Rabbie Burns [2]

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What better way to kick off the New Year than with a haggis-loaded cunting of Scotland’s own national treasure, Rabbie Burns…?

I went to his birthplace and museum a couple of months back and concluded that apart from being a right know it all, a social justice warrior and a shirt lifter, he wrote some really shite poetry. His ode to the haggis is bad enough without that nasty little new year dirge Auld Lang Syne. What the fuck do those words mean anyway? Well, for those of you who give shit ( and I certainly don’t ) the title actually means ‘back in the day’ or ‘days gone by’ and goes on to say the best way to remember old friends is to get pissed out of your brain. I gather the Scots are quite good at that.

So fuck New Year, definitely fuck Jools Holland’s annual hootenanny, stick your haggis up your arse and do to Rabbie Burns what should be done with all treasures – bury the bugger somewhere you can’t find it…

Nominated by Dioclese

34 thoughts on “Rabbie Burns [2]”

  1. Fuck me Dioclese, what a miserable bast you are. But I still love you – just not in the way Dick and Krav love each other.

  2. then gentle scan your brother man,still gentler sister woman.
    for fear they may gang kenning wrang,to step aside is human.
    And you is wrang apart fae that cunt hootenany holland.

  3. Ah yes, Jools and his filmed in November at 3pm Cuntenanny… Which this year features such ‘stars’ as Michael Buble, Jess Glynne, Nile Rodgers, George Ezra, Marc Almond, and Rudimental (who they?)… Basically a load of complete and utter crap… Only shock is there is no Beverley Knight/Ruby Turner (same thing) or KT Cuntstall this year…

    And expect the usual celebricunts and Beeb royalty at the Cuntenanny… I’ve no doubt the female joke Doctor Who will be in the audience of twats to say something bad about Brexit and welcoming sandfilth to Blighty… In fact I bet it’s been made clear that all celebricunts in the Cuntenanny ‘audience’ have to slag off Brexit and the ‘riff raff’ who voted to leave the EU… It will be – as ever – an utter cuntfest of the highest order…

    • Be interesting to see how many times the words ‘Brexit’ and ‘Grenfell’ are mentioned on tonight’s Cuntenanny….

      • You may need a calculator!!! 😂😂
        There’s gonna be a shit storm of virtue signaling tonight, fucking large doses of mawkish sentiment Dripping in faux Bon ami …..
        Got my evening sorted and none of it involves NYE TV ……

  4. I’m partial to a slice of fried . I do like whiskey and I do like Scotland. Burns ? Well ,he’s not exactly to my taste.
    But Jools fucking Hollands Fucking Hootinfuckinanny drives me insane with a burning desire to see the cunt buggered with a hot ramrod up the arse! Pretentious deluded cock sucking waste of fucking space with the intellect and the talent of Himmlers left bollock ! Fucking twat !

    Happy new year fellow Cunters !

  5. I used to work with Robbie Burns from Hartlepool.
    He was no poet but he did like to go sea fishing.

  6. I can’t give the tree throwers a hard time over their cuisine, especially now that they have introduced a range to encourage healthy eating….

    ‘I can’t believe it’s not battered’….

  7. I fucking LOATHE that Hootenanny shite.

    It is no wonder the great unwashed struggle to get tickets for that show with all of the fucking celebricunts in the audience, all getting pissed and babbling utter luvvie shite when Jools engages them in ‘conversation’.

    Every year my Dad insists on watching that bollocks and every year it fucks me right off.

    Plus the music is usually SHITE. Every year they seem to wheel Ruby Turner out from whatever box she is in the rest of year for a quick airing and then put her back in until next year.

    FUCK THAT CUNTERY.

    • Oh, I forgot to add.

      Rabbie Burns? Yep, he’s a cunt. Scottish = automatic cunt.

      The end.

      Have a fucking Happy New Year, my fellow cunters.

    • And to get you in the mood for Jools hootenanny bbc 2 are showing live at the Apollo Christmas “ special “ hosted by the unfunny as fuck Sarah millican…
      but fear not cunters all is not lost, simply drop in at channel 5 to join the velvet voiced? Singing barmaid Jane mc Donald- bafta winning cruise !! What the actual fuck! 😡

  8. Rabbie Burns,
    Rabbit Turns,
    Stab it Yearns,
    Habit Churns.

    I love Scotland, the Scots, whisky. Mmmm Haggis especially on a full English fry up.

    Peacefuls with Scottish accents are just wrong though – on all levels.

    Having said that, peacefuls with English accents? Or…. just peacefuls.

    Goodbye for now.

  9. Not only on tv does hootenay bring out twats and snowflakes. The pubs are full of dickheads that wouldn’t be seen dead in a pub the rest of the year as pubs are an old fashioned British concept and not ‘diverse’ and ‘inclusive’ enough so not good places to virtue signal. My hope is that in 2019 the beeb disappears up its own corporation.

