Valentines Day [2]

Right. We’ve had Christmas, New Year and we’re approaching Mother’s Day and Easter, so we need some hyped up marketingfest shite to fill in the gap. Guess what? It’s Valentine’s Day!!!

All that is reliably known of the saint commemorated on February 14 is his name and that he was martyred and buried at a cemetery on the Via Flaminia close to the Ponte Milvio to the north of Rome on that day. So basically another gobby fucker who couldn’t keep his opinion to himself and got topped by people who were sick of listening to him.

Because so little is reliably known of him, in 1969 the Catholic Church removed his name from the General Roman Calendar, leaving his liturgical celebration to local calendars. Basically not an actual saint then?

So today let’s raise a glass to St Valentine – a non-saint ‘resurrected’ to seperate gullibel cunts from their hard earned in the name of love marketing.

What a crock of fucking shite!

Nominated by Dioclese

66 thoughts on “Valentines Day [2]

  1. Valentine’s fucking Day has just become another overblown consumerist deluge, like Halloween or Mother’s Day.

    Pretty much since 2018 started, ads or TV cunts have been harping on about the one day of the year where it is compulsory to recompense your partner for sex. In actual fact, the male of the species spends most of the year paying for sex – drinks, meals, dates and other assorted bollocks. Funny, I don’t hear too many harlots shrieking for equality on this front!

    The whole day is just utterly fucking pointless. Just another classic marketing scam akin to making people believe they should celebrate the ability to walk, talk or complete a full respiration fucking cycle.

    What are you doing this Valentine’s day? Eating my own weight in Nachos and having an almighty wank. Can’t wait!

  2. “Right. We’ve had Christmas, New Year and we’re approaching Mother’s Day and Easter, so we need some hyped up marketingfest shite to fill in the gap. Guess what? It’s Valentine’s Day!!!”

    Always amazes me that the capitalist cunts have somehow missed the opportunity to create something between April and October to sell more trinkets, overpriced sweets and stupid fucking costumes. Once October hits, it’s fucking wall to wall: Halloween, Christmas, New Year, Valentine’s day, Mother’s Day, Easter…

    Father’s Day is pretty muted, funnily enough.

    Perhaps 3rd August from hereon in could be ‘Black Panther’ day.

    • Black Panther is a militant black terrorist group in the USA so it seems a strange name for a superhero unless he gets to kill lots of whiteys

      • Oddly enough, they both came into existence in the same year, 1966. The Black Panther in a Marvel Comic in July, and The Black Panther Party in October.

        So if you wanted to be pedantic, you’d have to say the terrorist group named themselves after the comic book character, not the other way round, tee-fucking-hee.

          • This about the Donald:

            His 1974 Baxenden murder gained Donald Neilson the nickname “Black Panther”, when, during an interview with a local television reporter, Astin’s wife Marion described her husband’s killer as “so quick, he was like a panther”. Alluding to the killer’s dark clothing, the enterprising reporter ended his piece by asking “Where is this Black Panther?”, and the nickname stuck.

        • Named themselves after a fucking comic book character? Sad cunts.
          Could have called themselves the Bash (Whitey) Street Kids…

  3. My mrs hates that Valentines shite as much as I do… She says that it’s for gullible cunts and sheep who do it because everyone else does (see also Halloween)… She is also right when she says that 99% of stuff sold for the ‘occasion’ is tasteless crap that would put even Del Boy to shame… A classic example? Both a box of crappy chocolates and the Fifty Shades of Shite DVD both advertised in the window of Poundland for a quid each…. Say no fucking more…

    • Of course, a lot of daft slags would be happy with a DVD about a sadistic perv. a heart shaped thong and a load of teeth rotting shite, but not my old lady… I am so glad now that I aimed higher all those years ago… Mine isn’t perfect (and neither am I), but she is miles above all that other shite….

      • Astonishes me that so many fucking idiots bought into that whole 50 Shades bollocks. Again, I’m never sure whether the hysterical fucking media blew it right out of proportion, or if indeed there are that many gullible cuntfucks willing to buy into a third-rate tale of shit-bondage.

        The literal cunt who wrote those books must spend every fucking day laughing all the way to the bank.

        • Judging by the sheer volume of 50 Shades books in our charity shops, “many gullible cuntfucks” would appear to be a vast underestimate. Only one bint I know has read it, and she said it was shite.

          • Charity shops are full of Fifty Shades, ghost written celeb books and DVDs of last year’s already forgotten shite “blockbuster” films. Most pleasingly Danny Craig’s Bond films all appear there frequently, a golden opportunity to not enjoy them over and over again.
            Struck it lucky the other week though, a “Dirty Dozen” compilation volume of old Commando Comics for a Quid.
            There followed a pleasant evening’s reading about Fritz getting a good pasting.
            (Some might suggest that needs to happen again…)

  4. My local pub has the temerity to hold “Valentines week”. A fucking week. The idiot behind the bar said “it’s head office’s idea”, what a cunt. He’s the licensee, a position of some importance. Licensee’s can sign passport photographs FFS but they can’t use common sense in their pub.

