Flies [2]

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I’d Like to cunt flies. Flies are fooking cunts.

I have recently tried to quit smoking(300 times and counting) recently it’s been 36 hours since my last puff then with a fuck of luck a fly enters my bedroom and just starts terrorizing the hell out me buzzing by my face landing on my knee, being itchy because of it. Just being a allround cunt making me wanna light up again so I’m back smoking again hooray for that.

I swear I hope get the bastard alive because gonna dissect the fucker’s wings one by one. Flys are cunts absolute CUNTS!

Nominated by: Titslapper

I can’t stand files. They fucking hang around and always seem to want to fly near you when the cunts have the whole room to fly around in. What pisses me off more is when you are relaxing watching the telly and one starts flying near you, you then have to get up and open the window and try to get the Cunt(s) out and its like they do not want to fuck off, they fly everywhere but out the fucking window.

Horrible little cunts who like shit.

Nominated by: Black & White Cunt

42 thoughts on “Flies [2]”

  1. Yes they are little fuckers. Why is it that when your sitting in the chair watching the telly, one, usually a larger bluebottle fucker, gets in the room and starts buzzing around all over the place. So I reach for the nearest paper or old magazine to swot the bastard and as soon as you get up from your seat the cunt disappears. So I sit back down and the bastard then starts buzzing around again. Other irritating cunts are wasps. I remember being on holiday some years back sitting outside enjoying a nice pint and getting terrorised by this wasp that just wouldn’t fuck off and leave me alone. Eventually I managed to trap the little bugger under an empty glass, job done. Anyway I was sitting there when this fucking tart on the next table got up to leave and without saying a word came over, lifted the glass up and released the little cunt to reek havoc again. Needless to say this interfering munter was duly reprimanded by yours truly and told to fuck off and mind her own business. What a cunt she was, probably one of these PC cunts. I’m surprised she didn’t start spouting out some bollocks about the animal rights of wasps.

  2. The only enjoyable part of attending test matches against the pakies, injuns and srilancunts (bent arm chuckers!) was the attendance of the away supporters ( Mr Tebbit you were so right) who would do sterling service in keeping the flies off yer sarnies. Took one woman per coach load to all other tests for the same purpose.

  3. Those greenbottle flies are complete cunts… As soon as you open the wheelie bin to put some crap in, one or more of these cunts flys into it (only takes them a second!)…. Then the bin gets full of maggots… They really are stupid fuckers (as well as being right dirty bastards!)…. If the cunts fly in there and all those horrible little fuckers surface, they won’t be able to get the lid up and they’ll die anyway…. I’ll tell you this though: the little cunts don’t like boiling water… Mixed with bleach, anti-freeze, washing up liquid, weedkiller, vinegar and a dash of petrol… I suppose you could call it chemical weapons warfare on flies… Because if the cunts go in my bin, that’s what they fucking get….

    A good fly spray gets the cunts too (Raid is overexpensive, overrated shit though)…. Just towatch the bluebottles writhe and spaz about after a quick burst of spray is always fun….

  4. Best way to get rid of flies when you’re having a barbecue is to invite a family of wogs. When they step foot in the garden the flies will directly head for the piss-stained nig-nogs, leaving you and your friends to eat your sausages and get pissed on Fosters lager.

  5. So there we have it me dahlings, the Leader orf Her Majesty’s Opposition is now a swivel eyed Trot with approx 60% orf the vote. The cunt Corbyn is yet another “never done a real job” political polytechnic apparatchik from a privileged background and is determined to flood the country with wogs and parasites. Indeed his first move after getting the gig is orf to attend a political rally in support orf said wogs and parasites.
    Orf to rally me forces and sharpen me ice axe. (Trotsky left this world with an ice axe in his noggin courtesy Mr Stalin). I say no more.
    Ironic that the rights to the images orf the late Mr Trotsky’s demise are held by Getty donchathink?:
    http://cache1.asset-cache.net/gc/88920177-the-autopsy-of-assassinated-russian-gettyimages.jpg?v=1&c=IWSAsset&k=2&d=X7WJLa88Cweo9HktRLaNXtuoUHKc1vgGwSyl4s7HfR2l%2BfyublWZbxoFPgQYTK5f9DpfyA3uXydWGSKgSAoFzQ%3D%3D

    • Just pray the cunt Corbyn doesn’t actually manage to bullshit and lie his way into power (like all the rest of them do). Sadly a percentage of the gen population may actually be prepared to believe his Utopian wank fantasies. Makes ya shudder…..

