T&C’s

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Radio Advert terms and conditions is a cunt,

You know what I mean, you’re listening to some shit advert you’re not interested in and when you think it’s over some cunt speaks at a million miles an hour about the terms and cuntditions for 5 minutes. Here are my terms and conditions: FUCK OFF YOU CUNTS.

Nominated by: Black and White Cunt

TV ads where they put the T&Cs on the bottom of the screen, rattle them off and don’t give you enough time to read them. I’ve tried.

What’s the fucking point?

Nominated by: Dioclese

86 thoughts on “T&C’s”

  1. Its the same as the 6 pages of small(i mean microscopic print), they don’t want you to check it out, cuz you will soon realise you are making a contract with cunts who if they get a chance are going to duck you over big time….. so always read the print no matter how much of a count they try to make you feel for doing it don’t let the cunts win……

  2. It’s the one reason I don’t listen to commercial radio.

    It would be so much easier if the cunts just said ‘caveat emptor’ at the end.

  3. Fucking hate Sports Directs t’s & c’s. When you take something back they only give you a credit. Cheeky fucking cheap skate cunts.

    • Which according to Mrs. Kiwi, who works retail, is completely fucking illegal.

      The consumer rights guarantee clearly states that you are entitled to a full cash refund, on any returned item, providing it is in condition fit for resale.
      Stores should have a copy on hand for any disputes, so ask to see it, show them the relevant paragraph, get your money and then tell them to fuck themselves.

      • Fucking great. I’m going tomorrow to buy something I don’t want so I can just take it back. Should be fun. Cunts.

  4. Or the list of diseases, and possibilities of horrible death that are in any box of tablets, from galloping helmet rot to rabies; none of which would be any good in court if it killed you or your gonads dropped off.
    I bought some cheapy earphones and it must have cost more to print the wavers and list of stockists in uzbeckifuckingstan than the product. “Do not wear these whilst warming your hands by an electric fire under water”

  5. I am actually amazed that my regional manager has never read the T&C’s on the HAE (hire association europe) contracts that we dish out.
    I tell him what I am going to do (customer non payment ect) and he says ooo you cant do that!
    Then I have to point out the relevant section that says we can!
    By the way you don’t want to sign a callor gas hire agreement, it has a clause where you are granting the agent access to your property.

  6. In a similar area you start watching a film and they tell you a bit at the beginning of the film which explains something or outlines the background story relevant to the film, why do they expect you to read at 60 words per second? They make you look a thick cunt when you have to pause the film.

  7. I had a major incident with my bank over ‘new account conditions’ last summer, which still grips my shit

    The new conditions basically say they share all of your information and provide full access to investigatory authorities, my potential criminal liability quoting some new rules and regulatory document numbers and so on in a similar vein, nothing to my benefit or protections of my money while in their possession as it were.

    The problem was right at the start of the verbage, where it said ‘I voluntarily agree” firstly I added ‘do not’ to that sentance and crossed out some of the following ‘I agree to’ statements, signed it and got my cash

    the following trip to the bank they thrust a new copy of the agreement and said the old one was not acceptable as it was altered and I had to sign the new terms and conditions, I said well i’ll close my account and take the cash, they refused because I had not signed the new terms and conditions.

    So much for ‘voluntary’, kind of proved my original point. So I have to have a bank account in this modern world but if I don’t voluntarily accept compulsory terms and conditions I can’t have one.

    Cunts

  8. Moby is a cunt…
    This talentness tossbucket is the latest celebricunt to jump onto the snowflake express… The ludicrously named cockgobbler is going round saying that Trump ‘will be the worst President America has ever seen’….

    Does he mean the recently elected President who hasn’t even started yet?.. I didn’t know the eggheaded twat had a TARDIS or was clairvoyant… These Clintonite mongs are fascists: not only do they refuse to accept a democratic result, they also won’t even give the winner a chance, and they refuse to listen to any opinion, reasoning or point of view if it doesn’t fit in with their own… Whether it’s Kippercunt Cyrus, Schnozzer Streep, that deviant OAP Madonna, or Moby, these cunts claim they are ‘liberal’ and ‘for equality’… Yet they have more in common with Mussolini than Luther King….

