The Blackcountry

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Collier Pigeon Fanciers

Imagine a land of pigeon-fanciers, flat-caps, faggots (the pork variety) and mushy peas, long-closed coal mines and vanished heavy industry, where the locals speak in a strange dialect and with a peculiar accent. Imagine a place where the pubs still serve dark mild with their ready salted peanuts, and the locals have a sturdy, misplaced pride in the place of their birth.

But this isn’t Yorkshire or Tyneside, but the Blackcountry, a place where people don’t go to die, merely to disappear for good, where the streets are full of holes (and not just in the red light districts) and the weather is always shit. A place where no one really knows where it begins and where it ends (the “borders” of the Blackcountry are notoriously hard to define) and the only thing people around here do know is that we ay from Brum, and we hate brum, and we hate Brummies.

Imagine a place where the majority of folk are Labour voters but the main local evening newspaper is a Tory mouthpiece edited somewhere deep in the bowels of Tory central office. A place where the people are more defiantly English than anywhere else in England, but who the rest of England loves to take the piss out of. A land full of cloth cap cunt, to be blunt.

A place that ay Birmingham, but isn’t much else either.

Imagine a place called the Blackcountry, and pretend it doesn’t really exist.

Nominated by : Colin Murray’s Brain

11 thoughts on “The Blackcountry”

  1. Vile accent, depressing cities, one of the highest areas for crime in the country, yet also the birthplace of some of the finest bands in UK rock history, so for that alone I’d forgive them.

      • Black Sabbath, and half of Led Zeppelin for starters you stupid cunt.

      • Er, you’ve forgotten Slade. Noddy ‘cup a soup’ Holder would be spinning in his grave if it wasn’t for the fact that he ain’t dead,

      • As someone pointed out. Half of Zeppelin, Black Sabbath, Judas Priest, Spencer Davies Group, Traffic,The Move, The Moody Blues for starters. Add to that musicians who come from the area: Steve Winwood, Nick Mason,Carl Palmer and Geezer Butler.
        Might not be to everyone’s taste

  2. Billie Holiday sings about Black-cunt-trees in ‘Strange Fruits’. She wrote if after having a shit at Piccadilly bus station.

  3. A fairly accurate analysis, except you’ve missed out ferrets. Black country folk love their ferrets. Many happy hours spent with gramps ‘rabbiting’ with his ferret ‘Cuddles’. As I hail from that part of the world (Tipton/Dudley) I can reminisce without actually going there. I loved the place so much that I fucked off to New Zealand. But of course, the greatest black country resource, and export, has always been its people.

    • Ah of course, I’d forgotten all about the ferrets, good point.

      But the more I think about it the more I’d I’d swear the Black Country is just a bit of the North of England that got detached from the rest and drifted down into the Midlands…

      • Apart from being called cunts, you could be right about the Black country originating from the North East

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