Private Eye

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Private Eye is overdue a severe cunting.

I have subscribed since the days of Heath and Wilson. I have tolerated the endless Fleet St tittle tattle because some of the satire and bad taste can be excellent and the investigative stuff is also good. Many cunts have been exposed over the years.

However, since June 2016 it has become almost entirely one sided in it’s attacks. Apparently there is no satire in the posturings of Blair, Krankies, Miller, Clegg. Cameron and so on. Everything now points out what cunts those that voted Leave are. It does have a go at that odious cunt Osborne but only because he has the temerity to edit a newspaper. A newspaper which has no meaning to anyone living outside the M25, and I suspect very little meaning to the majority inside.

Private Eye is now Establishment. Supporting the mainly London, liberal elite – the civil servants. lawyers, politicians and all the rest of the gravy train troughers who serve no purpose to the majority of Brits. All within the M25 natch.

The late Peter Cook must be turning in his grave. He came from the establishment and spent his life subverting it in one way or another.

Private Eye – the Remoaners Gazette. Staffed by cunts, edited by a cunt, written for cunts who know, yes they are certain in their belief that the rest of the UK is populated by knuckle dragging morons.

Nominated by Cuntstable Cuntbubble

Oi! Hislop, ya cunt!

When you gonna answer this? It’s been seven fucking years…

An open letter to Ian Hislop

Nominated by Dioclese

127 thoughts on “Private Eye”

  1. Semi-professional Jimmy Sommerville tribute act, Ian Hislop, has over 25 years morphed from delivering witty, satirical lines to a pompous, wobbly-chinned, EU devotee.

    I no longer tune into “Have I Got Right On News for You” as I simply cannot stand this tragi-berk and his terminally tiresome cohort, Merton, who most of the time sits at his panel with a faux look of shock on his face, desperately attempting to elicit laughter from the audience.

    Worryingly I am beginning to come round to thinking that Ant and Dec are more amusing than this has-been.

  2. I stopped reading this shit a couple of years ago for that very reason. I’d like to add Have I got News For You for the same cunting for the same reason. I have nothing against remoaners wanting to be ruled by a foreign country, but then fucking move to one!

    • For many years Provate Eye was great. Was a regular reader for many years gave up soon after the referendum result.

      Resented paying good money to be told what a cunt I was to have voted Leave.

      Also gave up on HIGNFY for pretty much the same reason.

      Along with Question of Sport, two tedious unfunny past their sell by date programmes that if the BBC had any fucking idea at all would have been axed years ago.

    • When Private Eye became “on message” rather than a parody of being “on message” it was time to pull down the shutters.

      It would be like watching a new series of The Thick of It except where the Trump and Brexit bashing would be meant for real.

  3. It’s clear that the rag Osborne edits is just an excuse for him to try to take revenge on those he feels animosity towards. Where HIGNFY is concerned I havent been able to watch for 5 years. Paul Merton is a total fuckwit nodding like one of those little dogs in the back window of a car. The 60 year old teenager just exists for that fucking museum piece, and an even older dollop of shit on the radio Just A Minute. To hear him crawling up the arsehole of Nicholas Parsons, when he is not doing the same old jokes about Parson’s age.

    Like that old cunt David Frost Hislop and Merton are now part of the establishment they pretend to despise.

  4. I too have taken Private Eye for all those years and I’m now ready to junk it. It took me a few minutes to skim through the last issue in a vain search for something interesting and it went in the recycling straight after.
    Hislop is now a vain smug cunt and has indeed become part of the very cuntishment he used to cunt.
    Release the hounds Smithers..

  5. We often wax lyrical about un-funny cunts. Just before Christmas I bought Viz for the first time in decades. It was awful. Not only did I not laugh, I didn’t even smile, I just was pissed off I wasted three quid. When it first came out it was really funny.

    I take Q and Classic Rock and am quite happy.

