Cold Calling Telemarketers

2012/04/19 Tracey

Cold Calling Telemarketers – They hassle you for PPI, Pensions, Microsoft scammers, the Accident you never had to name a few.

Now I know everyone needs to work, but these bastards are a different breed, a law unto themselves and a lot of them are from India, called Dave. My Arse are they called Dave! Cunts!

Whilst waiting for a reply for a couple of job interviews one time, I had to answer my phone, in case it was said job.
I regularly got calls from these fucking arseholes. Not satisfied with fucking calling me, They try to text me too.
That was 6 months ago and yet still they call and text……….They’re persistent little fuckers!
Not only do they fucking piss me off with their constant calls and texts, they disturb my other half, after a night shift.

~The accident I never had, yet they had all the details(apparently)……….Yeah right!
~Microsoft, I’d been hacked, really? I don’t use Microsoft…wankers!
~Some random Insurance company called ‘Black Pearl!’ I kid you not, claiming they’d got my pension details, they hadn’t, they were spouting the wrong info!
~The bank(apparently) wanting to know why, I haven’t used my American Express card, I don’t have one!
~PPI on that loan I had, again, what fucking loan!

There’s many more I could mention but the list is endless. These fucking scamming cunts will do anything to try and nick my info.

I kept blocking them until my block feature was full and they are crafty cunts too, they use different phone n.o’s and if you do try and call back (number withheld of course, so you can rip them a new arsehole) you either get, dodgy cunting piano music or ‘This number has not been recognised’ message in a very ropey sounding yank accent.

Total fucking wankers, at least let me ring back so I can have a fucking word or two.

Luckily my other half and I are on to them, but what about the poor old elderly and not so bright folk?

I bet there’s a big banner goes up with a siren that screams ‘I’ve fucking got one’ when they answer and just for that alone they deserve a fucking good cunting.

Nominated by: Cuntybollocks

21 thoughts on “Cold Calling Telemarketers

  1. Superb cunting.

    This is the reason why I keep an old-fashioned metal referee’s whistle close to the phone. A long blast from said whistle tends to persuade the telemarketing cunt to hang up.

  2. They are not very partial to asking what they are wearing. The Indians ones don’t like you asking how old their mother is and can they send a pic either.

  3. With the “have you had an accident?” I like to dangle the carrot of agreeing that I have had a very serious accident, before launching into a long-winded tale of going out for a meal with various work-mates,describing what we all had,how the evening went etc…..the cunts are normally hooked by this time and prepared to endure my endless,boring tale at the thought of a good accident payout if they just humour the daft old cunt.
    Eventually we get round to the “accident” which normally involves me mixing red wine and Guiness to the point that I have explosive diarrhea,and shit myself in the taxi on the way home….”How much will I get for my ruined jeans?” is normally enough to see the scavanging cunts off.

    • See how long you can keep the fuckers on the phone. I find “I’m really really interested but there’s someone at the door. Please don’t hang up I’ll be right back!” works really well. The fuckers then get a bollocking for not hitting their call rates.

      I’ve managed over twenty minutes…

  4. Rogue One: A Star Wars Bore is a complete cunt!

    Poorly edited (akin to a shite music video for the attention deficit disorder generation) this badly scripted, Disney cash cow, screams franchise strip mining at its worst. Darth Vader was not really in the film much, but that was the only bit worth watching. I actually fell asleep!!!

    Every British ‘thespian’ who is in this cynical, cinematic equivalent of a woeful school pantomime needs a cunting of their own. They queued up to sell their souls and how they managed to keep a straight face, reading that dog shite script, is beyond me. The female lead is so wooden that she will need a good regular rubbing down with beeswax / linseed oil (fnarr, fnarr)! I bet mater or pater is a casting agent or has, like, network connections.

    But worst of all (and what fucked me off the most) was the politically correct, ‘(in)equality’ nauseating left wing feminist agenda pushing. All the white ‘men’ were portrayed as either good or evil, incredibly thick cunts; our coloured brethren and lead ‘Jyn Arsehole’ ‘held it all together’ during the decisive moments. Like, yah, girl power and BLM, man. Fuck right off!!!

