Firstly a degree of inteligence is required for breaking and entering, admittedly its not an art I study but the thick cunt didnt listen to his tutor that well.
Said cunt approached my garage in the small hours of Thursday armed with hammer and screw driver, he then ignored his tutors advice and bashed the implement between the upper frame and door slightly off center, bending the frame….he then successfully re adjusted his aim and smashed the inner staple off the frame and defeating the flimsy security of the structure.
What happened next well we can only guess, but my assumption is that said fuckwhit got a bit over zealous yanking the door open and twisted it jamming it in the frame with an opening of 4 inches and fled.
Well Mr Burglar you sir are a fuckwhit and a prize cunt,
1, you bodged the first attempt
2, you then jammed the door trying to open it
3, you left over £1,000 + of power tools in “loot” just an arms length away.
and most of all you showed me exactly how to break into the bloody thing, so a quick buzz down to B&Q £8 worth of angle iron bolted to the top frame stops the old cole chisel trick and a nice big defender bar at the bottom adds to the equasion.
My initial thought on surveying the damage was, “why don’t they just get a job” but on closer inspection I decided that they were proper thick cunts so unemployable, I would suggest a career move to stealing copper from sub stations in future.
Nominated by: Lord Benny
I want to nominate First Call Breakdown service.
Service with a lower case S because these cunts do not understand the word.
They refused a call-out because it was raining and they reckoned it was because of the rain. They pointed out that their policy excludes service for problems resulting from “driving through water”. I told the cunts that driving on wet roads does not constitute driving “through water”. It is a perfectly normal driving condition in the UK where the roads are more often that not wet…..not flooded. Just fucking wet with rain drops. that! Total moronic cunts that are conning the public. Avoid the cunts.. Am now suing the cunts for premium refund and cost of getting local garage to attend. Prime cunts.
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People who nick stuff are such scum. It’s really quite simple – if it doesn’t belong to you, then leave it the fuck alone. I’ve had a few things nicked over the years and it’s a horrible feeling. Not only have you lost something which was rightfully yours, but the sense of being targeted and somehow violated is hard to cope with at the time. I can’t imagine what it must be like to have your home broken into though. That must be the worst.
I’ve always felt that it you’re somewhere you shouldn’t be with intent to steal/vandalise/deface etc. then all bets are off, i.e. you are no longer protected by the law. If you’re on a burgle and get caught in the act by the homeowner, the homeowner should be allowed to fill you with lead with impunity. I’d also support an ‘eye for an eye’ law, whereby if you’re prosecuted for some crime, then that crime will be affected upon you 5 fold, at random intervals throughout your life. Take burglary for example. The cunt immediately has everything they own taken away from them, sold and the proceeds given to the victim(s). Time passes, say several years and the cunt has moved somewhere, maybe has a job now, half decent house, car, etc. Then the rozzers show up unannounced and take everything the cunt owns, sells it and the proceeds given to the victim(s). You could apply this to all sorts of crimes like assault, rape, car theft, you name it. Better than a slap on the wrist and a paltry fine which seems to be the norm these days. Payback’s a bitch!
Glad you didn’t lose any gear Benny mate.
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regretably in this country we suffer from a thing called “reasonable force”
Being a shortarsed cunt with a low pain threshold I tend to pick up heavy items and neutralise any threat before it causes me harm, Thus I and many others are more likley to face prosicution for hurting the miscredant than the miscredant.
On the plus note I do have access to a heavy duty Timberwolf chipper…….
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Timberwolf? Greenmech for me.
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Got burgled years ago by some cunt. Wife’s jewellery gone etc.
Sleep with a very powerful air pistol by the bed plus a couple of coshes. That’s if any cunt gets past the German Shepherd.
Why can’t we have the yank law for home invasion. Some cunt comes in your house uninvited then he gets smashed to fuck with no comeback.
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my family used to live in Nigeria and the general rule there was if someone breaks into your house and you catch them,all bets are off,we used to have touregs guard the house and they beheaded a burgerler cunt on the drive……fucking result if only you could do that here to the thieving cunts….hopefully they would think twice….retarded cunts
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Liverpool would be awash. Rivers of blood. Pol Pot would be envious of the mountain of skulls.
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weird, I lived in Ikeja and Kano we had Falani and Hausa guards,
when we were robbed on the GRA in Ikeja the Guards fucked off right pronto never to be seen again because of the kicking they were going to get from the 21 mobile guys.( thats the Mobile police battallion stationed on Odaduwa street)
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I had my garage pulled down and replaced it with a brand new one with good security locks. Two nights later someone made an unsuccessful attempt to get in using an implement which broke off in one of the locks and I had to pay a locksmith £80 to get it open.
But there was nothing in there that wasn’t there before. Their reasoning seems to have been ‘new garage so must be something worth nicking,’ Fucking idiots.
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I’d like to cunt “is-a-cunt.com” for not cunting enough cunts…
Come on chaps I’m running out of reading material !
