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LET’S GET CUNTING!
Arse Worms
Ie instantly mundane expressions akin to “ear worms” that get up my arse. They originate out of the brain drool of Business Speak, TV Speak, Politics Speak and Academic Speak. They knot and gender within themselves then become mutually infectious and spread the virus “across the Piece”.
“Across the Piece” has been around for several decades now and is generally considered to have been first uttered by Ed Balls and thus may be genuinely considered “a load of Balls”. As with anything Balls says, the usage in his hands is a “Balls Up”, a mangling of the old alpine favourite “on the piste”(check your Carry On joke book). Alas it has gone virus critical in these fervid pre-election times and caused the old favourite “across the board” to vomit and die on a trolley after a three day wait in a corridor in A&E. Out of the mouth of a political hack “we have been disappointed across the piece” means we have been stitched up by everybody, Mullered and done up like kippers in our traditional heartlands and by new voters.
“The right thing to do”. A Sunac favourite and hopefully soon to be forgotten, every decision made by the Gov that defies logic is presented because “it is the right thing to do” and challenges the presenter or interviewer to appear a meanie and respond with “oh no it isn’t” but alas they never do. A shabby debating trick that should be accompanied by a whitened tombstone smile to take the win.
“Take the Win”. An expression that has come across from American Sports meaning to accept your opponents loss and ignore the controversy surrounding it. We had Biden urging Netanyahu not to blow the remaining third of Gaza to fuck and be satisfied with that. “Take the win Bibi baby”. We all know Benjamin Bibi Netanyahu’s response to that. The problem being that Hamas will not “Take the Loss”.
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Here is a BBC link that links the phrase directly to Sunac
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/science-environment-63330171
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I endorse this nom with the proviso it is not a knock to Windows 95. The good old Blue Screen of Death still runs our railways and other mission critical parts of our infrastructure, the theory being that all the bugs have been ironed out of it now.
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RISHI HAS A PLAN
Is this fucking useless cunt for real? Hard on the heels of the Tories’ drubbing in the local elections, here’s the Torygraph giving a platform to Shortarse himself in a pitiful attempt to stave off complete annihilation at the next General Election.
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/politics/2024/05/03/the-choice-is-clear-we-have-a-plan-and-it-is-working/
Shorty says he has a plan. I’ll save cunters the trouble and cost of surmounting the paywall erected by the billionaire twins who own this rag, especially as they’re in the process of selling out to a bunch of smelly, sheep’s eyeball munching oilw*gs. Instead, here is the 6-point plan in summary:
1. To provide a red carpet welcome for all dinghy arrivals. Slot machines will be installed along the south coast where, for a small fee, all undocumented males will be able to purchase British citizenship, a passport and free access to accommodation, healthcare, public services and pension rights for life.
2. To punish aspiration, self-reliance and success by taxing the indigenous population to death.
3. To impoverish the population by pandering to the ecomentals and forcing EVs and heat pumps on people who don’t want them and can’t afford them.
4. To turn the country over to Islamomarxist mob rule.
5. To provide further prohibition business opportunities for organised crime by following up the cigarette ban with bans on vaping, alcohol, junk food, non-Halal meat and anything else we can think of that people enjoy.
6. To lose the next election by a landslide, fuck off to Silicon Valley and hand the UK over to the Labour Party to finish the job of destroying Britain’s history, heritage, culture and economy.
So that’s the Plan. Or have I missed anything?
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The Met Office.
It’s going to be hot!
Oh no, it’s not!
It’s going to snow.
So warm, you’re cheeks will glow.
It’ll be windy.
It’ll thunder!
Makes me wants the chunder.
Sorry, terrible prose, but it’s going to thunder! Quick, run and hide, pull the bed covers over your head!
When did someone decide that we had become so infantilised, we needed to be warned about fucking thunder!
Link to follow.
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https://news.sky.com/story/uk-weather-bank-holiday-thunderstorm-warnings-in-force-for-large-parts-of-uk-13130497
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Another Brexit claim. This time a luvvie one, courtesy of the Guardian. (Of course)
”Rufus Wainwright blames UK’s ‘narrow outlook’ after Brexit for Opening Night’s flop”
Yes, this tremendously talented luvvie (never heard of the cunt) put the failure of whatever pile of wank he created , down to Brexit.
Yes, West End audiences ‘lack curiosity’ due to Brexit. And this is fucking London, the Remoaner’s heartland.
It takes a special talent to configure shite musicals with Brexit but by god this fucker has imagination.
https://www.msn.com/en-gb/news/uknews/rufus-wainwright-blames-uk-s-narrow-outlook-after-brexit-for-opening-night-s-flop/ar-BB1lWnCk?ocid=msedgdhp&pc=LCTS&cvid=70b7214391104bf19f32293f8fb7093f&ei=51
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Loud mouthed train bores are cunts.
