Firstly, is there any need for me to forcefeed myself upon the UK nation on every fucking TV programme, radio show and live event possible? No, I just do it cus I fucking love myself and you cunts need to see how fucking good I am. And because I can. And I’m such a cunt that if you’ve got a problem with it my mate the Queen, who I may add is nearly as much of a cunt as me, will fucking deport you to Cuntville, Cuntucky.
What makes me even more of a cunt is that I strut around giving it the biggun with my tight jeans showing off my not overly impressive package doing a load of charity fundraising, getting the public to donate all their cash to those African cunts who would rather walk 20 miles each way to the river rather than just build a fucking house closer (WTF?!), whilst stashing all my own cash off-shore away from HMRC so I can spend it on increasing my own cuntishness.
I don’t even want to be recognised as a cunt, I’m just so much of a cunt I can’t help but fucking nominate myself!
So, in summary, you can all vote for me as cunt of the fucking year or whatever this cuntyshit is, or I’ll fistfuck your daughters and shit in your biscuit barrel.
Nominated by: Gary Barlow OBE
Gary Barlow is indeed a top class cunt… A talentless, royalist, Tory voting knobhead who is alternately up either Simon Cowell or James Corden’s vast arses…
That prancing, poncing fruit, Robbie Williams is also a cunt. That Soccer Aid (someone should tell the mincing balloon it’s called football!) is a load of shite… Even if Williams plays shit and does fuck all (which he always does) and even if his ‘team’ loses the little shit always picks up the trophy on TV… What a self basting cunt!
Nominated by: Norman Whiteside
Gary, can you tell me why you sound like Dave from the Royal family?
Is it because you’re a tax dodging cunt?
Is it because you’re an Elton John loving queer penis fondling cunt?
Is it because you let cunty simian featured Plobby Williams back for good?
Is it because you’re mates with fat face Dave cunting Camo (the fat prick)?
Is it because you can write shit music endlessly?
Who knows. Who cares.
You’re just a cunt.
Nominated by: Hurling Dervish
Gut fat cunts
That’s right, FAT, not “obese” or “upsized” or whatever other don’t stress and stigmatise the damn greedy pig cunts euphimism is used. Last straw is the news that more millions of NHS money is to be wasted on gastric bands (aren’t Chas an’ Dave a gastric band?) in a futile attempt to stem the tide of bloated arses and diabetes flooding this once great nation. Will the cunts scoff less MacDonalds and slurp fewer Red Bulls and vodka? This is on top orf the reinforced ambulances and wider kazhi seats and wider doors ect ect that pcdom is rolling out at vast expense across the NHS and council housing.
Recall the days orf the Depression and the General Strike. Plenty of slim fillies around then. Fat is not beautiful. Eat less you pud’n shagging cunts.
Each new version of a motor is bigger than the last to squeeze in more gut and standard clothing sizes have all been ‘upscaled’ so that modom no longer has to wrap her cunt in clingfilm and suck in her blubber to squeeze her arse into that size fourteen. Bollocks on the table, as a time served old aristo one admits to the possession of an arse right regal generally encased in a pair of ever expanding plus fours but a way to go before I can’t lever it into me old Bentley. Enjoy me vitals and fuck orf the lot of you but I do not object to being called a fat old cunt. Par for the course donchaknow. Yet if one dare’s to return the favour to some gross slapper with her benefits goldmine fat brats taking up ten seats on the bus one is booted orf for “inappropriate behaviour”. One has one’s seniors bus pass so fuck orf. Fucking fat fascist cunts.
You know you want it:
http://mattforney.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/fat-women-world.png
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Would you?:
http://h6img.com/g/4/nasty-fat-hairy-wife-lydia-6.jpg
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Luckily I am currently on the 5:2 diet plan and today is a day when I don’t eat a lot otherwise I might just have thrown up!!!
Mind you, if I looked at this agin tomorrow then I’d certainly eat less.
And to answer your question, no I bloody well wouldn’t!
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Brings one to the interesting sub-genre of Fat Porn (do feel free to Google it dear reader).
