Elf on the Shelf

“Elf on the Shelf” is a cunt.

Don’t know what it is but I’m hearing it everywhere.
I don’t know that if I understood it I would be cunting it, but right now I am.

Nominated by Birdman

Elf on the fucking Shelf (yes there really is one featuring ‘naughty’ elves) is “a marketing juggernaut dressed up as a tradition” whose purpose is “to spy on kids” and that one shouldn’t “bully your child into thinking that good behaviour equals gifts” says The Atlantic columnist Kate Tuttle in the USA.

Washington Post reviewer Hank Stuever characterized the concept as “just another nannycam in a nanny state obsessed with penal codes”.

Professor Laura Pinto suggests that it conditions kids to accept the surveillance state and that it communicates to children that “it’s okay for other people to spy on you, and you’re not entitled to privacy.” She argues that “if you grow up thinking it’s cool for the elves to watch me and report back to Santa, well, then it’s cool for the NSA to watch me and report back to the government … The rule of play is that kids get to interact with a doll or video game or what have you, but not so with the Elf on the Shelf: The rule is that you don’t touch the elf. Think about the message that sends.”

Basically you buy this piece of shit at Thanksgiving (that’s the day we all sit around in the UK drinking heavily and thinking ‘Thank fuck for 1776 when we got rid of these cunts’). You then move it around the house each day pretending that Santa has sent it to make sure your kids are good in the run up to Christmas. So it’s OK for your brat to be a total cunt the rest of the year, is it?

Take a look at Amazon (another American crock of crap) where there are no less than 1,284 items exploiting this ‘tradition’. They come in all colours too – white, brown, black, yellow. As one cunter observed “Since when were Santa’s elves brown fuckers?”

But the last word goes to one canny mother on MumsNet : “I’ve got enough to do without moving some stupid toy elf around the house every day!

Nominated by Dioclese

Christ on a fucking bike! I simply refuse to believe that this elf on a fucking shelf cuntishness exists, surely it is a joke?

You would have to be some sort of monumental, sans taste, council estate dwelling thick as pigshit cunt to part with your hard earned on this pile of cunt.

A product for the tasteless tacky human vermin if ever there was one. How fucking depressing.

Nominated by Dick Byrne

43 thoughts on “Elf on the Shelf

  1. Bloody hell, I thought this was a cunting forum, not the fucking Knitter’s Arms!

    Elf on a Shelf. FFS, hardly cuntitude levels of Blair, May, Lineker, Allen or even Abbott proportions. I haven’t heard my kids moan about it.

    I distinctively hear a barrel being scraped here.

    Cunting invalid.

  2. Fuck a duck! It sounds like the sort of thing Jimmy Savile would have had in his house.
    “ Now be a good girl and stroke Uncle Jimmy’s big snake. No Percy the snake won’t hurt you…..remember Santa is watching “.
    What kind of parent would buy this and fill their kids head full of shit?
    This is for nonces , Strictly for nonces.

    • What kind of parent would buy it? A left wing cunt, who declares their sprog to be either “gender neutral” or “transgender”, and making them wear clothes made for the opposite sex, simply to enhance their own left wing cunt credentials. The sort of cunt who would tell their child that Santa is female. Cunts who use the phrase, “If you’ve done nothing wrong, you have nothing to fear”, when trying to justify state intrusion of our privacy. And anyone who voted against Brexit.

  3. Abu Hamza deserves a cunting. Apparently, Hamza is launching an appeal to be transferred to a soft British prison, because the Colorado supermax jail in which he’s incarcerated is too tough for the whingeing muzrat goat fucker. Just to prove to the world what a dumb twat he is, he’s using article 3 of European Human Rights laws to argue that his treatment in his current accommodation is inhumane. His biggest problem is that, being in the United States, European law carries as much weight as a sparrow feather.