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Wot! 3,905 cunts isn’t enough for you??…
Feel free to write up a few of your own
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Not quite so entertaining reading your own cunts, but point taken, I’ll get my thinking cap on…
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This is where the gay community could come in handy ,when thief is captured he or she should be a publicly sodomised for all to see,im sure this would cut down the crime rate,punishment could be administered on a sunday before tea time,dont forget this will humiliate said thief not to fucking do this sort of thing again,fucking sick of em,their fucking every where ,it kill 2 birds with one stone,the gay who all he ever talks about is sex and sex rights gets what they a want and the thief gets punished.
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Well said ANDZ. That would sort the cunts out, except the burglar pooves. What would you do with them?
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Good point. What about the turd-burglar burglars?
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Your later comments on gays were even nearer the mark, Andz.
Deleted…we have limits.
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Point a taken.i was a getting a carried away i had to write it down or take it out on the wife,i wrote it down of course,they some times get to ya,point a taken Dioclese.
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Im sure the BBC would televise it ,they could call it the great british sod off.
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if we have to cunt more cunts I want to recunt lilly the mong
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Fine by me. Just put the caps and punctuation in and I might even publish it 😉
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Kanye West is in hospital suffering from exhaustion, it must be hard work being a full time cunt, or is it the perfect alibi for another insurance job, back to the Nigerian be-headings that’s why you cant use the locals [they go bush] that means run away not smoke weed, although I’m sure they do and it was the 70,s….
Sorry Dio for the bad punctuation it turns out that I’m a lazy cunt who bunked off to much school
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Fair enough. I’m a lazy cunt who can’t be bothered to correct it all when I cut and paste comments into a post. You get my point I’m sure. No problem…
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Kanye West is a mega-cunt. A delusional,uppity wanker. I’d lock the prick up in a mental home,along with his wife and her family,and invite the Russian air force to use the place for target practice.
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Did I read somewhere that this Kanye cunt wants to ruin for US president next time round. Americans are cuntish enough to support him. Fortunately the gun lobby will put a price on the cunts head long before he gets a chance.
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Fuck, I said ruin when I meant to say run. Still, I am sure you got the drift about the cunt.
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With our judicial system hung up on reform and rehabilitation, rather than punishment and deterrent, restorative justice, which is the scum saying sorry, there is little to fear for the dregs of society. The liberal bellends cannot grasp the plain fact that somebody can just simply be a wrong ‘un, a burden to society from the moment that spunk hits egg, til the day they die.
Some little maggots tried to steal my brothers’ motorbike recently. Four times in the last couple of years he has been raided, three times the scummy cunts have got away with his bike, although the last time it was recovered, but damaged. This time he scared them off, phoned “the law”, and they offered him a crime number. This just wound him up even more, the lazy bastards wouldn’t even look for them. My brother then said fuck it, I’ll go find them myself, and beat the septic piss out of them. The cops suddenly became interested then, threatening my brother with all sorts. In the end they only came out to make sure the scum didn’t get battered. Nice.
Anyway, everyone can make a mistake, fall in with the wrong crowd and that bollocks, but if you are just a thieving dreg, and you keep on doing it, fuck jail, send them up a chimney.
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I fucking love em. My job’s fitting alarms and cctv. C’mon scumof the earth!
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Burglars are the sloppy shit of society. Anyone who robs other people’s hard earned is a wastrel cunt. The sad and fucked up thing is, that if you’re a homeowner who is sick and tired of having your house done-over, decide enough’s enough and lay in wait like Anton Chigurh with a big fuck-out 12 behind the door and loose both barrels at the cunt, you get thrown in the tin whilst (assuming he survived) he snowflakes his arse off and claims it was his “human right” to ransack your house! What a load of delivered wankery.
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In that case you can add:
Lawyers
Estate Agents
Financial Advisors
To the list of thieving cunts who “rob” people of their hard-earned, except in these cases it’s legalised robbery!
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That’s very true and accurate. They’re all out to arseplunder us with a chainmailled fist dipped in vinegar. Vultures the lot of them, although that’s an insult to vultures.
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You forgot the cunting Business Advisers.
I had one imposed on my business some years ago. The cunt arrived and wasted half the day for me and the staff. Two weeks later the cunts report was presented. It was word for word the conversations the cunt had had with me and staff. Fuck all new. Fuck all to change. Complete cunting con-artist. Attached was his invoice, £7,000 for “strategic advice”. I wrote across it FUCK OFF and sent it back along with a tape recording of all the conversations we had with him. I added a note that if the cunt disputed the evidence of the tape being the verbatim source of his report then he could argue the toss in court. Never heard from the cunt again. Same with a “Health & Safety Expert”. This cunt arrived in a full length leather overcoat, looked like a gangster. Stood in my office doorway and said,”Right, I am here to tell you how to ensure health and safety”. I said “Turn around and read the sign on my door .. NO SMOKING so take that fag out of your mouth and fuck off. This is a no smoking business due to highly inflammable chemicals stored here. Signs everywhere ……and a cunt like your disregards them? FUCK OFF before I have the fire drill team put you and your fag on the receiving end of a high pressure fire hose.”..
Never saw that cunt again.
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