I believe this was taken after a staff party at Nandos:
http://37.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mb3alceKd71rfqk9qo1_1280.jpg
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Re: Nasty fat, hairy wife: No I would not ‘do her’ unless of course, I was very, very, drunk. Definitely a three bottles of Merlot women.
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Fuck me with a stick- is that a women or an amorphous globule of lard?
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Barlow the orf key cunt is part of a £66 mill tax dodging scheme and owns property to the tune of £20 mill.
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Yes, the cunt lives round the corner from me. As does Blobby Williams.
Their houses are easily spotted by the ever present cunts with telephoto lenses the size of a small child taking photos of Barlow’s missus getting the shopping out of the back of the motor.
Now, that is a bunch of sad cunts.
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If we’re cunting tax dodging celebrity cunts, we cannot forget that Messianic muppet, Bono. Actually, we need to cunt the rest of U2 as well, they’ve denied the Republic of Ireland’s treasury millions of Euros. And that Hypocritical cunt, Bonio has the fucking nerve to travel the globe telling rich countries that we must give increasing amounts to the starving people of Africa.
You first Bonzo. Give the millions you avoided paying in tax to those starving Africans whose arses you seem to love licking. This fuckwit is the reason that Cameron and Clegg are so obsessed with throwing our money at every other country but ours. And now, they actually want to enshrine it in law that the UK pays 0.7% of our GDP in foreign aid.
Until you’re willing to give several million quid of your own money, Bonio, Shut the fuck up. Try writing a decent song for a change. I’m mean, you’ve been famous for thirty years or more, and you’ve come out with nothing but shite.
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I’m not sure if I’m making a nomination here, but I had to share this just because of how ridiculous it is. According to the DM (I know, but I just can’t help it), Ed Milibland’s latest ambition is to have a meeting with POTUS, Bollock O’Barmy. Apparently, he thinks that if he can get a photo of himself conversing with the Shite house in the White house, British voters will think he is PM material after all.
He obviously thinks that such a photo will make us forget that he spent years claiming to be an atheist, before a trip to Israel made him remember that he’s actually Jewish. We’ll also forget that bacon muffin photo that made him look a complete spaz. This amnesia will stretch to us forgetting that he looks and sounds like God made him from a load spare donkey scrotums. And that he’s more indecisive and inept than Gordon Brown. Oh, and that he stabbed his own brother in the back. With a chainsaw.
Then we’ll forget that he’s a huge fan of Hollande, the French President. A man less popular than Hitler. A man who has managed to fuck France’s economy with dipshit socialist policies. Basically, Ed Miliburke thinks a photo with Bollock O’Barmy will make us all forget that he is in fact a fratricidal, weak, indecisive, geeky, buck toothed, cack handed, fuck up prone, left wing, Jewish/Atheist, retard. He really is a cunt. I mean, he only got married because he thought it would make him look more respectable. He obviously forgot that he’s a politician.
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Oh yeah, I forgot to mention something. According to a former deputy Secretary of State, Miliburke currently has as much chance of a meeting with O’Barmy as I have shagging of Jennifer Lawrence, whilst single handedly killing every member of every Muslim terrorist group with my bare hands.
That’s because O’Barmy doesn’t like him. And that’s because he fucked up O’Barmy’s plans for Syria when he and his Labour chums voted against airstrikes. And he actually managed to fuck up there as well.
Miliburke was actually in favour of airstrikes, but got his party to vote against, because he knew the majority of the British public were against them, and thought it would gain him some brownie points. The dumb fuck actually expected to lose the vote. Nobody was more surprise than he when he actually won. And this complete fucking retard, actually stands a chance of getting into Downing Street. Not because he’s any good, but because Cameron and Cameron are also cunts.
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Obviously, that last bit should read; Cameron and CLEGG. I shall self flagellate immediately as punishment.
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Clearly a freudian dear heart. Perhaps you meant Clegg and Clegg. They are all clones of each other. Oh and please to post the self flagellation on youtube.
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Frankly, Sir Limply, I find it difficult to tell the difference between them days.
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Vince Cable is a cunt. The dirty old fucking bastard cunt sells off the post office to bankers (hook-noses) after asking them to set the sale price.