    Apparently, he’s only allowed out of his cell for one hour a day, and even then, he’s locked in a cage when outside, and he doesn’t like it. Aw, diddums. I’m more concerned with the human rights of all the innocent people whose deaths Hamza is both directly and indirectly responsible for. And to be perfectly honest, if Hamza is suffering because he’s locked up 23 hours a day with little to do, fucking good!

    Hamza spent years actively taking part in acts of terrorism, and then spent more years outside Finsbury Park mosque calling for the deaths of all non-muslims, encouraging people to become “martyrs” by blowing themselves and innocent people to pieces and generally inciting muslims everywhere to commit acts of extreme violence.

    Personally, I can’t see even the most left wing US judge granting his appeal. Hamza is in one of the two places that scum like him belong, a tough prison. The second being a grave. This is typical of dickheads like Hamza and all the other “hate preachers”. They all run their mouths off, talking tough and encouraging others to commit murder, but when it comes time to pay the piper, they cry and whinge like babies.

    It took eight years to get that fat, arrogant, handless prick out of the UK. We do NOT want that evil camel shagger back here. It’s bad enough that his family are still here, sponging off the taxpayer. With any luck, that piece of shit will die behind the locked cell door of a US prison.

    • What gets me is our authorities allowed the cunt to spew forth his evil bile for FUCKING YEARS outside Finsbury Park mosque before being gently encouraged to desist.

      A white right-winger’s feet would not have touched the ground given similar circumstances!

        • The persons to blame for the vile filth of Hamza, are 1 Twat Cameron 2 Bitch May

          Hamza entered the UK and obtained his citizenship and asylum by deception. In fact a series of deceptions.

          The status awarded to him and his family could have, and should have been taken away, and the whole towering pile of steaming shit deported.

          • Surely Blair Government should shoulder 95% of the blame, Hamza preached terrorist hatred from 1997, and was not convicted of anything in U.K. until 2006, four years before Cameron Government took office.

            Admittedly May’s uselessness as Home Secretary allowed the cunt to evade foreign justice for another 5 years or so, but the real problem, like almost everything else, dates back to our COTC – one TONY B LIAR and his murderous cronies.

          • Yes, made me laugh too seeing thoee stumps. Perhaps all his problems stem from an inability to wank normally…

        • Since he wants to live like a cunt prick in a pre medieval version of the world, you’d think he’d just accept the odd stump infection or two. They didn’t have penicillin when stoning was ripe did they? On the other hand…

      • Ah yes, the hallowed halls of Finsbury Park Mosque, world renowned for radicalising young “peacefuls” and preaching hate.

        All forgotten now about as a bit of fun and hijinks courtesy of that cunt Darren “fucking” Osborne!

        The ABBC ought to go there with hidden cameras on a Friday night and see the real story!

      • You’re right. The Met just stood by and watched as Hamza talked shite to his followers. And yet Tommy Robinson gets followed by police everywhere he goes.

    • Seconded. I thought we’d had for this cunt once and for all.

      And the cunt and his cunt brood were put up in a Kensington 8 bed mansion, gratis (courtesy of the infidels taxes – so that he could preach to our deaths and radicalise young “peacefuls), and AND who had the fucking nerve to moan about it not being big enough (as they outbreed us 8:1 the cunts).

      He wasn’t wanted here in the first place.

      He wasn’t wanted during his hate-speech period.

      He wasn’t wanted as he dragged out the legal system to avoid extradition (the legal cost of which the infidel also paid for – the cunt).

      And he certainly is NOT wanted back here – prison or not – where he can further radicalise young idiots into thinking there’s a few virgins waiting for them on the other side!

      Oh, and woe-betide any fucking virtue-signalling cunt who even dares suggest we should! Especially scum sucking legal cunts only in it to get their hands on even more cash courtesy of the British tax payer!

      There should not be a single tear shed from the most STI infected jap’s eye for this cunt. The only tears will be those of joy when the cunt shuffles off his mortal coil and that can’t come quick enough for me!

