Noddy Holder’s Christmas song

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This is the Dioclese 2016 Christmas song – one I’ve been hating for years – so fair game for a right cunting. Even Noddy Holder hates this fucking song but in fairness did add ‘…but it makes a bloody good pension fund!’

So here it is – ‘Merry Bloody Christmas Everybody’. The lyrics as cynical and bastardised as they could possible be, summing up not just that Christmas is a cunt but that fucking Christmas music is an even bigger cunt!

Nominated by: Dioclese

44 thoughts on “Noddy Holder’s Christmas song”

  1. I tell you now at our gaff the cunts are already slacking looking forward to the piss-up/shag-fest known as the firm’s Xmas do.

    They ask for play lists to belt out for everyone. I’d love to get this on a USB stick, label it as “Slade Merry Xmas.mp3” and stick on the network folder for this years play list.

    I’d like to do “Too Many Cunts to Count” as “Wizard – Oh I Wish it Could Be Xmas.mp3” as well!

    Alas I wouldn’t see the benefit of my actions as I avoid the thing like the plague, instead opting for a top steak meal, booze up and stop-over with a few mates. Yeah I have to pay for the cunt but at least the company is assured, unlike where I work – which is Russian Roulette at best – because there literally are too many cunts to count!

  2. Arguably the worst song Slade ever did… I’m just glad Bolan was never part of the Christmas hit cash-in club…. Most Xmas themed hits are crap: Wizzard, Mud, Shaky, Fiddler Glitter, Wham!, Band Aid (any version), Chris De Burgh, Elton, Lennon, Springsteen, and of course,Cliff…

    But the three I really hate are Macca’s ‘Wonderful Christmas Time’, that vomit inducing Mariah Carey one, and The Pogues with ‘A Fairytale Of New York’… But at least the Pogues one is now mercifully shorter, with the verse mentioning ‘faggot’ and ‘arse’ now cut out, in case it ‘offends’ and there is a deluge of snowflakes…. Still hate it though…

    • Thanks for the list. Saves us thinking about what to murder next year. Jonah is the current favourite. Always fucking hated that one…

  3. The only one I sort of like is Jonah Lewie’s ‘Stop The Cavalry’… And Bowie must have been coked out of his skull when he did that duet with Bing Crosby (and ‘White Christmas’ is also shite!)….

    Best ever Xmas No.1? ‘Another Brick In The Wall (Part 2)’
    Because I remember lots of moaning old cunts saying things like, ‘Oh, it’s not even ‘Christmassy’ and it’s horrible! Marching hammers and kids in a mincer!’
    Great stuff….

      • Greg Lake’s I don’t believe in christmas is a decent song but I was surprised after reading the lyrics of how anti-christ it is lol I love ELP tho and the song actually speaks more about the materialism and consumerism that surrounds it rather then the supposed message.

        I agree with another brick in the wall part 2 great album jethro tulls thick as a brick (fucking bricks? eh) has nothing to do with christmas but the “do-do-do do-do-doo” melody sounds very very christmassy to me. Solstice bells is a great one too Wizzards I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday is good too and it was slade who beat them from reaching top of the charts

  4. One has to admire the talent that produced these till jangling festive masterpieces.
    Bollocks…..

      • I find it funny that the b-side to merry christmas everybody was called don’t blame me lol as in don’t blame me if this song gets stuck in your bloody head for an eternity

      • I dunno I liked wizzards christmas song it wasn’t as repeative as slades and had better music production.

        Some people don’t the childrens choir in it but part of me wonders if they are just abunch of children hating bastards!

  5. Its a torture every fucking year, i had a bad one last night,wot a fucking nightmare i was dreaming that i was in panto with biggins and the audience kept shouting hes behind you,i woke up a fucking shaking.

    • I thought I was on some sort of trip last year: when I saw a panto poster in Manchester… I think it was Snow White starring that dwarf cunt from Star Wars (Warwick Thingy) and Priscilla Presley… Priscilla is now about 70 but she looks about 30… She has more fibreglass and plastic and has had more work done than the front of the Arndale Centre… Creepy as fuck… But, still, the ex-wife of Elvis Presley in pantomime in the north of England?! The King must have left her fuck all in his will… Nice one, Elvis!