    Gareth Edwards, piss right off and take that plagiarist Jar Jar Abrams and Simon Smeg(g) with you!!!!

    • I’ve been thinking about cunting Abrams as well as that overrated hack Zack Snyder too, for ruining what were once fun film franchises beyond repair.
      Who the fuck wants to watch a gloomy troubled Superman for fucks sake?
      Poor old Christopher Reeve must be rotating in his grave…

  5. I’ve tried all sorts to fuck these cunts off (apart from Fred’s method above) and nothing fucking works!

    I’ve tried hanging up. They ring back.

    I’ve tried shouting at them. They ring back.

    I’ve tried answering their questions (without giving away any personal details) on the proviso I’m removed from their call list. They ring back.

    I’ve tried obscenity. They ring back.

    My last call when they asked for me in person I replied that I wasn’t available. So they persisted and I said I was my brother (I am an only child), that I had died and could I please be removed from the calling list so’s not to cause any more distress to my family at this most difficult of times….”Yes I am understanding this isn’t it, and I only have a few questions which vill take only one moment sah. So, you are Mr…”

    And guess what? They rang back! Cunts!

    Thing is as I work for myself I can’t NOT answer the phone (either home or mobile) – which is a cunt in itself – but if every fucking call I got off these cunts was actually for work I’d be richer than Bill Gates!

  6. These people are bastard cunts for sure. We have an ‘on call’ phone in our team at work. Everyone takes a turn being on call and without fail, each one of us will get a fucking robocall from some fuck brained credit consolidation company. When that ‘phone rings it should mean there’s a severe production server problem, so you jump on it only to find it’s those bastards again. Beyond annoying. None of us can figure out how they even got the number. It’s only know to our team, management and the data centre. Utter, utter, shit sucking bastard cunt faced mongtards.

  7. Well Trumpmass just got stranger in the last 24 hours Assange has been confirmed alive (previously rumoured dead for the last month) russian hacker theory has been disavowed even though MSM keeps repeating it!, and Obama is actually not american fake birth certificate, what I’ve been trying to tell people for the last 4 years

  8. The Indian scammers with Talk Talk are cunts. They give themselves English names and it’s blatantly bollocks. Scamming open sewer turding cunts.

    • Yeah, this applies to all outsourced call centres too. Whoever writes their scripts tries hard to incorporate colloquialisms to make you think they’re not sitting in a warehouse in Bangladesh. After recently contacting my broadband provider, I was put through to one of these places and at the end of the call, the poor cunt looked at his script and said “Before you go, sir, may I just wish you a Merry Advent…” So even if the cunt’s voice hadn’t sounded like Peter Sellers doing ‘Goodness Gracious Me’, that final line would have been a bit of a fucking giveaway.

      • Haha great story fred liked the bit about peter sellers it instantly reminded me of his character from movie The Party

        Film like that just wouldn’t fly nowadays with all this PC junk would be deemed racist dead right about those call cunters too

  9. Telemarketers and all cold calling cunts, including these Indian scammers are prize cunts and aren’t even worth the steam from my piss on a cold foggy day. Luckily I don’t get bothered by them if they’re an inland call as I registered my two numbers with the TPS, which has stopped a lot of shit in its tracks.

    Anyone who calls me without my knowledge, asking me to turn on my computer for a non-existent virus or asks for my banking details gets told to cunt off. These people are pure shit and deserve all the cuntings thrown at them.

    This one is inventive…

    • Play along with the Microsoft scammers.
      Yes, I am in front of my computer.
      Yes, it’s on
      Yes I have pressed the microsoft key and return together.
      Fuck all you cunt now fuck off.
      Usually a pause before they say “what ?” then you repeat the abuse and you may be lucky to get them calling you a fucking wanker. At this point laugh loudly. Fucks them right off.

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