Royal Mail (3)

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Since we’re on the subject of shite institutions, I’m nominating the Royal Mail. Like a lot of the country, my part of England endured the kind of downpour that would have worried Noah. We currently have a new postie who, like a number of his predecessors, is a complete fuckwit of a cock womble. Even when it rains, this brain donor carries the post for the next few houses in his hand, instead of his bag like he’s supposed to.

Unlike us non-retards, there are a number of posties who seem oblivious to the fact that letters, which are generally made of paper, do not respond well to getting soaked. Yesterday, I received an A4 sized envelope which contained copies of my pension statements and details, which I’d had to send to the British Legion for a matter they’re helping me with. The envelope was so wet, it had disintegrated before the dumb shit had even brought it anywhere my house.

Consequently, a lot of personal info such as my NI number, bank details, pension details, full name, date of birth and even my Army service number became available to the postie. Now I’m not accusing him of stealing my identity or anything like that. However, it needed to be signed for and nobody was home at the time he tried to deliver it, which means it spent the night at the local sorting office, where EVERY Royal Mail employee who worked there had open access to it.

So this morning, after picking up my soggy mass of papier mache, I made a call to the main office in Manchester and got through to the lovely Charmain, who made it clear that she could not have given less of a fuck. After struggling to keep my calm, and threatening to make a personal appearance, I was put through to a manager, who turned out to be only marginally more intelligent than Charmain. Nice bloke though, I’ll give him that. He wasn’t sure what it was that I wanted apparently, and seemed surprised when I told him that I wanted the offending postie spoken to and reprimanded for not doing his fucking job properly.

He said that he’d look into it, but somehow I’m not convinced that will happen. How is possible that a supposed adult could not summon the wit to put the mail he was responsible for, into his fucking post bag, to stop it getting wet? So, Royal Mail, what a bunch of cunts.

Nominated by Quick Draw McGraw.

77 thoughts on “Royal Mail (3)”

    • Why the fuck would someone wank into a mailbox no less a postman for fuck sake what the hell? how desperate do u have to be, to want to wank off into a mailbox

      • Probably for the same reason blokes get their cocks stuck in vacuum cleaners. That’s why I won’t have one of those upright ones.

      • According to the article this postie has a wife. I wonder if she has sealed up the letterbox in their house?

      • The letterbox in my house is far too small for me. People are always asking why I’ve got a catflap when I’ve never owned a cat.

      • I’m thinking of starting my own website…doorshaggers.com. People could post pictures of their favourite letterboxes and catflaps and talk dirty about them.

      • I don’t know what the world is coming to. You can’t even shag a mailbox without the Sex Police descending on you. I ask you, if a man doesn’t have a girlfriend, what else is he supposed to do? It looks like a real slut of a mailbox, just hanging about trying to entice men. Would surprise me if it didn’t wink at them too.

      • I think it’s probably OK to shag a postbox provided you sling a couple of glasses of cheap prosecco and some Ferrero Rocher into it first,shows you are a bit romantic!

      • One of my brothers tried to shag a knothole in the side of our shed when he was about 14.He hurt himself,the daft cunt. Bloody funny though. He is 47 now and still gets reminded of it.

      • Our postman says if he has a wank on his round, he likes to get it done quickly, and finish of in a padded envelope.

        All over in a jiffy….

      • “It looks like a real slut of a mailbox, just hanging about trying to entice men.”

        Should mailboxes be forced to wear the hijab if they act too slotty? just saying lol 🙂 If you rape one it was the whore boxes fault ain’t I right? she had it coming she offended my religious sensibilities by being a slot

      • Perhaps the postie thought it was a woman of the “peaceful” religion and was getting a blowy.

      • Mind you , one of those furry letter boxes is sexier looking than thise bald fannies which pass for porn these days

  2. There’s a woman postie round our way who wears the obligatory ‘badge of honour’ shorts all year round. Big lanky streak of piss she is with size 12 safety trainers. I can only assume she’s either from Lesbos or a virgin. You have to question the sanity of a cunt that wears shorts thru the winter and pretends they’re not fucking cold! Thick cunts😡

    • Anyone who wears shorts in a British winter is a complete and utter mong of a cunt and deserves to get arthritis and flu… Are they just pig ignorant fuckers, or such lazy arses they can’t put on a pair of keks in the morning?….

      • I’ve delivered milk in snowy weather, wearing a t-shirt.
        If its not windy, and yer moving a lot, ye can end up hot as fuck.

  3. Moaning old cunt. If I were the lovely Charmain I would have told you to go and fuck yourself. I have a feeling you would have enjoyed that.

