Michael Heseltine (2)

Tarzan, Lord of the Westminster jungle, has been monkeying around…..again. As a result, he has been given the heave-ho as a government advisor, after swinging through the chambers of the Lords attempting to put a banana skin under Article 50.

Being interviewed by Sky on 8 March, he said P.M May’s role was a “man-sized” job. Nice one Tarzan, on International Wimmins Day too. That would normally have gone down like a fart in a spacesuit with the Feministas. Although, they will probably overlook it since he’s not just any old Tory toff from the neolithic age, to be ritually castigated, drawn and quartered in public, as would be standard operating procedure, for the loud and proud Fem-brigade.

Instead, he is a new improved ‘Remoaning Old Tory Toff’. Long gone for him, are the days of having to listen to 1980’s  shouts of  ‘Tory Scum’  and ‘Maggie Out’. He’s now a political lion – a giant amongst the bean stalks. Another great white hope, cutting through the Brexit undergrowth, determined to  hack Article 50 to death, like a mob of Rwandan Hutus butchering the Tutsis to slivers with their machetes.

Well, over the years, he may have stashed a nice bit of cash in the business world, which makes him fairly savvy you would suppose.  However, in 2014, he predicted the UK would join the Euro at some point……yeh, right, only at the point of a gun Blondie. I feel, on this issue, he has chosen to back a three legged horse. In fact, I would take the other side of the bet and suggest the next move in Euroland will be to count the countries that head for the exit. The fire exit for both the EU and the Euro currency is going to get very crowded in the next two to three years. The real question is: ‘Which countries will get trampled in the stampede?’

His tribe of Remoaners may well be judged by future historians as the long undiscovered “missing link” in human evolution. Even Neanderthal Man, it seems, possessed more common sense and a better grasp on reality than these characters.

Nominated by Mike Oxard.


76 thoughts on “Michael Heseltine (2)

  1. Two bob fucked up piece of remoaning shit born with a silver spoon up his arse. It says volumes about this cunt that one of his middle names is “Dibdin” and he has a son called Rupert. Fucked Thatcher up the arse but then got the shock of his life when his Tory pals chose that mighty international statesman, John “back to basics” Major and told him to fuck right off. Like Major, another old dinosaur trying to hang on to the crumbling edifice of the corrupt pile of old shit known as the EU. I’m afraid it says something about the youth of today that they can be so easily fooled by fucking old cunts like this. It’s fucking embarassing and the sooner this fucker dies the better.

    • Another lumbering old dinosaur like cuntasaurus ken CLARKE from the creatacious period of British politics , these Cunts should be no more than exhibits in a museum , their days of political relevance are long gone but like a veruca they can be extremely difficult to remove, hezeltine is an utter CUNT who is utterly irrelevant and will hopefully fade into obscurity …. May should have a proper spring clean and get rid of ken clarke , Anna soubry and any other so called Tory rebels……

  2. Quite right Mike, the very worst of the buccaneering, philandering upper crust parasitical set that have blighted history and politics for years. He must be starting to realise just about now that no cunt has the slightest interest, other than his desperate europhile cohorts, in anything he has to say as he sits there in his mustard coloured corduroy pants in his battered old armchair with the slight wiff of stale piss starting to permeate through his forest of nasal hair. Cunt.

  3. Heseltine and Gina Miller should get together then they can do a remake of Tarzan and his chimp

  4. There was a song in the early 70’s called “If” by the band Bread. Here are the lyrics as applied to the national traitor (a common pastime for this cunt – first Maggie, now the people) known as Fraud, sorry Lord Heseltine:

    If a picture paints a thousand words,
    Then why does yours say CUNT!

  5. More likely the dog bit Heseltine then died, as if it had touched one of those tiny brightly coloured rainforest frogs…

  6. The scary thing is, he might be around forever.
    That cunt hasn’t aged a day since i was a kid.
    And i thought he was an old looking cunt then.

    Them fucking LIZARDS !

    • He was the fucking aerospace minister when the Staines air crash happened. 1972!!!

  7. I wonder if any cunters are from ROCHDALE .
    ROCHDALE council are going to be fining people for using certain swear words, and cunt is on the list.

    My thoughts are that ROCHDALE has bigger fish to fry than fining swearers.

    Lets hope the beasts of ROCHDALE utter a few profanities the next time that they rounding up British girls.
    That way the authorities will surely be unable to turn the other cheek.

