48 thoughts on “Premature death announcements”

  1. This is what you get when you believe the shit that comes out of the BBC. Whoever organises the deadpool gets my thanks for the hard work but don’t expect any sympathy from me for this cock-up. They mugged you off you cunt!

  2. Just imagine the horror if they’d announced Blair’s death and then had to make a retraction…Nobody would have heard the retraction above the cheering,fireworks,laughter and cries of “Rot in hell, Cunt.”

    • If they do it to Gordon Brown everyone would be making Gordon`s alive jokes.

    • Oh fuck, that would be a disappointment beyond imagination. I don’t want to even think about that.

  3. Like vultures the media surrounds the dying, they prepare obituaries so they can get them up within minutes of some cunt dying. Mass media is a cancer on us all, the BBC worse than most as it hides behind a carefully crafted image that hides a multitude of sins.

    Biggest Bunch of Cunts

  5. That’s the problem with old people!! They sleep a lot , you need to give them a good shove!!

    • When my Grandad was in his 90`s many of the staff in the nursing home mistook him for dead when they couldn`t wake him.Ironically when he did eventually snuff it he was wide awake.

      • He also survived a cardiac arrest about 100 infections and being dropped out his hoist from about 6 feet.A number of times we went to his “deathbed” waiting for him to go for him to chirp up and start moaning after a few hours complaining he was hungry and thirsty.

  6. Fuck me, really?

    “The third time was indeed the charm for a Canadian couple who won C$8.2m (£4.9m, $6.1m) in the lottery.
    Barbara and Douglas Fink had won the lottery twice before, once in 1989 and once in 2010.
    But February’s Western Canada Lottery jackpot was by far the largest, according to a press release from the provincial lottery.
    The couple from Edmonton, Alberta say they will use the money to provide for their children.”

    Lucky cunts

    • The only fuckers who seem to win the lottery here are Pakis,criminals and boring old cunts who say they’ll be back in to work tomorrow and provide for their family…. Fuck that,if I won,which is a bit unlikely because I don’t do it,I’d burn all my work gear,buy an ostentatious house, car and harem of women and use the rest to cause mischief.

      • Like the jewish cunter ” please god , let me win the lottery !..” meet me half way Hymie , buy a cunting ticket !…

  7. The dusting advantage of being dead must be not having to pay ones tv licence… That and the youth of todays shaggin on ones grave.

  8. Brian Matthews was a cunt but Tony Blackburn was a bigger cunt…. I remember steve marriot apparently once handed Blackburn a cabbage cause he thought he was a phony dumb bellend Steve was then banned Hahaha lol

    • I read a Small Faces biography… Small Faces heard Tony Blackburn slagging them off, yet when he met Marriott the two faced cunt was then calling the band’ Really wild!’ and ‘A real gas!’ Steve had a cabbage under his arm: to signify that Blackburn was one, and Blackburn cottoned on to Steve’s joke… Apparently Blackburn was in tears: his make up running down his face, and shouting at Marriott, ‘I’ll make sure you never work at the BBC again, you little cunt!’ A proper ‘Dave Nice’ tantrum from Tony…

      The Who were also banned from the BBC after performing ‘5:15’ on Top Of The Pops… Keith Moon threw a drink at Blackburn and another Tony tantrum ensued…

      • Even as a small boy I always suspected that Tony Blackburn was a “sennnn-sational” cunt.
        Rather gratifying to hear it confirmed…

      • @Mr Bastard He wasn’t the worst DJ ever he had his funny moments but talk about a ego stroker of a cunt he also didn’t take other music styles seriously like progressive rock, punk, even hard rock, folk or metal. He only really played pop,RnB, soul mostly he was a dry cunt musically speaking. I respect Peel, Edmonds, and Bob Harris alot more in regards to DJ’ing

        @ Norm I just read some of the same book actually pretty decent bio the breakup of the band and the formation of Humble Pie makes alot more sense now. Its odd that Brian Jones was suppose to audition for humble pie but of course he died weeks later the keith moon bits were funny too him and marriot throwing stuff out the window

      • Think I might have seen that documentary thanks just the same tho Norm I’ll still scroll through to double check

      • It was once said of Blackburn, that his shows were.” A babble of verbal shite, rudely interrupted by the occasional record ”
        I think he loved himself!

  9. True story.

    A mate of mine died.
    I got a phone call in the middle of the night to tell me that he was murdered by a gang stabbing him to death.

    Turns out he survived the stabbing, but for a day or so, a lot of us thought he was dead.

    Two months later, I got another phone call in the middle of the night by the same pal telling me that our pal had died again, and it was for real this time.

    True enough, the cunt overdosed on heroin.
    It took longer for people to believe this time.
    Even I nearly hung up the phone when I heard, thinking ‘aye right, heard it before’.

    I bet his mater wishes it was the stabbing that killed him.

    He was a pal, but he was also a dodgy junkie.

    • My Grandmother once sat down groaned fell back with her mouth open and eyes crossed.I swear she wasn’t breathing for a minute then coughed eventually.

      • Oh I wish.Advanced Alzheimers by that stage.Although she did use to drink a glass of sherry in one gulp until a couple of years before that.

  10. Time for the German police and army to seize control, arrest that fat fuck Merkel, put her on trial, and then shoot the bitch…

  11. Is a cunt indeed, but also funny as hell.

    And a motherfucker can’t blink or not answer a phone call without being declared or presumed dead.

    If that happen to me i would say let them vulture cunt motherfuckers think i’m dead , stage a funeral and reappear a month later on a live show shouting i’m back you cunts!!

  12. Just had to put the subtitles on for Gypsy Kids on Channel 5? can’t understand a word they are saying? Maybe it’s the beer.
    Is Brian Matthew from the same family of Gobble Gobble Bernard Matthew, think I need to go to sleep, I’m not with it….. Is it giro day?

    • And may I obviously state with some relish what a pleasure it is to see how you bastard cunts stole all me best noms on the basis orf Fake News. Up Yours.

    • Britain’s most notorious bike seat sniffer has vowed to continue.

      Just one of the things ye’d never expect to read in a paper.

      Handsome fellow, why doesn’t he just pull a tart.
      It can’t be that hard with a face like that.

      Brilliant, Sir Limply Stoke.

      I’m away to clean my slut of a push bike. 🙂

  14. All comments aside. Brian, his show, and bacon sarnies has made my early Saturdays at work quite enjoyable. Not having the cultish gaffers around might also have played a large part. Get well soon Mr. Matthew.

  15. I was declared dead on the regimental memorial page (face book) a lot of my old colegues said some very nice things about me, some exchanged anacdotes about my shinanigans. in fact it was all rather touching, until I pointed out that I was still alive, then it became aparant that I was still a cunt and a bit of a wanker on the sly, sometimes being dead has its benefits.

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