  4. I’m lucky!, my local postie jim is a diamond, letters dry, always smiling and best of all got him squared away to sign for me if I’m not in, what’s not to like? When jims on holiday!! His replacement is a sour faced cunt who does all the aforementioned stuff!, wet letters jammed into my box! (Painful stuff) worse still if I’m not in my parcels go to local sorting office which appears to be run by the local taliban!, endless queues of agitated people who are all met by one man locally referred to as stoneface!! This ideal Cunt is under the impression he is somehow doing you a favour by releasing your parcel? It’s never crossed this utter CUNTS tiny brain that he is employed to assist you, after the ID interrogation the wanker disappears for 5 mins to find the parcel , I’m sure the cheeky cunt has a cup of tea!, and it doesn’t matter if you’ve been waiting for 1/2 hour he closes the window bang on time!! Leaving you to come back another day!!!
    According to my postman jim they receive dozens of complaints about old stoneface but have never sorted the cunt out??

    • That’s what you get from “public” services whether privately owned now or not, same shitty attitude, all tolerating their crap lot with their final salary pension goggles on.

      Unfortunately these current or former publicly run organisations attract/retain the shittest-of-the-shit workers that shit money can buy.

      The old stalwarts sit there mulling over their pensions and any new blood who enters their gates usually a) fuck off within a year or so because they no longer get the same benefits (purely pension – that’s it) as the older than Methuselah cunts still working there and they can command more money in the private sector, b) stay there because they’re shit and no other organisation would have them!

      Please also note that with regards to old “Stone Face”, while most of these cunts are useless at their job and/or are completely unhelpful (because they don’t give a fuck – they’re just dreaming of their pension), they are – to a man – all well versed in tribunal affairs, dismissal processes, who their company representative is and *exactly* where they are at any given point of any day.

      Basically once you get an old “Stone Face” cunt in there, they’re harder to get rid of than AIDS!

      Most sad-cunt managers in these fossilised organisations know this and so they basically do nothing because there’s no point as it will achieve nothing and they know that they’ll then get even less work out of the cunt (if that’s even possible).

    • I used to have a postie like that. I always happy to give him a tip a Christmas, because he deserved it. Apparently they rotate them every so often and he now works in the sorting office. We had a young postie with autism after him, and he was pretty good too. But they moved him to a route closer to his home, which I guess is fair enough. That was three years ago and since then, we’ve had a procession of complete numpties.

      • Absolutely correct QDM, I give my postie a Xmas card with tip, middle of winter the odd brew!, in return I get brilliant service… Same with the bin men, a little gratitude goes along way….

      • The guy who delivers my butane has to climb two sets of stairs, and i give him a euro tip.
        The cunt never smiles, and the cunt drove right past today, even though i booked it and waited in for it.
        Maybe he thinks a euro isn’t enough, but the cunt will get loads of euros, and they’ll add up. Add that to his wages, and the cunts minted.

        Its the wife that says he gets a tip, I’d prefer to give him nothing more than a grunt.

      • Miserable cunt, he gets fucking paid to do the job. All you are doing is showing a little gratitude. Next time have a 50 note in ya hand then pull the Euro out from under it and order bigger fucking bottles next time. Cunt.

      • My postie and binmen do an excellent job,but I wouldn’t dream of giving them a tip. They get their wage and it’s not up to me to pay them extra just for doing their job.

        As for a Christmas card, I don’t give them to my family or friends,so fuck knows what the binman would assume if I chased him down the road waving a tenner and a card…probably think that I was on the turn.

      • Our binmen are cunts. They leave as much rubbish on the pavement as they throw onto the wagon.
        The recycling cunts are even worse. Recycling bins left all over the place, in other people’s gardens etc etc.
        They can fuck off for a tip. Cunts.

      • My mate came home to find his missus in bed with a binman sunk to the nuts. What the fuck are you doing he said? I’m doing what you told me his missus said. What the fuck are you talking about he said? She said, look – before you went to work this morning I said it was Christmas week and the binman will knock wishing Merry Christmas. You said give him a quid and fuck him.

  5. I overheard my missus saying to the woman next door that our postman had fucked every woman in the street except one.

    I bet it’s that stuck up bitch at No. 4…

    • FALSE FLAG!

      11 people have, apparently, reviewed Spivey’s book and recommend it for other people.

      Bollocks.