    • How the fuck does he know? Trump has even started Presidenting yet. Obama had EIGHT years, and he’s been shite. He’s Golfed far more than he Presidented.

      • I’m glad you noticed that, QDM. The office of the President has been one long jolly for that bastard cunt. Anyone who can’t see that is in need of some serious psychological help.

    • Clinton and her ilk and supporters are certainly cunts. But you have to admit, Trump is measuring up to be an Uber Cunt who doesnt listen to the opinions of even his own appointees. He comes across as a giant spoilt baby.
      Time will tell.

      • I have to say that falling out with his own security services isn’t something anyone would recommend, and yes, that’s before he’s even started. Putin must be laughing his cock off.
        The US has chosen some tossers to be their president, Nixon and Reagan to name two, and if Donald Fart turns out to be another, it’s those in charge of the Republican party who need to be looked at.

      • It’s reported over in Yankland that the worker bees within the security service community are spitting nails over how their leadership have managed organisations like the FBI and CIA. They’re mostly behind Trump apparently. Who really knows though.

        I’d like to see Trumpola become a little more statesman like. That said, the criticism aimed at him by the left for being ‘un-Presidential’ is laughable considering the antics of the outgoing cunt. He’s behaved more like a ruler or King than a President. Once again, the left liberal agenda is clear to see – they still can’t believe their anointed corrupt shit bag Hillary didn’t win. Instead of pulling together to address the issues of the day with the Republicans, it’s same old same old, attack, defame, denigrate, besmirch, discredit and undermine the opposition. Which if you think about it, is about as unpatriotic and un-American as you can get. Demoncrats are cunts.

    • Apparently that mega-Cunt Bonio has resurfaced. Apparently U2 (not the battery, that’s useful) have declared that they will not release their new album until Trump resigns from the Presidency! Originally they stated they were “delaying” it because they wanted “breathing space” because Trump won the election. There are two things I can now state with confidence, firstly he will never suffer from piles because God made him a perfect a$$hole. Secondly, he can never get a circumcision because there really is no end to this Pr!ck.

      • Fuck me, if that’s not a reason for everybody to support Trump and ensure he gets re elected in 4 years time, then I haven’t heard one.
        Bonio just can’t help being a cunt can he.

      • Woman (and Cunt) Of The Year, Bozo saying his bogtrotting Paddywood backing band won’t put out a new record is like music to my ears…

        As old Blakey would say: ‘Oh my gawd! That’s made my day, that as!’

    • Just been looking at Moby’s tweets. Five hours ago he was saying that trump was a spoiled man child.
      These cunts really don’t get the irony do they ?
      Practically every sentence uttered by Lefty liberals is describing themselves and their own petulant behaviour.
      I try and laugh, but its getting harder.

      He also mentioned that “it’s a little known fact that racoons make good dog dentists”.

      Fuck knows what else goes on in that twisted depressed head of his.

      • They won’t release the album because Trump won?! What in the bloody fuck is that supposed to mean? Bunch of soft cunt poofs. They should delay the album as long as possible cause who in the fuck actually wants to hear it. Perhaps the real reason is so many people have realised what a bunch of overrated virtue signalling cunts they are

        Oh right of course it was HER turn to win! How could I be such a silly. The biggest globalist incompetent corrupt puppet in world didn’t get a chance to Merkel america with a trillion violent hajis and to warmonger with Syria & Russia She is by definition a warmonger Libya, Bengahzi, Haiti all her

  9. Sky Arts is a massive, cowardly, self-censoring cunt for dropping a short comedy film starring Joseph Fiennes (white actor) as Michael Jackson (black child, white adult) because Jackson’s children are apparently a bit upset by this. Not sure why the press insist on calling them “Jackson’s children” either since none of them appear to be mixed race and therefore cannot possiby be Jackson’s biological children.

    http://metro.co.uk/2017/01/13/sky-arts-pull-urban-myths-comedy-starring-joseph-fiennes-as-michael-jackson-6379098/

    Apparently Jackson’s daughter seems to think her drug-addicted, unconvicted child molestor father is deserving of “respect” which presumably means no artistic project of any kind should ever be permitted unless it depicts her freak of a father in a flattering light. The show was called “Urban Myths” (the clue is in the title) and was a comedy – not a serious biographical drama, for fuck’s sake. You would think that any programme maker who valued freedom of speech would not be eager to set such a dangerous precedent – but then again Sky is owned by the Murdochs so automatically has an in-built degree of cuntitude.

