Mariah Carey [2]

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Mariah Carey requires a cunting, doesn’t she?

Not for her annoying whine on every song.
Not for her awful dress sense.
Not for her making songs with d-list rappers in a futile attempt to appear relevant.
Not for having an arse the size of a bean bag.
Not because she released an album called No:1s but actually put in an apostrophe (cunt).
Not because the album No:1s contains a lot of No:2s (I mean the turds, not the positions).
Not because she’s more plastic than human.
Not due to her famous tantrums and subsequent bellicose demands at venues.
Not for being proud of being a truculent diva.
Not for the fact that although being half a century old, she still behaves like an over-sexualised teenage girl, despite increasingly looking like a drunken, transgender granny.

Not for any of these reasons. You know why she’s being cunted:-

That. Fucking. Song.

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous

49 thoughts on “Mariah Carey [2]”

  1. Overdue nom and timely, too. Just been in fucking Tescos and they seem to have this song especially on loop. The staff, far from being ‘inspired’ by these songs of yuletide commercialism, instead have that dead-behind-the-eyes look, as shared with PTSD war vets and porn stars.

    Carey, dressed in her grotesque Santa suit, deserves to have her substantial fucking keister tied to wild horses, dragged through the streets of 53rd and 3rd, with her Christmas cunting creation blasting from speakers mounted upon said horses, with crowds cheering as her panic stricken and badly grazed face whizzes by as the horses go around and around the block.

    • I had to research further to discover the song at which you hint. Recognising it then as the acoustic pollution permeating most public places at this time of year (except our Local Shop, run by a Rajastani, where Bollywood bollocks is the order of any day)), I see what you mean, and can now put the perpetrator’s name to it. Thank you.

      As a remedy for the nasty taste left even by 15 seconds of Carey, I offer some real music:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpaNo4mWRBE

  2. Who? I mean who? Please cunt people I might have heard of, or whose effect on my existence is detectable.
    But curiosity got the better of me and I consulted Wikipedia. I wish I hadn’t. There are whole developed nations on Wikipedia with shorter entries, describing in less detail, their infinitely greater accomplishments. And without the coruscating bollocks added by their admirers…

    ‘As Professor Katherine L. Meizel noted in her book, The Mediation of Identity Politics in American Idol, “Carey’s influence not just stops in the emulation of melisma or her singing amongst the wannabe’s, it’s also her persona, her diva, her stardom which inspires them…. a pre-fame conic look.”‘

    I hope that’s a typo for ‘iconic’. The article comprehensively, if unintentionally, confirms the impression that Mariah is an absolutely negligible self-promoting cunt, with nil talent or musical awareness, and I am happy to endorse this cunting despite not knowing her from a hole in the ground or anywhere else. Cunt.

      • Thanks. I’d assumed she was the bastard offspring of Mark Carney, of the Bank of England, and had dropped the N-letter on account of political correctness…

  3. Sometimes the score on the shaggability scale outdoes the cunty scale. Sadly not in this case.

    • We probably all would have buried it deep when she was younger but I fear she’s mostly plastic nowadays and held together with Sellotape.

  4. A superb, seasonal cunting. I doff my elf hat in your direction, Sir.

    I too fully endorse this cunting, no less because Carey herself is so overwhelmed with an inflated notion of her own self-worth. This overnourished, high-maintenance PAWG, apart from dining out frequently at the USA equivalent of the Hungry Horse has, every Christmas, been dining out on this mawkish, fucking irritating ditty for over 20 years now.

    I like TECB’s suggestion above, but may I suggest a small addition to his proposal. Whilst she is being dragged along, her substantial buttcheeks are thoughtfully protected from abrasion from the rough tarmac, courtesy of a prize-winning marrow jammed firmly in her rectum.

  5. She’d have been welcome to sit on my face 25 years ago…not so much now that she’s old….ah,bollocks,who am I trying to fool? Of course she’d still be welcome.Old or not, I’d slip her a length. I would,however, insist on a strict “Absolutely No Singing” agreement from her . I’d forgive her the inevitable moaning caused by a Fiddler porking.Wouldn’t be fair to expect her to contain herself. You wouldn’t believe the moaning that I have to endure…

  6. I enjoy Christmas and quite a few Christmas songs but that song is one of the most irritating things ever invented. By all accounts she’s a horrible cunt as well.

    • Toryboy

      I wrote to my local Conservative MP last year regarding a problem encountered (not of my making) directly as an oversight/error made by AS’s department which left me financially out of pocket. This was after being specifically requested to help the prosecution in a court case.

      My very efficient MP at that time wrote directly to AS for an explanation, and he was given by return letter information to the effect the matter had subsequently been resolved (which was not in fact the case).

      A huge amount of money was spent on the trial, judges, assistants, court costs, prosecution team, defence team, eye watering amounts on our two train tickets (£948 return), hotel costs etc.The only people out of pocket at this point were the main witness for the prosecution and myself, her father. As it happens the trial was deferred about an hour before it was due to commence so a complete waste of everyone’s time (but not money as everyone got paid for the fucking shambles of a procedure).