    • As opposed to say, Gideon “George” Osborne, who failed at his chosen profession (journalism) by not getting on to The Times’ trainee course and folded towels in Selfridge’s towel department for a short while before joining the Conservative Research Department. That kind of “proper job” and real world experience, you mean…?

      That said, I’d actually like to cunt myself for not putting a tenner on Corbyn when he first entered the election at 500/1. Don’t feel too sorry for me though as I put my money on him while he was still 150/1… A very nice payday, so a big thank you to all those quarter of a million Labour voters.

      • I bet you wished you had put a ton or even a grand on the cunt. You would then be the first person in the country not to have to work as a result of Corbyn’s victory, likely not the last though…..

  6. I feel an immense sense of achievement to get my first Cunting (although its a sort of joint one), I would like to take this moment to thank all you for being such welcoming and supportive… cunts. Anyways thank fuck its gonna get colder soon and all the Flies will die off, Although they will be back again when it gets warm ( how does that happen?). Sprayed a load of fly spray at one of the cunts the other day, it did fuck all to the fly but left me breathing in the fumes, the fly ended up fucking off out the window. Anyways Flies are and always will be dog shit loving cunts. The Cunts.

    • The flies you get in the UK are useless lazy cunts, randomly buzzing around looking for some shit to land on. You should see the flies in Australia, they are kamikaze cunts. They attack you from out of nowhere and head straight for your eyes, and fucking hell are they persistent, it’s death or glory for those fuckers.

      I recommend buying one of those electric tennis bats, but make sure you buy a good one, not some cheap chinese shite. I have one called “The Executioner” I got off amazon and it is fucking brilliant. You get a loud crack and a big blue spark every time you get one of the fuckers. However after a bit the smell of fried flies does get a bit on top.

      Hope this helps.

      • Yeah seen some of them, the only thing is though I would like a massive one and would probably end up smashing the place up.

      • Yeah. Those electric fly sizzlers are great. With a good backhand volley in Lewisham High Street last week I fried forty-six niggers and a disabled Immigrant from Syria. What o me old cunt, now off to have a shit in a public swimming pool in Liverpool.

      • I bet with only a few simple modifications you could make a pretty effective tazer out of one, not that I’d recommend anyone should try such a thing….

      • You’ve never seen flies until yo’ve been to Ayres Rock.
        Over there they call them black snow. Fucking millions of the little bastards.

        I asked an abo why they never invented the fly swatter. He told me they never had flies until the Europeans came. Apparently they brought them over with the horses and cattle.

        Ausies are getting their own back now tho’ by sending us Fosters and shite wine…

  7. Trouble is: at the end of the day they all piss in the same pot. Now a benign dictator moderated with a regular and a wide spread non performing ministerial cull. That’ll give the career politician something to focus on.

  8. I’d like to cunt the “moderators” of the MSM online comments, especially the Daily Mail and Express. Most of the comments contribute fuck-all or are factually wrong and get waved thru. If you go to the trouble of adding a reply/correction –
    short intermission whilst I cunt that fat opera singer cunt for Go Compare who’s just appeared on the shit-box
    – end of intermission –
    and go to the trouble of including some links to show the facts you invariably get a “thanks for your comment – it is under review” and you never see the comment again. DM and DE did this to me earlier so I posted DM/DE ISAC and they appeared straight away – obviously the cunts have no sense of irony.

  9. Talking of annoying, buzzing insects I see Gio Compario has a new advert. Good news is: throwing a can of RAID at the TV does in fact get shut of him.

