know is the picture quality on a lot of expensive older telvisions is better than all this HD 17k bollocks.

    • 1970s Japanese sets, notably Hitachi, had the best definition. Pin sharp and they lasted for years too. Most flat screen sets are scrap before they are 4 years old.
      Progress?

      • Most electronic items these days are purposely made to last only a few years in order that the company can make more profit by selling you a regular supply.

      • I used to throw my tellys out of hotel windows, so they never lasted very long anyway…

      • Back in the day as a budding guitarist I thought I’d soon be hitting the big time, throwing TV’S out of windows, and trashing hotel rooms.
        How wrong I was, ended up cleaning the rooms and rearranging the furniture after joining a band called OC/DC…

  3. Totally agree – and for fucks sake if you have to have a news reader surely tae fuck they can be drop dead gorgeous not some absolute fuckin wildebeest!!!!
    NEWS – report it then get yur tits oot !
    Or am i being bad ? ( as if i give a fuck )

    • Some of the female newsreaders on Russki RT (channel 234) are well worth a look. Great marketing, horny birds reading Putins propaganda. Better with the sound off I find. Sad I know.

      Shame the idea of featuring young female topless newsreaders never really caught on.

      • I’ve always had a thing for Fiona Bruce . . Posh looking and sounding but i bet in the bedroom she’s dirtier than a dogs arse

      • Used to like her and then she got all cunty and right up herself around the time of the who do you think you are & antiques roadshow.

        I think that Penny Smith?, GMTV? would be a right good laugh though in comparison.

      • The we Indian bird on BBC news is I suspect a hardend man hating dyke , her hair looks like one of those plastic Beatles wigs you could get when I was a kid.

      • Never wanted to fuck that sexless Breakfast slag Nagga, but would’ve been more than happy to shell out a Ton+ for a crack at Konnie Huq 10 years ago!

    • Bit of a tragedy having the likes of Cat Cubie doing adverts for Itson when she was just a stones throw away from the newsreaders desk doing the weather.

      The one that got away.

  4. Is that Lady Limply Stoke showing out in that pic on the old telly? Phwoah – quite a looker in her time!

  5. Not quite as vintage as Sir Limply’s telly, but my dad got a 21′ colour Decca set for the 1970 World Cup (only ITV covered it in colour, the BBC were cunts even then)….That particular telly lasted until 1989… Not like the crap these electrical shops and online cunts flog nowadays…. An old telly was like a piece of furniture… Not like a flat piece of plastic shite like they are now….

    • The Decca 30 series sets were brilliant. I was still flogging them secondhand in the mid 80s.

      • Think my ma got one if them from Clydesdale once the Cotron finally kicked it. Always remember for all it was on a table with castors, the weight of it made divots in the Axminster carpet and was a right cunt to get moving about for hoovering.

        Flashback to her hoover, cunt had a headlight on it. Proper pimped!

  6. ‘HAPPY THANKSGIVING, your Country is starting to do really well. Jobs coming back, highest Stock Market EVER, Military getting really strong, we will build the WALL, V.A. taking care of our Vets, great Supreme Court Justice, RECORD CUT IN REGS, lowest unemployment in 17 years….!’

    This was yesterday’s tweet from the undisputed king of the libmong snowflake piss boilers… Viva Big Don!

    • The little turd (and his mate) should have been executed after they abused, tortured, and murdered that poor little lad… 10 year olds or not, those two sick little cunts knew what they were doing to that boy and they enjoyed it… They should have hung the pair of them… It has cost the taxpayer millions to maintain and ‘protect’ this piece of scum, and his demise cannot come soon enough….

      • I was working away from home in Warrington when little James Bulger was murdered by them two scumbag cunts. I remember going into the pub and the mood was between disbelief and anger on a scale I could only grasp once I had children of my own.
        How our legal system have let them two out of prison ever let alone after such a relatively short time is beyond me. Thinking about what happened to James still upsets me to this day so no idea what his parents must feel. Very much like the late mother of Keith Bennett a whole life of pain.