      The fact that I had to fight to recover our minimal costs (about £20 out of the untold £000’s) and without any thanks to either myself or my daughter left a very bad taste in the mouth, and a feeling of being totally used and under valued or appreciated for our efforts. Even the accused got what he wanted.

      And this useless bitch was totally responsible for the nasty fucking cunt Jenner being let off.

      She should be fucking sacked.

      • You know this country’s well and truly fucked when incompetent cunts like Saunders are considered fit to head the justice system.

        Growing up in the ’60s we were encouraged to believe important positions like Director of Public Prosecutions, etc, were appointed on merit and ability, the old boy network being on the wane. Clearly not in Saunders (and her predecessor Sir Kunt Starmer’s) case, both of whom obviously knew someone who knew some cunt like Tony Bliar.

        FFS, our cat could do a better job.

  8. I usually like my music a little more sensual.
    Last night while making love to the wife, I leant across the bed and switched on ‘Je T’aime.’

    My wife sighed.
    “Why must you always play this song when we make love” she complained, “If it turns you on so much I could do the sexy voice for you myself.”

    “Don’t be so ridiculous” I said, “You don’t sound anything like him”….

  9. Cant say I know a single song by this fucker. And no idea what song is being referred to. Ignorance is bliss and I am certainly an ignorant cunt.

    • If you’ve walked around any shops in November or December in the last twenty years, you’ll have heard this jingly pile of turds.

  11. Maybe Mariah was the reason for the below:

    “The man who deliberately drove a car into a crowd in Melbourne is a drug user with mental health issues but no known terrorism links, police say.

    The Australian citizen of Afghan descent was taken into custody after a struggle at the scene of the incident.”

    The Mariah explanation is more liely than any islamic terrorist motive, aftehr all he was in no way connected with any terrorists (how the fuck they know this within hours it is not explained) an IS never called for Muslims to commit opportunist lone wolf attacks.

    So next time there is an incident involving lots of people being deliberately targeted by a Muslim before we leap on the Islamic terror bus we best check Mariah the fuck out first.

    • I don’t care what you miserable fuckers say, I’d still like to give her both barrells of the ol’ blue veined blunderbuss.

      Yer right about the singin’ though.

      • Mariah Carey over sings on everything I’ve ever heard!, sometimes less really is more luv……
        Lorraine kellys no fan, she told a story that whilst interviewing her the Cunt called over one of her many aides , opened her mouth and the arse wipe took the chewing gum out of her mouth by hand… WTF!!

    • I think you might have a good point, SDV. Those Peacefuls are always trying to implement ‘Maria Law.’

  12. Hate her music, hate her character, hate her face and hate the fact her body is like kryptonite to me.

    Sexy little cunt. Baaaaaaaaaaah

    • Just another snake with tits Birdy, no different to any of your local slags of similar build.

  13. And anybody who talks about themselves in the 3rd person deserves a cunting!! I’ve seen her do it many times !! Christina aqueilera is another!! Daft Cunts…..

    CA actually refers to herself as “ the product “ FFS you stupid up your own arse Cunt!!

  14. Can’t believe that Iranian spy bitch is getting bought out.

    Another waste of money. No wonder this country is struggling to look after its own people who eligibly need help.

    Bearing in mind, I’m not enriching Uranium in my garden shed to use against my country, we are paying these cunts a bounty. Allegedly, included is the lifting sanctions placed on a country that is not conforming to UN security council rules. That will piss a few countries off, particularly America.

    Released from jail….pah!, she’s been living contained alright, in diplomatic housing quarters just like Julian Assange.

      • It’s definitely a yank thing, nobody called him Santa when I was a kid, the only time you heard him called Santa was on American films/shows and the occasional US Christmas song, then when I reached the end of high school the name Santa became more common, now no cunt calls him Father Christmas, well I fucking do! Santa my nutsack the fat yank cunt.

      • I think the Septics nicked the name Santa Claus off the Dutch… And, of course, in the most vulgar and tacky ways possible the cunts have turned ‘Santa’ into a brand… And all modern parent cunts and their abominable offspring refer to Father Christmas as Santa… And amazing how the Parking Stanleys don’t celebrate Christmas, but the cunts are out en masse in the queues with their brats outside the Father Christmas grottos in Manchester, Bury, and the Trafford Centre… Something for nothing vermin…

  19. As for Mariah Carey… Definitely would have 20 to 25 years ago, like a shot…
    But now she looks like a drag act… There are better and more tonkable MILFs in Boots in the Arndale Centre…And Carey’s personality? Jesus… The Froggies used to guillotine self important, obnoxious, decadent and excessive cunts like that…

  20. Always thought she had a weird face like a giant mouse,weird i know but always thought her face is just strange,her whiney voice is pure fucking torture,shes a diva skank cunt

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