    • Rochdale is now muslamist/paki central anyway… But I bet if any of them lot swear in their own language there will be no fines or anything at all… Madame May needs to bring so many councils into line and to account…. They are like their own little banana republics: dictating and making up the most absurd of rules and dos and don’ts… Stuff that even Hitler wouldn’t have thought of… In Bury (near Manchester) the bin gets emptied every three weeks (even in summer) and the council tax has just gone up by 11 quid… There was the girl who got taken to court by a local council because she fed a McDonald’s chip to a pigeon (which the pigeon ate)… Then there was the old lady who was bollocked by her council for putting up a ‘Merry Christmas’ flag at fucking Christmas… Even George Orwell would be staggered by the ludicrous petty fascism that exists and festers in regional councils in Britain… If we do get out of the snakepit that is the EU, there is still one hell of a corrupt and stinking mess to clean up here…

      • Will Rochdale be investigating child abuse by the local taxi driving community now as well?

        • The former Mayor of Milton Keynes, yep of the “peaceful” variety, vouched for and authorised the issuing of a taxi licence to another “peaceful” cunt who had been convicted of multiple sex offences (including rape) in the past.


          Once the game was up the Mayor – eventually – resigned but STILL is (or was) part of the council. The fucker hung on like an Alabama tick!

          Now had this been a non-peaceful councillor, Mayor, MP or Lord then the yard arm would have been prepped and readied, whereas this “peaceful” cunt, derelict in his responsibilities to the people of MK, is still there lurking around like a bad smell!

          I’d imagine the councilors of Rotherabad, Bradfordistan and Leedsanon are just the same and equally blind and complicit to such goings on safe in the knowledge that mainstream news outlets are completely reticent to report anything negative about these cunts!

          Why, I have no idea, cos in the end we’re all going to end up with our heads lopped of when the cunts breed us out of existence and/or we import plenty more undocumented 40yr old “children” with nice baggy jackets (plenty of room for the C4 when they meet up with their “families” – aka – terrorist cells) into the country.

      • Rochdale: rape, drug trafficking and child prostitution+ abuse no big deal swept under the rug by MPs

        Rochdale: People swearing mildly somehow a huge problem and fined incredible ridiculous amounts starting of up to £100 a swear …
        What in the bloody fucking hell?! I can’t tell ficton from reality anymore when it comes to the mainstream media and government hypocrisy and blatant lies fucking bellends

        • Think that’s the idea, double speak rules, down is up. What used to be unacceptable is now spoon fed to us as diversity and human rights, what used to be considered moral is now frowned upon.

          That shit doesn’t just happen.

        • Wonder if they’re going to enforce this ridiculous rule at Spotland, home of Rochdale FC?…. They’ll make a fortune if they do, because those poor cunts who go there have plenty to swear at and about…

      • My bins get emptied every night.

        Every night at three o’clock.

        And the time means nothing to these noisy fuckers.
        They still shout, rev the lorry and the noise of the skip slamming back down is like a bomb going off.

        • I’ve just got back from UK on my holidays and during that time I was unfortunate to witness the shite that passes for entertainment at the BBC. One such epic is “Dom on the spot” A short arsed short tongued slap head cockney cunt follows council cunts round issuing on the spot fines to any poor cunt for the most minor and petty of infractions. The one that took the biscuit was some taff cunt of a bint handing out 80 quid spot fines to smokers for stubbing their cigs out on the pavement. This cunt actually followed smokers round until the stubbed out their fag and then collared them for an 80 quid stitch up. What a set of cunts. Do I miss the UK? Do I fuck!

  8. I got thrown out of Rochdale swimming pool once…………….I bought a new pair of trunks with SPEEDO on the front,and as I walked out from the changing rooms the “S” had fallen off………..Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

  9. Cop this kebab eating cunt…
    Someone should tell this slimy turd that the Dutch fought the Nazis and they still despise the krauts because of World War II… And this old Turkish cunt calling anyone ‘fascist’ is so rich, you could call it a christmas pudding…. Hope Putin’s boys flatten the cunts…


