Apple [4]

I know the world has gone to shit in a handcart, but FFS! What kind of cunt pays £1,399 for a fucking electronic watch just because – according to Apple – it “inspires wrist envy”??

Presumably the same sort of cunt who pays £499 for the fucking strap to go on it just because it’s made by Hermes and it wraps around your wrist twice so that everyone can tell you’ve got one. Let’s be honest, the watch strap has been around a long time and there’s never been a reason to make it go around your wrist twice. It’s a classic design so why fuck with it? Well, presumably just to inspire wrist envy!!!

And what does the fucking watch do anyway? Well you can use it to make calls because it links to the iPhone in your pocket. Just get the fucking phone out of your pocket you lazy cunts!

And of course you’ll want to upgrade to the iPhone RED so that everyone can see you’re a virtue signalling cunt who pays extra for your phone to support AIDS charities.

Well, here’s a suggestion for all you tossers who want to inspire wrist envy : just tattoo “I’m a cunt” on your wrist. And if you’re embarrassed by it later in life, you can always cover it up with a double looping £499 Hermes watch strap.

You gotta hand it to Apple. They’ve got exploiting snowflakes off to a ‘T’

Nominated by Pedantic Cunt

47 thoughts on “Apple [4]

  1. In answer to your comment as to what kind of Total Cunt pays 1400 quid for a wrist ornament… The average snowflakes deluded silly more cash than brains parents. You utter stupid Cunts for sponsoring more Cunts. Allegedly.

  2. I always find my Rolex Submariner is a much better wrist ornament. I wont have to upgrade the software or ponce about syncing it to my phone. Plus it has increased in value since I bought it – I wear it to look flash so fuck the cunts who use red iphones to virtue signal for the infected uphill gardeners. Let them fucking rot. Fuck about doing unnatural things – expect to catch unnatural diseases.

    • I always find my Rolex Submariner is a much better wrist ornament. I wont have to upgrade the software or fuck about syncing it to my phone. Plus it has increased in value since I bought it – I wear it to look flash so fuck the cunts who use red iphones to virtue signal for the infected uphill gardeners. Let them fucking rot. Fuck about doing unnatural things – expect to catch unnatural diseases.

  3. You can tell we are having a nice spell of weather, because my delightful neighbors have put their yappy fucking dogs in the garden. The little cunts bark repeatedly, with just the odd ‘shut up’ pointlessly shouted by the owners to break the monotony. Selfish thoughtless cunts.

    • Tossing a poisoned burger over the fence generally sorts those kind of issues out fairly quickly I find.

      Shame you can’t do it in a more satisfying way by substituting the burger for a live hand grenade.

      • Novchock springs to mind…….a little on a bonio would suffice I think. You can get it from most chemical research labs.

      • As much as the dogs get on my tits, it’s the fucking owners who would be at the centre of any retribution on offer. A satisfying kick up the arse for the yappy mutts would probably do the trick. If the cunt can’t face doing it, I’m quite willing to step in….

      • I found myself grabbing my elbow swimming in our pool. in the Summer of 2016. Except it turned out not to be an elbow. Was a rattler. Huge Monger Threw it over the fence and it shut up the neighbour’s dog for weeks.

          • Yep. Pulled one out of the neighbourhood sandpit within minutes of moving in. That was the first. And then there was the time I wrestled a bear in Nevada. I just hollered “Canada fucking Canada while I gripped and rolled.

  4. Couldn’t give a fuck. Any cunt who pays for this shit deserves fleecing.

    • Well its usually Snowflake flavoured Cunts or at least their Libtard Mater and Pater.. so happy days… I would rook the Cunts rotten.

  5. If there is ever an argument for a cull, it’s the cunts that queue all night to pay £1000 for a phone. Gotta hand it to Apple, they know how to exploit thick cunts with too much disposable income.

  6. Who buys this wrist shit?
    Pampered, trendy, cretinous Cunts who are the natural products of shallow, superficial, and celebrity-worshipping modern culture.

    Apple is the master of producing useless, overpriced shite for these cunts.
    Apple Engineer on their latest product:

  7. I was always amused that the apple mouse had a single button….
    Fuck it, if apple can shred cash out of these shit filled skinbags let them carry on.
    Cunts fucking cunts. Love it.

  8. Top cunting, Although I swear by Apple Mac computers and have done for abaaaaaht 20 years (way before the the Ipod generation) all the rest of their stuff is nice and well built but a rip off and because people love the brand they’ll pay £1000 for a phone or get a £70 a month contract to get the phone for £299… and after buying a case for £100 a few months later it’s scratched, been dropped and Apple slow it down with updates.

  9. I bought this for my son for his fourteenth in a vain hope he might not turn out to be a twat. He’s still on the twat-track Just shows. Once a cunt, always a cunt. And you might want to save your kid from a peculiarly cunty path but they lead their own lives.

    • I’m afraid by buying this kind of shite, and pampering him in general, you guarantee that he reaches full Cuntitude

      • I think you do it in the vain hope that they might just shut the fuck up for a couple of days and leave you alone.

