Carol Singers (Allegedly)

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Well it didn’t take long did it!

As soon as November becomes December and all of a sudden there’s a knock on the door and a couple of lines of “Away in a Manger”, followed by the doorbell ringing, and then 2 lines of “Silent Night” and another knock on the door.

Inevitably we didn’t bother answering, although I did fear the so-called singers might turn from carol singers to trick-or-treaters and key the car!

Anyway they fucked off, only to return the following night, and then again tonight they were back with exactly the same routine.

Neighbours had the same issues. And it turns out these cunts are actually “Travellers” who dropped by in downtown Ravenglass. Them and about 6 caravans pitched in a farmer’s field doing what “Travellers” do!

One suspects these singers were “probably” scoping homes while pretending to sing, and if the house was empty they would “probably” break in and help themselves to some Christmas festivities!

We don’t normally get carol singers up these parts anyway, other than those organised by the local village church. But I recall when I lived in Brum that we’d get cunts doing the same routine as these “Travellers” and expecting a fiver for their 30 second efforts!

What they really need is not so much a Silent Night, but a swift loud kick in the knackers!

Merry Christmas (assuming I’m still allowed to say that!)

Nominated by: Technocunt

53 thoughts on “Carol Singers (Allegedly)”

  1. Is that the line up for loose women?
    They look a little loose to me.
    Especially the second from the left. I’d open the door for her to come on in and entertain me.

    Sexist pig 🐖.

    • You could go to the door to welcome them in clerical garb, and in your best vicarly voice, quote from the Good Book (St. John, I think):

      “open up, oh, open up ye gates and let the King of Glory come in”

      You must remember the doh collr though to avoid a charge of obscenity.

  2. Bothersome Wankers…best to keep a bucket of stale piss behind the door to chuck over them…helps the Hounds track them.

      • Morning,Vern…impossible for me unfortunately…I need both hands to wield my mighty member so wouldn’t be able to pick up my bucket of piss.

        Fine advice for the more modestly equipped members of this site though.

      • I like to answer the door in my Christmas party outfit of tribal rags and suicide vest, they don’t hang about!

        Morning cunters.

  3. Some ruffians alleging to be “from the local church” tried this scam with me some years ago – they had gone to extraordinary lengths including dressing some guy up as a vicar!
    I think it’s fair to say I won’t be seeing that lot again..
    But if those lovely gals in the nom photo care to visit I will forgive their lack of vocal skills and convince them I am a “Professor of snatchology” who needs to see them naked,to, er, prevent covid or world hunger or some shit – one of these days my evil ruse will work! 😃👍

  4. Morning Techno.
    Morning all.
    Round here it’s the local neds and ‘We wish you a Merry Christmas’, because they can’t be bothered to learn the words to ‘Silent Night’.
    I just shout ‘Fuck off’ through the letter box.
    Full of seasonal cheer, me!

    • Occasionally, I do get a visit from small children, warbling ‘Away in a Manger’, supervised by an anxious looking Mum.
      I always answer the door to these sorts. I say, ‘that was lovely, would you like to see some puppies?’

      • My nephew is a right cunt!
        Last week he was sitting on the kerb, near his house, when a car pulled up.

        “Hello little boy”, said the the driver. “If I give you some of these sweeties, will you come in my car?”

        “Give me the whole packet and I’ll cum in yer mouth!”
        ©️Royston Vasey

  5. Funny you mention knackers ( that’s their nickname where I come from)
    There was a time when they called around Christmas, usually selling useful stuff like blankets ,mattresses and other dubious of origin stuff.
    Once entertained at the doorway they never left without a deal in cash
    I’m talking 1960’s early 70’s
    What they morphed into in this day and age is fucking degenerate

  6. Perform simple task.
    Ring bell.
    Get treat.
    If Travellers want to behave like lab rats, I say we treat them as such.
    Anthrax them.

  7. Visitors to Chez Boggs are never encouraged – I am too ashamed of the spouse wobbling about like a white face copy of Diane Abbott. Singing visitors are even less welcome . Unless and until they sing filthy rugby songs to take the sickly taste of Xmas away they will remain ignored and unrewarded. A few bars of “Dinah, Dinah Show Us Your Legs” is worth a dozen Silent Nights.

  8. Even the (genuine🙏) Christmas carol sisters are a pain in the arse with their faux smiling faces embarrassing everyone to join in on the festivities
    Fuck off please I was in a good place before I stumbled across you lot of charity cases

  9. Mornin and I leave for work( Saturday I know)
    Have a good go at the travellers in my absence ,after all it’s only right to be on familiar terms having created their very existence by policy of yore

  10. Fucking hell, Carol singers knocking on your door is Dickensian. Yeah you see organised groups in railway stations and supermarkets, making it clear which charidee they are supporting, but knocking on your door? So fucking obviously dirty pikeys on a scam. I’m surprised the Booshkas aren’t pulling the same trick……well maybe they are, I don’t know. No bastard knocks on my door, one of the advantages of being a miserable cunt.