  10. Possible uncunting of Emma Watson imminent… Ms Watson recently did a photoshoot for some swanky magazine showing her tits… Not the lot, mind you ( you don’t really see anything, but never mind), but the amount of ‘feminists’ who have reacted hysterically to Watson’s photos is of Hiroshima levels… How much of this is fueled by nothing more than jealousy?.. Who exactly are the ‘feminists’ who have crapped themselves because Emma Watson has done this photo shoot?… Are these ‘feminists’ the fat ugly cunts who hate any woman who is perceived remotely attractive to men?… And if any men (for want of a better word) are offended, they will be the usual male lefty suspects who make a career of being permanently offended on behalf of others… Do the so-called feminists realise that the majority of women in the glamour and porn industry are there because they actually like what they are doing? And do they realise that most if not all of these women are intelligent and educated enough (like Mercedes Carrera) to make their own rational judgments without the interference of the bitter and jealous?…

    I now sort of admire Watson for making the point that female empowerment ought to include the right to show or not show one’s tits at her own discretion…. It seems to me that women should have the right to be sexually active without being slut shamed, choose a career over motherhood without being guilt tripped… Feminism is supposed to be a movement to allow women to make their own choices… Feminists are Nazis… Feminists are cunts…

    • Why are feminazis getting annoyed at some young lad going topless ?
      Ye’d think that a wee boy being called Emma is the story here. 🙂

      Yuuk! She really is a horrible little boy child-like cunt.
      And she was cast as “Beauty” in the new fantasy pile of tat.

      Its creepy how the media portray her as delectable.

      • Well, we all now about he status as p@edo bait in the tabloids, and their ‘not long now’ routine as they counted down to her 18th birthday… That was positively sinister…

        Anyway, here’s a real cracker: Ms Diora Baird… And, yes, they are real… Cue the feminazi SS: ‘Sexist! Exterminate! How dare you like attractive women! Homicide! Chocolate! I need chocolate! Exterminate! Red wine! Adele! Chocolate! etc…’


        • Talking of “real”, i was watching an episode of Dallas at five this morning (insomnia) and i started googling the old Dallas.
          I saw a picture of Victoria Principal and noticed for the first time that she has mighty fine norks.

          Being the perv that i am, i immediately googled “Victoria Principal topless”, and guess fuckin what ?
          Yep, nude pics of the stunning Pamela with REAL beautiful boobies.


    • What is the protacol for someone getting ‘uncunted’? Has it ever been done before? Is there a precident or are we in uncharted waters?

    • These feminazi are such cunts with double standards… They view old kippercunt Madogga as a feminist icon, yet she has flashed every part of her scraggy anatomy, used sex at every opportunity, and done ‘rape games’ for the cameras… Yet Watson shows a bit of tit and they want to do her Joan of Arc style… See also Scarlett Johansson’s recent appearance in the bunny mag (but that’s exactly it: there’s nothing to see!)… If you’re going to appear in Playboy without getting your kit off then there is no point in doing it… I don’t believe Johansson was trying to make a point (she’s got em off before now), I think she fears reprisals from the feminazi hate mob… And if that’s ‘equality’ then they can shove it up their femifascist arses…

      • It’s the same with all those self interest groups, when they aren’t fighting the cause, they fight amongst themselves. Just like the peaceful cunts. If they wiped out all the other cunts on earth, they would get busy killing each other. In fact, non peaceful cunts are a sideshow, the main event is each other, as they scramble to prove who are the most peaceful cunts on the planet.
        Talking of peaceful cunts, Urdi Gurdigan, despot of Turkey is moving to consolidate his position, with a vote on giving him more powers. Photos of rallies there show most women in attendance wearing the head bag. How long before that is compulsory? At least it looks like the chances of them joining Europe are long gone.

  11. I fucking hope I’m around when the REAL people decide enough is enough. I’m not saying it’s imminent but the divide between the loon libfucks and normal thinking people is getting wider and stretched tighter. When it fucking snaps I want to be at the front. Hope I’m not in me lazy cunt scooter by then.

    • Don’t underestimate yourself…you can get quite a few petrol bombs in the shopping basket, no problem.

  12. Heseltine has survived a few heart scares so just as long as we go on wishing the neavoue rich cunt all the best, all will be well.

  13. You’re right, the cunt will be 84 in 10 days time. Happy birthday your Lordship. Nah…I can’t do this. Hurry up and die you bastard!

  14. Just heard that some cunt, wearing a backpack has been caught in the grounds of the White House. Now I’ve been there a couple of times (on the outside I mean..I’m not Monica fucking Lewinsky) and I don’t see how it’s possible to blag your way in. Unless, of course, some cunt was looking the other way. Anyone got The Donald in the Dead Pool?