    • Jackson was the Savile of the States. But Yanks are in so much awe of celebrity, even those with little talent, that even when dead they get away with it.
      Jackson was all hype and little talent. His best songs were written by a lad from Grimsby. He doesn’t even belong in the same room as Gaye, Wonder, Cooke, Redding etc
      One dance and fuck all else.
      Paedo, dead, cunt.

    • Respect? For a paedophile black man who has his skin injected to look white ,then get’s his face surgically ruined so badly he has to wear a rag over it?
      What fucking cowardly prick at Sky binned the programme? -should be working at the BBC

    • Who were they supposed to have play him in a drama set in 2001?Samuel L Jackson?Kanye West?Cuba Gooding Junior?Jacko was as white as a milk bottle after the early 90`s.

    • Sky should of quoted Jackson’s own words to the cunts “It doesn’t matter if you’re black or white and then remake it with Jacko played by a Chinese dwarf.

      • I recall in a newspaper some months ago, it had a picture of Paris Jackson in a bikini type thing: and under the pic it said ‘Hot Babe Paris Jackson’… I nearly spat my tea out… Hot Babe?!? It looked like a block of lard tied up with coloured string…

  10. Insurance companies are cunts with their Ts & Cs. They nearly always have some weaselly way of getting out of paying up in the event of a legitimate claim. I’m sure you’re familiar with the ‘act of god’ clause. Getting out of paying up on the basis of some imaginary deity’s destructive act? Are they fucking serious? Yes they are! Some of their so-called rules defy logic and financial commonsense too. I present a couple of examples:

    1) There are a lot of deer floating around where I live. These dumbass creatures like to stand in the road or hurl themselves at your vehicle for no apparent reason. They really are thick. If you’re driving down the road and a deer jumps out at you, you would instinctively brake/swerve to avoid it, right? However, doing that and then having an accident thus mashing your car is NOT covered. The insurance companies want you to hit the deer instead, then any resulting damage IS covered. As mental as that is, even a medium sized deer can weigh several hundred pounds and that hurtling through your windscreen can kill you. So the underlying message from the insurers is, they’d prefer you dead. Not much of a repeat business plan is it?

    2) I had a tree which was leaning rather ominously towards my house. It was tall enough such that it it fell it would have mashed a good section of my roof. So I contacted my insurance company and asked them it they’d chip in a couple of hundred bucks to help pay for a tree surgeon to take the tree down. They told me to fuck off. They’d rather the tree fall first, then pay out thousands to have it repaired. WTF? Add to that the potential for serious injury or even death if a tree decides to hurl itself at your house and once again, the insurance companies would prefer you dead or manged in a hospital bed which they’ll also try to get out of paying for. Utter cunts.

    • Act of god is only relevant in liability cases. If a blokes tree falls on your house during a storm he has no liability because he can’t control very high winds.
      If you have warned him about the tree which is half dead and leaning and he does fuck all , then you can screw his bollocks off.
      For the rest, Insurance companies are lying thieving sons of whoring cunts who would sell their own mothers for the price of a pint. Do not ever trust them or their offers.
      If you have a pension coming up and they offer you a sum, please go to an independent expert because the offer will be shit. No kidding ,they employ people to keep the payments down ,the greedy wall-eyed fuckpigs need taking down .

  11. Great EBay listing seen after Jackson snuffed it.

    For sale:

    Single white glove.
    Index finger slightly soiled….

  13. OCEANS 8
    If i hadn’t known already, the filum industry is bonkers.
    After years of the world pouting and posing , they have finally ran out of screenwriters.
    Oceans 8 is an all female filum with Sandra Bullock, Rihanna and some other tarts i cant remember.
    Give us a break.