    • I ditched Viz just a couple of months ago, after having not missed an issue since the 1980s when it first appeared on sale.
      No longer produced by working class geordies but by cunts in Londonistan and the last one I bought was all “Trump, Farage, Brexit, little Englanders, aren’t the Plebs stupid” etc.
      Sadly, just The Grauniad with tourettes now. Shame on them…

    • Try Planet Rock magazine, very new, so, at the moment it is very good. P E though is now shocking, I found an old copy from 87 a while back at the bottom of an old box, it was still funny.

    • I too really rate Classic Rock; I think Uncut and Prog are pretty damn fine too. Q and Mojo have lost their edge, however.

      As for Hislop, he remains one of those rectal hooters that is, in my humble opinion, overdue a visit from the angel of death, simply because he had a go at me personally for using one of his articles in an exam question. For a so-called editor, he has a very poor understanding of what a value-laden, pre-modifying adjective is. Without doubt a smug, arrogant, porcine cunt if ever there was one. And those adjectives are just for you, twat breeches.

  6. I note that two of my comments making a direct reference to a certain tax dodging island dweller were removed yesterday.
    Don’t get me wrong i’m not a snowflake so i’m not going to stamp my foot and cry like a girl but, for future reference, I think we should know the reason for this.

      • Indeed. Richard Branson is a grinning overprivileged greedy cunt faced prick. (testing, testing, 1 2 3…)

      • Branson is a grinning, hippy, tax dodging cunt whose businesses rely on public subsidy.He is currently suing an NHS trust because he didn’t get a contract. So that’s more public money he is costing one way or another.
        And what the fuck does an off-shore resident have to do with the EU referendum?

      • Read, Branson: Behind the Mask by Tom Bower. You’ll want to boycott everything connected to him after that!

  7. The cunts on HIGNFY and other such, and I use this term loosely, comedy shows probably received a giant wad of used banknotes in return for signing on the dotted to bemoan everything and everyone associated with leaving the EUseless. Haven’t watched the tiresome shite since June 16. Yawn, yawn, fucking yawn.

  8. Private eye has never been funny. Never. My sister used to have to spend a lot of time in hospitals and thinking she was a clever cunt she always used to ask for PE to be brought in, so I got to have a look at quite a few issues. This was back in the ’80s when Spitting Image was on the telly. Given that both PE and SI had the same basic precept and the same material to work with, SI shat on PE on a weekly basis. Private Eye=not funny=ever.

    • Unfortunate fact. Hislop used to write for Spitting Image before he edited PE.

  9. Hislop was my first nomination on here , about this time last year, for all the reasons stated above.
    One good thing about the referendum is that now we know for sure who our enemies are. I would never have had this fucker down as an Establishment backstairs arsecrawler despite his long association with the BBC.
    Brexit has divided this country for ever, mainly because cunts like Hislop have decided that only their votes count.
    Won’t get fooled again.

  10. Sky News; instead of banging on day after fucking day about how the NHS is failing and its all because there isn’t enough funding and that its all the fault of old people getting sick and how we need uncontrolled immigration to keep the whole shit show running, how about going into an A&E unit and see how many of the cunts in the waiting room can speak English?

    • 110,000 NET legal EU migrants to UK all working in NHS? I don’t think so… But that’s how the crooked cunts always try to spin it. Won’t get fooled no more.

  11. Suckdick Cunt reckons there will be 83,000 fewer jobs in Londonistan as a result of a “hard” Brexit. Never mind, Suckdick. I guess it’s just part and parcel of living in a democracy. Cunt!

    • It’s worse than you think. Suckdick’s “information “ comes from a report put together by a bunch of tame “economists”.
      The report was commissioned by Suckdick so naturally they told him what he wanted to hear.
      Oh……guess who paid for it ? That’s right…..Joe Muggy Taxpayer.

    • So pleased to hear that skid…..job losses in Londonistan eh! …..fucking cracking that…..bring it on!

