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LET’S GET CUNTING!
Marco Pierre White Jnr
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13535117/Marco-Pierre-White-convict-son-busted-raid-trousers.html
Scion of the celebrity chef and complete waste of DNA, Marco Pierre White Jnr is not only a cunt but a fucking plank to boot.
The drugged-up criminal nugget posted pictures of his tattooed arse on Instagram then broke into a deli to steal money from the till. Squeezing out of the broken window his trousers got snagged, revealing the anal artwork on CCTV, thus making his identification a doddle. So that’s another spell in chokey for Brain of Britain.
But this case got me wondering. What tattoos might others have which would reveal their identity in similar circumstances? I’ll give you some of our soon-to-be Lords & Masters for starters:
MAGIC GRANDPA
On his Iron Curtain road trip with Diane Abbott, Grandpa had Karl Marx and Diane tattooed by the State Tattooist in East Berlin (no Imperialist, Capitalist tattoo running dogs for our Jezza). Sadly the ravages of time have rendered Diane’s image into a thick, black blob. So just like the real thing really.
EMILY THORNBELLIES
Due to its immense size, Lady Nuge has had all 361 chapters of War and Peace imprinted round the back door.
GRETA TURDBERG
Grotta wishes to maintain her virginity, so her bum reads simply ‘How dare you!’
OWEN JONES
‘Marxists only’ on one buttock, ‘Never been bummed by a Tory’ on the other. Owen’s party piece is to fart ‘the Red Flag’ through his rectal prolapse.
DAWN BUTLER
Dawn is art-free around the rear. However she can still be identified by the fact that her arse is indistinguishable from her face.
ANGELA TWO HOMES
Crayons has ‘Front or back’ on one, and ‘You choose’ on the other. Classy.
DAME KEIRA
Finally our glorious PM-in-Waiting. Keira started having tattoos done but changed her mind half way through. So nobody knows what they represent.
Over to you chaps……
5
A cunting please for Life Wirral School, Wallasey.
Fuck me, I really thought I wouldn’t have to pen another nomination on this sort of topic so soon after the last one. Once again, disabled children have been abused at a school that was paid big money to look after them. This time, said abuse had involved swearing at children, mocking their disabilities/conditions, and putting them in what the BBC describes as ‘dangerous headlocks.’ One senior staff member even confessed to fantasising about drowning a child (!!!). Oh, and the CEO is an abusive narcissist too who (allegedly) bragged about assaulting a child.
Can someone please give me some sort of explanation as to why, post-Winterbourne View, places like this are still allowed to exist, and people like this are still allowed to get these sorts of jobs? Answers on a fucking postcard please.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cp6643jd8nwo
3
Addendum: on the same day, this has been published. Maybe if the relevant authorities actually did their jobs properly and ensured that money WASN’T going to such heinous institutions, the deficit wouldn’t be as large?
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/ceqq46x068xo
2
The BBC using Michael Mosley’s death as a climate change push? Surely not. They’ve scrabbled enough deaths, five, over 131km² to justify their ridiculous story. That’s a little over 1 heat death per 26km², bigger than the island nation of Nauru.
Anyway stop driving, eating meat, having kids, using aircon or farting too much. Michael Mosley died because of all of you. Yes, you. Not anyone at the BBC. You. It’s your fault.
3
Chopsticks Users.
I’m not talking about the third of the world’s population that were born to use chopsticks.
Those sneaky, yellow fuckers deserve their own cunting.
I’m talking about the smug bastards who think that they are impressing people when they use chopsticks.
Go to any Chinese restaurant on any night of the week and there will be at least one cunt, perhaps even a table full of cunts who insist on ‘living the experience’ by eating with these ridiculous things.
Who the fuck do these people think that they are?
They are certainly not impressing the waiters.
The waiters have been using chopsticks since they learned how to feed themselves.
They are just amused by the efforts of westerners.
They probably chat amongst themselves “又一个他妈的贱人” (Another fucking cunt).
They don’t impress any of the other diners in the restaurant.
They just think that they are wankers.
How many hours have these dimwits spent at home practicing, using elastic bands?
How many shirts have they ruined by dropping food on themselves?
These are the people who order a Chinese takeaway and ask for it to be delivered with chopsticks.
After many hours of practice and hundreds of failed attempts they go to the local Chinese restaurant.
Fucking idiots.
You think that you sound sophisticated by insisting on using chopsticks when everyone else uses a knife and fork?
You think that other people will regard you as well travelled?
You’re not.
You might have been to an international hotel in Hong Kong where there was a 15 minute demonstration on how to use chopsticks, but that just makes you a bigger cunt.
Do these same people go to an Indian restaurant and eat with their hands?
If I was Chinese and owned a restaurant and someone asked for chopsticks I would give them a plate of peas as well.
See how you get on with them, you cunt.
5
I use chopsticks and now you have pointed it out, I feel a right cunt. Never again – spoon and fork for me from now on.
2