      • I’ve just read some of the reviews, some brain dead cunt says “Chris is not afraid to go down the rabbit hole” implying that he is a fearless investigative journalist, where as we all know the reality is of a sad retarded loser regurgitating crap he read on the internet. I wonder how many of the people he ‘writes’ about in this load of old shit has he met, and interviewed? Going out on a limb, I’d say none. Pointless bald cunt, only infamous for saying evil lies about people who have been involved in tragedies not of their making. The pied piper of the lower reaches of the internet.

      • Yeh kiwi I saw that bollocks with reviews, did you read them? If not have a look it’s pretty funny stuff, apparently nobody does it like him, so intuitive?? Oh fuckin please!!

    • Fuck me the book is likely to be thousands of photographs of random people with half their face being photoshoped with someone elses face all to prove the Glasgow Bin Lorry accident was a false flag on a par with the Gulf of Tonkin incident.

  7. BBC cunts promoting yet another cunt…
    Some daft tart who has a ‘vomit phobia’…Fear of puking?… My dad couldn’t stop throwing up… His stomach rejected everything he ate… He even threw up a packet of crisps… Doctors didn’t give a toss ‘If he doesn’t eat, then he doesn’t eat!” said his own fucking GP, and the hospital sent him home to die… My old man was so demoralised and ill he withered away from a 6’2 brick shihouse to a (just about) living skeleton, and he died….

    And ‘Auntie’ are giving attention to yet another middle class cunt who thinks they’ve got it bad?… Fuck off! Fuck off! And fuck off, you cunts….

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-39150470

    • Funny how the BBC never has any stories about working class people who are ill or suffer, or elderly people who are neglected, sometimes abused, and have little food or heating in winter… Funny how it’s always some posho student type cunt spouting shite like ‘I get too pissed, and I can’t help it!’ ‘I take donkey tranquiliser!’ ‘I’m a woman, but I want an op to have my own dick!’ and ‘I see a chicken butty and I feel like puking!’

      Fuck the beeb…

      • After Trump properly called out CNN, NYT and WP/AP as Fake news he must of forget all about the Anti-BBC….

        Vomit phobia wtf? I mean I don’t like vomit I don’t want it anywhere near me but I’m not scared of it although when I was a lad puking was a frightening thing the first few times it must admit

        After the 2nd official time I got drunk was 15 yrs old at the time, was on vodka my so called mates I was with pressured me into drinking half litre of it, very lucky to survive the ordeal to be honest never scared of vomiting after that I’ll tell you that much

      • I used to date a girl who used to throw up regularly, but fortunately I never had to hold her hair while she was vomiting.

        The upside to chemo…

      • That’s so fucking wrong you cunt!

        But funny as fuck!

        I apologise to Lily Mong et. al., etc., because I’ve just pissed myself! 😁

  8. There’s a “hate bus” doing the rounds in Spain.
    A hate bus is a yellow van that’s travelling around all the primary schools to ejukate the kidz on transgender issues.

    Surely if ye want to get yer point across, a leaflet would do.
    But no, let’s be as over the top a possible, in this mind control mission.

    Ye’d think there’s bigger issues to deal with in Spain, like poverty.

    I doubt many transgender kids will be coming from a house with little food on the table.

    I cant wait until about twenty years time, when all these young FREAKS start to sue cunts for messing with their brains and cocks and balls.

  9. Probably paid for by the fucking EU, it’s the sort of bollocks they would waste our money on. By the time these no cock cunts start to sue we’ll be well out of it……or will we?

  10. I used to collect from a rail head and deliver to a sorting office, the staff hated me, I would wait from 11pm til the last train 3am and get back to the office and unload a full truck (unlike the PO boys with 2 or 3 yorks).
    Anyway, one day I went into the sorting office to use the toilet and the manager stopped me…. wanted to know who I was, what I was doing ect, did not want me to use their bog.
    I explained to him that every night I had walked in unchallenged pissed off with one of their lorries to London and brought it back full of mail. (tosser) so it would be highly unlikely that I was in his sorting office to pinch a letter.

  11. I’d like to give a cunting to Paula Williamson. She’s just become engaged to Charles Bronson(now Salvador) the notorious violent nut job now in Wakefield prison. She’s a bit part actress in some soaps but has said that this is the real thing with him. I suppose they fit together as in they have both got some seriously loose fucking screws. She may be just trying to get herself in the spotlight to further her acting career and then fuck him off, a bad move if she wants to remain living, or she’s deluding herself that it’s the same for him. I rather think he just wants total control over the stupid bitch to violently beat her to a pulp every now and then just for kicks. Either way it’ll all end in tears for the fuckin daft slag.

    • Mind you, she does look worth a bang. If you’re reading this Mr Bronson my names Dick Fiddler.