      • Warwick Davis always makes me laugh….not with his “comedy”,just the sight of him is enough to set me off. I’ve always wanted to pick a dwarf up just to see their little arms and legs struggling and flailing about as I saw how far I could chuck one while pissing myself laughing at the little cunt.

  6. And that Band Aid one was spectacularly shite… A bad rip-off of the Z-Cars theme and it catapulted that bogtrotting gobshite tramp, Geldof into the public eye (and the cunt’s been there ever since!)… And ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas’ doesn’t even make sense… In those flyblown African shitholes there is no Christianity… So of course they don’t know it’s Christmas… What a load of bollocks…

    That said though, at least the stars of the day all turned up for the thing off their own bat: disheveled and hungover (Duran Duran and Quo were particularly knackered)… If such a thing was done now with the likes of Chickboy Gaga, One Direction, Coconut Beyonce, Rita Oral, Kanye Cunt, Taylor Shit, that Katy Perry slag etc it would be like a military operation, with agents, lawyers, handmaidens, chefs, dog walkers, food tasters, toilet seat warmers, hangers on, individual palatial trailers, goody bags, you name it… The modern pop star is a cunt…

  7. Oh fuck little warick davis,evey time he plays in manchester they have to cover the grids up outside the theatre in case the fuck falls down one,thought she always look a good fuck priscilla.

    • blink 180poo sounds better then blink 182 and its more honest about their musical accomplishments

      • Aye not a fan of the band but that song pretty much sums up my feelings on christmas. A load of shite. Most of the cunts don’t even believe in god but every december it’s all “oh the magical season is upon us.” Fuck off!

        During december you can’t just nip to the shop because every cunts out there in your way and also at christmas everything rockets in price it’s a fucking cunt.

        Also when people say “Christmas is great because you can just eat drink and watch telly” correct me if I’m wrong but is nobody else like me and quite often do that stuff anyway regardless of the time of year?

        Bah fucking humbug.

  9. And as for ‘Happy Xmas (War Is Over)’?
    So this is Christmas, and what have you done?
    Well, I haven’t turned my back on my mates, got a heroin habit, preached about ‘no possessions’ while living in luxury, funded bogtrotting terrorists, or knocked my missus about for a start…

    And when Yoko starts screeching ‘A very Merry Christmas….’ Fuck me, no….

  10. Jim Lea wrote it in the summer , whilst having a shower.
    His mother in law asked why he hadn’t written an xmas/winter fest song, as she liked them.
    The result was this monstrosity that nearly ruined the reputation of one of the best rock bands of all time…….

    • Apparently Noddy and Jim Lea split the £500,000 royalty fee they earned from the song last year. Nice work if you can get It.

  11. Saw Slade as a lad in the early 70″s,at Brum Town Hall.Fucking loudest band I ever heard,to this day…….Magic………Baaaaaaaaaaaaaah

    • Lucky cunter.
      I hope you were stamping your platforms.
      I don’t know why Noddy and Lea retired, but that is one reunion I’d be well up for, especially to witness Hear Me Calling, done live before my eyes/ears.
      I know there’s Slade 2, but no Holder and Lea means no Slade………

      • I was asked to go to a T-Rex ‘reunion’ gig a while back… It was supposed to be Micky Finn (now dead) and others who had played under the T-Rex name… Apart from Finn there was nobody else from the classic T-Rex line-up and obviously there was no Marc Bolan…
        Bolan was T-Rex….

        Nod said the four member of Slade met up around 2010, but he says it did not go well and that he wouldn’t want to do it again… A shame…

  12. An ex-neighbour of mine got a ticket to see Ozzy Osbourne at Reading in 1980… Ozzy pulled out but he went anyway… I expected him to come back disappointed, but he said Slade blew everyone off the stage and owned the festival that year… He still says it was one of the best gigs he’s ever been to and still does the ‘We’ll Bring The House Down’ chant when he’s pissed…

    • It was posted in my cunting of Axl Rose, but Noddy was the first choice to replace Bon Scott in AC/DC, apparently.

  13. Yeah, apparently Nod was Angus Young’s first choice… Gary Holton was also considered, but he decided to go into acting, later appearing in Auf Wiedersehen Pet… A local lad who used to live near me when I was a kid called Simon Wright ended up drumming for AC/DC in the mid to late 80s after Phil Rudd’s (first) sacking….

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