    • Great another Oceans 11 rewrite it was fucking bad with the Rat Pack, it was cringe worthy and annoying with the Frat Pack (Geogre Clooney,Brad Pitt, Matt Damon) and I’m 100% certain Oceans 8 is gonna be a real shitshow of unrealistically overpowered feminazi’s

    • Sandra Bollocks looks like a giraffe in a wig, and ‘RiRi’ will just twerk and put a banana down her knickers… Ocean’s 8 is gong to be shite of the highest order…

  14. T&C on rent agreements in Spain seem to be a cunt.
    The rent on my flat is half paid for by the company i work for, and its rented under their name.
    Its the other expats and overseas workers i mean.
    I’ve yet to meet a tenant who has received their deposits back from a landlord.
    Not one.
    There doesn’t seem to be any excuses for it, the cunts just seem to never pay it back when they leave.
    I don’t know all the arguments, but most claim to have left the property the way they entered, or in a better state.
    Maybe the Spanish landlords sees them as transient and they all hit on the idea to rip them off.
    I rent a house out myself, and have always respected the tenants contract .

    • Then wipe shit on the walls before you leave, take the door locks off and invite the local junkies round to squat as you vacate the property.

  15. Even though I’m not a fan of James Bond, i am a fan of Pierce Brosnan.
    Even more so now after I’ve learned that James Condom say he was rude to him.
    One sleb ignores the annoying cunt and he’s having a whinge.
    Maybe James, just maybe Bronson doesn’t like you, along with millions of others.
    You cant have it all you greedy seedy cunt.
    Pierce Brosnan has been unavailable for comment, but I’d like to think he’d just say “CUNT”.

    • Bronsan was a decent Bond but I not a fan of his womanizing smugness in every other film he does “we get it you cunt! your good with the ladies” Btw Who’s James Condom? Are you talking about smug unfunny fat tosser James Corden? If thats the case I agree James Corden is a ding dong bellend

      • I don’t like all his filums, especially the one with Emma Thompson, but he was excellent in Robinson Crusoe.
        I’d never heard of it until i saw it on the telly.
        Great filum.

    • Yeah but Brosnan was only rude after Corden nicked his chips!

      You always know you’re onto a loser when some cunt refuses a portion of their own chips down the pub but then has the audacity to ask the staff for some mayonnaise – that you don’t actually want – when yours arrives! Twats!

      • I though Brosnan was an excellent Bond but his films were lumbered with increasingly wonky scripts/stories and miscasting errors (Denise Richards anyone?) and his final one was a CGI infested balls up with the twin horrors of Beardface Branson and Madonna (AAAGH!!) popping up to pollute ones enjoyment.
        Neal Purvis & Robert Wade belong on the dole…

      • How come Brosnan upset the massively unfunny CordenCunt… did he say something like ” James your a Fucking Fat ClingOn Cunt although you do seem to have the vote of CuntsRUS in the UK Market” or similar…

  16. Apparently, during a radio interview about Fidel Castro popping his clogs, Ken Livingstone apparently defended old Cigar Chops’ record of slaughtering his political opponents by saying “Some people have to die to make The World a better place”
    Fair enough, pretty much what I’d expect from any political or religious idealist but where was the media outrage?
    Can you imagine the screams of horror if Mr President Elect Don Combover had said that?
    Which is the bigger cunt, Ken or The Media?

      • If you want to send something I reckon address it to ‘whiny voiced short arsed balding ex mayor communist cunt, London’ will suffice.

    • Well, as they say in Yorkshire, thats nothing! ( Apparently.)
      I recall after the Paris terrorist attack there was much talk about tightening state security to prevent an outrage here, Needless to say the usual suspects came creeping out of the woodwork with their same tired Libtard message . I remember clearly a programme on BBC Radio 4 ( well it would be wouldn’t it? ) as I drove to work. Some smug fellow traveller announced to all and sundry that the threat was not terrorism but state control, and in fact ” coping with occasinal attacks was the price of living in a democracy”. Uncontadicted by the duty Al-BBC Smurf of course.
      So apparently the “cost” of living in a free democracy is that you and your family will from time to time be vapourised by a bunch of psychopathic Cunts, and you should do a weak smile ans jog on.Well, I dont think it sounds much like any Fucking Democracy I know or support. It sounds like the queue to get on the train to Auschwitz.
      Any country that wont defend itself and its citizens has forfeited the right to be considered a sovereign state. And Fuck the bunch of Pasty flavoured Cunts in ABBC. Of course Jimmy must have been a massive shock to them….

      • Well Jochen, perhaps your experience in state control maybe of use to the currents governments?

