As we all know, a couple of months back Camelot to decided to cheat. They increased the price of a single line to £2, and increased the numbers from 49 to 59. They told everyone that it meant it would be easier to win. The problem Camelot had with that blatant lie, is that anyone with even a basic knowledge of mathematics would know that if you increase the numbers in a lottery, you increase the odds of winning. That means, it actually becomes harder to win. Especially the jackpot. Which has been brilliantly proven by the fact that the jackpot has now just had its fourteenth fucking rollover.
Whilst looking at the prize breakdown, I noticed something else that Cumalot have started doing, that I had no idea about. If you get two numbers, instead of getting a small cash prize, you get a lucky dip. Big fucking deal. Considering the odds of anyone winning the jackpot are currently worse than the odds of the RMS Titanic sailing into New York, a free lucky dip is about as much use as a eunuch’s testicles.
And that’s not the only bullshit Cumalot have come up with. One of my dotty, yet endearing old aunts bought me five scratch cards as a Christmas present. I got a tenner on one, fuck all on two more, and then a free scratch card on each of the last two. Cumalot must think we’re all a bunch of morons. By giving out scratch cards instead of a cash prize, they’re actually saving money, because the chances of even winning with one of the free scratch cards are quite low. You might get lucky. Then again, a low flying elephant might shit on your head.
The board of directors at Camelot are a bunch of cheating, money grabbing thieves. I hope they all come home early one day and find their wives/husbands shagging a bull mastiff. Cunts.
Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw
A truly fine cunting, well deserved, articulate and containing more detail & truths than a Chris Spivey article!
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Ya got to be in it to win it they tells me
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I play (or chuck money down the drain) by direct debit, I have had 3 of those shitty lucky dips and on tuesday won £128 my biggest ever win in 4 years matching 4 numbers with a couple of thousand uther fuckwhits.
why do I play? pure desperation and nothing more, I will never be able to own my own property, a fucking rabbit hutch costs £280,000 here!
at 45 years of age I have worked out if I avoid spending any of my pay I should be able to buy a house by the time I am 62! what a prospect.
Fucking bank used to charge me £700 a month to live in a house that I had a quarter share in, then the government would knock me for another £120, then fuck me over with hyper inflated fuel prices leaving me with a big fuck all to live on.
I cant face the fact that some old biddy who is going to pop her clogs soon wins the lottery and gives the money to a cats home or some stupid shit like that.
so yes im in it just so I have a better chance than anyone not playing it.
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this was a cynical ploy by Camelot. they noticed that the bigger the jackpot the more tickets they sell. now my reaction to rollovers is to say fuck it, it’s just too hard but incredibly some people who wont play when its £6 million suddenly decide to play when its £8 million. and now its got to £50 million people who turned their noses up at £40 million are playing. fuckin beats me ! as has been pointed out before the really really annoying thing was the slogan’ now more numbers to choose from !. whoever came up with that should be taken out and shot. they are obsessed with jackpots whereas the truth is most peoples lives would see a big improvement by winning £50,000. i stopped when they added the 10 numbers. if everyone did the same they would have to think again.
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Once there’s been a few rollovers the professional syndicates (probably hedge fund managers and other really rich cunts) get stuck in.
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And don’t forget that it’s not £2 a time not a £1.
Plus Camelot are owned by the Mafia (allegedly)
And did you see that dumb cunt they offered up on the BBC Breakfast show this morning? I almost felt sorry for the thick cow. Almost…
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It seems every time I go to the corner shop for something, I get stuck behind one of those fuckers buying lottery scratch cards.
There is definitely a “type”, tramp stamp on the back of the neck, which I assume must be some form of “best before” bar code, what “best” represents I don’t know, but it’s not smelling all that great and judging by the standards of personal hygiene, there will be some blue furry stuff hanging about various orifices. Either that or the DSS just scans it to pay their benefits.
No you would think that transactions in a corner shop would be fairly straightforward, pick a newspaper, and pay for it, simple, but these people have complex needs. So it’s put £10 on the electricity, £10 on the gas, £20 on the phone, all of which takes time.
Once we get all the shit out of the way, they ask for scratch cards, well, sort of they don’t ask for a scratch cards directly, it’s just some mumbled “a number 8, a number 2 and three number 6’s” , which are stored in some plastic carousel, all of which seems to have a different key to open.
So you think all done ?, nope. What they then do, is play the game. In front of you at the fucking counter. Now this could go one of three ways
(1) They lose. Optimum solution, they waddle off till next giro day.