    I agree with Dioclese, just after the Halloween/fireworks/Divali months we get the Black Friday/Christmas/New Year season, and just as we think we are getting back to usual, the fucking “furairy rosher” so-called chocolates and mumbled perfume ads are being aired on the idiot box.

    Me and the Missus don’t even celebrate our wedding anniversary, so take that you marketing cunts.

    • Does that Valentine’s Week include the dreaded ‘singles night’?

      I remember some ancient philosophy/proverb about a man discovering his true worth when he stares into the abyss and sees what is looking back at him. I frankly find there is no better indicator than a pub-based singles night, when you stare into the shit-abyss and not even an overweight, unemployed munter is staring back at you.

      • Dear Empire. I cannot answer, although I agree with you, because I avoided the place. If the fuckers are that stupid to make an evening into a week, I’ll take my cash elsewhere for beers.

  5. Valentines Day is supposedly for secret admirers and lovers “separated by circumstances” anyway, not us happily married types.
    Should be renamed “St Stalkers” or “St Saddoes” Day…

  6. Valentine’s day is the one day that brings me and Mrs B together in harmony – we unequivocally agree that it’s all a steaming pile of cuntage!

  7. People have forgotten the true meaning of St Valentines Day.

    Just like St Pancakes Day.

    • Reminds me of the proverbial Scotsman, Englishman and Irishman in a boozer.
      Scotsman says “My son was born on St Andrew’s Day, so I called him Andrew”.
      Englishman says “My son was born on St George’s Day, so I called him George”.
      Irishman says “That’s a coincidence, so it is. Same thing happened with my son Pancake”

  8. A non-event throughout my life, thankfully. But reflect. If she is inseminated in mid-February, the spawn, well nourished in utero during the summer, will appear in October, when the harvest is safely gathered in/ ere the winter nights begin. Which ensures max spare time for childminding and max food for the first couple of months. Evolutionary plus. Probably the best time to screw if you want a sprog.

    I see it is now possible to buy an Easter egg to celebrate the debatable saint’s feast….

    • Interesting theory Komodo, and probably true. Like the 12 days of Christmas we’re probably put there to cheer everyone up in the middle of freezing winters. I don’t think Jesus was born in December according to ancient historians.

  9. What we don’t celebrate, but really should, is St George’s day. They all celebrate David and some scotch and Irish cunt who I can’t remember their names but we English dont do Georges day. Maybe its because half the fucking population isn’t actually English.

    • St George is as bogus as Valentine. Greek born in Turkey, originally sold bacon to the Roman army, who became the universally-detested bishop of Alexandria. Finally thrown into the sea by the religious opposition. One of whom was called Dracontius…geddit?

  10. I send myself several Valentine’s cards to convince the post woman that I’m a stud. I also send out a lot of revoltingly messaged ones addressed to any married man who has huffed me over the year. I sign them with the landlady from the local pub’s name and demand to know “When are you going to tell your wife the truth? Leave the bitch as you promised,”. I’d like to imagine that the wife opens the card addressed to her husband before he gets home from work. That should provide the stimulation for them to have a memorable evening.
    I like to think that I’ve ruined many a planned romantic evening and cost that old bag who banned me from the pub a good deal of business. If I’m not getting the leg over, Fuck them.

  11. I popped into a Tesco superstore yesterday to do the weekly shop and it was absolutely heaving, 100,s of excited people literally fighting over the valentine cards, chocolates, flowers and tacky lingerie , One word instantly sprang to mind….. MUGS!!
    I also noticed the most unwelcome site of the Easter egg ! , it appeared to drive the shepple into a heightened state of buying arousal…. MUGS!!

    I came to the conclusion that
    the shepple are at their happiest when being fleeced…. 🐏

    • You got that right, B&W.

      Years ago I worked with a gal, let’s say her name was Jackie (‘cos it was), who used to go out on dates with guys and tell them it was her birthday. Naturally, they’d go all out to impress her with gifts and fancy nights out, not knowing it was a ploy because she was going to dump them anyway and was only doing it to get ‘special treatment’. Seriously! And she would joke about this in the office. It’s shit like that which makes guys completely paranoid. Heartless bitch.

      Treat yourself tonight, B&W. Have a little of something you fancy, whatever that may be and ignore the ‘swooning couples’ who’ll be everywhere. Most of them are miserable anyway. Cheers – I.Y.

      • Very good advice IY thanks,
        Bit busy today so haven’t got time to look at the pretending to be happy and loved up couples. I’m actually enjoying being single.
        A few Rums for me later.

