I would like to give the good old Office Christmas Party a sound cunting.
My work had it’s outing last Friday – I didn’t go. Today I have had to hear all about it. The usual weirdo cunt taking hundreds of photos uncomfortably close-up so he can post them on Facebook later. The usual grudge that has been brewing all year resulting in the cunts having a brawl when they’ve had sufficient booze. Manager cunts spying on everyone from the corner. The office slappers dangling their tits in front of any new male employee. Piss poor buffet food being picked up and put down at least four times before it gets eaten.
Today I learned also which cunt is now not speaking to that other cunt because of something they said or did on Friday night..what a monumental sack of boring festering old cunt!
Nominated by: Mary Hinge
Don’t worry mary pretty soon we will all be celebrating Eid ul Fitr instead lol but all joking aside office parties are usually horrible if not awkward I couldnt think of what to give my co-worker until now this christmas and spend too little and you look like a cheap cunt.
I probably end up getting the cunt Diehard what a better present then a film which the christmas eve office party gets interrupted by terrorists and everyone gets shot to shit and held hostage
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In my experience, three things always happen without fail
(1) Someone gets really pissed and makes a fool of themselves
(2) Someone shags someone else, one or more of the parties involved regret it the day afterwards
(3) Someone gets into a fight
Best avoided if possible
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Those things happen to me every year. 😉
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The only reasons to attend surely?
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Who’s worse?
Well its hard to tell as the bbc regard them all as “rebels”, just scamps really. Except their psycho freaks. Check out “Army of Conquest” and “Al-Nusra”… Get the Idea,
Suddenly Assad isnt so bad after all, is he. And the Russians are doing what we would if we had a spine… defending their best interests.
Best wishes to all Russian aircrew at Latakia airbase…
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No. You could get to bum the typist in accounts.
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British gas are famed for their christmas parties people get jobs with British gas just because of the christmas parties,Its said that British gas has more swingers employed in their company more than any other in the uk,With the BBC coming a very close second ,It knocks a me a fucking sick to think what happens at these events,Its the stuff of nightmares god help em.
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Yes Andz but at least the British Gas parties are limited to getting jobs and swingers, whereas the BBC parties get you into the latest paedophile meets and you find out the majority of your co-workers are level 32 Masons or members of the UK necrophilia society. Oh, and the bird you always fancied nudging round the carpet on all fours turns out to be a post op tranny who’s real name was Alistair nor Alison.
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Cunto,I could’nt of put it better,This christmas at the beeb will be like all the other what they’ve held over the years a big peedo banquet with all the thrills,They dont kiss under the mistletoe they use a piece of pampas grass and they kiss under that,They will be toasting savile now that they’ve blamed everything on him,I mean yeh sav was the prince of peedo’s but they’ve blamed everything on him and that cunt rantzen shes no better.
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I’d like to give a solid gold cunting to certain selfish fucking cunt HGV drivers on the motorway. Prime example this week whilst trying to get onto the motorway using a seriously short (correction, fucking dangerously short) fucking sliproad, on the way back from a works Christmas do.
The fucking cock who came screaming up my arse like he was in a fucking Yorkie advert, and then giving me a minute-long blast of his horn can cunt off. Stop hugging the other HGV in front’s arse and trying to form a mile long juggernaut train you fucking spastic cunt. It’s illegal to stop on a sliproad as far as I know. Knob. I mirrored and signalled, and had to do a Donald Campbell just to get out the way.
At best, I had to slam my foot on the gas and take off full throttle like fucking Iceman roaring off the carrier-deck of the USS Fucking Hell in his Tomcat just to try and get ahead of the macho twat. Most HGV drivers aren’t too bad, but this one was a prime of life cunt in the premium selection. Fuck that bollocks.
Smell it? I was fucking sitting in it. Twat.
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You had a lucky escape TV the driver of the HGV must have taken some time off from texting and updating his facebook page at lleast he realised he was’nt alone on the motorway. As you rightly stated most HGV drivers are OK but a cunt in charge of 48 tonnes is not good. Over the years I have spent much time trundling along our motorway system and have found that prayers to St Michael and a large incontinence pad on the driver seat have been great protection from cunts in big vehicles.