(2) They win a bit of money. This is bad, very bad, they then proceed to buy more scratch cards. This is repeated until (1) becomes true
(3) They win a lot of money. This never happens
Why the fuck do they think it’s ok to stand at the counter and play I don’t know. I might buy a packet of fags and smoke them at the counter next time
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Actually these people fuck me off, I smoke, I am obliged to join the leper que to get my bag of weed,
Most annoying was queuing behind a client who owns 3 care homes and wanted to buy their 200 rothmans and check their lottery tickets!
So A, they are millionaires any way.
B,have they not heard of the fucking internet?
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I agree, Andy… There’s always some old cunt who holds up the queue by buying every fucking scratchcard on the rack… Then the bastard buys a deluge of Lottery tickets (every one going!), then the old fucker dodders about as it takes half an hour to get his money out and organised… I don’t see the point: the old codger is at death’s door anyway (or very near it at least!), so why spend the last days of your life chasing a jackpot that you’re never going to win? Stupid doddering old get..
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As one of my favorite genesis song states “gambling only pays if you’re winning had to thank ol miss mort for schooling a failure” I know what I like and losing money isn’t one of them.https://youtu.be/p_EYU75uhKk
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‘I Know What Like (In Your Wardrobe)’
A superb track… Cheers, TitSlapper..
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Richard Hammond: I hate that bit its that bit Jeremy Clarkson: Don’t think you can outrun my genesis concert solution!
Not only a superb track but a superb album its hard to believe the same guy who helped write those great genesis songs wrote sledgehammer and biko No problem though cheers
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Just found my step fathers vinyl collection some bloody great stuff too so far I found yardbirds the hits, the byrds greatest hits, doors 13 and rolling stones flowers (which is probably the best compilation album they have released IMO). The bastard never told me about these records til today I wonder what some of them are worth?
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The fucking thing is owned by Ontario Teachers’ Pension Plan – so all the profit thieved from the desperate deluded orange slags and weasel-faced chavs, who think £2 spent on 45 million to 1 shot is a sound investment, goes to dirty cunts in Canada.
Anyone who has been to Canada knows that Canadians are nasty little cunts who want to be terrorists like Americans. Canadians are currently bombing Syria and Iraq and Libya and Yemen – while eating shit and cheese sandwiches provided by the CIA and drinking green MOSSAD piss.
But it just goes to show what loathsome evil shit we have in parliament. They will sell anything for a kickback in a brown envelope.
The filthy corruption of dirty cunt MPs and public sector workers is everywhere. Bins – my local council pays a US company (probably the Mafia) £4million a month for bin emptying (a 2-week service). When I buy a postage stamp (the most expensive in the developed world in relation to typical delivery distance) the profits go to wogs in Germany.
Water – £££ to French cunts
Phone – £££ to American cunts
….and so on.
It would be great if a small dirty nuke was set off in London and all the cunts in parliament got enough rads to shit their rotten guts out and die slowly in agony. We can but hope.
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^ Bout time Prince Charles really spoke his mind and got it all of his chest…
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“Anyone who has been to Canada knows that Canadians are nasty little cunts who want to be terrorists like Americans.” actually canada is one of the more peaceful places in the western world, its colder then fuck though, minus 40 temperatures in winter
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The company that owns and runs the lottery are the Canadian teachers pension fund. Camalot were sold to them a few years back and since then because the profits have been lower than expected they have invented new ways to increase their profit margin.
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I heard that myself bring on branson.
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Been for my Saturday morning meeting of the village fogies and guess what the never ending topic of conversation was?
Camelto: You are a Cunt!
In more ways than one.
Cunts!
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fair play to Camelot, they have been proved absolutely right!. the British public are as thick as shit!. you would think that something that hasnt been won for 14 draws in a row would be something to avoid but nooooo ! on saturday the jackpot was £8 million more than estimated. lemmings!
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Agreed,
William Hill took this bet, I kid you not!
A Glaswegian postman bet at odds of 20,000,000 to 1 that Elvis would crash a U.F.O. into Loch Ness.
That is still twice as likely to happen as winning the lottery 45,000,000 to 1
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Camelot is a big scam.
not only they are charging more, not only the have reduced the odds, but they are actually scamming / rigging the system.
They have a little software that checks which numbers sequence is ‘available’ after the tills closes. Then they pick a sequence that will cost them the little possible prize pay-out. They rig those fancy machines of theirs – just like they did on live TV in Serbia, Camelot uses the same machines! – and presto! rollover after rollover.
Last week there was a big bruha-ha about Camelot in the national press. Suddenly, as damage control, a UK ticket won Friday Euro millions while ‘someone’ won the rollover the next day lottery. Yes, that is called: “Damage control” – here, we have 2 winners for you!
Has anyone also notice that we never hear of winners unless they are WHITE, MIDDLE AGED, COUPLE from middle England? Never a person of ethnicity, which I find strange, as all records show they are the biggest buyers of lottery tickets.
Scam!!!
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