Today, Mrs Twenty and I spent just over two and a half hours on an incredibly overcrowded train. It would have been bad enough had it just been smelly and full of the usual travelling cunts without the foghorn voiced yank in the seats immediately behind us. He managed to spend the entire duration of the journey regaling each new person who sat down next to, or opposite him.
According to him we are all just ‘one degree away from each other if we did but know. This totally non self-aware cunt said that his mind-blowingly vacuous philosophy of life could be proven by simply asking the tight questions!
‘I have probably, at some point, been in touch with you office, or perhaps we may know someone who went to the same school. or we may even have been to the same place on holiday! Have you been to Sorrento?’He asked some wretched woman.
‘As a matter of fact I have.’ The woman replied. WRONG ANSWER!!!!
‘So have I. See, I told you. We are only one degree apart! Did you like it?’
‘Yes, it was very nice.’ WRONG ANSWER!!!
‘So did I. It’s uncanny, isn’t it. I went there with my fiance (fucking hell, what must she be like?!) we went for the Love Festival, it was at St Valentines.Who did you go with?’
‘My husband.
‘Incredible!’
What a fucking twat. How many people go to Sorrento for a holiday? I looked it up, more than 2 million every fucking year. How many people have a regular partner? I looked it up, at any one time approximately 65% of people are in regular partnerships.
Even as people queued to exit the train, the idiot abroad was expounding his wondrous wisdom to yet more hapless, tired and sweaty fellow passengers.
‘We are all only one degree apart from one another. What is your line of business…’
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Six_degrees_of_separation#:~:text=Six%20degrees%20of%20separation%20is,as%20the%20six%20handshakes%20rule.
The above link refers to the less refined six degrees of separation, which is also utter bollocks.
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Crystal healing.
I’ve never heard a doctor shout
” Bring me a amethyst geode stat!!!”
And I know for a fact that Christies cancer Hospital isn’t using using quartz instead of radiotherapy.
But people (yanks) believe in the health benefits of gemstones and crystals.
The annual market being worth £4 trillion.
Buzz words to beware of are
“Well being” “synergy”
And “New age”.
Often people who believe this are white people with dreadlocks.
Sandal wearers,
And people who wear baggy cotton batic pants from India.
I don’t believe geological byproducts can heal serious health issues in the human body.
I’m a crank like that.
Although quartz is a good indicator of the presence of gold.
So if you find a vein of quartz and it’s crusted with gold ?!!
Pay for good medical care and stop fucking about.
https://www.americanspa.com/treatments/learn-about-healing-benefits-crystals-and-gems
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MoD data breach:
I may be wrong but I guess the unnamed company that managed the armed forces payroll system may be Capita. The government’s favourite outsourcer. Well stop employing Chinks and Poles with Russian sympathies you useless cunts.
I doubt if it really was a ‘state’ hack but it seems there are so many untrustworthy people in IT willing to risk their jobs by selling data on the dark web. Payroll systems for the MoD should not be outsourced and the people involved should be vetted and have no “social” media accounts and in their contract it should say that they must not mention their job on LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter etc. It makes them targets.
Think about the people in WW2 who kept secrets for 50+ years and the cypher people during the cold war. These were professionals who knew how to keep quiet.
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DR MICHAEL MOSELY:
A well deserved cunting for the latest “funny celebrity doctor” is in order if you have the misfortune to hear this halfwit at 0545 hrs on Wireless 4 on Saturday mornings on “his” programme – Just One Thing. The 21st century Magnus Pyke gives you one idea to make your health and life better. Just a week or two ago he advocated eating Flax seeds (Linium rubra to give it it’s Latin name). You grind up this seed (which is a nice bright garden plant) and put it in your porridge, in your soup, or tea or coffee, stick it up your nose or up your arse and it is “good for you” – it must be because a typical WASPI woman, a typical Wireless 4 listener who no doubt listens to the Archers every day and thinks Just A Minute and Paul Merton is terribly funny, tells you how much better she feels after a week of Flaxology.
Mosely has a prissy, somewhat poofy voice, a cross between Peter Mandelson and Hilary Benn, and like most radio “stars” fancies himself being promoted to TV – no need, he looks as he sounds – a total poofter:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p0htwp0b
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The garrick club..
This boys club have finally relented to allow women in.. there goes the neighbourhood..
Personally I know nothing about the place, so thanks Google..
The place hardly sounds like a laugh riot but each to their own..
So if women want to join, fair enough..
But do they, or is it another case of we don’t like the sound of that,so let’s spoil it for everyone.
Women are free to start their own club, like say the WI..which allows men to become members,
Oops my mistake..
I have heard there is a 10 year waiting time for membership, or will the women jump the queue?
