Halloween [4]

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TIME SENSITIVE CUNTING IN CASE YOU’RE BEING HARASSED.

Halloween is a load of cunt.

Even though it has pissed down all day (and it still is), stupid cunt modern parents are still putting their kids up to mithering on the fucking doorstep. Even when a curmudgeonly cunt like me takes the batteries out of the doorbell, the cunts still knock all evening. Hardly dark at 5pm and the fuckers were already at it. The Bat Flu gave us a rest from this shit last year. But, with a new lockdown possibly imminent, these shitehawks don’t give a bugger about disturbing folk.

No link, only a worn out door knocker and a load of cunts.

Nominated by: Norman

44 thoughts on “Halloween [4]”

  1. The parents falling for this tired old shit
    i ended up having more respect for the man that ran us out from his front door in 1971, God rest him
    time for a revolt of children, from the parents

  2. The way it’s supposed to work here in Yankland is, if you haven’t put stupid Halloween crap all over the front of your house and your porch light isn’t on, it’s a no go area. Don’t bother knocking in other words.

    We’ll see if that works tonight. Hope so because I fucking hate kids. Instead of just demanding sweets (because let’s face it, that’s all they want – there’s never a trick option) – how about handing back some of the tax money you fucking creatures have extorted in the form of property tax to pay for your fucking schools? Hmmm? No, thought not. It’s all gimme, gimme, gimme. Bastard kids – consumers of everything, producers of nothing. Get off my property.

  3. As I was walking into the doctors surgery a woman walked out, wearing a long black dress, a large black pointed hat and was carrying a broom.
    I asked the doctor, “What’s that all about?”
    He said, “She’s got a condition that’s been brought on by her lifestyle.”
    I said, “What’s she’s suffering from then.?”
    He said, “Dizzy spells.”….

  4. The best thing about the homestead, is the long, long, long driveway, complete with the gates and security cameras, that eliminates this fuckwittery.
    Just as well, as I would scare the shit out of anyone on my grounds, after dark😉👍

  5. All of a sudden Halloween has turned into a big deal when it was not anything like the huge commercial fest when I was a lad. Bun on a string and bobbing apples … that was the lot. Anyway I blame the quality of teachers and parents nowadays .. useless spineless supine turd heads the lot of em. Good day

  6. What the fuck happened to Penny For The Guy?
    Halloween shite killed him that’s for sure.

  8. Where to begin?. The streets of Kentish Town last night looked like the setting for a very downmarket, low budget horror film – the sort the wankers of Emmerdale Farm would dream up. Think Plan 9 From Outer Space produced in the church hall by the Lesbian Labour Ladies Amateur Dramatic Group, with AnalEase with her teeth blacked out – oh sorry, AnalEase they are your real teeth.

    How embarrassing – parents who encourage their children in this grotesquery should be fined for the distress than can cause to older people or those living alone, or in the words of the BBC before they showed Quatermass always said “this programme is not suitable for children or those of a nervous disposition.”

  9. I had the perfect solution, I fucked off to the daughters for the evening!
    Knock away, you little turds, there’s no one home.

  10. Wouldn’t it be good if there was another Halloween where adults could knock on the doors where kids live and scare the shit out of them trick or fucking treating.

    No doubt the kids would be in permanent trauma while their parents just wouldn’t see the “funny side” of adults scaring kids, even though its okay for kids to do likewise to vulnerable adults.

    In any case isn’t Halloween offensive to some wokey cunt? Are witches being discriminated against? Are vegans shocked at the torture of millions of innocent pumpkins?

    Now we have fucking Bonfire Night to endure, except for some stupid cunts it arrives about 2 weeks before when they start letting off fireworks in the middle of the day and night.

    Cunts!

  11. Round our way, it was like a B-grade horror film with ghoulish, white-faced women dragging their feet as their zombie-like faces and spotty flesh petrified everybody. However, the East Europeans always appear that way.

    I left the usual empty bowl outside with a post-it note saying ‘Please take one’.

    • Any Dracula’s knock on your door Kapitan? They don’t want sweets or treats just “I vant to suck your benefits system”.

  12. No such thing when I was a kid. Begging by any other name or an excuse to seriously misbehave for teenagers. Fucking cunts. Wrap a dog turd up and give em that. Bastards

  14. When you have a little one, that us that excited about going truck or treating, you pretty much roll with it.
    She’s a good child, and never asks for much, so I don’t begrudge.
    We only knocked on houses that were dressed up.
    Although at our house nothing was dressed up and no sweets offered.
    Yes, double standards!

    • Got no problem with houses that obviously want to encourage children to visit?
      Sweetie, little girl?
      Obviously, you went with her this time, but never, never let her go out without an adult.