    • Oh dear, how sad…

      That means about 50,000 fewer d&v take-aways, pizzerias that no self-respecting Italian would piss in, and fake USA-style hot dog bars (nb. No alcohol, no pork….you have been warned. there’s one round the corner from me.). When so many “peacefuls” despise the Muricans, why would they open up a hot-dog bar ?? Hypocrite cunts.

      And as for the NHS, all my medical attendants have had good Welsh names like Lloyd, Williams, Jones &c.

      • I keep filling up worrying about London. We should have a whip round in the provinces to top up the mere Billion they are spending on London Bridge station. You know, the station that links London to the rest of the UK. Oh, hang on it doesn’t.
        And any spare money can be funnelled into Crossrail. They might be short a few 100 billion.

  12. Private eye used to be a satirical magazine that could ( at times ) be interesting. Nowadays, ( as rightly stated by many here ) it is a shit pipe for anti Brexit, pro Europe, pro Merkel pro Barnier propaganda.

    Viz ( likewise )

    I have just gone to the site for MAD only to find it too has been taken over as a liberal anti Trump propaganda trumpet.

    There now seems to be a total magazine takeover by libtards. Is there anything worth fucking reading out there?

      • Shindig is good… It specialises in older (ie: good) music and bands… They’re doing a special on Love’s masterpiece ‘Forever Changes’ in the next issue, so I’m definitely having that.. Also, any magazine that puts Ronnie Lane, Arthur Lee, or Traffic on the front cover will do for me…

    • I think I’ll just stick with Razzle the Knave. At least you get proper tits and fannies unlike Private Eye.

      • Do they still print Razzle? In fact do the still print porn at all? Having a tug in front of a computer screen has always seemed slightly wrong to me somehow, give me a nice glossy minge on a nice glossy page every time.

      • I think printed porn is still available. Unfortunately the supermarkets and the paki newsagents don’t sell them.

      • When my dad ran his own garage I found loads of copies of Mayfair in an ex-employee’s locker one day… I was 15 at the time and I was busy for months…

      • They do, they want our monies. You just have to be tall cunts. Nothing more churny than to ask for a ladder!

      • Why anyone would waste their hard earned on these soft porn mags is beyond me – especially these days when you can get virtually everything you could possibly want free online!

        The UK mags aren’t proper porn – never were – if you wanted that you’d have to smuggle it in from Europe or the USA, ffs. What a prudish fucking country this was and still is.

    • Sad cunt as I am, I only read Australia and New Zealand magazine……I’ll get my coat.

  13. Mary Creagh is a cunt. The Marxist MP for Wakefield is banging on about the number of plastic bags in the sea. It’s a pity she can’t find the time to represent her constituents who voted 2 to 1 in favour of Brexit. Cunt.

  14. I gave up with HIGNFY when Deayton was fired. To watch Merton and Hislop (who I once saw posturing his way through the local shopping Mall) rubbishing their former lead-man (and he was the lead) did not impress-a me much.

    As cuntflap says Brexit has separated the sheep from the wolves and now we know who they are and Hislop it seems is (like some of my now former friendly acquaintances) one of them.

    • As a few cunters have already mentioned so-called ‘edgy’ and ‘alternative’ comedians are no longer the counter culture but sucking on the balls of the Establishment. Hislop is a smug EU brownnosing shit stain and a reminder of why 17 million voted leave.

    • Good post, Opus. I struggled on after Deayton was axed. I always thought he was a brilliant chair. A sort of more modern, more biting version of Cleese. Some of the guest chairs have been great. Kirsty Young comes to mind, but not for her comedic qualifications. If you know what I’m saying. Sadly, I think HIGNFY ran its course a couple of series ago. Hislop is just a cunt now. Merton has lost it. The format is old and tired and as a satirical comedy show based on ALL current news stories, it’s not fit for purpose. Shame.