    • Was it Madogga: carrying through her threat to blow Big Don up?…
      If it was she’d have been alright… She’d have hidden the backpack full of TNT up her cunt… Plenty of room…

  15. I don’t want to alarm you cunters but my pet ladybug has recently…. how should I put this, with out making the children cry he has….passed on to bug heaven. Poor bugger no pun intended
    And yes it was the same ladybug that I have had since late october, I had hoped to release him at springtime but the good lord had other plans… fed him every day with raisins and water I think the avacado I gave him last week might of made him ill but can’t be certain oh well what can you do

    • In a months time, the beach here will be swarming with ladybugs mating.
      Its like a blizzard of ladybugs.

      Who knew ladybirds liked sex on the beach ?
      Well, they fuckin love it, and it lasts for about three weeks.

      Little buggers root one and then fly off to look for another one.

      Ladybird gangbangs are quite common too.
      In fact, its mostly gangbangs and bukake with them randy wee buggers.

      But then, it only happens once a year, so they make the most of it.

      That’s yer nature lesson for this evening, better than Attenborough, eh ?

      Sorry to hear about the wee fella, TitSlapper, especially as he was so close to party time.

      • 1976… A ladybug plague in blighty during the summer…
        Better than a migrant plague though, any day…

        • I was of course being sarcastic M8’s in fact ladybugs err birds?! lifespan is quite short 1 to 3 years including egg hatching and what not. So it didn’t have long anyway…. I probably prolonged his inevitable death actually

          • I must be bilingual.
            I used both and now i can’t think what i usually call them


            Nah, I’m fucked if i know.

            I said BILINGUAL, there’s a difference. 🙂

          • I’ve know the term ladybird but I get them confused or I say both. I think Ladybird is technically the proper term (uk) but ladybug(NA) makes more sense by word association

  16. My advice to any male negotiators going over to the Bruzzzles is make fucking sure that curtains Verhofstadt is always in front of ya and that you can see what his fucking hands are doing. And if the cunt asks to see a picture of ya kids fucking lamp the cunt.

    • He is an odd looking cunt isn’t he!

      I’ve always wondered why they appointed a serial killer as head of the negotiations.

  17. U2 are cunts…
    The cuntitude of their frontman is legendary… But this latest stunt really is taking the piss…In 2007 their ‘Joshua Tree’ album was reissued as a ’20th Anniversary Deluxe Edition’… This contained unreleased and rare tracks, DVDs etc and was reasonably priced… Fast forward to 2017: and a ’30th Anniversary Deluxe Edition’ is coming out… It’s the same as the 2007 one (without the DVD and some new flash packaging) with (it says) ’25 unreleased tracks’… 18 of the tracks are from a live concert recorded in 1987, and the other 7 are ‘new remixes’ of Joshua Tree tracks… And the price for this ‘new’ set borders on the obscene… For a live CD and a few pointless remixes… Cunts….

    • U2 are overrated as fuck the stranglers were making better music in the 80’s, echo and the bunnymen too, teardrop explodes were alright. As for their irish counterparts My bloody valentine were bloody great I think

      They had a nice mix of jangle pop, rock plus practically invented shoegazing and they were better then anything U2 put to tape FACT! U2 have a few tracks that sound kinda like joy division but not as convincing imho

      • New Order were great, but had Ian Curtis lived and Joy Division continued they would have blown U2 away… The Stone Roses reunion press conference was funny when U2 were mentioned… Mani laughed and said ‘Bono’s my mate’… Reni sang the praises of fellow drummer, Larry Mullen… John Squire said nothing, and Brown said ‘For the record I think they’re bobbins..’

      • ‘Desire’ and ‘God Part II’ off Rattle & Hum are two of their better tracks…. The film was a big pile of crap though…

    • Nobo is a hypocritical cunt, but for me its his desire to end world poverty, and then lighting up thousands upon thousands of light bulbs at ever gig.

      But when ye have a back catalogue like theirs, ye need something to entertain the sheepol that are daft enough to buy one of their hugely overpriced tickets.

      And sending a private jet to pick up his hat.

      Mac the Mouth had him well sussed from the start.

      • Geldof is a charlatan , a wild west snake oil salesman. I’m surprised some people still take him seriously. He is a con merchant cunt.

  18. Alexander Armstrong is a smug wanker.

    The cunt does a quiz called Pointless with some weird looking cunt called Richard Osman,the pair of them have the look and manner of a pair of child-molesters.
    “Xander”,as the pretentious wanker styles himself,is another of the Oxbridge comedians and was one half of the dreadful,formulaic Armstrong and Miller,who thankfully seem to have sunk without trace.