      • Well, its nice of you to say so, but I think one should always recognise a lost cause when you see one and bail out at that point. I think the daily mail and its readers can fight the next one. How do you think thats going to end? Answers on a postcard to ” WellmeaningbutfutileCuntsRUs.com”

    • The media hands down.

      Livingstone won’t be around forever but those cunts will!

  17. I think Brosnan is in some good films,I remember i read once when he was comming back from some where he was in a helicopter and it had to make an emergency landing in some ones garden and the kiddie who lived there went running into the house shouting mother mother James Bonds in the garden,Hahaha ,On another note waiting for a horse to run at Dundalk its called Brosnan should go close when its out next ,It dont run there tonight but should be due to run anytime soon.

      • I’ve only been in a bookies once, and that was to collect my winnings.
        When I was sixteen, a guy at work used to do the fixed odds on the football. I picked my twenty (i think) results and gave him a pound.
        £177 pound i won, nearly double my wages.
        I was shitting it collecting my dosh coz i was underage, but they paid me, i pocketed it and that was me.
        All these years later, I’m still up in the bookies.
        Everyone at work said i was a cunt for not giving the guy who put it on, a little bung.
        Fuck off , my dosh.

      • Hi Bird gamble landed ,I use to work in a bookies my ex’s brother had his own shop he was a bookie i use to do the board and put the prices up with a marker pen,Happy Days.

      • So did I, chalk the boards as it was called then! listening to the odds and then write them up, dogs and horses, yeah were good days.

        Worked in the morning at the kitchens in the local polytechnic, afternoons chalking the boards in the bookies, couple of beers a few ciggies, then off to the pub with cash in my pocket, great days.

      • Another nice one, you will get a reputation for this horse tip malarkey before long.

        Keep ’em coming.

      • Great times ,Steve Cauthen was my fav jockey in them days ,I think he went back to the states ,I could be wrong??

      • Well, he is a septic. Why would he stay in the shitehole that is the UK, when he could move back to shitehole that is the USA and have a fuck off big ranch for the price of a semi in Newmarket.

  18. I’d like to nominate cunts who “tell it like it is.” Everyone knows or has been around some loudmouth cunt who loves to bang on about how they are the sort of person who constantly speaks their mind and doesn’t give a shit. Said cunts always turn out to be the kind of annoying, self obsessed fucktards that love the sound of their own cuntish voice and no one wants to be around. Set of cunts.

    • Fuck,you’ve described me spot on….. but,I’ll tell you something, I don’t give a shit,”tell it like it is” is my motto. I like to blast out my views at top volume and don’t give a shit about anyone else.

      I honestly am a true cunt,and fucking proud of it.

      • Me to.

        I make sure that my argument is based on knowledge and fact rather than guesswork and assumption.

        It’s great at work because I win every argument hands-down. The information to confirm my argument is freely available to all, if they choose to ignore the fact that it’s there, or assume things (without proof), then they can expect both barrels! It’s the best (most enjoyable) part of my job.

        Also – unlike the other cunts where I work – if I am asked about something that I know nothing about, I’ll more than happily say: “I don’t know.”

        They (the other cunts) wrongly think that this is a sign of weakness (shock horror, he doesn’t know everything about everything thing! Soft cunts!) and so will have a bloody good guess at an answer without any foundation of knowledge whatsoever.

        They send some cunt on a horrifically expensive (not to mention pointless) Dale Carnegie course. They come back armed with all of this self belief shite (even though they’re still as thick as day old porridge) and the first question they’re asked – that they still know nothing about – they give such a convincing answer, albeit complete and utter bollocks, that the recipient takes that answer as read and acts on it.

        It is cunts like these who cost businesses thousands if not millions in “fuck up” money each year! If everyone knew their job and knew when to shut the fuck up we’d be the most profitable country in the world!

        Alas we’re full of gobshite cunts and so that reduces those profitability margins considerably. Cunts!