If women want to sit around with the likes of Stephen fry, sting and bendy cumberbatch.
Good luck to them, because it sounds like my version of hell.
https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-london-68972358
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South Gloucester Council is a cunt, inspired by the Eynsham park & ride nonsense, I was reminded of the junction on the M49 that does not go anywhere.
Link
Thehttps://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-bristol-67508846y forgot to but the land.
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Cuntfinder Junior on May 8, 2024 at 4:23 pm said:
South Gloucester Council is a cunt, inspired by the Eynsham park & ride nonsense, I was reminded of the junction on the M49 that does not go anywhere.
Link
Thehttps://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-bristol-67508846y forgot to but the land.
0
…there’s an echo in here.
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Busybodying Know-all Cunts
Why is it that some people can’t resist sticking their noses into other people’s business, even on the most trivial of matters?
Take this morning for example. I was in our front garden, just about to start removing a large clump of nettles which was threatening to choke out one of the wife’s beloved azaleas. I’d barely begun, when along HE came; Mr Busybody, Mr fucking Know-all, to offer an opinion where none was wanted or welcome.
As he drew alongside me, he stopped, stuck his hands in his pockets, and peered portentously over the low wall which separates our garden from the pavement. After some seconds he opined ‘you know, you should really leave those nettles alone’.
What the fuck? thinks I. ‘My wife thinks they’re intrusive, and wants them dug out’ I replied somewhat tersely.
‘Yes’ says he, ‘but don’t you know that they’re an important part of the ecosystem? They provide food and habitat for butterflies, bees and other insects’.
‘My whole garden is a butterfly and bee friendly environment’ says I, straightening up, ‘but I’ll tell you what. If you’re that bothered, hang about for five minutes while I root them out, and you can take them away with you for replanting’.
‘Er, but I don’t want them’ says he, surprised and now somewhat hesitant.
‘Neither do I’ says I, ‘which is precisely why I’m digging them up and slinging them in the compost, okay?’
At which point a look of intense irritation comes over his face, and with a ‘harrumph’ he stomps off.
Why is that irksome, interfering cunts just can’t resist the urge to stick their oar
in, even when it’s concerning a matter of utter inconsequence involving a complete stranger? His whole demeanour was such that he felt that I should justify myself. For weeding my garden for fuck’s sake.
Fair nettled I was. If I wasn’t a gentleman, I’d have told the cunt to fuck right off.
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Scrimpflation and Shrink-flation
Essentially paying more and getting less.
I’d like to be able to post is an abstract manner like Sir Limply who puts me in mind of Professor Stanley Unwin, but that is not something that comes naturally to me. So I will just post as normal.
Products on shelves are getting smaller. We’ve no doubt all read or heard the stories about Toblerones having fewer erm..ridges? segments? pointy bits?
In addition we have the cunning ploy of the approximate weight (e symbol) against the weight of a tin of Roses.
Bags of crisps are now 2/3 air. Retailers will defend this by telling us their costs have gone up so they need to reduce quantities so as to keep the cost to the consumer low*
What’s that unpleasant but strangely familiar smell?
Oh that’s right. It’s bullshit.
*Keep your profit margins high you mean dearies.
It happens with ingredients. Sweeteners replacing sugar. Palm oil replacing butter or milk.
It also happens with services as well. Some of the services that were stopped during Covid never really started again, but yet they charge the same price or more.
How does that work then?
In the hospitality industry, some hotels are keeping room prices stable, but only offering housekeeping services upon request, or not providing waiter services, but relying on customers to do self-checkouts for breakfast.
Oh it’s the pandemic. It’s a knock on effect of the pandemic. They say.
What did we blame things on before the pandemic, brexit, or climate change?
Link for info to back up my rant and keep the admins happy
(They do a sterling job):
https://www.npr.org/sections/money/2021/10/26/1048892388/meet-skimpflation-a-reason-inflation-is-worse-than-the-government-says-it-is
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A further link to Stanley Unwin so people know what I’m talking about
https://youtu.be/0UJZF5iRhNg?t=13
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Auriol Grey: to blame or not to blame?
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-cambridgeshire-68975335
I honestly don’t know what to make of this. On the one hand, the woman in question, being partially sighted, is naturally going to feel more intimidated by cyclists than the average Joe (or Jane in this instance). She also couldn’t have foreseen that her comment would’ve left to the cyclist’s death. On the other hand, the cyclist was an old lady who, understandably, was going to feel intimidated by riding on the road, and she veered into the road when she did as a direct result of Ms Grey’s actions. Ms Grey also showed very little, if any, remorse throughout the trial. What do my fellow cunters think?
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Admin, if you choose to publish this nom can you please add before ‘what do my fellow cunters think’ the phrase ‘or maybe it’s the fault of the authorities for failing to provide safe cycling spaces.’
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