  15. Ian Hislop is now the kind of individual he used to mock. A big expensive London house, and big expensive London opinions. No longer satirical but a fully paid up member of the worthless liberal elite. After many years readership I no longer read Private Eye.

    • That’s very well put, Paul. He has become what he used to despise. It’s amazing what money can do.

  16. Sir Nigel has had a cunt of an idea in as much he thinks it’s maybe time for a 2nd Ref. One problem Nigey baby is that I wouldn’t trust a single fucking one of the Remoanacunts one fucking inch. Imagine the amount of cunts queuing up with the FULL weight of the EU machine behind them to obfuscate and slither their way back into the deep cesspool of corruption. No fuckinig way Hose A.

    • Agreed. Nige has done us all a massive disservice here. Giving oxygen to the likes of Cunt Blair and his cronies is not what Nige should be doing. He should be doubling down on the ‘we won, you lost so STFU’ message. Very, very disappointed in him today.

      • Sadly Farage clearly needs attention , he has faded from headlines and has acquired a rather seedy persona after his peaking with the Trump.
        What good would another referendum do anyway? If it goes the other way there would be cries for a best of three and if it doesn’t, so what?
        He seems to be unpopular here and in Brussels, quite an achievement, he needs a rich shag to get his mind off it all.

      • Farage has become a bit of a cunt in the last 6 months. I have been listening to his LBC show on Cunt-tube ( thanks to Orion Prime ) and he lets some right cunts take some right liberties on air while if it was me I would mercilessly flay the cunts alive in public with facts, logic and acerbic wit.

        And he stabbed Anne Marie Waters in the back, front, sides and probably in the minge piece too when she ran for UKIP leader calling her far right and a racist. It wasn’t too long ago when he himself was on the receiving end of such ad hominem attacks. Short memory some cunts have…..

      • Nigel is too British. As with J. Rees-Mogg, he prefers polite rational debate to flaying cunts alive on air.

        He leaves that sort of cuntishness to the likes of James Shithead O’Brian.

        Corbyn crony Chris Williamson in the news again today – massive fucking cunt, thinks Council Tax needs doubling. Another cunt well overdue a full blown nomination…

      • Just like the current EU leader. I thought that cunt had a bit of credibility at first then I heard he had ‘fallen in love’ with a 25 year old dancer/model. Thick cunt.

    • I don’t think he would have done this without reason. He knows something we don’t. He’s gone through it all before and it isn’t easy. I trust him. He might be a cunt for thinking anybody wants to go through this again but we do need to focus and leave. Democracy across the world will suffer if we don’t stand up and fight.

      • I agree, Q

        Sort of “flying a kite”

        With any luck the idea of a SECOND ref will scare everybody so much, it’ll be kicked well into the long grass, and if HMG has any bloody sense (a long shot, I know…), they’ll concentrate a bit more about getting on with the matter in hand.

  17. The libfuck disease has spread everywhere… They’re all infested with liberal shite and PC plague… As has been mentioned already, Private Eye, Viz, MAD have all succumbed to the disease… And even Playboy (of all people) have become libfucks… Banning tits and now featuring transbenders and ladyboys…. Even the comic books are at it: Dennis can no longer be called a Menace (and Minnie is probably no longer a Minx!), all Marvel’s classic heroes are now reinvented as wimmin and ‘ethnic’ (a Chinese Hulk and a black female Iron Man?!? For cunt’s sake!), and suddenly Wonder Woman is better than Superman… Not forgetting Doctor Who, of course (still give Jodie one, mind)….

  18. The cunts will never call a 2nd referendum because they know they will lose and then they will be totally fucked. Much better to bring in whatever fudge they are dreaming up at the moment……ie a blue passport and fuck all else.
    If they do call another vote I guarantee it will be a fix , a fucking stitch up. You can take that to the fucking bank.