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I’ve never been to an office party,but always used to enjoy “Black-eye Friday”. We used to hire a bus and go on a tour,remember the local police giving us an escort out of one town,with instructions to “fuck off,the whole bus load of youse is barred”. We’d only been there for an hour.
Can’t do it now,no bus company will take us,no pubs will let us in,and the worst…none of the young’uns want to go and it just looks sad,a load of old wankers trying to relive their glory days and then realising that we’re past it, and no longer capable of drinking a pub dry,downing a vindaloo,and finishing off by falling out with some cunt.
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I remember office parties as a shag opportunity, get ’em pissed and outside for a knee trembler over the bonnet of the chairman’s car. Always went to them , mixed results but good fun.
Is that offending anyone ? , fucking good job.!
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After some nut lost the plot and attempted to stab anything resembling a Muslim shouting “I am going to kill a Muslim” on a train. The local Dialog Society from nearby Holloway who I take it are an Islamic organisation decided to gather outside Forest Hill station handing out roses as a gesture of “peace”.
All very laudable but it opens up the inevitable question. Where were the dialog society after Lee Rigby, 7/7 the attempted kidnapping of airman, the beheading of an aid worker. I don’t recall anyone dishing out roses, remember the destruction of poppies though.
What’s the message here? The victim is a Muslim and suddenly it matters?
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Didn’t see the cunts doing it after the genocide of 9/11 either, or for the murdered in Paris… I bet this ‘society’ wasn’t fussed about all the women who suffered in Cologne, come to that…. Camelshagging terrorist apologist cunt trumpets…
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Mark Carney is an Ocean going CUNT. I rest my case.
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The fucking shite these “shadow” ministers are coming out with regarding what the government should do about the poor fucks in aleppo. Some mong has suggested that drones be used to fly supplies into the God forsaken shit hole. This mong is an MP; the leader of the green party thinks this is a good idea (when she finds out how much CO2 these drones chuck out she will change her mind) The government will do fuck all co’s they have no way of doing anything and what obligation do we, as a nation have towards this goatfuck anyway. How about Saudi helping out with lots of aid? they are well off and the persons being bombed to fuck are members of their religion. The other rich gulf states could step in as well (like fuck) Now in the Yemen the situation is worse in some places than in Syria does not generate much airtime though Saudi and its mates are happily bombing one of the poorest arab nations back to pre stone age and apart from a few adverts on telly nothing zilch I wish them all seasons greetings (FUCKING BAH HUMBUG)
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Apparently when asked for his views on Aleppo, ex president George W Bush replied that he’d “never been a big Marx brothers fan”….
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And Donald Trump said: “If Jesus were here right now, he’d cure him!”
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“Jesus will help build the wall and he’ll get the devil to pay for it”
“We have the best messiahs, don’t we folks?!”
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Fuck Alleppo. It’s fuck all to do with us and, frankly, I just don’t fucking care.
Some cunt on the BBC says it’s a violation of human rights. I call it a war. People get killed in wars. Get over it.
Bah! Humbug!
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I formerly appoint Dio as the new Yank Secretary of State. Balls to the cunt from Exxon/Mobil. Dio needs to bring his brand of plain talking and common sense to the world stage.
I’m with you Dio. I’ve tried – not very hard mind you – to care less about Alleppo and I just can’t do it. Unless a war breaks out in my street, I don’t give a flying rat’s arse about any of this and I suspect many feel the same.
Thank you for providing a public forum for sweary rants, truth and the opportunity to vent about anything and everything that’s not considered PC. Cheers – I.Y.
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Everyone is bleating about Alleppo and how people are suffering… But when those poor German girls were raped and assaulted last Xmas there wasn’t too much concern or gnashing of teeth then, was there?…. Funny that….
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You seem to be unable to grasp the essentials here! Let me explain…
Bad things happen to muslims = public outrage and media coverage galore
Bad things happens to non muslims = who gives a fuck?
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You’re welcome…
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There is a serious point here. We are disturbed by the actions of the Russians and Assad, who are psychotic cunts without a doubt. But, what happens when these peaceful Islamic paradises get rid of their tyrant? Even worse mayhem in the name of their sick god. One lot of peaceful cunts kills the other lot of peaceful cunts, along with anyone else they can get at. They are all worse off than before and the plight of the people, especially females is clear for all to see.
