Cats

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Do Foxes eat Cats? Or more rather can they be trained to like feline meat?

I’m fucking fed of the neighbours cats shitting on the front street (in the piles of gravel that council workers can’t be arsed to sweep up no less) so that I can’t have the windows open in the front of the house, because on a hot day the cat shit stinks.

And I can’t sit in the back garden because the little cunts have tag team shitting contests in my herbaceous borders, which also smell ripe on a hot day.

I’m not allowed to poison them, or take them over to Derbyshire. Old Reynard and family like the bins but there can’t be much sustenance in them, maybe I could just fillet a few kitties and give him a taste for them…

Nominated by: The Captain

29 thoughts on “Cats”

  1. The good old cat, gets a cunning. Got a Cat of my own didn’t clean her litter out for couple of days or 4 and the little cunt pissed on the new Sofa. Still love her though.

  2. Seconded. Purring fekin flea ridden rats in my book of things Cuntable. “But they bury their do-dos.” Sayeth the cat lover. Then bury the cat, feckin cat lover and the shit good and deep replyeth this Cunter. A good dressing of lime to keep down the stench of decomposition and there you go. At the risk of blowing my own trumpet: I am getting pretty handy with the flighted half brick. I’ve recently been practising with a half, standard, glazed Accrington out the back of the hand with the frog up to see if I can get some turn, but it’s early days.

    Felis cuntus.

  3. Silly old cunt where I work goes on and on about her fuckin cats like they were children. Moans about how she’s tired because one of them wakes her up at 5am howling at the bedroom door. Fuckin pathetic. I said to her if a cat woke me up at that time it would get launched into the funkin stratosphere off the end of my boot. That shut the silly old cunt up for a while and gave the lugholes a rest.

    • Yeah I like Dogs but if you go round someones house who have got a Dog it stinks of fucking Dog unless they keep the cunt out the back. Fucking Dog hair everywhere, taking the dog for a walk and having to pick up their shit like your a shit pick upperer. Probably get a couple of massive horrible cunt dogs when Im an older cunt though.

      • Dogs don’t smell if you keep them clean. If you didn’t wipe your arse after a shit you’d fucking stink too.

  5. Mine does it in the right place but every once in a while the little bugger decides she’s not going to cover it up this time, just to annoy me. She knows it’ll mean no treats, no toys, no comfy cushions, no access to the bedroom etc etc, but she does it anyway.
    One thing’s for sure, you get nothing from a cat that it’s not happy to give you. Which I suppose is part of the reason why I find them fascinating.

  6. I like pussy cats and own two of the fur-bag moggies. And I do know cats can often annoy the neighbours by scavenging or pooping near or on their yards and gardens. Contrary to popular myth cats don’t always bury their poop. Cats prefer loose dirt, gravel or sand to have their shit. But if the stuff is laid shallow the cat knows it can’t bury its shit and will leave it unburied.

    So what can you do about it? Why should you waste time and/or your money on the many cat deterrents out there, which only work 33% of the time anyway?

    In my opinion there is only one tried and trusted method for you to stop my and other peoples’ cats going anywhere near your property. But don’t let the loving RSPCA animal-rights cunts catch you doing it. Cats have long memories and will always avoid encroaching on territories where they have experienced past hurt. If you can reach or catch a cat doing its business on or near your property, try to cause the offending moggie a “short sharp hard pain”. I don’t mean throw a brick at it or kick it in the head. A well aimed soft piece of wood or a shoe at its rear end will do. If you can catch the offending moggie, better still – you can then give it a really hard whack on the bum..

    • This Black cunt cat keeps coming in the house and eating my cats food, cheeky fucking cunt. He is a clever sneaky cunt as well, there is only room for one black cunt in the house and that’s me so when I catch the cunt he won’t be back. Gonna pour some of my testosterone strong piss over him and a couple of kicks and a slap and he should get the message. Fucking black cunt.

    • Concur with Entopy. Have a tribe orf inbred cats around me estate. Orften is the time I have pulled orn me slippers and stepped into a present orf a headless rat. Follow the old country ways and discipline me pussies with a quick twist orf their bollocks or a nip orf their tits between me finger nails depending upon gender. Very effective but do hold your pussy at arms length dear reader to avoid getting pissed orn.