      • I am currently staying at Jamie Oliver’s house, Mr Bronson. Feel free to smash the door down and inflict brutal injuries on anyone you find in there. If I’m not there, I’ll be at Piers Morgans.

        I fucked her good Mr Bronson.

    • I’ve got a sneaking respect for Mr Bronson, he has always done everything in his power to fight the system on his own terms. Fought the cunts hard he has. Here is man who has spent the majority of his adult life behind bars and in solitary for a lot of that.

      Despite these obvious drawbacks he is still doing better on the pussy front than I am.

      • From what I’ve read he’s a really bad (shit, not the cool bad!) Armed robber who gets violent when forced to share a cell, let alone a bed. Contributed fuck all to society apart from sponging through our prison system for most of his life.
        Sounds like she’s one of those weird women that thinks he’ll treat her differently. Well, my money’s on her being in for a shock, especially if the cunt’s ever released.
        T Blair xx

    • I’m not fucking arsed about him unless he comes round my house!. She’s just one of these stupid, not in the real world bitches. My fucking Mrs loves it when she sees a headline like-‘I was conned out of my life savings by the man I thought loved me’. Some stupid cow looking for ‘Luff’ thinks they meet the man of their dreams on-line, never fucking meets them due to some set of unfortunate events that can only be solved by money which they can’t get their hands on just now. But if you can lend me some it can be sorted. DUH!!! What fucking part of this dark endless universe do these sad mares fucking reside? The fucking photo in the paper is always the same, some dole eyed middle aged hag looking like she just fished her winning lottery ticked out of a super hot wash. Grow up for fecks sake.

  12. Royal Mail are indeed cunts. They usually ‘deliver’ parcels at times when most people are out at work . Not their fault but what is their fucking fault is their complete unwillingness to leave the parcel in the porch, in the shed with a neighbour or any other fucking instruction you have left them in advance. They will however leave a card telling you to pick up your own fucking parcel from some sub office in the next town.They must deliver less than 0.000000001% of the parcels they are paid to do. Utter cunts. Useless fuckers.

  13. Bronson’s not a patch on Mark Brandon”Chopper” Read.

    If anybody is familiar with Chopper, check out Heath Franklin on the Ronny Johns half Hour, it’s priceless.

  14. Recuperating at my parents and got corrie on.Load of feminist pc shite.

    • Fucking hell Shaun, you had that op dayssssss ago. Get a grip will ya son🤡

    • High on co-codamol? How do you manage that? I’ve been on it for years and it isn’t even that good at killing pain, let alone getting high. I wish. Same with morphine, doesn’t have any effect on me at all. Whenever I have hospital treatment I have to tell them, use intravenous diclofenac. Otherwise I’m in agony.

      • Codeine can get you high especially on a unsuspecting individual who normally doesn’t take it, all tho tolerance to the drug won’t last long.

        They put caffeine in tylenol 3 now to basically counter act the morphine like effects, a good opiate high makes you nod in and out of consciousness. A blissful feeling but short lived

  16. That classic post box takes me back. Many years ago twas navigating me way through Glasgow at chucking oit time. All the pissed and blathered jocko cunts staggered oit to piss and puke into the slot orf a post box outside the boozer. One little cunt was too short in the leg to reach so tried jumping up and pissing orn the bounce but just sprayed his macmates who never noticed. Degenerate fuckers.

  17. Roy Hodgson is a cunt.

    Even if Leicester were to win the Champions League and the treble under him and he turns up at my door with the promise that i can root a young Kim Wilde, I’d still say Roy Hodgson is a cunt.

      • Is it me but I always mix up The Bangles with The Go Go’s don’t know why Both were a trio and both bands had sugary vocals perfect for the 80’s pop single charts and both groups were gorgeous to look at

      • Bangles were the more substantial band… They did some good powerpop in their early days and Susie and Debbie had the Beatle haircuts… Became too polished and commercial after they got a couple of hits… Now back doing the psych and powerpop they were good at… And Susie is still fit…

      • Thats true after the bangles did walk like an egyptian they stopped doing new wave type songs. Then started doing eternal flame ballad like bullshit.

        I think I confuse the two because The Go Gos “I want Candy” sounds alot like the bangles Walk like an egyptian I use to laugh at my dad because he listened to belinda carlise alot, guess I can’t blame him https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/7/72/Belinda_Carlisle_-_Belinda_%28original%29.jpg

  18. After reading about the beheading of a German and the recent inquest into the Tunisia attacks by the cowardly, mincey, crossdressing, closet gay Islamic Smelly State, IS or so called ISIS,I’d like to have a bare fist fight with one of these cowardly cunts- whose believes are no better than believing in the Tooth fairy – fairys – which is what the Islamic State nut jobs are, how brave are these stinking smelly cunts, standing around with guns with a man with his hands in chains, exhausted and tired, I SO WISH I could bump into one of these make up wearing closet gays (Islamic state terrorist arseholes) and Bury my fist down when of there shit spouting coward throats!! One on one… No guns. The soft cunts would run away!!