So, as you might expect, the hook-noses set the price low after getting first dibs on buying the shares from dirty corrupt cunt Cable, and make £1,264,000,000 on the first day the shares are floated (money thieved off taxpayer by the hook-noses).
Meanwhile, a person 10 minutes late for an appointment at a Jobcentre, after being made redundant, because of a bus strike or what ever, who has worked 30 years without claiming a penny in benefits, is sanctioned and given not a single unemployment payment for 3 months.
The dirty evil sick corrupt cunt shit Vince Cable has sex with monkeys. There are pictures of the cunt on the Internet trying to marry a dirty filthy monkey bastard. Apparently cunt Cable met the dirty monkey cunt in a hospital when Jimmy Savileing kids.
So, one law for monkey-fucking cunts like Cable, and another for people who pay the wages of the dirty monkey-fucking beasts in parliament.
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Steven Moffat is a cunt… This smug, self satisfied, BBC royalty, nu-Who twat has ruined one of my favourite boyhood TV shows… His plots and stories are appalling… That River Song bollocks that lasted over two series (If she says “Spoilers” once fucking more….). The frankly ludicrous story arcs and the substandard villains he has created… His terrible to non-existent use of classic Doctor Who foes (He has never written a decent Dalek or Cybermen story, and I dare say he never will!). Moffat claims to be a longtime Who fan, but I don’t think he gets it at all… His episodes of that Sherlock Holmes thing are also shite…
Been watching “Genesis Of The Daleks” featuring the great Tom Baker on The Horror Channel… That’s the real shit…
And that presenter on that particular channel (Emily Booth, I think)…. I’d really give that one…
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The Moffat cunt is part of the camp cadre at the BBC so can do no wrong my loves.
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Apparently, he’s wants one of the Dr’s regenerations to be a woman. Considering Gallifrey was resurrected in the 50th anniversary episode, I’d have thought Moffatt could’ve had as many Timeladies as his little liberal heart wanted. But no, he apparently wants to go full left wing retard and fuck with the gender of a character who is clearly male.
In my opinion, if it’s true, then that should get him a severe kicking. There’s already too much politically correct bullshit in that show, especially regarding homosexuality. We don’t need an arsewipe like Moffatt sounding the show’s second death knell by fucking about with something that should not be fucked about with.
Being a left wing fuckwit though, means you come with an inbuilt self destruct button. To knob ends like Moffatt, it doesn’t matter if the show dies a death, so long as the pc messages get through.
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Dead right… The BBC and cunts like Moffat put being ‘right on’ before anything else… If the Beeb did a TV show about The Beatles the Fab Four would be someone black, someone gay, a woman, and Ringo… That’s how ridiculous it now is….
Sherlock has been shite too… A potentially great character (which Conan Doyle’s original Holmes was!), yet they make him less enigmatic by giving him a mumsie and daddy and going round for Xmas dinner (and it’s Benedict Cumberbatch’s own parents, for fuck’s sake!). Then Dr. Watson gets married (again, Martin Freeman’s real partner!) and she is an assassin….. What total bollocks… Sir Arthur Conan Doyle wouldn’t wipe his arse on the script…
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Instead of saying “I’m sorry, my accountant is a cunt and I didn’t have a clue what he was up to with my finances cos I’m as thick as pig shit me” he defends his tax avoidance with “yeah… but I do loads of charity stuff”. Twat. Maybe if you paid your taxes there’d be less homeless kids to worry about you knobber. Relative to his earnings his charity work and donations probably amounts to me flipping a sixpence in some Big issue sellers palm.
And you can keep your OBE cos it means fuck all to me anyway. Prick.
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I hereby cunt anyone culpable for the Rotherham child abuse scandal. Black, white, civilian, copper, Christian, Muslim, MP, whoever you fucking are.
Where the fuck to start? 1400 kids abused over years. Hundreds of people knew and either turned a blind eye or simply denied it. Words fail me as to my feelings towards those responsible, and just as bad, those who let down these kids. The perpetrators need exterminating. The people who let them down need naming on huge posters…Live with that shame you cunts. Fuck you!
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