    • Electric chair was made for cunts like this.

      That cunt Huntley that murdered young Holly & Jessica Chapman should be in the queue as well as there is no lesson these cunts can learn being just evil cunts from birth. I would simmer the cunt in various voltage increments while the accomplice bitch looked on, with her eyes propped open like the cunt in Clockwatch Orange.

      Think how much money we spend looking after these oxygen thieves whilst their detained.

      Rose West, another cunt.

      Biggest cunt though is that Beggs who dismembered the young man and disposed of his limbs in Loch Lomond & head in the Irish sea. This piece of scum has milked thousands in compensation through the ECHR and makes cash by charging fellow lags for legal advice in getting similar compensation payments.

      Why are these cunts even entitled to food and water?

  9. Sorry, can’t agree about modern TVs. I’m second in queue outside Asda. Come 4am I will be the proud owner of a 60 inch Alba, with state of the art electronics. That’ll teach all you cunts with an Oled.

  10. Wandered off topic a bit with me TV trade reminiscing.
    Can any news be believed? They all have some agenda to push and can twist or suppress any event to fit. I haven’t believed any news broadcast or newspaper for a long, long while…

    • That’s what that cunt Morrissey was singing about last month on cunt Norton show.

      News reporting is biased beyond belief and its amazing the stuff going on around the world that goes unreported or the big ongoing things that vanish just because Teresa May needed a fucking Strepsil or other items the media pick & choose to ridicule.

      Remember the way Corbin was reported on too, prior to the election. After the election they didn’t treat him like the cunt with no chance.

      We didn’t hear much of the uprising of the Icelandic people who turned up at their Parliament following the financial crash and ousted the cunts out, with some of them also ending up in jail.

      Wouldn’t want to give us ideas or promote similar here would they?

      • Can’t really blame News for switch in attitude to Corbyn. Comrade Catweasel only treated as less of a joke following election because campaign revealed Maybot to be such a useless cunt. Corbyn just as hopeless as before, just that a vacuum now masquerades as government. Even Peppa Pig would have been taken more seriously if she’d happened to be leader of the opposition at this point in time!

        Peppa Pig? Emily Thornberry? No, that’s grossly unfair to Peppa…

      • I’m not one of his fans either but the media circus were convinced the clown was on a hiding to nothing. They spent more time on him from what I saw of it.

        I wonder how many of his votes were down to students on the promise of free tuition fees?

        The same ones Clegg the EU smeg fucked off with false promises 🙂

      • I too was convinced (hoped) the clown was on a hiding to nothing, until the Tory campaign revealed what an unmitigated disaster Theresa May was! (and still is)

        Corbyn only benefitted by comparison. And his tuition fees lie – both my niece and my next door neighbour’s daughter voted Labour naively believing their student debt would be wiped out…

  11. BBC Cunt, Laura Kuenssberg was ‘reporting’ on the budget last night. She tailed off her ‘report’ by stating the budget would cause misery for many families for a long, long time to come.
    Now, report the budget, yes …. but don’t pass your fucking opinion on what outcome you can only presume / assume …. ’cause that’s only your opinion. No mention of certain factors that will benefit others.
    Robert Peston was reporting on James Dyson’s comments the other day saying we should get to fuck out of the EU and give them nothing … again, the Cunt tailed off by saying ..’Of course Dyson has no manufacturing in the UK’ … as mentioned before, the only reason Dyson moved his manufacturing to Korea (?) was that he could never cut a deal with the EU as they favoured a German vacuum cleaner company instead of being neutral towards both.
    News reporters are biased Cunts ….

  13. My earliest telly memory was one my parents had, it was a big fucker compared to every other tv I saw in anybody’s house. It was a Cotron (spelling?).

    Never forget the day one of the engineers got a jolt off it. He was cunted for ages, either that or he was milking it. Cunt got a cup and a sandwich out of it, but he was shitting it to go back and finish it off.

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