    His singing brings to mind a bullock being castrated without pain-relief,and yet the bastard is convinced that he is a cross between Pavarotti and Elvis,and never misses the chance to plug,on the BBC,his latest collection of “Songs to Cause You To Burst Your Own Eardrums With An Ice-Pick to.”

    The cunt wears a very poor hairpiece which looks to have been wrenched off Bruce Forsyth’s mechanically kept alive corpse, and smirks like a muslim taxi-driver in a kiddies playground…..He is also related through marriage, to Giles Coren, Victoria Coren and the appalling David Mitchell….reason enough to cunt him,for not running amok at a family get-together with a flame-thrower.

    • Coren Coren and Mitchell. Like a firm of undertakers. They should be cunted in their own right, for being the most unfunny, llefty, right-on politically correct pseudo clever smug bunch of cunts ever to be allowed on the airwaves. Funny how these pseudo clever cunts all get together in the name of ‘comedy’ then pretty much spend the whole time slaggin of the tories, the right wing press, pretty much anyone or anything that doesn’t conform to their Islington bubble view of the world…Giles Coren, still rants on about Thatcher… She’s been dead for years. Why not crack a few funnies about Jimmy, or Gary G… Oh no, wouldn’t want to offend would we now.

  19. Emily Ratajkowski doesn’t deserve cunting, but she does have a tremendous set of tits…not shy of whapping them out,either….lovely girl.

  20. I’m hosting an African themed party tonight.

    There’s no food and the drinks are six miles away….

    • When I was a kid we had a fancy dress competition every year at my school…A mate of mine called Mark blacked up, covered himself in his dad’s kipper ties and he went as a tycoon (Tie-Coon)… No fucker (teachers, parents or kids) batted an eyelid (not even the black ones)… But imagine the social media/Youtube/snowflake libmong explosion if someone did that now…. Ah, the good old days….

    • Hahah.

      We allways reckoned the reason the cunts could run so well was because of all the long distance training the cunts got chasing the rice bomb food parcels dropped from the low flying Hercules aircraft during the famine relief in the 80s. All Geldorfs fault the cunt.

  21. I have to cunt Greenpeace.
    Greenpeace, in the shape of a young man I assume was (hopefully) a foreign student, knocked on my door the other evening looking for a monthly donation.
    Not four pounds a month…
    Not five pounds a month…
    Nope, his recommendation was the “average” monthly donation, by direct debit naturally, of twenty pounds a month.
    Twenty Quid? Fuck off! That’s my bike petrol fund…

    I’m told Greenpeace own a fleet of Land Rovers by the way…

    • Fucking cheeky cunts…. It’ s like those cunts who have those ‘charity’ wristbands (what the fuck would anyone sane want one for?!)… The label on the box says ‘Suggested donation is 2 pounds’… And the cunts faces when you grab one and put in nowt…. Worth doing just to see the outrage on their pompous faces…. All you have to say is ‘You said suggested, not compulsory… I’m sure a copper or solicitor would agree…’ The cunts hate it…

      • A lad I know is adept at holding a coin in his hand as he goes to drop it in the charity bucket,and palming a note as his hand comes out.He fucking loves Red Nose days when they come round the pubs shaking their bucket under everyones nose.

  22. Fuck me, I woke up this morning to the news that some cunt had attacked and injured 5 people with an axe at a train station in Dusseldorf. Apparently he had “psychological problems.” Of course. Then it completely disappears from the cunt news. I have to crawl around the net to find out that the cunt is an asylum seeker from Kosovo. Strangely enough I can’t find any reference to this story on the BBC website although there is a story about a car ending up on the roof of a house in China. I didn’t read it because I don’t give a fuck about what happens in China but, as a citizen of Europe, I am interested in what happens in Germany. I wonder why the BBC doesn’t share my concerns?

  23. A letter to my MP is required regarding the bbc I think. Mind you she’s a useless labour soppy cow so I can only expect the reply to be completely cuntyful.

  24. He’s so loyal; to the fucking EU!
    Let’s face it, this chump is great if you’re from Poland or Romania. He’s about as pro-Britain as a fucking Middle-Eastern cactus.

    You lost!

    A Sikorsky-Fiat strength cunt.

  25. I give money to charity but I actually give to proper ones that make a difference like the Southport Lifeboat and the North West Air Ambulance.

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