Convenience shops need a good cunting.
The perma whiff of balti guff which intensifies as one nears point of sale, the beady looks from the suspicious staff, the overpriced goods which are a little too near the best before… most of which are covered in Arabic because they were vanned in by a cousin from Lahore.
Impossible to find a tin of beans or a fairy liquid amongst all the tins of Pataks, Turkish delight, Bombay mix and Backlava
Nominated by Junior Emergency Cunting Operative
There was a brilliant little shop near us for forty years… You name it, Rod would have it (or he would get it for you, if he liked you, that is)…. Goblin steak puddings, Maykway curry mix, all the Barrs and Ben Shaws pop still in the glass bottles (none of that overpriced Tango and Coca Cola crap)… Stuff that was still wanted and available, but not stocked by supermarkets… Rod retired in 2013 (after being in the shop since 1966) and it became a Parkie Stanlee establishment… Gone were the items that made Rod’s place popular and unique, gone was the rapport with the customers (Rod was a top bloke), gone were the reasonable prices, and gone was the Britishness, it was the last classic old English shop standing… Now it’s overfilled with mainly crap and stuff nobody wants, the staff are miserable and the prices are out there… There’s now more chance of finding Bigfoot than a Goblin tinned steak pudding in there now… Absolutely tragic…
21
Hey fellow Cunters read this !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.kentnews.co.uk/news/simon-langton-grammar-school-accused-of-legitimising-fascism-in-seminars-debating-adolf-hitler-s-mein-kampf-1-5288891
perhaps the end is not in sight after all
3
Could be worse, imagine what its like when your local gets its licence renewal refused by the council and conveniently turns into a mosque the following month?
4
Funny old world. I needed a carton of Elmlea double to go with my Mr Kipling treacle tart, so for the first time in 5 long years I decided to try the Paki shop rather than trudge a further mile to Sainsbury’s.
And fuck me, Allah be praised, the cunts came up fucking trumps! Talk about convenience, I was even back home in time for ‘Four in a Bed’ – not everyday you can say that!
13
Shitcake
Understand that you have a much, much closer convenience outlet than the Paki shop.
Do not stock such a wide selection however very nice owners and extremely reasonable I am led to believe.
Perhaps you should give them a try once in a while.
4
Jumping butterballs Stroker! Is that you outside in that dilapidated mobile food bank?
5
Thankfully my local store is a co-op, where by using their membership card and an illicitly obtained NUS card I get 15% discount.
Our local sand dweller store does its own fresh meat, jesus christ, I wouldn’t go anywhere near it, who the fuck would risk It? Ultra dodgy sell by dates.
6
My convenience store used to be owned by Chinese and was pretty good but as with all things, a Moroccan took over and, well, what Norman said.
It’s not my local shop anymore as I’ve moved, but don’t worry folks, even though I’ve moved, i plan to carry on my feud with that peaceful cunt downstairs.
I will be keeping my key to the block and the psychological warfare starts now.
9
Asian corner shops survive by selling counterfeit ‘baccy and alcohol to benefit claimants too idle to waddle any further than the end of their council-owned street. They are also a rat’s nest of illegal employment and tax-credit fraud.
14
Rats nest…… 😂
9
When HMRC come knocking, they clamp up or gibber their foreign muck.
They often get away with it as well, easier to chase legit Mr White.
5
All PS Businesses are “cash industries” Taxi’s, Corner Shops, Stall holders etc. etc. etc.
HMRC see fuck all of the tax, as cash is moved via the bag man to the secret bank.
A memo circulated in 1996 indicated that the PS brigade made little or no contribution to the Nation.
This is why, within minutes of arriving, they use their wives dowry money to buy into a “cash business”.
Not only do they fiddle tax. The number of fuckers claiming benefits is truly shocking.
I never use PS shops, my hard earned money is used to support the white indigenous British shopkeeper ( they still exist ( just )
So, all you PS fuckers out there….Fuck Off !
9
It gets worse, a mate had his house up for sale and some peaceful religion worshipers who viewed it, took them four fucking hours to check all the lights & plug sockets, the lot.
After they left a nice young couple viewed it as a first home though they were stretched to the amount it was offers over.
My mate and his wife decided to call the agent the next day to advise they would accept their offer for the amount advertised.
2230 that night as they were about to go to bed, there was a chap at the door, it was the peaceful religion worshipers with the full asking price, pound notes in supermarket carrier bags.
Could my mate get shot of the cunts?, told them to get their lawyer to put an offer in on their behalf etc. They were not into this one bit and even tried leaving the money on the step to get my mate to pick it up and accept it. Only when he put out the lights and went to bed and put out the bedroom light did they come out the car and take the cash from the step.