Islamic = corrupt, unequal, backward and violent.
So, which is worse? Assad or some mad Mullahs? Fuck knows.
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Compare Assad with Saddam.
The cunts were kept in order until they got rid of Saddam. Now look at the shit they’re in.
Anyway, it’s still fuck all to do with us…
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Who’s worse?
Well its hard to tell as the bbc regard them all as “rebels”, just scamps really. Except their psycho freaks. Check out “Army of Conquest” and “Al-Nusra”… Get the Idea,
Suddenly Assad isnt so bad after all, is he. And the Russians are doing what we would if we had a spine… defending their best interests.
Best wishes to all Russian aircrew at Latakia airbase…
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Anyone who uses the suffix ‘gate’ to describe any sort of event or incident they see as a ‘scandal’ is a cunt… Whether it’s Irangate, Squidgygate, Sharongate, and now Trousergate (about some daft bitch and the PM’s keks for fuck’s sake!), they are all cunts… Someone should tell these mongfucks that Watergate was the name of the office complex where the Democratic National Committee HQ was and the breaking into of these offices led to a major scandal and Nixon’s downfall… But like so many words these days (icon. legend, genius etc) cunts apply the Watergate reference to anything from soap opera bollocks to a pair of fucking trousers without knowing where it originated and what it really means… Ignorant cunts…
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I worked for a government department in my youth. The Christmas turn out was a combo piss-up/shag off. Mid 20s cartographers who were prim and prissy all year let their hair down at the do. There were a couple of well known swordsmen in the department who must have played tag team between the bar and a backroom where a mattress had been installed. As a wide eyed boy at his first job out of school I was greatly amused. Every other Christmas subsequent Christmas party when working for private firms were a letdown compared to the State Planning Dept’s.
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The goings on at these do’s just prove how low our standards have fallen…
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Early in my career, the Christmas function/gathering/outing seemed like the right thing to do at the time – joining in wise – and to be fair I look back on those occasions with fond memories. A few times my department went to the panto which was a good laugh. Oh no it wasn’t! Oh yes it was!
Since then, attendance at the Christmas ‘thing’ at various different companies in both the UK and US as been expected. If not outright stated in those terms, then certainly implied. Team bonding, being a team player, getting to know others, blah blah blah. Fact is, it’s forced socialising and I deeply resent that. You can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family or the people you work with.
You may find a kindred spirit at work and become friends. If so, good for you. Mostly though, what do you have in common with the people at work (in my case in an office)? You walk on the same bit of carpet, drink the same coffee and use the same toilets. Erm….that’s it. So what’s going to be the subject of conversation at a social do? The things you have in common, being…..work! Why would I or anyone want to talk to someone else who happens to work at the same company as I do about work? Once that gold mine of intrigue has been exhausted where do the shallow and superficial wankers go next for conversational subject matter? Right – their kids. I DON’T CARE. Whether or not they’re married. I DON’T CARE. Where they live. I DON’T CARE. Their commute. I DON’T CARE. Where they went on holiday. I DON’T CARE. Their hobbies. I DON’T CARE. You see where I’m going with this. In return, anyone asking me about these subject areas I find deeply offensive because it’s blatant prying in my book. LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!
I don’t wish these people ill will. I’m just not interested in them or their lives and I don’t want to be forced into a situation where I have to fake interest or have to endure their fucking Spanish Inquisition into mine. Yet, making the adult and responsible decision to not participate if often viewed as anti-social and you get singled out for scorn for not joining in. And that makes those people and those social occasions absolute, shit sucking cunts.
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We have a song for you wot goes nicely with all this :
https://chascmusic.wordpress.com/2013/11/04/leave-me-alone/
Or even two songs :
https://chascmusic.wordpress.com/2013/01/21/i-dont-care/
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Cheers Dio. I really, really liked the second one. Some fantastic playing on that. Cheers – I.Y.
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Dear Sir,
You miss the point of an Xmas Do which is 1) To delude yourself you’re part of a team working to a common objective 2) To try and finger the girl that handles the mail…
I hate office workers. Get a real job. Sign up to defend your country and travel to some unheard of place and kill people with a belt fed weapon. Its better than secret Santa, Trust Me.
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