    • Forget the fist fight, Harry Balls, use a bat.
      Do ye really want to touch one of them smelly ugly smelly cuntish ugly smelly cunts.

      My smelly ugly cunt of a neighbours head and back knows all about the bat i keep behind my door.
      It was self defence. He tried to come through my door with a hammer and plank of wood (hands full, the doss cunt), and I grabbed my bat and beat him back.
      The cunt doesn’t even look me in the eye anymore, as i goad the cunt with loud laughs, loud whistling and animal noises, as i pass him in the block.

      Don’t forget to give yer bat a good clean with dettol afterwards.

      • Plank of wood with a rusty nail is by my beside.. Just in case, I’ve made a strap that goes around me wrist which makes it hard to grab off you, used it when some smelly cunt moved in the flats behind my house and they threw a glass bottle at my Mam who was sitting in the garden reading the paper, she’s 68 and was minding her own business, I went around to the flats and they didn’t do it again, infact the cunts moved on!

      • I’m picturing the rusty nail stuck in some cunts head and you with yer hand stuck in the strap, trying to flee the scene. 🙂

        After the fight with that cunt, i also added the “safety” strap.

      • All above board Birdman, lucky for me I took after me late Dad who I miss dearly,I got his build and temper haha! I’m a soft shit really but will deal out justice when it’s due, I’m 6 ft 4 and have hands like shovels! I protect people who need protecting. The police try there best but hands are tied. Old people are protected at my end, Im respectful that way, work hard, but at the moment I’m unemployed hence the anger at the moment. I want to work and earn my keep!!

      • I take after my Da too.
        He has nothing to do with me, and I have nothing to do with him.

        One of the many times he called me a cunt, i told him i wasn’t a cunt, but i was a product of a cunt.
        The wee cunt got all upset.
        I hate the wee cunt.

        I call him wee coz I’ve been taller than the cunt since I was nine.
        His mates used to take the piss out of him big time for that one.
        Especially as his “best mate” was a big cunt.

      • Got to have a safety strap Birdman. My favourite is a short wodden police truncheon I have from 1910.
        Previously a breaker bar, but the 12mm bolt on the end looks like it would open a skull and my cell door too easily.

      • Don’t forget Birdman, the nail in your self defense item has to be rusty.

  19. And I couldn’t give a fuck if my comments are un-pc! Soon as BREXIT kicks in, the better!! Harry Balls is angry tonight!!!!!

  20. I’m not a Pheasant Plucker I’m a Pheasant Pluckers son – good song, YouTube Bill Maynard!

  21. And the lazy government is doing fuck all to rescue John Cantlie whose been held 4 years by smelly IS nut jobs – it’s almost a media black out! If Mr Cantlie was a M.P. Or on the BBC payroll they’d rescue the poor sod! Islamic State are utter cowards,put your guns down and gave a fist fight!

  22. And please note, any legal eagles, I’m not encouraging violence, it’s a mere suggestion and this day and age with the budget cuts to law enforcement.. I’d call it, giving late enforcement a ‘hand’ my Late Dad did the same, respected the elderly and was a gent. Animal’s to, animal cruelty was a BIG NO NO with my late Dad. He loved animals.

  23. I really hate the biased patronising Cunts at the BBC, but sometimes you can actually laugh at them, a few months ago they highlighted the perils of crossing rail tracks? Standing on a platform with a young man who looked like he had been run over by a combine harvester!, cue the most stupid interview ever, BBC Cunt ” tell us your story?” Well I’m taking an early guess this stupid cunt walked in front of a train? Cue idiot ” basically I had been having a few beers, was walking home when the barrier at the level crossing went down, I decided to duck underneath it and walk across the track” BBC Cunt ” didn’t you look?” FFS!! A train is hardly inconspicuous now is it!! Idiot ” err err no!” BBC Cunt ” so tell the viewers what happened next?” Idiot ” the train hit me!!” No shit Sherlock!!! But the best question was still to come ” have you any advice for our viewers?” ” yeh don’t cross rail tracks ” fuckin genius!!
    Maybe Next week the BBC will be interviewing people who jump of office blocks…..

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