The nice young couple put in the offer, which was promptly accepted. Paid via their lawyers and lender, saving my mate the joy of counting cash gathered from underneath god knows how many pissed stained mattresses.
I mean peaceful banks.
3
Only place you find bright orange price stickers.
5
Our local had a change of ownership and Gunga Din has taken over. So far he has had the nous to realise that there are no Muslims near us and kept the place free of flyblown half dead roadkill.
I have never trusted the hygienic arrangements of anyone from the near or far east so the very thought of Ishmael with his hands covered in his own faecal matter serving up another bucket of wog stew has always turned my guts up. .
16
Hygienic standards Japan far higher than in the UK in my experience. Much food is raw so must be incredibly fresh. Raw chicken is a speciality. Quite the opposite as you might expect in somewhere like India.
Used to have several halal meat stores within a mile or so when in London. Remember the fucking stench emanating from these places used to make my stomach turn.
5
The best fish for sushi is old fish. About a week old.
1
Week old fish? what the fuck, Are you havin a giggle m8?! I only make it if I have the rawest fresh salmon possible or I do a yam and avacado one quite tasty actually…
4
I was wrong, its fifteen days.
Just looked it up even though i knew i wasn’t totally wrong and don’t make shite up just to post summit. 🙂
3
@Birdman….Is there any way that we can persuade Jamie Oliver to sample one of your culinary delights? I’ll hold the Cunt down and you can ram 15 day fish heads down his neck. That should teach the Cunt to enjoy turkey-twizzlers in future
7
Sadly, Quorn don’t do fake fish.
We’ll use one of your chainsaws instead.
4
Bet you’ve never came across a smelly pussy? 😀
4
Birdman
Have it on very good authority (from the Mrs) that for specific types of fish only you are absolutely correct, and that these two week old fish for sushi is the norm in Japan. There is a specific process used to preserve the fish (usually tuna and oysters in particular) which involves vinegar, salt and seaweed.
2
A lot of the corner shops in Bradford are just covers for drug dealing, stolen goods and every other shifty activity you can think of.
How do you think they are all running around in brand new German barges at 11am when most good honest folk are at their desks.
The amount of black market goods available in Bradford is staggering. On a trip to my local DIY store this weekend some shifty looking coon was taking big TV sets out of one knackerd looking van and puting them in another. Some poor cunt has come home to watch Pointless and his fucking TV is being sold at the local retail park.
I never go into corner shops. They used to be great when female company was thin on the ground in my teenage years becuase you could get away (just) with buying a copy of Fiesta or Razzle without too much eye contact or interaction.
Readers Wives…..happy days.
11
Oh yeah. Readers Wives! I never got why we studied Shakespeare, which is a load of old bollocks, but ignored Readers Wives.
7
Mary Millington in Whitehouse magazine.. run by porn king David Sullivan. Apparently he had a sign above his desk that read BLOW JOB OR NO JOB. I don’t think even old Harvey Wankstain was as blatant about his pursuit of pussy as Sullivan was.
7
You’d have to have been nine or under to find David Sullivan’s tame overpriced shit remotely horn inducing.
7
One of my mates used to work in one of Sullivan’s strip clubs. Once asked him what the money was like. “£30 quid a week”. Said to him that’s not much. “All I can afford” was his reply.
10
Many many years ago when living in London our local Paki shop used to rent out under the counter dodgy hardcore videos at a £1 a go. As a very young man and before the invention of the interweb bloody fantastic.
He used to insist they were put in a Happy Shopper paper bag which I always found amusing.
Immediately next door was the curry house so always a two shop stop.
Happy days.
8
Aha – Happy Shopper…a monumental oxymoron if there ever was one! Rubbish brand, everything double the price, half the quantity & cheep quality. Only got fooled once – toilet paper or cat litter, I think!
Got all my videos off a friend with connections to Soho mafia…
Breaking news: Rodney Bewes snuffed it – anyone have him?
6
Sorry – well done Mr Bastard!
2
I hope you washed your hands after putting the tape in and before you handled your food.
Maybe you spent a load of time spray painting your lavvy pan?
1
I used to work in a newsagent when I was 14, behind the counter on a Sunday.
As well as my pittance of a wage the owner used to give me a few wank mags at the end of the month.
I loved that job.
8
Escort & its readers wives was always a good read while having a quick sHandy.
3
The other thing about our local sand dweller is that he is so rude. He scans the stuff and just barks out the price, and he throws the change on to the counter. No please no thank you no hello. He’s a sort of local legend.
