The Koran

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Koran

It seems pretty clear that most of the contributors to this delightful website have very little time for the bizarre totalitarian creed of Islamism. Numerous micro-cocked closet homosexuals like Horner, Choudhury, Rahman (you must be a cunt to be slagged off in The Independent by Yasmin “Muslim Feminist” Alibhai-Brown) and even arch-twat Mohammad have been nominated on these pages.

But I want to go to the source and so I hereby nominate the Koran for a cunting.

I set myself the task of reading this book late last year. I was fucking sick of hearing the black/white discussion of Islam every time some Dalek/fucktard/Islamist/paedophile blew himself up. Guardinazis would scream “Islam is a religion of peace” whilst right-wing nutjobs would foam about how all immigrants should be kicked out. I thought I’d go back to Allah’s own words, as reported by Mo when he wasn’t looking for dates at the local kindergarten.

Muslim types and their fuckwitted friends in the “liberal” media claim the Koran is an inspired work of genius, a beautiful work of art, full of forward-thinking ideas for the good of humanity. The aforementioned foamers claim it’s a terrorist manual. Surely, the truth must lie somewhere in between?

I was kind of expecting something like the Bible – a pseudo-history book with supernatural elements and some half-baked philosophy thrown in. But, fuck me ragged, that is not what I found. The Koran is, to use the immortal words of Comic Book Guy, the. Worst. Book. Ever. Worse than Tolkien, worse even than that twat Shakespeare who has ruined English lessons for so many generations of children in the English-speaking world.

The Koran is complete and utter garbage – incoherent, dull, repetitive. The order makes no sense and the focus of chapters, paragraphs, even fucking sentences changes seemingly at random. I may be dim but I could not find a single unifying theme beyond the constant assurance that Allah is going to punish you if you don’t do exactly what he says, at all fucking times. Allah is the Nelson Muntz of deities – if you don’t follow his rules then he’s going to fuck you up, eternally. Christ, I lost count of the number of descriptions of the fate of unbelievers in the Fire (capital fucking F, ya cunt).

If you don’t believe me, try Sura 66 Al-Tahrim (Prohibition). It’s like that all the fucking way through. But I got through to the end and now I can quote whole sections to the twats over at the Guardian’s website.

Anyone who claims to live their life according to this fucked-up elephant turd of a book is either – 1/ a liar, 2/ someone who hasn’t read it or 3/ a mad fucker who needs professional help (either from a psychiatrist or Flaxen Saxon, I don’t care which).

Oh, and for some cultural diversity a la Guardian, try Judges 19. God is a mad cunt.

Nominated by: Cunt’s Mate Cunt

12 thoughts on “The Koran”

  1. I too was stupid enough to try and glean a little understanding of what makes the Muslims tick by reading the steaming pile of camel shit that is the Koran.

    As CMC points out, it makes little sense and has no continuity, although the foreword did point this out, as well as advising the reader that it was originally written as a kind of poetry.

    Well, if Vogon poetry is the worst in the universe, the Koran comes a very close second.

    As far as I can tell the main thrust of the Koran’s message is to either convert or kill anyone who disagrees with the word of Allah, as transcribed by the drug addled epileptic kiddie fiddler Mohammed. Lying and cheating to rip off kaffirs is absolutely fine, as is murder just as long as you throw a few coins or goats in the direction of the murdered persons family. A great basis for a legal system, I’m sure you will agree.

    There are of course some lighter moments, for example when one of Mohammed’s under-age wives points out to Mohammed that every time he has a vision (epileptic fit) that Allah seems to tell him to do exactly what he wanted to be doing in the first place.
    Considering the Muslim love of barbaric atrocities against the civilised world or anyone with any intelligence, Mohammed takes this rather well and probably only plies his nine year old wife with ten silk cut and some alcopops before inviting half a dozen mates around to gang rape her for her candour. (ok, I may have made that last bit up).

    In short, a pre-pubescent girl living in the dark ages displayed more common sense in calling out Mo’s bullshit than a billion Muslims currently living in the modern world.
    When you consider that 75% of the Muslim world is illiterate anyway and therefore not the sharpest tools in the shed, this is not really much of a surprise considering they are listening to some bloke wearing a greasy beard and a dress and only getting his version of the Koran and the events therein.
    It’s not like any of them are going to argue because they have no idea what the Koran actually says.

    As for Islam being the religion of peace, this is kind of true, but only if you consider peace being achieved by murdering anyone who disagrees with your fucked up, backward religion as an acceptable solution.

    The modern left whinger or Guardianazi has much in common with the Muslim world, inasfar as they will spread lies about and threaten to fuck up anyone who disagrees with their opinion.

    I give the Koran 1/10, but only because it has some really nice cover art, otherwise it would have been 0/10 because it is a really badly written load of old cunt that has started more wars and killed more people than anyone can count.

  2. And of the 75 pc that are illeterate, dont forget to note more than percentage that marry their own family.

    Cousins, Mothers, Brothers, all the marriage pool of young mohammad and fatima.

    This does wonders to the intellgance if what they spawn.

  3. Typing error above, should have read below :

    And of the 75 pc that are illeterate, dont forget to note more than that percentage marry their own family.

    Cousins, Mothers, Brothers, all the marriage pool of young mohammad and fatima.

    This does wonders to the intellgance if what they spawn.

    • Indeed. There are Muslim countries where the term ‘Bruncledaddy’ isn’t an insult, its an actual relative.

  4. I will be happy to supply the addresses of these blasphemous unbelievers to anyone who wishes to perform a fatwah.

    (Only joking. They can fuck right off!)

    Anyone care to cunt those other steaming piles of crap – the Bible and the Book of Mormon? The latter is nearly as good as Scientology, but less believable…

  5. Only just found this. Saw it mentioned in a post over at Dios place, and found the side bar is live when you click on it. 😀

    So. Agree with all of the above, but really making a comment just so the place is “Bookmarked.”

  7. In Germany, the customs (Zoll) have “Attic sales” every few months. The strangest I ever saw was a description; “A Koran printed in 1850 (or so), bound in pig leather.” up for auction.

    Now…. something appears to be askew here…. BUT, it was genuine! I went to see it, and, they had the test results to show it really WAS pig leather!

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