And can I nominate for a truly epic cunting “self service” checkouts in supermarkets. Devices worthy of Lucifer himself, designed to get the “valued customer” to do a minimum wage job as checkout operator for fucking free with the added bonus of pushing your blood pressure into the lower stratosphere!
Nominated by: Mr Angry
Self-service checkouts don’t even successfully cut out the need for staff because you always have several staff members lurking around to assist with the inevitable and frequent self-service fuck-ups. Add their hourly wage to the increased losses from shoplifting and is there really much of a saving?
Nominated by: Fred West
If you want to be a real cunt put something small like a cherry tomato behind the carrier bags in the bagging area on the till next to you.
‘UNKOWN ITEM IN BAGGING AREA. REMOVE THIS ITEM AND START AGAIN’.
Watch the five minutes of pure frustration as some poor cunt has to unbag all their shit so that the checkout operator can check each item off against what the till says.
If you want to be an unreal cunt, do it to the tills either side of you and watch the mayhem unfold from a safe distance outside the shop.
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I refuse to use the horrible fucking things… Just go to the fittest bird on the checkout, that’s what I do…
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That’s how I met my girlfriend, she was on the till in Asda, I asked her if she’d like to go for a drink, she wrote her number on the receipt.
I need human interaction in places like that, not cunting about with this scanner thing
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Basil Fawlty and a self service checkout would have been worth watching…
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Most unreliable self service tills? The Co-op every time. In me local they are so used to the fuckers going wrong that they have a gormless member orf staff waiting by them all the time. Every time it happens I blow a gasket and they come running and void the transaction. Then I do a bit orf bag fumbling, tap the machine a few times, pick up me bags and march on oit with a few choice words. Cashing in me divi as it were. Works for me.
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The blokes on site inform me that weighing up steak as loose apples or potatoes is the way forward when the cunts at the CSA have taken all your money.
Just remember to keep a digit over the barcode on the steak.
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I hate self service checkouts, self sucking my foot would be easier, i only use when them the lineups are 90+ people , they are always breaking down and they aren’t exact for produce Always feel i’m getting nicked.
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Madonna is a cunt… Releasing yet another shite record of dirty talk, religious references, whining, bleeps and farts is to be expected from her… Mind you, so is all the other shit… Still trying to ‘shock’ people and be ‘morally outrageous’. Going on a US radio show to talk about how she was apparently raped years ago (right after Lady Ga Ga did the same thing… What a coincidence!), then dear old Madge puts out a record featuring known and convicted rapist, Mike Tyson. That isn’t controversial, it’s pathetic… Dressing like something from a cheap Nevada chicken joint when you’re pushing 60 is also pathetic… I bet that overrated overhyped cunt Drake felt like he was kissing his granny…
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There’s a story in the Daily Fail about Madge. Apparently, she sent out tweet in which she praised Thatcher. All her shirt lifter fans started whingeing, so she deleted it. What a cunt.
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I think Madonna has the political nous of a grain weavel… People (chin stroking cunts) make her out to be astute. But her ridiculous praise of Maggie is as stupid as those silly Spice Girls bitches (that Halliwell cunt especially) and their bigging up of the Iron Lady… Madonna is about as feminist as The Spice Girls. And The Spice Girls were about as feminist as Bernard Manning…
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All pop stars know fuck all about politics, whether it’s Bono, Morrissey, Bob Fucking Geldof or Madonna. Shut the fuck up, you pompous, know-nothing cunts.
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Starting of course with John & Yoko… Now they really were full of shit,,,
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I fucking hate self service checkouts, and they hate. I can never use one without that “Unkown Item” bollocks. Quite often, all I have to do is open a carrier bag for it to throw a tantrum. I sometimes wish I wasn’t such an impatient twat, and could wait in the queue at proper checkout. But I usually end up stuck behind the cunt who buys for the year.
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What annoys me is when I’m in the queue behind some woman who waits for all her items to be scanned and she’s about to be presented with the receipt before she starts looking for her purse. The numb bitch has been stood there doing nothing for five minutes. Then she finds it and pulls a card out, and you know it’s going to take her another five minutes. It’s these thoughtless cunts who should use self-service checkouts.
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Or the woman ( usually with a circus of brats with her), who suddenly, as she is about to pay,remembers she could have had a two for one offer on a tin of beans and holds up the queue at the checkout while she saunters to the aisle to get another tin.
In her absence, said brats will of course grab the nearest bar of chocolate and stuff it down their throats, creating yet more mayhem when the dumb bint gets back and finds her savings have been negated by her kleptomaniac kids activities.
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Another one Lez is cunts who gossip in a supermarket aisle… These stupid cows go on for ages: nattering a load of babbling crap and entirely blocking the way in or out… So you think ‘Fuck this’ and go to the other end of the store for something else… Thinking that they’d be gone by now you return to get what you initially wanted. But the chattering old witches are still there… Proper cunts…
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You need to sharpen your elbows! Mrs D just pushes them out of the way. She’s very intolerant of twats like this…
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What about those cunts who think it’s a good idea to stop and chat right at the exit/entrance.
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That’s my wife your referring to…The good Mrs Fleaboy. AKA The Fleawife.
Ages waiting idly in the queue and when all the stuff’s bagged up, then and only then does she start delving into a purse full of vouchers, most of which are out of date and not even for the shop we’re in. She’s a silly, muddle headed, queue blocking, ten pence discount demanding cunt. And I love her very much…The cunt.
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Mrs D has similar wads of coupons but she does actually know what she’s got. anyway, we don’t have this problem as we shop in Waitrose using their hand held scanner and then going to the autotill thingy. As you’ve already scanned everything on the hoof, you don’t have the shit system everyone else has – and they actually trust you to do it properly.
Amazingly, this system actually works!!!! We can be in and out with a major weekly shop in about a half hour (plus however how long I take in the wine section, which could double that estimate)…
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I’d also like to cunt those people, usually women who have about 3 cards at the ATM, when you’ve used one fuck off to the back of the queue and let the other people waiting use it.
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I love it when you get a message that says “An unexpected error has occurred” What cunt wrote that into the software!!!?
I insist on getting the supervisor over and asking what error he/she expected…
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I once saw a drunk bloke trying to use those self service tills in a Tesco Express, after messing about for almost 5 minutes he just shouted “Fucking..Fuck you” at the top of his voice and walked out leaving all his items behind.
I assume his card was declined but it was just the funniest thing ever, it could have only been surpassed if he had proceeded to kick the fucking shit out of it 🙂
I shop at Waitrose now, a better class of clientèle
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I like Waitrose. The customers are still cunts but at least they’re mainly harmless doddery old cunts and you can knock them out of the way. Plus if you swear at them they just tut and walk away rather than hit you. I see Norman Tebbitt in there quite regularly…
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Norman Tebbit? Now there was a cunt.
And Dioclese you cunt, why’d you ignore my idea for an FA Cup of cunts?
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Tebbit… Maggie’s Darth Vader (and a pure cunt)..
I’m waiting for the 3rd round draw… Will there be a giant killing upset? Will a little cunt (like Harry Styles) turn over one of the Premier League big time glamour cunts (like Bono)?
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Must’ve missed it – I’ll backtrack and see if I can find it. On the other hand, I could be a cunt and ignore you 😉
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Hang on, Sir Limpley shops at the Co-op?
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