    • Agreed, except that I see Farage is now contemplating a second referendum.
      Theory: Remoan wins and we have to wait ten years for another bite at the referendum cherry, by which everyone will be so massively pissed off that the vote to leave will be overwhelming.

      Practice: Remoan wins, and Farage looks like a complete knob for whose policies no-one in their right minds would ever vote again, assuming that perpetual EU membership isn’t ensured by draconian legislation in the meantime.

      Christ. Why can’t we just fucking get on with it?

      • I agree, BZ. I’ll admit I haven’t been keeping up with things that closely, but why-o-why are we (i.e. the Brits) paying $40B to leave the EU? What’s that for? I thought one of the reasons we wanted to leave was to stop paying a massive membership fee to this fucking club. Surely leaving means we stop paying these cunts. What am I missing?

      • The 40billion Net is to keep the EU gravy train running smoothly for the next 5 years or so, after which it probably won’t exist anyway.

        Only fair that we give the parasitic cunts plenty of time to find alternative methods of screwing us and stuffing their pockets with our hard earned cash.

  19. Nothing more to add except I thought Private Eye was occasionally funny but now it’s safe, turgid, and unfunny. Hislop is a massive bellend who lives in a huge house in Sissinghurst in Kent. He’s chauffeured in to London and is embarrassingly unaffected by immigration. He knows nothing of modern British life from his cosy bubble and consequently, is a horrible, chinless cunt.

  20. I’ll continue to read PE, for the cartoons and In The Back, where global cunts continue to be investigated in-depth. But the antics of the media and obscure PR companies charm me not at all, and that’s most of the serious content now. Masturbatory meejah cunts.

    HIGNFY…jesus. Saw a recent episode on youtube, and it was flaccid, stale, wholly unoriginal and the slebsucking cunt who thought Patrick Stewart could ‘host’ a ‘comedy’ programme should be divided among the inhabitants of Battersea Dogs’ Home.

    Hislop used to have an edge, both in PE and HIGNFY, although he was always a pale shadow of Ingrams – who never pretended to be cuddly – but he’s completely lost it now, and the rag’s obviously being written by Indy/Guardian/Standard hacks .

    I’ll probably quit eventually. And subscribe to VIZ.

    • Ok, scrub Viz – hadn’t read it for years. I just read some of the above more carefully, and now find that it is now produced in Islington by Janet Street-Walker, or might as well be. What a shame.

  21. Back in my school & student days, I’d pick up a copy of PE every now and then. It was often the front cover which secured the purchase. I still remember a couple of good ones. One had two pictures of Ronald Regan (during the time he was POTUS). The left picture had a speech bubble which said something like, “I’ve got one of the nuclear button keys” and the right picture speech bubble said, “And I’ve got the other one”. Ha! The other front cover was even better, again going back many years to the 80s. A picture of a gorgeous young girlie draped over Mick Jagger. Jagger was saying, “Where have you been all my life?” and the girl was saying, “I wasn’t born for most of it”. Classic!

    The problem I always had with PE is that it’s very high brow. You really needed to know who’s who, what they’ve done, what they’ve said, to whom, when and what the context was, in order to fully appreciate all the biting criticism and satire. I wasn’t and never have been that well read when it comes to politics, famous people’s public lives, etc. so much of the content didn’t really register with me. The bits that did though were very funny. It did seem to get less funny though as the years passed.

    Then I got into HIGNFY and loved it when Hislop would go after someone for past statements, positions and misdemeanors. For many, many series he seemed to be an equal opportunity satirical commentator, hitting the left, right and centre guests on the show. However, that’s changed to the point where he comes across as a smug, arrogant, none-holier-than-thou, anti-Brexit, anti-Trump, anti-Farage, anti-anything he takes a personal dislike to. The biggest change though is it’s now often done with little to no humour at all, just bitterness. As a long time fan of HIGNFY, I find it unwatchable now. Pity. Hislop has helped ruin that and he’s obvious helped ruin PE with his overly excessive curmudgeonly ways. Cunt.