  15. Not one!
    Not a single binbag wearing toddler.
    Apparently the living dead dont like heavy rain?
    Got a tub of quality street for the little cunts too.

    • Was that tub of Quality Street well past its “Best Before” date?
      If not you should try it.

      In fact any crappy sweets or chocolates you don’t want over Christmas, put to one side and then hand them out to the little cunts on Halloween – could be a few months out of date, but hey, that’s all party of the spooky fun!

    • Though I don’t get to see the results, handing out toffee onions and soft toffees with prawn paste centres to the local children fills my heart with joy..

  16. I had them for the first time in years…cheeky little Cunts…hammering on the door,screaming and shouting that ” Mummy’s Range Rover has crashed and caught fire,she’s trapped..Please Help!!”….I was almost tempted to give them something for the effort that they’d put in…covered in blood,lifelike wounds,hysterical screaming…lovely it was…and as for the old trick of setting fire to a hay-bale near the bottom road….magnificent invention beyond anything I thought children were capable of these days.

    Obviously I didn’t actually give the trespassing little Cunts anything bar a taste of being chased off my vast property by the Hounds and a few well chosen words from myself…little bastards got their revenge though…flashing blue lights and fucking siren noises for the rest of the night…didn’t get a wink of sleep.

    • I hope the little cunts didn’t upset the hounds too much.

      Are the locals honouring you with a large “Wicker Man”, in your likeness for Movember 5th?

      • Oh no,General….the Incomers got the village bonfire stopped because it wasn’t “eco-friendly”….I like to keep tradition alive though by building a massive bonfire in the field next to the new-build Estate….silage-wrap,green brash,old tyres,black oil etc and lighting it when the wind is in the right direction to carry the smoke to their Barratt-boxes….I also like to scatter a few boxes of shotgun cartridges through the fire while building it…keeps the Cunts from interfering with my enjoyment.

    • Nice reporting Sir Fiddler, I was almost in tears. I notice you didn’t mention that the kids were Afghans, the Range Rover was stolen and there was a big bag of Charlie on the back seat.
      There’s a job for you at the BBC.

      • It was worse than vehicle-stealing,drug-dealing illegal immigrants,Freddie….it was fucking Incomers.

  17. Thanks to the weather I only had to ignore the door once last night.
    It seems to last for weeks too, as houses have been decked with tat for at least a fortnight.
    Silly cunts.

  18. I left the porch open with a large bowl in full view last night.
    The bowl was empty of course with a sign on saying Please take what you want until gone.

    I have like Norman, taken out the batteries from the doorbell a few times too.
    Wife always says No kids this year!
    I know, must be the weather.

    • Infedal, I’m stealing the empty bowl with note for next year.
      Even though I spent the evening at daughters, I still left a tub of sweets out. About 60 wrapped lots.
      Looking at the security cam, about 16 to 18 kids came.
      When I got home, the tub was empty, so they all had 3 lots each, greedy little cunts.
      Empty bowl with a please help yourself note next year, for sure.

  19. They are all bumptious little cunts in my
    Village
    But I have y own trick …., as I live in a a old house and my side entrance is totally enclosed .. but is fenced right round to my front door where they knock
    Just let the dog out who finds his way round to the front door and barks like fuck .. frightens then to death
    The trick is the the dog is a huge Presa and scares them shitless
    Now fuck off

  20. Another way to deter them is to answer the door naked.
    Here’s two more coming as I type both dressed as policemen.

  21. Remember, you can give them a trick or a treat. Them’s the rules cunters.

    Every cunt expects a treat.

    Well, I put the chip pan on, and when the doorbell goes and I hear ‘Trick or treat’ I pour the boiling fat all over the little bastards.

    They don’t fucking come back after that for some reason. You want a Twix do you? Get this fucking molten lard in your face you little cunts!

    Cuntybollocks
    Padded room 26
    HMP Broadmoor

  22. When I was a lad, our parents and teachers and the local cozzer used to say ‘Never accept sweets from strangers’.

    Now? Your modern cunt of a parent (the sort of bellend who likes Harry Potter and calls their son or daughter ‘Dude’ or ‘Bud’) encourage their idiot offspring to do exactly that. Then they go and film the little fuckers mithering people and plaster it all over Facebook. And as for grown adults that dress up as twats themselves on Halloween?! Well, words fail me.😒

    Mongs, narcissists and scroungers to a man. Complete and utter cunts.

  23. I just let my 5 stone husky collie cross sit in the front garden all evening he hates just about every cunt! no bother from the begging little cunts.

  24. Live on a hill. They don’t knock, lazy fat little twits.

    Isn’t the original holiday of Samhain about loved ones returning from the dead for one night?

    What’s all this pumpkin and bedsheet nonsense about?

    I still prefer it to Christmas (sluts dressed up as Elvira etc.)

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