  10. The Tories must be rubbing their hands with glee. This Corbyn cunt is worse than that Welsh cuntbag Kinnock. Cuntfuck Labourites all of them. I reckon they might as well gave elected Jimmy Tarbuck as leader. I can see the headlines now: SCOUSE CUNT WITH CUNTY SCOUSE LAUGH WINS BY LANDSLIDE MARGIN. At least Cilla Black is no longer bothered by flies. Should rename Alfield Cuntfield. You’ll never wank again you fly-fucked cunts…

  11. the Labour Party will do whatever they can to get rid of Corbyn by the next election. but how are they going to do it? he received 60% of the vote for fucks sake.they believe in democracy don’t they?

  12. how does this work? my toilet is fucking useless, the bend is much too narrow. i am in the habit of shitting enorrrrrrrrrrrmous turds and they simply wont go round the bend. this morning before leaving for golf i had a dump and as per usual tried to flush it away but the fucking thing would not leave, just sat there half in the water half out. so i thought i’d leave it , let the water soften it up.
    now because of the aforementioned flies i always keep my windows shut to keep the little blighters out.and i shut the bathroom door too. i left at 8 and got home at 3, went upstairs to the bathroom, opened the door, would you fuckin believe it! about 6 of those horrible green fuckin flies buzzin about! where the fuck did they come from!! its a fuckin mystery i tell you!

    • Kin’ell. They’re either Ninja flies or you’re shitting maggots, which is a well known side effect of playing golf, something to do with sucking balls between holes?

    • A Doctor says ..
      1. Cook your food thoroughly before eating it
      2. Try chewing your food

      While I’m at it let’s cunt salads
      They take ages to prepare, taste of nothing unless you smother them with salad cream and/or mayo and you invariably want a takeaway/equiv 1/2 hour later. I was making a salad the other week and when I was cutting up some cheddar to pimp it a bastard fly distracted me and I nearly took my thumb off.

  13. thats not as far fetched as it sounds. there was a case a few years ago, the greenkeeper had put fertiliser on the greens, a player picked his ball up and for some reason licked it, he had an adverse reaction to the fertiliser, got an infection and ended up having both legs amputated.

    • Shame Bruce Forsyth, Jimmy Tarbuck & Ronnie Corbett are not members of that club!

      They could bury the fuckers on the 18th in the bunker.
      Then demolish the golf club and build an Aldi superstore.

  14. The best thing about the general election result was watching the lefties shriek and holler with indignant rage, many of them failing to stop short of “we know better than the proles, we should be able to vote on their behalf”. Now they’re at it again. You’d think they’d be happy having an actual left-winger leading the party. But they know he’s unelectable, and like all lefties, all they want to do is to be able to boss people about.

    • Apart from anything else, the cunt Corbyn despises anything with wheels and an engine. Being into me vintage bikes and old cars (not exotic or expensive ones) that makes this piece of filth my personal enemy in a way that no other Labour leader has ever been. The twat wouldn’t even ride in a full electric car for a BBC interview. His kind do not like us Proles to have our “hands on the steering wheel”. The cunt.

      • Yes, at least Charles Kennedy liked a good drink, didn’t do him much good though, he’s pushing up the daisies with ‘Our Cilla’ now, a match made in heaven!
        An alky & a scouse cunt, sounds like an episode of Brookside

  15. Corbyn, another ‘compromised’ puppet put forward as the leader,
    Anyone who thinks democracy is a choice is a fucking idiot, especially when the same powers are controlling BOTH sides.
    Why else would the UK & US want to give democracy to all these oil & mineral laden countries.
    Democracy is the most corrupt form of governance, especially if you control both sides, at least with a dictator you know you are fucked, with democracy you work your fucking arse off under the illusion you are FREE,
    Just because you get to choose your ‘slave’ job does not mean you are FREE.

  16. flies are my fucking pet hate apart from katy price,i bought a mega insectoflash for my office and I have to say it is the high point of my day when a fly gets 6000volts[the crack that always makes me jump followed by the burning fly smell is the very satisfying] so now I enjoy a bit of fly genoside it makes my day,i wonder when they will make one of these for illegal immegrants….the cunts

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