Andrew Lloyd Webber [2]


Just for a moment, let’s spoil ourselves by celebrating the misfortunes of the pug faced little cunt who sat on his golden throne while he subjected us to his excruciatingly embarrassing search for not just one new unknown musical star, but two! A Joseph and a Dorothy. Not that we gave a flying fuck about either.

It seems his latest offering – a musical based on Stephen Ward who committed suicide in the wake of the Profumo affair – is to close after just 4 months. The omens were never good, of course. It opened the same night the roof fell in on the audience in a West End theatre he owns. Actually, I think he owns most of them, doesn’t he?

It seems the theatre was never more than half full. Of course Webby is unrepentant. He commented “if you choose a subject purely because it is commercial, catastrophe looms”. Well, no Andrew. Catastrophe looms when you write some so shitty and uncommercial that nobody comes to see it, you daft cunt.

Anybody who paid good money to sit through his excruciating sequel to ‘Phantom’ must be rubbing their hands together in glee…

Nominated by: Dioclese

18 thoughts on “Andrew Lloyd Webber [2]

  1. The Welsh !! What a bunch of stupid fuckwit cunts ! First of all, they insist in using a dead language and call it “ther culture” – that’s because there’s nothing remotely like culture ever been produced in fucking wales. There’s still places in wales where you can’t get a drink on Sunday – it’s 2014, not 1614, you boring, methodist motherfuckers !! Now they want to ban electronic ciggarettes “in case it makes people take up smoking” …. Fuck off and die, cunts… next thing we should do is ban trips to wales in case it leads to people taking up sheep shagging.
    You’re a complete cunt, Dai !!!

    • A worthy cunting! Must correct you on one thing tho’ – they’re baptists not methodists. Otherwise, spot on!

  2. Had dealings with the cock cancer cunt a while back. At that time he seemed to own half the West End. First and foremost a man of business. Any artistry in the family resides in brother Julien.

    Ruthlessly severed his long standing relationship with lyricist Tim Rice (who penned my favourite musicals rhyming couplet “Hey JC! Don’t you go and die on me)

    Remember his entry for Eurocunt? Happily neither do I. Much publicity about how he regarded the job as an honour and unlike most other British entries was going to take it seriously and give his all. Null Points old sport.

    Reportedly regarded in the business as a bit weird with a reputation for getting very tactile with performers particularly during auditions.

    The ugly little cunt is disliked intensely within the profession and is only taken seriously when he gets his cash out. Set this to music cunt:

    You’re a cunt with cancer of the cock
    Why waste your hand up a filly’s frock
    Not a lot of joy found there dear heart
    Like your music you’re just an old fart
    (with thanks to Sir Tim Rice)

  3. Didn’t he also do that show about finding a Maria? I’m sure that was rubber face.

    • T’was indeed. He produced The Sound of Music and the BBC gave him a nice series of free promos to help flog it called “What shall we do about a problem called Maria”. Many questions were asked in the business such as “How the fuck did the little douche bag get away with that?” You may recall that in an attempt to counter such negativity the little douche bag in question pulled the cock cancer card by bravely revealing on camera that the doctors had given him the all clear……for now.

      I do hope that someone has him in the Dead Pool currently. I used to have him (as soon as the cancer scare hit) but alas no more.

  4. Let us not forget the eurovision embarrassment where here he would lead us to victory, whereas we came 4th, or something. only to be eclipsed by pete waterman’s failure

  5. back to the original debate about banning e cigs, what the fuck is that about? the goverenment want you to stop smoking, but on their terms, eg where they can tax you some more? fuck em, I’m moving to crimea

    • For goodness’sake, dear boy, Crimea is far far worse that wales. I had a few holidays there with my ukranian child bride. It’s another place where they celebrate mediocrity and the greedy ignorant cunts hold sway in a corrupt and unsatisfying mire of cuntishness. Like wales, the only good thing they have is the road out. They don’t even have souvenir mugs of Balaklava.
      Cunts !

  6. and the welsh are cunts full stop. you have no industry, you have no output, you wouldn’t have any jobs if we didn’t put the royal mint and the dvlc there. so take you independence, your dead language, your fucking independence, and your country, and row it out into the atlantic you fucking dead beats, at least the scots have some oli we can steal, and we can milk susan boyle until she commits suicide

  7. Lloyd Webber was up Thatcher’s crabby old Conservative arse:and the rubber faced bastard wrote her a theme tune for the Tory Party Conference. He should be shot for that alone…

    Anything half decent this ugly posh twat is connected with (the Jesus Christ Superstar film, and that’s it!) was down to Norman Jewison, Tim Rice and Andre Previn.

    Evita (glamourizing a Nazi hiding slag) is crap, Starlight Express was bollocks, The Phantom Of The Fucking Opera was a giant musical turd, and although I love cats (the animals), the musical Cats is a smear of excrement on the buttocks of popular culture

    Yep! Old ALW is a first class cunt!

    • Two little known facts about Webby :

      (1) when he wrote the sequel to Phantom (which was shite incidentally) he did it all on an electric piano which saved the score for him as it went along. Then the instrument crashed,trashed the lot and he had to start it all over again. Lesson to be learnt there, Webby old son – only a cunt doesn’t back his work up on a computer.

      (2) The cunt sent his game keeper down to wave his shotgun at a group of ramblers who wanted to use a footpath across is land. Chief rambler says “How many fucking shells you got in that gun” “Two” replies the keeper. “Well” he says “the third dead person round here will be you. Your choice”

      Plus the bloke’s a complete cunt – but that’s not a little known fact.

      Hope you liked that little ditty. It’s one of mine.

      • If you were webby, and had an electric piano (that didn’t crash) you could turn that story into a west end musical

  8. But instead of a rambler, let’s rewrite him to be Jesus, and the gamekeeper could be some roman dude

  9. No, wait, that might be offensive to Jews, lets call him Joseph, and the bad guy could be Egyptian,

  10. Lloyd Webber = the only cunt on the planet with a face that looks like it’s being permanently viewed through one of those concave (convex?) spyholes you get in hotel bedroom doors. What a loathsome, talentless FUCKING CUNT.

  11. Steady on old chap, not sure we are allowed to use the C word here, might be offensive to some people. *checks website name* nah, it’s OK after all

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