6
They are ignorant cunts really as well as pure honking.
3
We have fresh Pesh from Bangladesh for our local out of date supplier, you walk in there and the curry powder smell makes your fucking eyes water, but he still stocks stuff you havnt seen since the 80,s its like a fucking museum, last year he was selling self lighting fireworks that go off whilst still in the box,or bacon that is green underneath or aftershave that melts your face or stuff that obviously is for sale abroad, I reckon he,s an isis hit man whos targets are the tight fisted cunts who cant resist cheap shit,or having to squeeze past the gang of scrotes to even get into the shit hole in the first place,i would rather endure the uncontrolled screaming little bastards in asda
11
Follow this link for another perspective on convenience stores
https://youtu.be/oBmML_pVqxg
4
The big square tub of biscuits, Famileeeee Circle must have cost about £20 in there.
0
‘Extra strength lager to drink on the streets’
‘Porno mags to give you an erection and spotted dick in the frozen section’
Fucking classic lines.
Nice find BVM… unless you actually star in it, I think we must be told.
1
Not forgetting the sale of nitrous oxide to the under 16s.
2
bloody hell a ‘ likely lad’ has died.. fuck. where did the time go?
4
Times up kidder.
2
“Ay oop, GranHammed, g-g-get us my m-m-machete from the t-top shelf. I need to p-pop down tuh the local park.”
“Are you going to some some pruning, Mr.Arkmed?”
“Aye, of infidels. Ah-Ah-Alluh Achba-gum!”
6
Id like to cunt Maajid Nawaz coz I reckon he’s fake. Pretending to be the nice peaceful guy will not wash with me.
We all know what’s in their book of stories, the book they’ve made into their god. Bits of paper telling them to take over the planet at any cost.
How the hell can you trust anyone stupid enough to swallow all that religion, mind virus madness?
When the military etc interrogate their captives they use an age old, tried tried and tested tactic where they have an intimidating, nasty bunch of cunts forcefully pushing the captive to his absolute last ditch limit (jihadys).
Then you have the nice friendly guy who pretends to care and want to help (Maajid Nawaz). This man is the assassin, the trickster, the deceiver, the one that is the real cunt. His job is to deceitfully befriended the captive, gain his trust and very slowly, incrementally breaks down gently the resistance and subtly smooth out the way for the final breaking and surrender.
5
Interesting theory, BVM, but my crap detector tells me he’s genuine. And it’s very rarely wrong…
1
Yes Mr Shitcake and thats how I felt for some time but if that’s the case why is he still (unlike many thinking individuals) a peaceful cunt? And why did I hear him suggest that the lady on LBC who expressed here reasonable tiredness towards Islam was a bigot? Listen to him carefully mate and see coz I’m rarely wrong too.
2
When the shit hits the fan you can guarantee which side he’ll be on.
2
Your legitimate concerns are not something I haven’t already thought about. Still not convinced however.
Maybe I’m really just a cunt in IAC clothing…
2
I’m rarely wrong either and the cunt is on my radar, intact I wouldn’t be surprised if he orchestrates the cunts in coded messages that only a peaceful worship house frequenter could decipher.
Maajid Noways…no ways is he to be trusted.
2
He’ll cling to his mind virus right to the bitter end, just like the rest of the programmed masses. Just like the terminator.
2
What’s that like? Glowing red dot on cunts head that never goes out?
0
Fucking state of this government… May would sell her arse for a fiver….. Cunt…
2
That would be a hundred takers at 5p per “shot” ??
That’ll take a bloody long time
1
Be thankful you didn’t buy a pint of milk for your cornflakes as it would have been like pouring cottage cheese over them.
This is exactly what’s wrong, these cunts think they can come here, open shops and abuse our culture, customs, consumer laws and worst of all our hygiene standards.
Does Sharia law allow them do do all this shit? I bet they don’t pull that shit back in the motherland or they’d lose a couple of fucking digits.
3
cant do it
my local paki shop is brilliant
and the geezer behind the jump is far from being a cunt
5
I’ve got three supermarkets closer than the nearest corner shop, one of which is 24 hrs.
My local corner shop was a wop cunt who owned the full terrace but i think he’s ran off back to Italy to spend his hard earned on genuine free range dolmio and bertolli spread.
Don’t get me wrong, supermarkets are cunts in their own way, a big way in fact but at least I know in the event of an ethnic uprising that Tracey from the fag counter in Asda isn’t going to try and cut my throat as I make my way home from the boozer and Trevor from the deli isn’t going to rape or traffic my daughter when she’s on her way home from school.
1