  19. Madonna is still a massive cunt…
    Now the old witch has realised she is over the hill, she is cracking on that she is some sort of feminist crusader, and represents all ‘female victims’ and whines on about how she’s been ‘persecuted’ over the years…

    This is fucking rich: coming from a complete cunt who has treated people like crap for three decades and shat on more people than a pigeon after a curry… And now the old kipper snatch is ‘promoting’ (ie: getting publicity for herself) a ‘women’s march’ by showing her own cunt… Nothing new there, of course, but to say she is feminist is taking the piss… This is the slag who worked used simulated rape to gain publicity (in that crappy SEX book) and also worked with a known and convicted rapist (Mike Tyson)… So any views the old hag has on feminism are fucking worthless…

    • Would be interested to hear if Dick Fiddler would burrow Madge now or is that a minge too far even for him ?

      • “A Minge Too Far” sounds like a war film.
        Thousands of desperate men on an impossible terrifying mission.
        Can’t wait to see what Madonna would do with “Battle of the Bulge”.

      • Or ‘Dunkirk’ redone as Duncock…

        How about a gang of mercenaries knobs to service a hungry Madge… The Dirty Dozen?…

        Or if Dick did take the plunge with the old slapper…
        Where Fiddlers Dare…

    • “Goodbye Mr President, there will never be another one like you! Barack Obama, you are a king amongst men”
      That was a recent tweet from Madonna.
      Lets hope there will never be an idle one, sorry, another one like him.
      I’ve been sat here for about an hour trying to comment on Madonna.
      That’s all i can muster right now, coz that cunt really twist my melon.
      I have a lot to say, just cant find the words.

      Bet she’s a shite root. A lot of females who act the slapper are usually shite in bed , IMHO.

      • The old slag doesn’t even live in the USA…. And I bet she is a shite root and all… Never saw the appeal of Madogga, even in the 80s and 90s… Always looked cheap and no class… And she has the worst nipples in the history of the world… Revolting…

  21. Nice to see we have to foot the bill for
    jamshid piruz who almost killed a police officer and had previously murdered someone in the Netherlands yet the good old UK let him in – after he spat at staff at Easyjet, cunts jailed for life now, fucking soon as Brexit comes into force the better!

  22. Can I cunt women who get hysterical about snow and drive far, far!, far to carefully in it, stuck at work this morning with the overbearing stupid women at work this morning and they went on about their journeys to work as if they’d done a pole to pole expedition, stupid over the top cunts.

  23. Now, I’ve always considered John and Yoko to be cunts, but yesterday I saw something that confirms it beyond doubt… During the recording of Lennon’s anti-Macca tantrum ‘How Do You Sleep?’ that cunt Ono is actually giving orders to top class musicians like Nicky Hopkins and Alan White… Actually telling them how to play… She doesn’t go near George Harrison though… I think he growled if she went within six feet of him and I don’t blame him… Ono also tells Lennon how his song should be played… Not ‘could be played, but ‘should be played’… And the pussy whipped knob actually relays her ‘instructions’ to Harrison, Hopkins and even Phil Spector… So he’s just as much of a cunt for being henpecked and taking instructions from someone who has no musical talent whatsoever and then giving those orders to proper musicians… Macca may well be a cunt himself at times, but he was well out of that….

    • The old fetid egg Yoke certainly had some kind of nuts-in-a-vice psychological hold over John. I don’t know how else you can explain his behaviour towards his bandmates, letting that talentless, pint-sized po-faced little cunt tell some of the most talented and musically successful people on the planet how to play!; and his family, especially Julian, poor sod. Rotten Egg Yoke deserves to be cunted here alone for how she made Julian pay for his father’s memorabilia with the small amount of money John left him.

    • You bet, and plenty more where that one came from!

      Whats blue and doesn’t fit?

      A dead epileptic.

      Thank you very much, i’ll be here all year

      • The job interviewer asked, “whats your full name?”
        “It’s Peter Fucking Bastard Piss Flaps Smith.”
        The interviewer asked me, “do you suffer from tourettes Peter?”
        “No” I replied, “but the vicar at my Christening did.”

  25. ……………A great comedian he was though Fiddy,unlike the shit we have today……..Baaaaaaaaaaaaah

    • I couldn’t agree more Jane, I just always liked that one, mainly because I think Bernard would have liked the irony in it. By all accounts Manning was a gent who would do anything for anyone. His asian neighbours (Pakistani I think) adored him and had nothing but kind words to say about him. Quite unlike the Liberal PC trash we have now who only pretend to love everyone. Bernard had no time for people who didn’t understand that his act was just that, an act, and funny as all fuck it was too.

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