  22. Obviously re 2nd Referendum Nigel could just be trying to pull a fast one knowing that most politicians would never fucking agree with anything he said especially the fucking PM. Could be a master stroke.

  23. Nigel Farage needs to be careful what he wishes for… Anyway i dont’ think i could take another fuckin referendum , quite frankly it’s completely worn me down already.

    • Indeed. The thought of a load of crap flying all over the place during a run-up of (how many ?) months is grim…
      It could lead to mass suicides.

  24. It can only be a matter of time (!) before Dr Who lands in post Brexit Britain and we are able to see the full horror and carnage that will be wrought by leaving the Evil Empire…

  25. I hope you and your mum weren’t thinking of queue jumping ahead of the peacefuls and east europeans who are obviously more important than the indigenous population.

    On a more serious note I hope your mum’s OK, QDM. Cheers – I.Y.

    • I wouldn’t dream of jumping the queue ahead of those VIP’s. Very Irritating Parasites. And my mum will be fine, thanks. The doctor decided to try a different treatment, rather than the operation that would actually be better for her, but it’s nothing life threatening, so she’s happy to go with it for now.

    • I hear Mount St Helens is showing signs of activity again. No doubt some Hollywood snowflake will blame that on Trump.

  27. Remoaning, be-mulleted, grinning old has-been Peter Stringfellow has withdrawn his support for the Tories as he is opposed to them sleepwalking out of the EU. Or something like that.

    Silly old cunt will console himself by wearing a new skimpy thong and furiously dribbling a couple of drips of spooge on the nipples of some 20 year old bunny girl before wiping his wrinkly old todger on her arse.

    Probably.

    • That’s just petty from Stringfellow. Another rich twat against democracy. Still at least he lives in the UK, and pays at last some tax. That’s more than the other lank haired piss stain, Branson.

  28. I don’t know any more than anyone else but I nave the feeling a second referendum would be a bigger ‘leave because of the extreme cuntishness of remainers and the EU. Could be wrong.

    • That’s Farages thinking in putting back the Remaniacs for a generation, but I feel it could be a massive gamble considering the vitriol and dirty tricks from the Left during the GE.

    • It probably would until the fucking traitors got to the results box. They would probably reduce the voting to 5 beforehand anyway.

      • Likewise could not stand a second referendum.

        Despite feeling that if there was and the percentage of votes to leave increased to nearer 60% (due to the appalling way the EU negotiators have behaved, the total disrespect shown to the people’s of the UK and some remainders respecting the democratic outcome of the referendum), am of the opinion big business will try to thwart the result somehow, legally or illegally.

        Remainer fuckers will never give up until they get what they want. And even if there is a second referendum and Leavers win with a substantial majority Thereesa will fuck it up as she is already doing.

        Stupid bitch.

        Leavers will never get what they truly want.

  29. Have never read Private Eye, but always believed it to be the poor mans version of Punch magazine.

    Hislop’s realised it’s easier doing fuck on HIGNFY at the expense of the license fee payer than to peddle PE. Hislop and Merton are just two of the multitude of cunts suckling on the AL-BBC teet.

    HIGNFY, Question of Sport, They Think It’s All Over, Mock The Week have all gone down the shitter in recent years all in the name of sanitised satire.

    Finally, off topic. On my drive into work yesterday they were saying anyone could have lunch with the pig fucker for 12k! I thought they were having a laugh? I wouldn’t have lunch with the cunt if he paid me! What a cunt!

  30. Be warned, cunters… Banana Gob will be on Question Time tonight…
    Piers Morgan is on there too, so I hope he really lays into the trollop up in banana tree…

    Also, Meryl Streep (again!) had said that Oprah Winfrey has ‘the voice of a leader’….
    She’ll do anything to look good and divert attention from her association with Weinstein, won’t she?… I really fucking loathe this concorde conked witch cunt with a fucking pure passion…

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