  12. If we are going to celebrate any particular day how about a King Alfred day at least he stood up to the fucking invading viking cunts. Or a Boudicca day who after having being flogged and her daughter raped said enough and led a revolt against the mighty roman empire although she ultimately lost at least she tried. There are two people our snowflake generation will despise.

  13. People in town centres are generally fucking idiots.

    It seems to me that of the shops in our town centre that have not closed down, are either pound shops, charity shops, betting shops, second hand (usually stolen) items shops, or money lending outlets.

    The remainder (apart from the usual M&S, Debenhams, Boots, Apple and half a dozen phone shops) seem to be shops selling fucking tat and rubbish. Shitty card shops, shitty “jewellery”/accessory shops, shitty sweet shops, shitty cheap clothing shops, shitty perfume shops, shitty gambling shops, shitty Vap smoking shops and the like.

    Had to to get a card for a birthday party my son to attend. Went into two card shops, where the cheapest card was £2.49 FFS. Said I was not prepared to spend £2.49 on a crap card. Went to a cheap card shop, picked out a crap one for £0.39. Had to queue for about 10 minutes to purchase the fucking thing, all of the cards were crap however the place was absolutely packed.

    Fucking hate the town centre, all of the shops and all of the people in it.

        • Christ Willie – you’re not a Shrewsbury cunt are you? My parents had a quickie fuck in a field there that resulted in, gulp…me!

          It all fits: Daniel Kawczynski MP is a bender, his constituency Shrewsbury and Atcham is by the seaside.

          Time to come clean Willie, I think we should be told…

        • It is the gay capital of the north,and his initials are GM.It was the town centre refurbishment comment that made me think you were a neighbor Willie.👍

        • Blimey,do you mean there’s more than one MP that likes to do his gardening uphill? No wonder this country is in such a mess.

          • Afraid not Fillipo

            The MP’s in questions name may suggest he likes man on man action on the beach, not necessarily that I live near the beach!!

            But certainly South East.

            A further clue is that there is at least one other Cunter on here who comes from the same town, and which is identified in the photo he uses.

          • Well solved Fillipo

            Ipswich for the last 25 years.

            There are far worse places to live, but the town centre is rank.

          • Sign of the times I’m afraid Willie.Blackpool is just the same,in an appalling state.The way you described Ipswich is why I was convinced you were talking about Blackpool and probably every other town/city in this rapidly declining nation of ours.Long live the tractor boys….unless you’re stuck behind one.Cunts!

    • Jesus H Christ WS
      Don’t ever set foot in cuntons (Clinton’s). At Xmas they were selling some Xmas cards at £15.00!! When I was told that I laughed at the Cunt behind the counter who then replied “ it’s does actually come in a box”
      So 2 pieces of cardboard for £15.00!! Cheeky Cunts!! 😡😡

  14. Town centre junkies waiting on their methadone along with all the shit shops already mentioned

  15. Fortunately I’m married to the very enlightened Mrs. Yank who, like me, completely ignores Valentine’s Day.

    What gets me the most is, you could buy your ‘special person’ roses and chocolates on every other day of the year, but if you don’t on this particular day, then you’re a cunt. What utter bollocks. I also object to how it is almost 100% slanted in favour of females. We get bombarded with ads for flowers, chocolates, jewlery, lingerie, cuddly toys, etc. Never one for getting your guy a games console, football season ticket, crates of beer, night out at a strip club, etc.

    Oh well, suppose I should get ready for work. Only 3 days to go then I’m free of that cesspool. Haven’t stabbed anyone yet, but there’s still time. 🙂

  16. Partner-Before-Last Day could be fun. I would open a chocolate turd factory or poisonous fungus farm on the strength of that.

  17. I bought the wife 250 flowers for valentines Day. So what if they spell out ‘Grandad’ ?

  18. Cunts like Clinton cards sell overpriced rip off shite, and I hope they go belly up.
    I live in hope that such an event may happen and have purchased one of Clinton’s own cards to send to their CEO.

    “Thinking of you at this difficult time”…

  19. Valentines Day
    best night of the year to have a row with your bird in a restaurant so she fucks off home in tears and leaves you to finish the food and foot the bill the cunt
    or was that just mine…

  20. If you’re in Wales, they have (or maybe had, earlier in the year), some female saint’s day dedicated to all this sort of thing.

    So I went to college, TG passed my NVQ2 spark’s exam with 80% (open book AND multiple choice, so it really wasn’t too hard…), went to get train home, it was fucking cancelled, waited around for an hour and a half for next one (as replacement bus only arrived three minutes before the train). A couple of drinks on way home, then turned on tv and saw Morse dying.
    Have developed an (irrational ?? attachment to the girl in my evening class, and her green Mazda MX-5. Dunno why, cars have never figured in my erotic dreams before. I just feel…wrung out and dopey.

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