In his heyday in the fifties and sixties this prize wanker sported a greasy looking barnet with that “slicked back with me own spunk” look. Clearly the total tosser always had a ready supply on hand. In all his career on stage and in innumerable crap filums the mugging cunt has never made me laugh once. Although in fairness I did manage a little chuckle over his last coronary.
Needless to say considered a comedic legend by the French (as was Norman Wisdom by the Albanians to mark yer card) and received an “Homage” at last years Canne Film Festival. Needless to say the little circumsized cunt continues to lap up the pretentious adulation of the frog fuckers (who incidentally regard tuneless fuck Johnny Halliday as a rock god) . “Mais oui. Ve are zo out zair. Cool n’est pas. Ve zo get ‘im. Jerry is zo zo funnee you anglo fuckairs.”
Famously the cunt despises his deminishing audiences and anyone dumb enough to give the talent free zone a living. Oh how ironic mes amis. Difficult to think orf another performer so hated within his own profession (although Topol is a leading contender) for being such an irredeemable shitehole (steady on might start to admire the cunt).
Reasons to be cheerful. Jerry is now 88 and fills in his down time collecting terminal illnesses including prostate cancer, meningitis, a dodgy ticker, diabetes and drug addictions various. Now me pet vulture Gristle does not usually eat kosher but is very interested in trying this one. So tough cheddar old sports, have already nabbed the cunt for the Dead Pool.
Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke
Excellent call, Sir Limply. One of the unfunniest cunts on the planet.
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I once had the misfortune to hear a CD titled “Jerry Lewis Just Sings”
Sings?!? It sounded like Daffy Duck with severe depression. It was supposed to be serious: all ballads and big band stuff… That was the joke about it, I suppose…
When I hear The Beastie Boys Ad-Rock’s nasal yap often sounds like Jerrry Lewis with a scratchy turntable…
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Unfunny yes. But while a heart beats, this cunt still remains on the list. I would like to nominate, Arthur Askey for his many crimes against comedy. This diminutive man dismantled all which was funny during the 1950’s and 60’s. His chirpy demeanour underscored his woefull lack of talent. On a number of occasions he was found naked with a ferret, aptly named: ‘Shagger.’ Read and weep:- http://flaxensaxon.blogspot.co.nz/
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Speaking of Johnny Halliday, I cannot believe the mighty Small Faces went to France to be his backing band! Steve Marriott was well pissed off and he left the band not soon after…
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I’d like to nominate the standing ovation for a cunting. I remember as a young lad hearing the old man come in pissed after a night out bleating on about how good the comedian was and that he received a standing ovation. A rare occurrence I was lead to believe. You had to have performed brilliantly, have the audience in the palm of your hand and be top of your game. But now the standing ovation comes too easily. I’m sorry to say I sat through and suffered the Xfactor one night which deserves a cunting itself if it hasn’t already been cunted. I heard some of the so called talent on that show and to be honest in my opinion most of the cunts couldn’t shout coles up a back lane. But no the audience think its fucking great. All a contestent has to do is wail like a gospel singer, throw a few dodgy trills in and they’re up on their fucking feet. For fucks sake sit your arses back in your seats you easy pleased cunts
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Certainly worthy of a good cunting. I shall attend to it!
Noms have been a bit thin on the ground lately, so get your fingers out you lazy cunts or I’ll be forced to cunt lazy cunters…
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One that’s been on the tip of my, well fingertips for a while; Kirsty Allsop! What a fat, horrible bastard she is. I had the misfortune to be sat in front of the telly the other night while she patronised, rolled her eyes and generally spoke to the fucking idiots who can’t find their own new house like they were, well fucking idiots. She strikes me as a right nasty, patronising cunt of a cunt. I don’t know how that Phil resists from turning around and booting her straight in the gash
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Er, what about Arthur Askey- I could knock up something, in a thrice. Arrrrrrrrrrrrr.
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Ha ha you’ve really got it in for that bloke Flaxen.
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Can I nominate the x Factor audience of imbecilles for a cunting. These easily led brain dead droogs could be easily persuaded to chant ‘burn the witch’ at a moments notice.
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Cyclists. Not the Joe average out in the woods with the kids for a Sunday afternoon peddling into heart attack country and a plethora of snapped ligaments, but the type called the “club riders” who congregate in packs in the local B&Q car parks like wasps around a discarded ice cream cone, or more aptly, flies around a steaming turd. Clad in budgie smugglers, gaudy dayglo lycra tops, avacado helmets and rainbow glasses, they look for all the world like a pack of neon-nazis (which they are)
When enough of the pack have assembled, usually around the busiest time on the road, they fly off into the traffic and create a defence formation that Pardew could only dream of. Often five abreast to prevent anyone overtaking them, they will then proceed at a sedate pace creating a build up of pissed off motorists behind them. God help anyone who encounters them on a B road, expect scratches to your paintwork as they undertake you. Cream one of them, whilst trying to avoid driving into a ditch and they will always ensure there are plenty of witnesses to say it was your fault.
Don’t even think of getting out into the countryside to avoid them, guaranteed that a whole hive of them will apppear out of nowhere and force you off the road.
All in all a bunch of selfish cunts
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And the cunts don’t stop at red lights! Makes me mad and incites me to burn stuff.
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Even though Arthur Askew was a talentless cunt he ended up paying for his crimes to cuntitude by having both legs amputated due to his smoking so don’t be too harsh on this cunt – he did cheer some miserable thick cunts up during the war. You could always turn the crystal radio orf.
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Who the fucks Arther Askew ?
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Arthur Askey. Dunno why Flaxen hates him so much, was a rather talentless comedian of the war and post war years. A rather undistinguished career and certainly not in the league of Milligan. Sellers or Hancock. Poor old sod shuffled off this mortal coil in 1982 after losing both legs.
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– and a lazy cunt too. Look what Pistorius achieved with no legs: gold and silver medals at the Paralympics, BBC Sports Personality of the Year (Helen Rollason Special Award) and a murder conviction. What did the cunt Askey achieve following his double amputation? Fuck all.
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If I could just correct you Pistorious was convicted of manslaughter not murder. You see blasting your terrified girlfriend seeking sanctuary behind the bathroom door with an automatic weapon is an ‘error of judgement’ rather than an act of murderous rage.
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Pistorious is an evil, devious cunt. And if there is a Hell he will fried to a fucking crisp and have red hot pokers up his jacksy for infinity….
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