’d like to cunt the dumb motherfucker who thought switching off the analogue television signal in favour of an all digital system would be a great idea. Because it fucking wasn’t. In fact, it was the shittest idea in the sad, shitty, history of shite ideas. As I write this, I find myself staring at a blue television screen because the weather is so bad that the satellite dish on the side of my house can’t pick up the signal from the fucking satellite in a geo-stationary orbit above the UK. Yes, I know big words.

Now I’m sure said motherfucker thought making the UK the first country (or should that be cuntry?) in the world to have a completely digital television system would be cool and prestigious, or some bullshit like that. In truth though, the thick fucking cunt forgot that
(a) Most satellite signals don’t like really bad weather, such as heavy rain and thunderstorms, both of which my part of the UK is experiencing. And
(b) Bad weather is a very common occurrence in the UK.

I’m currently considering stealing the dish from the Lithuanian family that live a couple of doors down from me. That fucker’s as big as Jodrell Bank, and I’m pretty sure they’re sat there at this moment watching Tattooine’s got Talent. Seriously, it’s big. In fact, they’re probably the only people in Manchester right now who are watching television. Even if it is a live broadcast from the Curiosity rover on Mars. Frankly, I’m surprised their fucking house hasn’t collapsed from the weight of the thing.

Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw