Noel Fielding [2]

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The wedge conked allegedly comic once cutting edge cunt now in premature middle age is about as persistent as a dose orf NSU (non specific urethritis – a cunt pox cunts) and looks like one. First encountered the whiffy bastard in me arse end touring days in the early 1980s when it was part orf a comedy oitfit called The Mighty Boosh on the Student Union/Arts Venue gig circuit. To this day when passing through shite holes like Hemel Hempstead, Crewe and Sunderland Yours Truly still gets olfactory flashbacks orf the cunt’s feet.

The venues are the pits and so are the dressing rooms. Booze sticky carpets exuding body odour and stale fags with khazis encrusted and blocked with shite and gaspers welcome the right-on thesp gagging for a piss at the end orf a long day orn the road. The seasoned pro soon learns to piss in the sink and not use it to wash in.

To return to the cunt in question and the weirdness orf the one nighter touring life, one never sees who has gone before or who comes after – just an old poster, a few cards, some pins in the carpet (bastards) and a blended aroma orf all the previous bodies with highlights orf all the previous cunts personal habits sitting orn top. No mistaking the sickly pong orf the cunt Fielding’s feet. Sir Limply’s Top Tip – strike some matches then inhale/exhale some spliffs and somehow Fielding’s orange tinted body make-up plastered all over the fixtures and fittings and blocking the sinks and shower transforms into perfect karma and eternal truth.

Now this once transitory figment is in yer fucking face all the fucking time – how the hell did that happen? Talking heads, game shows, reality TV, Bake Orf, the cunt is in them all. No obvious talent, no personality, just an insincere little smirk and some cunty prop like bunny ears or an arse hole hat.

Truly the pox that is never cured.

Nominated by Sir Limply Stoke

88 thoughts on “Noel Fielding [2]”

  1. When he tok over as team captain on NMTB I stopped watching.

    Faux glamrock cunt bell end prick of the highest order.

  2. Never found boosh funny or anything other than a similar pain to having a clap test. Big old cotton bud jammed down the urethra. This Ronnie wood wannabe is ur typical run of the mill middle class “edgy” safe option for alt comedy. Not funny. Cunt of the lowest denomination

  3. I am scared of this man and won’t say a bad word about him other than he should live, shackled in a shed at the bottom of a long garden or a stake should be put through his heart.

  4. I’m struggling to Cunt this one…he’s just such a …nobody. Even I,with my well-developed distaste for just about everyone,can’t build up a head of steam about such an inconsequential person.
    A very half-hearted “Fuck him” from me.

  5. Not a fuckin clue who or what he / she /it is ?
    Going by the cunting a 100% bunglecunt

    • Similarly, can honestly say that in all my years I have never watched anything with him in. Not sure what he does or where his talents lie. Panel shows I am presuming? Not that bothered about him either way I guess however prepared to cunt him just on what he looks like and from what he is wearing.

  7. Off topic but wtf is a cunt in the middle of glasgow saying to me after i ask for a black coffee ” do you want an americano” eh NO just a black coffee , yeah an Americano ?
    NOOOOOOO JUST A FUCKING BLACK COFFEE YA CUNT !!!!!!
    Is it just me ?

    • Time was , when you asked for coffee, then coffee is what you got. Nowadays, You ask for coffee and you have to answer 20 fucking questions! You’re right Cumnock Cunt, no fucker wants to just give you what you asked for.

      And another fucking thing. Since when was a waiter called a fucking Barista? WTF

      • Better than the fop doddle dope headed cunt at my local subway!! Unbelievably there’s a sticker on the counter “ ask you sandwich artist if you require help” !! I’m not joking… sandwich artist??? Oi Rembrandt what’s today’s special?? I wonder if the Cunt has that in his passport??
        Occupation… sandwich artist??
        WTF x 1000

      • And if you’re mug enough to drink your coffee at the cafe sometimes cunt baristas grill you with 20 questions about its taste. They just want flattery the shallow, bearded desperadoes.

    • “Coffee please”
      “Black or white?”

      “Eh, brown”

      Gregory’s Girl, the funniest filum ever. Every line is funny.

      Spying on a nurse undressing
      “We should come back tomorrow”
      “Aye, we could bring some sandwiches”

    • If you are from ‘Cumnock’ then I expect you are widely travelled. Laugh my fucking arse off. They only make 2 black coffees. Espresso eyebaths and Americano, a half full cup of black like a double espresso. Which most cunts get milk in. I’d stuck to Irn-Bru and scabs, square, eggs and ketchup for breakfast.

      • The speedy & efficient X76 makes the big smoke readily accessible, much easier than years back when day trippers had to make several changes to reach their destination.

      • I cud have said auchinleck but then again im a big enough cunt without heaping a cuntitude on top of myself

    • He sounds like an unbelievable thick cunt!!
      Maybe you should have said “ I would like a white coffee with the milk taken out” ?

    • U2’s ubercubt, Bonio, part owns a Lithuanian shopping mall under investigation for potential tax avoidance… Why would the singer in a massively rich and famous rock band want a share in a Lithuanian Arndale Centre?…. Answers on a postcard…

    • Avoidance legal.

      Evasion illegal.

      Couldn’t give a cunt’s tooth about the former because they’re not doing anything illegal, and if I legally pay as little tax as possible then I don’t see what difference it makes just because these famous cunts have earned a few bob.

      So if they took the tax they legally avoided paying and gifted to HMRC then it would only get pissed away on a bunch of workshy benefits cheats or to pay the child support for a brood of 6-8 “peaceful” kids (who are also benefits cheats).

      My arse pocket or theirs? My arse pocket or theirs?

      Hmmm…let me give that a picosecond’s thought!

      • Right on Rebel wothout a cunt.
        What these fuckwits who constantly bang on about ”Rich people avoiding tax” and ” One rule for us and one for them” don’t see is that these people are minted because they are good at business things whereas most of us are not.
        If they can pay minimal income tax totally legally, then why not?
        Surely it’s common sense.
        Also, these people are probably employers who surprise surprise provide jobs for people, pay their employees NI contributions and pensions.
        If they are a Limited company they pay Corporation tax and employ the services of an accountant.
        They own expensive properties and therefore pay large amounts of Stamp Duty.
        They have more disposable income and so pay more VAT because they spend more and so on and so on……

        Leave the cunts alone to get on with it.

        Before anyone asks, I’m not a rich cunt…. I’m a poor one.

      • But it does stick in the throat that a cunt like Bonio will tell other people to ‘give their money’ to those lost cause Africunts and act the great humanitarian, then he hides his own cash in some Iron Curtain version of Woolworths… The man is a premium cunt….

      • I’m fuckin done with africoon appeals, I sent my sunbed to the West African one and never got a single thank you from those ungrateful Cunts !!

      • Avoidance is just being canny, like buying booze cut-price.

        Evasion is walking out of the shop without paying for it.

        If I actually had any money, to be sure, begorrah, I’d try to hang onto as much of it as possible

      • Right on Rebel & Mr. Appropriate sirs!

        Rational, well argued, unfashionable, common sense points of view. Unfortunately cunt culture not remotely interested – lemmings too busy biting the hands that feed them. To coin a phrase, fuck ’em.

      • Could it be that Bonio’s antics might possibly spell the beginning of the end for U2? But what’s worse than a U2 album?A Bonio solo album… And nobody wants that…

        As for the Lithuanian Brentford Nylons? I have a sneaky feeling that Bonio’s horrendous mrs might have something to do with that…

      • Oh! Christ I had ever thought of a solo album by Bono who will probably call it Songs from God or Tunes from the charitable man who saved the world, with presidents prime ministers and all the other world leaders he has advised as his new backing singers.

  9. West Ham may appoint David ‘Worst Man United manager of all time’ Moyes as the new Hammers boss…. How does that Duran Duran song go again? ‘Dance into the fire’…

    • Followed by The Chauffeur, driving him away after mutual consent and £1.3 million being put in one of his accounts or spread around his accounts.

    • Agree. Moyes has failed miserably at his last three appointments, and cannot see him doing anything at West Ham other than take them into the Championship at the first time of asking.

      The fans will certainly not accept him, as in the past his teams are of a defensive nature and will not play the attacking, creative football they crave. I suspect he will not be able to motivate the players either.

      With the many millions that he has made in recent years, time to call it a day and fuck off back to Scotland where he belongs.

    • If he sinks the Dildo brothers. Karen Brady and their dubiously acquired stadium,he’ll be OK by me.

    • Apparently moyes is a “ safe” pair of hands? And a man to steady the ship and steer it to calmer waters?? , he appears to have same professional qualities as Edward John smith captain of the titanic……..

  10. Looking like the bastard lovechild of 70s-era Freddie Mercury and Grotbags, this specimen has never once made me remotely close to a titter, lest a stifled chortle. Sir Limpy’s recollection is interesting because, when this cunt appeared in the mainstream conscience circa 2006, I imagined him to have exactly that sort of cuntish background as described in the nomination.

    I was in Camden pub The World’s End once around 2007 when he was being made a royal fuss of inside by the shitcunt wannabe-boho patronage. Bear in mind that this was slap bang in the middle of the mid-to-late 2000s Camden wankfest, with scenesters ‘twixt Camden and Mornington Crescent bastardardizing every musical culture whence or since, desperately trying to recreate ‘culture’ whilst sipping mochachinos and worshipping scragends like Amy Winehouse, Regina Spektor and Preston. Fucking Preston (talking of NMTB Bournemouth Red,, Preston storming off the set after getting a merciless ripping by Simon Amstell was a post-Lamarr highlight, but I digress).

    So who better to loiter in that squalid birthplace of modern hipsterism than fucking Noel Fielding. Even in 2006, seeing him dandy about Kentish Town in his mid-to-late 30s was cringeworthy in the fucking extreme; looking most times like a zombie at a Halloween party dressed up as one of the living. And when he formed that socialite double-act with Russell Brand, it truly was cuntitude cubed.

    So fast-forward a decade to 2017, and this Bergerac-in-drag looking fatherfucker – once self-styled at the cutting edge – is now at the cookie-cutting edge (or simply cunting edge) with the chattering classes; fronting a twee, politically correct wankfest with a sleazy scouse chef and Bernard fucking Toksvig.

    Rock and roll, man.

  11. It gives me the fucking willies just looking at this cunt. He’s always been hovering around on my hate list along with the likes of Wossie, Brand, Evans, Carragher, Isn,tArd, Clugg, Moyles, Blatter, Toksvig, Brydon(unfunny chinny cunt), Flabbott(horrible racist), Branston, Green, Yentob, OMD ad infinitum……………

  12. Also The Donald is a cunt for his assertion that the latest mass shooting was not about guns it was about mental illness. In a way I agree, it’s about your mental illness and cuntishness in not being able to see that any country that allows some cunt to walk in to the local fucking Spar shop and come out with an Uzi 9mm is fucking sick in the head. I just can’t get my fucking swede around the yanks that worshp the fucking gun. Must be a throwback to the cowboy days. So don’t forget to take a pump action along with your Bibles next Sunday folks.

  13. Noel Fielding is a colossal waste of his fathers strenuous efforts in ejaculating up his mothers cunt. Just think, all of that effort to produce THAT!
    I mean, Fielding walks between the living and the dead, somewhere in an ethereal candy floss of pixies and paedophiles. A comedian? Nah, no way is he funny. He’s just fucking queer.

    • I’m giving his fathers “little swimmers” the credit for his creation. Clearly one that had made its way back up in for a heat after finding mooching around her chocco starfish too cold. If you look carefully you can still see the shitstain on the fucker.

  14. If God can’t protect you even when you’re at his place, I’d suggest he doesn’t exist.

    Apparently the church down the road from me doesn’t have Wi-Fi.
    They don’t want to compete with an invisible power that actually works…..

  16. I am astonished that the last two nominations on the award-winning website ISAC are nobodies from a reality TV cookery show. I get enough of this crap on the radio station I listen to on the way to work without it infecting ISAC.

    The real cunts are the leadership of the so-called BBC at Jimmy Savile House who fill the airwaves with this pointless tat whilst spending vast sums of licence payers money on the inflated salaries of talentless twats like Evans and Balding and hush money for the victims of sexually-deviant telly royalty.

  17. Remember the tabloid scum and their p@edo craze in the 90s? It led to thick cunts actually vandalising a paediatrician’s practice and then Chris Morris and his Brass Eye did their ‘P@edogeddon’ satire… Cue even more hysterics about that…

    But there should be another Brass Eye style show on sexual harassment…. One can imagine it: Panorama style reporting on a ‘knee touch survivor’ or ‘Wolf whistling from scaffolding exposed!’ Or how about ‘Winkers Scandal’? Where the intrepid investigative reporters hunt down and expose those men who dare to wink an eye at an attractive woman… That is how absurd it has got and it’s going to get worse… If one wanted to come over all conspiracy cunt about it, one could say that this is a leftist feminazi plan to dumb down and eventually destroy heterosexual society… And when I say heterosexual society, I mean heterosexual men… Heterosexual white men, to be precise…. The western world is fucked….

    • The paediatricians were in Newport, Wales. My home town. These are the thickest cunts on earth. Brass Eye was brilliant but frowned upon then. Can you imagine how It would be howled down now by the twatterati cunts. Brass Eye also did a great piss take on ‘cake’ and got a lot of celebrity halfwits to join in the hysterics. (although the blessed Bernard was one of them)
      I can never understand why the lefty feminist cunts are so shrill about harassment but are supportive of Islam and it’s ‘culture’ which degrades women as possessions who must cover up and be submissive. Apart from the votes and the knee jerk anti Israel stance this makes no sense at all. Unless of course that anti-Semitism and vote rigging are more important than actual principles for the Marxists.

  18. Fuck me, I never watch it mainly because I hate sport but an old ”In a league of their own”has just come on TV. I turned it straight off.
    There couldn’t have assembled more cunts on it if they tried..
    James Corden
    Jack Whitehall
    Freddie Flintoff
    David Baddiel
    Jamie Redknapp
    Tony Adams.

    • Well at least the shows title is correct… in a league of their own…. universal premier league of utter Cunts !!

    • Adams may have been ‘Harsenal’ but he was a top defender and a good England captain… Flintoff is a plastic Man Citeh blue cunt, Whitehall, Baddiel and Corden are the holy trinity of cunts, and Redknapp is the worst pundit on the box (except for the diabolical Phil Neville, cunt!)…

  19. Wimmin who whine on about Weinstein, sexism, and see a wink or a wolf whistle as a ‘hate crime’, yet avidly read/watch Fifty Shades Of Grey and love the leading character… Yeah, them cunts…

  21. Could you imagine what cockheads like Noel Fiedling make, like what exactly does he do? I know he does standup or whatever but I’m sure he makes alot of dosh going on buzzcocks or other crummy talkshows where they just blabber on about fucking nothing

  22. Jeremy Corbyn is a CUNT. How dare the wizzend old commie cunt demand H.M The Queen apologise for a legal decision by her finacial advisors? What about his commie H.Q which is leased through an offshore company? CUNT. And as for the silly poof that murdered his adopted daughter? One bullet would sort that out! He will have fun in prison…..

    • The Queen is not liable for income tax. The Crown is exempt because legally it’s the Crown you pay taxes to. She voluntarily pays the equivalent amount to the treasury, so what the fuck does it matter if its on or off shore?

      • Because if it’s offshore the equivalent tax to pay would be less than if the equivalent funds were onshore.

      • If HM reneged on the face saving agreement to pay ‘voluntary’ she wouldn’t last 5 minutes before Parliament legislated to make it compulsory.

        It was only through public pressure that she was shamed into ‘volunteering’ to pay the minimal amount she does in the first place.

      • I didn’t realise that she had so many financial interests making them so much money and the thought hadn’t crossed my mind so was rather surprised.

        Clearly these home renovations spoken of recently shouldn’t be a problem?

      • With the wing nutted son being such a mong, surely they could qualify for a special needy helping hand from ABBC’s DIY SOS? Could make a “Huge Mutha Fucka” Build Off special.

        The ABBC could put it on after Strictly Cunts Dancing just to piss off Cunty Cowell as nobody would turn over to ITV to watch Shitfactor(y) when this top level shit was on channel One.

  23. I absolutely adored The IT Crowd until this undead cunt started making appearances. He totally ruined the flow.

    What is it with the name Noel?

    Fielding
    Gallagher
    Edmonds

  24. Bloody hell. Life is hard enough as it is. Woken up to the news that the makers of Nutella have changed the recipe and “The product change has sparked uproar among fans on social media”. I really don’t know how much more I can take.

      • Nutella is sickly gross and probably bad for you, stop eating it by the jarful you fucking fatties!

        But honestly speaking they probably just tweaked the recipe probably no big change in taste twitter mob always loses their shit over nothing

  25. Could we have a side order of uncunting for Boris Johnson for bringing some light relief to life with his latest remark. The threat of tacking more years onto a prison sentence with a throw away comment is fucking monumental

    • The UK could do with some Iranian sentencing!!
      Sorry mr jallabad your wearing the wrong shirt , so that’s an extra 10 years in prison………

      • I think we were fed shit about what she was really up to out there in Iran. These Iranians seem to be cropping up on my “uk trouble maker radar” a lot.

        Unfunny comedy cunt Shappi Khorsandi is another and we just recently had Camila Batmanjelly on here too.

        Meanwhile has anyone noticed the banner appearing at the top of wiki pages which a click leads to this?

        https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Wikipedia_Asian_Month

        What the actual fuck is going on?

  26. That Fielding has the look of Tommy Cooper about him , sadly with absolutely none of the talent. Also why has the cunt got a flat head ?

    • Maybe he’s a Tommy Cooper lovechild complete with flat / Fezhead under all the hair.

      Or maybe its flat from being crammed into the fridge as a child, something he hasn’t grown out of.

  27. Like most people here I ‘m no fan of James O’Briern but he is bang on the money this morning, why the fuck aren’t Boris and Pritti Pritel not being sacked? Up to a few years ago they would have been booted out immediately. What has changed?

    • Up to a few years ago we had – for good or ill – Prime Ministers who behaved like Prime Ministers (Gordon Brown excepted). But Treesa May takes the fucking biscuit!

      Does she even really exist at all? Boris could arsefuck Pritti right in front of her during Prime Minister’s questions and May would still be a clueless as to the way forward. Cunts all!

  28. Well wank me dry with a poptart, nevermind his badwig broken kneecap of a physog, the cuntoid’s moniker is Noel….a name that lies! It has a fuckin L right there in it!! Then Fielding, the worst job in a pointless sport, the one all the genedregs, runts of the litter, mungbean dribbles of a mini human get last picked for at school for said rounders (cricket/baseball, whatever nonsense name it’s called).

    Now don’t get me started on coffee FFS, ok I will then. What’s all this shite about mocha vanilla puff, raspberry twiddle, pistachio ramjet flavour, all that pish? Is coffee not supposed to taste of one bloody flavour? Oh can I have a special exclusive one-off elitetastic coffee flavour coffee please? No? Figures you smug nippy git with a chinbeard like a tramp’s nadbag.

    Anyhoo, I’ve drank some of that weasel shit coffee that’s supposedly $50 cuntbucks a cup in some hoity toity mugspots. Got mine in ‘nam for a wee bunch of dong and even at that low price it was a complete disappointment. Yeah yeah, as coffee goes it was all well and good, but if I fork out for weazel shit coffee, I want to defo taste some weazel shit! Not a bleedin hint, still gutted.

  29. I knew that Patel was up to know good, the sly little bitch who needs a counting.

    Why was she asking Israel about their foreign policy?

    Is that not actually Boris’s job?

    If she needed information why didn’t she ask him about it?

    Why didn’t he know she was even out there at all?

    Undermining his authority no doubt, the trouble making cunt that she is.

    Fit her better to concentrate on doing her own job, which she evidently hasn’t done well so far.

    No doubt been too busy writing another shit book instead of the day job, probably likely to be about Boris Johnson.

    Has anyone seen the prebious shit books she has churned out and who is authoring with her?

    Truss, Kwarteng, Raab, Skidmark every fucking book.

    A sneaky cunt who can’t do fuck all on her own, except when getting up to no good.

    Teresa May must sack her as the untrustworthy little shit is due to turn & shit on her given the chance.

    • Ask Boris ? He is the absolute biggest giant cunt and all round wanker ever to have had a senior job in the government. He is an embarrassment to us all and I assume he has 8×10 glossies of May having it off with a goat . Or she is even more fucking useless than we think and actually thinks he is a good Foreign secretary.
      Personally i wouldn’t use his head as a bogbrush.

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