  7. In the age old struggle between canine and feline I would further observe that the pet maketh the man. Would you prefer to stroke a pussy of go dogging?

  8. We have two dogs and two cats and they are all often annoying little cunts, but we got used to having them around (smells included).

    • God people won’t shut up about him will they , you do know there are worse people then him most trophy hunters kill alot more animals then him ,and poachers are million times worse.It’s almost funny how the mainstream media fed people start to care now in 2015 about the African wildlife, do they even realize that part of the wildlife has been close to extincion for years? This isn’t new! stop this witch hunt on palmer its pointless and aimless If you really care donate money to anti-poaching efforts or something.

      • Palmer is a cunt, but he’s an online hate figure… Tossers on social media who want (or even need) someone to target or get offended about… If one Twitter Twat gets offended, then millions more join in… It’s just like the social media griefjacking phenomenon… My grief is stronger than yours… Only it’s changed to ‘I’m more offended and outraged than you are…’ The latest social media offence craze is people getting ‘outraged’ over Caitlin Jenner and Cecil the lion Halloween costumes…. Seriously, who gives a fuck? Only these online wankers would be offended about some cunt dressing up like Kurt Russell in drag or a lion costume….

        Most of these anti-Palmer ‘Team Cecil’ cunts will be hypocrites anyway… Most of these knobends will listen to their Beyonce and J-Lo bollocks (and those two silly slags are well into wearing animal furs and skins!)… Or they’ll fuck off to McDonald’s to stuff their faces with Big Macs… Or wear something made by kids in a Chinese sweatshop… Hypocritical cunts….

      • Yeah my cat is weird too she won’t eat salmon or tuna but she will eat chicken souvlaki stubborn bitch that she is. She is also hopelessly addicted to temptations cat treats Also here https://youtu.be/DzzsCOeDmAA is a song about cat food if your interested listening to this earlier and just thought of it. I particularly like the art cover for this album I wish I had a vinyl copy of it but it would have to be the vinyl cause the cd cover is too small but £51.00 thats pretty steep on second thought the mp3 sounds fine .

    • You stupid wanks can’t figure it out can you?. Cecil is not even a real lion God you dumb bastards need Spive The Div to figure it out for you. Well here it goes.. Cecil the lion is none other then Cilla Black in a lion suit! Cecil supposedly died july 1st,2015 and Cilla died on august 1,2015 coincidence ? bollocks it was Cilla Black in the lion suit the whole time and she fooled you wankers yet again. It was a false flag operation to keep your minds off of the war and calais migrants but once again you fell for it.

  10. as a lad jack russells,nets and ferrets(stinkers) as an aged bloke two silent killers and not overrun by mice and trying to shoot maggies with my 1,77

  11. Tag team shitting contests ? hahahaha you made my day but I doubt that happened I’m trying to envision this taking place. Two cats trying to out shit the other, tagging each in to shit like wrestling. You know you could just complain to the neighbor about the cats you don’t have to kill them like a cruel cunt, why would you want to kill the one animal who will kill mice and rats unless its those huge arse african rats good god those things are fooking big. Next time could you tape the tag teaming shit matches I’d like to see this

  12. Lion poo. The local zoo usually sells it by the lump.

    Shove a bit in a watering can and mark the perimeter of the garden.

    The local moggies and foxes stear well clear even though they have never clapped eyes on a lion.

    Strange, but true.

    • They know the scent of a much bigger (and tougher) animal…. They think the lion has done a huge shit and that the place is the lion’s turf….. I bet tiger shit works even better….

    • Well she did kick the cat so she did deserve it to some extent, if she wanted to stop the cat from bothering the dog they are others ways of doing so. She should of feed it then tryed picking it up or calling a animal shelter. You never annoy or harm a stray cat they could have rabbies and they are more aggressive/violent.

  14. cats are the most usefull creature on earth, they regularly shit on my gravel frontage, this you may think is unwelcome but those little easy to extract nuggerts are excelent for squishing under the door handles of arseholes who insist on parking in my private parking bay on a private road! cat shit on your fingers, the gift that keeps on giving!

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