  12. The last time we were in Ravenglass, a few months ago. I took the dog for an early morning stroll and there was a pikey, lying in the back of a Transit, which was parked up by the shore, snoring his head off.
    I felt rather pissed off. I like Ravenglass, it’s sad to see pikey scum , cluttering up the place.
    The filthy criminal cunts should be gassed.
    Good morning

    • Ravenglass, like most villages in these parts, does get infested with these cunts on a regular basis, and they will try their utmost to scam naive local villagers (usually the elderly).

      They also hover around Sellafield, helping themselves to other people’s cars in the Sellafield carpark. The local plod are far far away in Carlisle or Barrow in Furnace, even though 30 odd years ago most small towns dotted along the west cost had their own plod station.

      But now they’ve mostly all closed down the “Travellers” have exploited the situation and more or less made themselves a permanent fixture in the Lake District.

      That said, they don’t stay around too long in places like Workington or Whitehaven. The locals there don’t fuck about with cunts like them, and quite often the odd caravan ends up in a ball of flames!

      Ho ho Ho!

      • Morning, Techno. One of my neighbours used to be a rugby player. He reckoned the toughest games were those they played up in Cumbria.
        I like Whitehaven, sat outside the harbour cafe, munching on fish, chips and peas, watching the world go by, is an enjoyable pastime.
        Unless it’s pissing it down.
        Which it can do in spectacular style.
        The locals don’t seem to notice.
        Hardy cunts.

  13. Give them some sprouts covered in chocolate. They won’t come back after that.

    Or if they’re pikies, a signed photo of the Austrian painter with a chirpy, ‘he had the right idea for you lot’ and a bar of soap (not sure they’d know what one was though).

    • The one on the left is doable. The rest were a bit of a disappointment after zooming in.

      Good job for you lot I’m a collosal per v ert and saved you all a job.

    • Stop it?
      Jack , you know very well that the ‘ Horn Section ‘ of IsAC , once aroused, is impossible to control.

      • Talking about mistletoe and cunts, before I’ve had me med’s, could be dangerous.
        There could be a ‘ trouser incident ‘. 😁

  15. I open the door to the cunts saying merry Christmas, if you don’t get out of my front garden I tell them my Belgian shepherd malinois Sam will be set free to help the fuckers move on

  16. They look as though they are singing in Hamleys toy store on Regent Street. I might pay a visit to check them out. Certainly a marked improvement on Ali Bongo who used to entertain/frighten the kiddies back in the 1960s.

    Good morning, everyone.

    • Ive not seen a Carol Singer in years!
      But theyd of had a proper welcome here gyppos or not!

      Id of joined in the singing,
      My sweet Baritone mixing with their angelic voices,
      And id of tipped the white ones a shiny pound coin each.

      I hope we get carol singers this year!
      The churchy ones!
      All speccy and goofy teethed
      A bit cliff Richard.
      They have lovely voices usually.

      Dont mean Cliff his voice makes me puke .

  17. The best thing I ever did was a 6 foot high fence around Fugly towers with 6 foot high gates front and rear that lock from the inside, its great.
    No carolers, no fucking trick or treat, no born again Christians, no watch tower, no please can I have my ball back, ( anyway after Jack the Jack Russel gets to them the ball don’t last long, and nothing gives me more pleaser than lobbing a shredded football back over the fence), no canvesers at election time, no drunken cunt brother wanting money or booze, no neighbours feeling like dropping in and asking to borrow stuff or see why their car won’t start and no fucking pikeys, I fucking hate pikeys.
    So anti social as fuck yes, but I wouldn’t have any other way, best thing I have ever done and that was years ago….. Its my anti cunt fence….

  18. Oh and I forgot no cunts knocking on the door to shout HAPPY NEW YEAR at the tops of their voices or try to get me to stand in the street at midnite instead of sipping at a nice Dalmore, remembering that they were cunts last year and no doubt they will be cunts again this year guaranteed…

  19. Carolers would get the same response from me as any other cunt that says merry Christmas to me.
    I’m a fucking Jew you fucking Påpist cunt, fuck off before I nail you to a tree.
    Bah Humbug!

  21. Blimey, the last time any carol singers came around here, old king were on t’throne.
    I thought they were extinct. As for pikeys, I’ll set the cat on ’em.

    Morning to misanthropic cunts everywhere.

  22. That header pic is clearly racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, genderist, ableist, religionist and any other “ist”, or “phobic” that comes to mind.

    No diversity
    No Inclusion
    No mixed couples
    No cranky window-licking dolls of Greta Icebergs on the shelves either.

    WTF is going on, admin?

  23. The time for this caroling shit is long gone. If people do stand and listen they are counting the seconds until it’s over just to be nice. It makes one cringe and the anus pucker with awkwardness.

  24. To get a into the Christmas spirit, I’ve bought all the toys that kids crave. Too of the range mountain bikes, PlayStation 5s the lot.

    When they knock on my door, I simply ask what toy they’d really like for Christmas. When they say ‘A PlayStation 5′ I grab one and say well, you can have on in about 20 seconds from now.’ I then take a lump hammer to it for about 20 seconds, until it’s in a million pieces. I then hand it to ‘ em, cackling like a madman, before saying ‘Merry Christmas you little cunt. Oh, you were adopted and Santa doesn’t exist.’

    Merry Christmas one and all, ho ho ho!

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