  10. Automatic cunt here as Im Scottish but I can fully agree , most of us up here cant stand the Burns pish and addressing a fucking haggis

    Oh , and most Scots response when told its St Andrews day is ” What ? is it ? so fuckin what”

    You think Jools is bad ,which it fucking is , but spare a thought for us miserable tightarsed sweaty socks….we have our own night on TV , 2 fucking old geezers with accordion and fiddle , screaching and blowboxing away like a couple of demented extras from an american leprechaun B movie. Its fucking embarrassing and backward. Why the EU hasn’t had a referendum to jettison Scotland is bewildering to say the least

    • I could never understand the high esteem in which he’s held. I cannae oonderstand the werrds to the poetry either.

      Jools Holland I CAN understand and he’s a massive coont.

  11. An apt and timely bit of cunting!
    Now I have to declare an interest. I love Scotland, particularly the beautiful and grand city of Edinburgh. Most Scots are in my experience generous and very friendly people (except SNP cunts, who really are a breed apart). It’s a fucking good job too, cause the other half is a native of Auld Reekie!
    But Hogmanay drives me nuts. I’m all in favour of a good old fashioned knees up with plenty of refreshment on hand, but the mithering, maudlin ‘here’s tae us, wha’s like us, damn few an’ they’re a’ deid’ sentimentality that Scots wallow in at this time really gets my goat. Thank fuck it’s only one night; I can put up with that, miserable old cunt that I am!

    HAPPY NEW YEAR TO CUNTERS FAR AND WIDE. LANG MAY YER LUM REEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  13. A shirt lifter? I never knew. But come to think of it all that stuff about ‘The best laid schemes of mice and men’. As I’ve said before I don’t think the poor unfortunate creatures survive the sexual exertions; it’s all too much for them. So now we know what- ‘cow’rin, tim’rous Beastie O, what a panic in the thy breastie’ refers to.

  14. Sadly (or not) I like haggis , with neeps and tatties especially with a few beers, not really interested in Burns , Scotish hero says it all really.

    Wee Jimmy, SNP supremo is a Mega cunt, given her little new year message , Scotlands welcome to anyone from the EU ….. maybe she will take in all the shit Romanian and Slovak gypsies that have invaded the UK.

    Fuck the EU, fuck Cablecunt, fuck Tusk and Junker, fuck everybody who doesnt back leaving the EU, we won you cunts ….. that’s it!

    And finally…. more shit about the migrant crisis….. one minute they vulnerable, next they are wealthy to afford a place on the boats, The MP for Dover said they should be repatriated back to France which will stop more coming if they know they will be sent back…… first bit of common sense , but it will never happen , Snowflakes rule!!!!

  15. I’m ambivalent about Robert Burns. Some of his stuff is very good (My love is like a red, red rose, for instance) but, unfortunately, most of it is written in an archaic language which few can understand these days. A bit like that other poetic cunt, William Shakespeare. As for Jools Holland, Mrs Frenulum met him once in a Glasgow hotel and reported that he was a smelly, ignorant cunt. Her very own words. Why don’t tv channels just link their Hogmanay broadcasts to Xhamster or Pornhub and save all the hassle?

    • Aye, he’s written some guid stuff too, such as:

      My heart’s in the Highlands,
      My heart is not here
      My heart’s in the Hightlands,
      a chasing the deer.
      etc.

      But there’s a better poet from the same time who he’s overshadowed – Robert Tannahill.

  17. Gratifying to read so many “Jules is a cunt” comments. Fucking Bell End who was given a deserved ISAC treatment a few months ago.

    I’m okay with most Jocks but “Sir” tomato face Ferguson, Connerycunt, Krankie and Salmond are just four massive twats who spring immediately to mind. I’m sure there are others but nowhere near as many cunts as live elsewhere in the U.K. as that’d be a statistical impossibility.

    There are a few greats : Messrs Stein; Law; Dalglish and the current Rugby XV are ok. Justin Currie and Maggie Bell just two amongst many many great musos.

    The greatest Jock of them all? Step forward the legendary John Laurie…..aka Private Fraser!!

  18. Leave robbie burns alone you old bitter cunt i know scotlands poet is the favorite whipping boy this time of year but i’m too drunk right now to articulate a point so fuck me lol Jools Holland Is a cunt no arguments there

  19. 1. You have to be totally shitfaced to appreciate the Scottish New Year. It’s expected.
    2. Any Hogmanay gathering calling itself a Hogmanay gathering and attended by Edinburgh solicitors in kilts is a complete phony and the other end of town is where you need to be.
    3. Auld Lang Syne is not Burns’ finest work. This is:

    Of Lordly acquaintance you boast,
    And the Dukes that you dined wi’ yestreen,
    Yet an insect’s an insect at most,
    Tho’ it crawl on the cunt o’ a Queen!

    4. All the evidence suggests that he was not of the shirtlifting persuasion.

    5. Burns is OK.

    • Apologies: that was a bowdlerised version, c&p’d in haste, in which I corrected only the crucial word. My memory was of the original, which goes –

      Of lordling acquaintance ne’er boast,
      Or duke that you dined wi’ yestreen,
      A crab louse is still but a crab,
      Tho’ it crawl on the cunt o’ a queen.

      Altogether tighter and truer to his spirit.

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