Jools Holland [3]


Jooooools Holland

This pretentious fat hunched back lisping cunt has been doing the same act on the BBC for at least three decades. Has showcased more than his fair share orf paedos and old musos on their last legs. Always the same production style as he lisps introductions at the camera as it pans with him across the studio taking in cunts various pretending to do sound checks. He will then join one orf said cunts on the piano which is the only excuse for him being there. Only change over the years is he now dresses all in black to try and disguise his gut. You always know when a crap has been has a record to plug when they turn up on his show.

Elvis Costello, Bryan Ferry and yes Florence and the Fucking Machine. Not to forget the mindless roots music and those ghastly New Year shows (How come this cunt has taken over from Andy Stuart?).

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

17 thoughts on “Jools Holland [3]

  1. Not forgetting Tom Jones, Beverley Knight and/or Ruby Turner, KT Fucking Tunstall, The Proclaimers, Mel C (Scouse Cunt Spice), and the usual array of celebrity Beeb cunts like Phil Jupitus, Ade Edmondoson, Rowland Rivron etc…. Holland is a cunt for inflicting all that crap on us… He is also a cunt for only having who and what he wants on the show…
    Now you may or may not like Heavy Metal (Zep and Purple and a bit of classic AC/DC are as close as I will get to it!), but a lot of people do like it… But because Jools doesn’t, no metal band will ever appear on Later…

    His other show, The Tube, was also shite… I remember the great Scott Walker doing his first interview for donkey’s years on The Tube in 1984… The man was asked the dumbest and most inane questions you can imagine…. I wouldn’thave blamed Scott if he had walked off… Steve Marriott and Stanley Unwin also got a similar stupid set of questions… That Muriel Gray was a silly cow….

    • That reminds of a similar incident when Jonathan Woss was “interviewing” Bowie. Woss made a huge gag out of giving Bowie a stylophone and a “holster” for it. Bowie switched the stylophone on, started to play it, said “Let’s do something interesting..” began to play the opening notes of Space Oddity (a song he hadn’t performed live for almost 20 years) and Wossy talked over him, making gags, whereupon the moment was lost…

      I know it’s a cliché, but the at least the cunt Parky actually LISTENED to his guests.

      Whichever Commissioning Editor cunt first decided that comedians would be better chat show hosts than journalists deserves a fucking monumental cunting.

      • To be fair, much as I hate Woss, Alan Carr is a thousand times worse. Chatty Man my arse! Stupid cunt more like.

        And don’t start me on Graham fucking Norton…

      • I remember Woss interviewing the re-united Duran Duran in 2004… Of course he tried to take the piss out of their ‘New Romantic’ period…. But they took it on the chin… The band, however, got their own back when they put an 80s headband, leather jacket and hairspray on the Woss cunt… He made out he was a good sport, but he looked like he was about to blub…. The soft cunt…

      • Fuck me Fred, I think that is the most significant post you have made on this forum. Ross is a fucking wanker. Back in the day Parky brought the best out of the guests and you heard their voices and you saw into a bit of their souls. Whereas Ross uses his guests as a straightman to poke fun off and you learn fuck all about them. Fucking arsehole.

        • Parkinson’s early 70s interviews with George Best are definitive…. A chat show host can show humour without being a complete cunt like Woss… Simon Dee was pretty good at doing that…

          One of the best chat show appearances ever is Ollie Reed on Letterman… .

  2. Stanley fucking Unwin, now there was a cunt of epic proportions. He came out with all this gobbledegook and convinced himself that everyone thought it was hilarious. I saw him on tv trying to confuse a visitor from the far east. It wasn’t funny, it was embarrassing. The bloke said “Are you speaking Japanese?” He should have stuck one on him. Fucking cunt.

    • Christ that little paedo wanker was safely tucked away in the dead part orf me brain until you disinterred him you cunt. Bugger! Professor Stanley Brain Shite Bastard Unwin. Started orf just after the war as a BBC feather bedded cunt. After the horrors orf the war and having barely survived the crap dished oit by ENSA, the country was prepared to laugh at anything and this cunt proves me point.
      Hesus that period gave us some dire entertainment.

      Fuckus cuntlode deeplyfold. Oh yes:

      • Unwin’s nonsense ruins ‘Ogden’s Nut Gone Flake’… A shame, because (musically) it’s a fine album…

  3. Jools Holland.The dwarf hunchback, looks and talks like a creature from lord of the rings.He’d be performing with a traveling Freak show if it wasn’t for the ‘right on’ BBC.

    Anyone on the BBC payroll has to be a cunt.Lauren Laverne of 6 Music and her biorhythm wank.”What’s ye biorhythm pet?”.Her accent changing from Oxbridge to Geordie depending on the guest.Rather the joss stick burning, tantric tart to the hunchback troll though.

  4. Laverne is an epic cunt, I agree…. First offf she was in that crap band (the crappily named Kenickie: named so after Jeff Conoway’s ‘Grease’ hoodlum)… Her real name isn’t Lauren Lavenre either… The Laverne bit was nicked from Laverne De Fazio from Happy Days and Laverne and Shirley (I recall the original Laverne had great knockers!)… Lauren Laverne is basically an archetypal BBC hippie and anotherJo Wiley (Like one isn’t enough!)… Expect to see Laverne chinstroking and talking shit on any BBC music programme, along with those other Beeb knobheads: Danny ‘Cunt’ Baker, the aforementioned Wiley, Sara ‘Had loads of’ Cox, and that Bitter Blue Manchester City cunt, Mark Radcliffe….

    • Laverene is a talentless cow but born with the advantage of being well off thus the career progression. A totally up herself tosser , hipster ,who will like anything she thinks is ‘in fashion’. In the end just a bimbo. Sorry but true.

  5. It’s true that Jools is not much of a looker, but he is a decent guy in person. I met him once in a bar before a gig he did in Auckland and spent the better part of 20 minutes talking to me. Unlike most Tv personalities, he was more interested in talking about me than himself. And the gig he put on was fucking excellent as well, a great couple of hours that was.

    • I saw a programme of him once set in a club in New Orleans I think it was playing rock.boogie piano with a small group of musicians. He’s a bloody good pianist – I just wish he’d scale it down and get rid of his shit ‘Rhythm & Blues Orchestra’ which strikes me as a cut down big band swing operation.

      Go back to what you do best Jools and dump the shite…

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