        Never seems to work though – they just substitute one piece of crap to another. Fuck em.

  10. “What kind of cunt pays £1,399 for a fucking electronic watch”?

    I don’t know really.

    Probably the sort of millennial /snowflake cunt who thinks nothing of ordering a Starbucks Quadriginoctuple Frap or some such shit whilst whinging about baby-boomers and how they’ve destroyed his life by voting to escape the 4th Reich and make it impossible for him to save up for a deposit on a modest flat and give mummy and daddy a fucking break for the first time in their miserable lives of quiet desperation, cunt.

    Will try to get back to you.

    • Id want to be time travelling for £1400, after the 66′ WC final I would stop off in 1960’s Luxembourg and give a young Jean-Claude Junker a kick in the bollocks.

    • Oh Motherfucker, You just nailed it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve trekked down to Starbucks for a Caramel Frappuccino with whipped fucking cream. For my oldest.Spoiled the little shit relentless. You make a rod for your own back.
      And what the fuck kind of drink has whipped cream in it?

      • Spare the rod… you’re supposed to beat the child not yourself!

        Never did me any harm…

    • I think you have these Cunts all wrong and they will be queuing up to serve their country in this hour of need as we theatrically bomb.. well, something, with the obvious approval of the Slavs.I would like to be on the front line with a snowflake though. I would shoot the Cunt in the face and take his rations.

    • @RTC – if you saw my local mummy and daddy of spoilt brats (2), you might be converted to mindless savagery, with strict control of diet and hours of your offspring. And maybe invest in a sjambok. They both look like the victims of a wasting disease, work all hours to support the young bastards, and are psychologically away with the fairies. Apparently one of the brats won’t even talk to them and the other has ‘problems’.

      Still, the lads spend most of their time indoors providing a safe haven to other wasters whose parents are less forgiving, and probably scamming pensioners via email or running a county line, which is at least quiet, so I suppose the public interest is served.

      • I’m always up for a spot of “mindless savagery” Komodo, though sadly have no offspring (that I Know of). Even so, an asjambok might come in handy next time the wife’s mother comes round, thanks for the heads up!

  11. “What kind of cunt pays £1,399 for a fucking electronic watch”?

    Same kind of Cunt who pays £100 thousand for a wristwatch and then has it robbed off him at traffic-lights by some Cunt on a motorbike….Simon Jordan,ex Crystal Palace owner had this misfortune happen to him. How I chuckled when I read about it.

  12. I’ve been the butt of many jokes coz since primary school I’ve stuck with Casio digital watches.

    It’s just a fuckin watch ffs!!!

    You might have the Tag Whore (sic), but I’ve tagged more whores, so get fucked.

        • Wrist envy…

          Mmmm now, I have to use both when cracking one out, due to the immense size, girth etc….

          Is that what others mean by wrist envy?

  13. On the plus side, those Syrian cunts will have a strong team at the next Paralympics…. But,on the downside, they could test positive for a banned chemical substance…

    And I know I cunted Big Don for his ludicrous Ivan baiting the other day, but there was snowflake libfuck leftie boiled piss by the gallon today… Almost worth a nuclear war, that…

  14. You could always sign up for the “Corrie McKeague Bin Alert.” Its state of the art technology will prevent you from throwing your self in a bin in celebration of the 100th anniversary of the dissolving of the RFC… its also got a discreet dogging alert and a pompous rant from Uncle Tony the “intelligence expert.” . Yeah , Right.

  15. For £1400 you can buy a very nice watch that tells the actual time.

    You know, like the ones adults wear.

  16. I was at that big shopping centre in Shepherds Bush once and there was a long queue of nerds outside the Apple shop. Fuck knows what they were after but when they opened the doors they all rushed in and the staff, all wearing bow ties, stood there applauding the cunts. That was about 3/4 years ago so whatever it was they were getting a hard
    on for is now yesterday’s obsolete shite.
    The world of the geek. I just don’t get it.

  17. I’ve hated Apple ever since they released ‘Two Virgins’ and all that other pretentious Yoko Fucking Ono shite… Cunts…

  18. A hand held device that allows you to communicate anywhere in the world across multiple platforms, stick a camera in it and in the hands of a vacuous narcissistic cunt you have to wonder if mankind has peaked.

    Be the wanker that other wankers look up to. Very apt.

  20. If YT had an Apple chronometer I’d wear it on me cock. Wrist Envy? With a little rewrite it works for me.

  21. These gadgets are, it shouldn’t need saying, completely obsolete the minute they hit the street. There are five years worth of whizzo illuminated trickery in the pipeline, each designed to make you throw away the one you bought last year and buy another. Including, I understand, one for cunters. Which will generate a 2000-word rant on any topic entered, and submit it to ISAC, auto-detect snowflakes near you, drown out any music of which you disapprove with “There’ll Always Be An England” and auto-tweet your opinions 24/7. Optionally, it will also warn you when your piss is about to boil.

    Look out for the targeted ads, based on your internet history, and resist if you can…

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