      So Abu – you cunt – it’s either Colorado or Guantanamo! You pick. Cunt!

      • Jesus Christ in a Gingham frock. Did anyone catch what Hamza’s real name is?

        Mostafa Kamel Mostafa

        Fuck me, no wonder the cunt speed hatred from every orifice. Until he went by his nom de plume, his life must have been one continuous pisstake.

        Still the festering-limbed shitstick should consider his lucky stars that he didn’t end up on a date on ‘ Old Sparky’. No less than the cunt deserves.

        • Now there’s no lights on the Christmas tree mother,
          They’re burning Big Hamza tonight,
          There’s no electricity mother,
          They’re burning Big Hamza tonight,
          The baby’s cryin’,
          They’re burning Big Hamza tonight,
          They’re gonna fry him,
          They’re burning Big Hamza tonight.
          R.I.P. Alex Harvey.

          • Mustafa Camel?
            Wasn’t that Bernard Bresslaw’s character in Carry On Up The Khyber?

            “Hurrrgh hurrrgh hurrrgh, eenfeedels!!”

  4. Ok Elf on a Shelf. Load of cunt!

    My lad had one years ago, I didn’t realise they came in “multicultural” (as per the one on the right)??

    So even Santa is fucking outsourcing these days is he! The fat, old, drunken, reindeer-worrying cunt!

  5. Imagine getting wound because the cunting of the day is not to your liking……. What silly cunts.

    Fuck em

  6. I was going to ignore this, but then I thought about the knock-kneed, yer-hawrin cunt who came up with this idea… and I hope that the cunt gets a pine cone trapped under his foreskin. The cunt.

  7. Elf on the shelf ? For fucks sake, I hadn’t realised Christmas cuntishness had got this bad. Daniel O’ Donell probably purchases stuff like this, the cunt.

  8. hahahah we have one in our house!!!!!
    bought by my cunt of a wife who fucking embraces the “magic of christmas” whilst i fucking despise all festivities
    im normally too pissed and stoned of a night time to move the little fucker so my kids have cottoned on that the elf is either not fucking magic at all or a silly little lazy cunt

    • Nail it to the wall with a clove of garlic and a silver cross. You’ll never have to move the little cunt again.

  9. Wouldn’t bother at all, except that next year’s model will be web-enabled and report back to Google. Thought that was the problem, in fact, until I Googled the cunt. Anyway, I’m reviving a genuine, authentic and traditional tradition, should any cunt start singing carols outside my door. Boiling oil.

    • And to cap it all. Q Liz has sprung a serious leak in the engine room.

      Nothing in the news today about the shooting at RAF Mildenhall. All has gone very quiet. PS its not terrorism .

      • Fortunately for the manufacturer, the ridiculous contract signed means taxpayer will have to pick up the tab for shoddy workmanship normally covered under guarantee. Typical Government cunts again pouring our good taxpayers money after bad. Ffs, if there’s no comeback there’s no incentive to do a good job! This country is toast.

      • Anything I’ve been on, if there was a leak round the propeller shaft, you just pumped in some grease and tightened up the stern gland packing. WTF?

  10. What is this all about then?

    I thought the EU had spit the dummy because GB was only taking 2000 in?

    Seems its 2000 in Scotland already with 23000 numbered for whole of GB


    Who’s paying up for these campers then?

    I think I will fly over and walk back …”no speaky Engliss, me need house and welcome pack and weekly monies”.

    Cunts will be getting my money!

  11. Plenty more like Hamza cunt hiding in the worship dens, we only knew of him because the cunt took to the streets.

    Yes, Cameron & May let the cunts in and they keep coming. 23000 Syrians coming and 2000 already in Scotland.

    I bet they were all vetted, for criminals, rapists, peados etc…. Not!

    Now you know how the cunts were so keen to get guns of the streets of GB.

    They let in the unknown and we can’t protect ourselves adequately ourselves. The services in place are useless and totally failing us.

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