Useless Celebrity Offspring

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Social media and the rise of celebrity culture has only helped fuel this regressive phenomenon; the celebrity offspring. Famous for what? Well fuck all in most cases, living off mummy or daddies wealth and industry connections on little or no talent other than their last name.

Mick Jagger has managed to spunk out a whole plethora of models, fashion designers and activists over the decades. Any footballing prowess George Best had bypassed his son Calum who is famous for falling out of nightclubs with plastic orange slappers and whoring himself out to the latest ITV2 celeb shit show.

The Beckham brood are no better but eldest son Brooklyn did get a book of his photographs published whilst still studying for his photography degree, which I’m sure happens all the time. David enjoyed looking at the pictures anyway.

Not all kids of famous people are talentless wankers on the make, I like Michael Douglas and think he is a fine actor and Frank Lampard an exceptionally talented footballer for example. But too many are just chancers, parasites clinging to the arsehole of fame and nepotism, trading on any talent in the very loosest sense of the word.

Get the snip or get a proper fucking job!.

Nominated by: Liberal Liquidator

61 thoughts on “Useless Celebrity Offspring”

  1. Hughie Green’s daughter Paula had the best idea. Most celeb’s kids should have been splashed down the sink.

    • Jaggers blonde daughter is nice,
      Right little darling!
      And wouldnt be sore after id shaken her teeth as Bill Wyman probably broke her in years ago.

      • if not, then have a go on jezza clarksons sprog, she’s well up for it, word of advice though leave a wide path round round vonathan voz’s daughter, that’s well nasty

  2. Zak Starkey is a better drummer than his dad, but by and large most celebs offspring are talentless morons.
    Kelly Osbourne, Paris Hilton, Liza Tarbuck, etc, etc.
    Come to think of it, Liza tarbuck’s dad was bloody awful too.

  3. Harvey Price hasn’t managed to do anything noteworthy, the idle loafer, unless you class drooling more than the dog out of Tirner and Hooch whilst trying to shag your whore mother.

  4. Think Beckham and Ramsey. Cunts in their own right, now populating the z list of pointless cunts with their offspring.

      • Indeed! I gather some radio DJ upset her by calling her a chubby little thing. I imagine my thoughts, like ‘who the fuck is this tubby chav?’ would made her dad very angry. Hopefully angry enough to give the cunt an aneurysm.

  6. I’m just surprised these aging rock stars haven’t all changed their names, had loads of plastic surgery to hide their real identities and fucked off to some dark corner of the Earth.

    What will all this ‘me too’ stuff and loads of these stars (allegedly) banging underage groupies. It was all the rage in the 60s-80s (allegedly), but it’ll get them 50 years now.

    I’m absolutely convinced the old bill will come a knocking for loads of them someday soon.

    And I reckon (allegedly) that’s why a band worth hundreds of millions backed down so quickly to the woke mob with regards to not playing a certain song anymore.

    • I had wondered about that – your theory makes a lot of sense (back in the day such behaviour was considered a “perk of the job” rather than anything untoward).

  8. Most often, it would’ve been better to they’d chucked their man-yoghurt at the wall and spared the world their useless spawn. Keith Allen in the late 1980s, for example. “Shall I ejaculate into this irritating, carping, annoying bitch or shall I wank this splurdge-porridge into the cûmsock?”

      • The wind moans.
        Tumbleweed blows……….
        Looks like you’re on your own MNC.
        Good luck 👍
        Stout Yeoman. 😀
        Good morning.

      • I wouldn’t believe the Field Marshall, MNC.
        He’ll be a no show.
        Watching through his binoculars from afar, as she flops her massive arse on your face…….
        The horror……..
        The horror………
        😝😝😁

      • I’ll take her on alone if needs must Jack!!
        Might need a leg up to get in the saddle?
        but once there ill hold on like a tick!!
        She said we could go the chippy afterwards!!
        And she said I could eat chips n gravy out of her belly button ❤️❤️😀

      • Jesus, Mis! And I was just about to get the turkey out of its box for prepping.

        That is a serious hambeast. Good luck, old chap, but I think you are on your own. I can lend you a SatNav as you will need one to find the right hole!

      • Cheers Paul,
        Its lucky someone put the light on id had my winky in the dimple in her arse!!!

      • She looks like she’s hungry for success.
        Sorry, hungry for sausage rolls. Unless ‘success’  comes with chips and pork pies.

      • That’s a whole lot of woman Mis. One thing’s for sure, once you’ve found her honey pot you won’t have to any work, just keep slapping her on the arse and ride on in on the waves of blubber.

      • I would pound her senseless from behind, or get her to ride me reverse cowgirl, then splatter all over her arse.
        Mind you, when you don’t get any action, standards are non existent.

  9. Callum Best takes some beating when it comes to offspring with a pointless existence. As far as I can make out, he’s used his fathers fame and ultimate misfortune as a means to shag loads of tarts and nowt else.
    Eve Pollard should hang her head in shame for producing that awful, irritating minger Claudia Winklewank. A living advert for abortion, regardless of how far gone the mother is in pregnancy. Have these people never heard of Gin and knitting needles?

  10. Bowie’s son has carved out a successful career for himself in the film industry, and good luck him.
    Bryan Ferry’s son looks like a complete cock tho.

    Morning all.

  11. ”The Beckham brood are no better but eldest son Brooklyn did get a book of his photographs published whilst still studying for his photography degree, which I’m sure happens all the time. David enjoyed looking at the pictures anyway.”

    I imagine David enjoyed colouring them in.

  13. Talentless, annoying offspring, of famous cunts?

    Sean Lennon must be in the premier league👎

  14. The Addams Family’s butler Lurch must be so proud that his talentless sprog changed his name to ‘Sting’ and became a sleb too.

    • In explanation, I was at school with Gordon Sumner, where his nickname was ‘Lurch’. Oddly enough, there’s no mention of that in his autobiography.

  15. A few more for cuntsideration
    Johnny Ball and Zoe Ball
    Graham Hill and Damon Hill
    Macca and Stella McCartney

  16. May I offer a notable exception to the phenomenon of cunty kids…

    Dweezil Zappa – Watermelon in Easter Hay (London 2013)
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2NCiNKdCYU

    …fighting back the tears as he plays his old man’s signature composition in public for the first time… missed his cue to drop back into the main riff… didn’t matter. When they fit me fer my final flightcase I think it’ll be this one that accompanies me to the fire.

  17. Did ubercunt bruce forsyth ever sow his evil seed? Probably dead of old age if he did. Cilla cunting Black had some demon progeny, don’t know if they had an alibi when the scallys dug up her grave and “allegedly” spunked on the corpse? Would want to know the whereabouts of a certain Mr Rooney that night too. I fucking hate famous cunts. And most anonymous cunts too.

  19. The BBC are good at giving jobs to less-than-talented offspring of luvvies and former presenters; Ball, Winkleman, Coren, Forbes, Whitehall…

    All profiting from the telly tax and daddy and mummy’s fame.

    Keeping it in the family, just like the sexual abuse at Television Centre.

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