Nominations


Use the Comment section below to write up your cunting nomination.

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If you break this rule, you may be moderated indefinitely or possibly banned.

NOW LET’S GET CUNTING!

16 thoughts on “Nominations”

  1. The latest total solar eclipse.

    I find nature fascinating, but a total solar eclipse is commonplace and in my opinion, quite boring.

    They occur regularly, twice a year is normal and they have happened up to 5 times in a year.

    If you are determined to see them and don’t mind travelling to remote areas then you will see a total eclipse more often than a Christmas dinner.

    The phenomenon that I have found interesting in the past is that the birds stop singing for the minute or so of the eclipse and the dogs stop barking.

    Interesting, but not so much as to make me go out of my way to experience it.

    Our closest big city is Valencia which is right in the path of totality.
    However, the eclipse will happen just before sunset and people have been advised to travel to nearby Castellón where there is a clearer, unobstructed view, with no tall buildings.

    For the past week we have been given dire warnings.
    Don’t look directly into the sun.

    I don’t think that it’s possible for anyone to look directly into the sun.
    Your reflex reaction would be to look away, to shut your eyes or at least shade them.
    Nobody can possibly sit looking into the sun directly.

    You don’t need to warn anyone not to hold their hand in a fire.
    Even the most stupid of people have a reflex, self preservation mechanism.

    So the warning is daft and unnecessary.

    But some fucking cunt has decided that all the overhead motorway signs are changed today.
    Instead of warning about broken down vehicles, nearby roadworks, danger of wildfires or traffic speed cameras ahead, all the signs are telling us not to drive while wearing eclipse glasses.

    For fuck’s sake!

    Total solar eclipses are a load of astral wank.

    https://www.timeanddate.com/eclipse/how-often-solar-eclipse.html

    Reply ↓

    • Admin. May I add to his nom regarding the same subject?

      I would like to open, the way this nom will continue….what a crock of media overhyped up shit!

      Wife and daughter were excited for this event (fuck knows why..probably due to the BBC wanking themselves off stupid over it) We went to the coast today in my part of the world ( the South East shithole it now is) and was instructed by the wife to race home as she wanted to sit in the garden with a drink and observe this ‘rare’ phenominon at leisure. As we drove down our road to our house, all the neighbours were getting ready to do the same in their front gardens. As soon as we got home I was shown various instagram and youtube videos by my young daughter, on how to create some sort of cardboard ‘pin hole’ camera style thing to safely watch it through…so there I was cutting up cardboard, silver foil, paper and sellotape fucking around in a hurry to get it made. All sitting in the garden just before 7pm………..then- fuck all happened. Got marginally darker, but not that you would really notice and that was it. Said to the wife ‘when does it start?’ I think it’s been and gone…this was around 8pm. What a fucking waste of time. That weather forecaster cunt on ITV Beresford was flow to Spain to report on it, and had a lovely time at someones expense…even the BBC shipped out a large TV crew to parts of Europe where you could see it…….but spend the last two weeks getting us all creamed up in the knicker department as to how great it was going to be in the UK….so why fuck off to Spain then?
      Only people that got anything out of this were the dodgy swarthy cunts and del boy wankers who sold out of stupid ‘eclipse glasses’ at vastly inflated prices.

      A quick google after the event seems I’m not alone on this.

      Wankers

      https://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/2238630/brits-fume-overrated-eclipse#comments-wrapper

      Reply ↓

      • I would like to add to this nomination, having to hear about all the daft twats who can’t see properly today, and ringing up their GP for advice. If you are that stupid you probably shouldn’t leave the house ( although in this instance these intellectual giants could have buggered up their eyes equally well by looking out of the window). Probably the same sort of person who thinks it’s a jolly jape to photocopy their face with their eyes open.

  2. 100% British Chocolate.

    “A chocolate bar has been made using entirely British ingredients for the first time in nearly a century, with cocoa from not Brazil or Bali, but Berkshire.

    Created at the University of Reading, it was named the Reading 100 Chocolate Bar to mark the university’s 100th anniversary.

    It is the first of its kind since 1932, when Rowntree’s gifted a six-year-old Princess Elizabeth the only other bar of UK-grown chocolate ever made.”

    Ah the days of Empire! A bit of patriotic pride once more..

    No.

    “Food security master’s student Maha Khan created the chocolate bar by harvesting, fermenting and processing the Reading-grown cocoa.”

    “She said: “It is incredible that we can make 100% British chocolate – but in the context of climate change, pests and diseases, there are estimates that 30 to 40% is lost.”

    So a paki made it in a laboratory.

    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/czxe2kw31wpo

    Fuck off.

    Reply ↓

  3. Edwina currie.. not content with being known as Mr grey majors cock polisher.. this raddled cunt thinks brothels should be opened near illegals accommodation..

    I kid you not… because third world savages need sexual release to… i take it this cobwebbed cunt will be offering herself, and all her female family members to the cause..

    We have reached peak retard..
    Low impulse rapey foreigners, foisted on your doorstep.
    First thought is not how to get rid of, no its how to get them off sexually..

    Why not, we pay for everything else for these cockroaches, and angie can always dust off her whip and earn some cash.

    Sorry its a times radio link.
    https://x.com/i/status/2087573652099187005

    Reply ↓

    • I thought she’d died years ago, maybe I just hoped she’d died or otherwise fucked off.

      Sadly I’ve discovered she’s still alive.

      Reply ↓

  4. Lettuce.

    Lettuce is fucking rubbish.

    Some interesting facts about lettuce.

    98% of a lettuce is water. The other 2% is whatever makes it green and solid.
    Scientists are yet to discover what the 2% is, as they couldn’t be arsed to find out.

    There has never been a case of panic buying of lettuces anywhere in the world.

    There is more nutritional value in the plastic bag that the lettuce came in than the lettuce itself.

    The first and only lettuce festival in the UK, which was due to be held in Bucknall, Lincolnshire in 1935 had to be cancelled as nobody turned up, not even the organiser.

    No heterosexual male has ever brought a lettuce.

    Lettuce is grown from seeds, but just like the Coke Cola recipe, only 3 people know where the seeds come from.
    Nobody has ever found a seed in a lettuce.

    The Lettuce Marketing Board consists of just one person who works part time from home.
    The annual budget for the LMB is £26.50p and the person who is the Marketing Board was made a life peer for introducing the L into a BT sandwich, therefore tripling sales.

    The centre of a lettuce is reputed to be deadly poisonous with no known antidote.
    This fact is rarely published as no one has ever reached the centre of a lettuce.

    In the remote French hamlet of Gavarnie-Gèdre
    there is a lettuce fiesta which boosts the tiny village population from 846 people to closer to 860.
    Tractors pull trailers full of lettuces through the streets which are thrown into the crowd.
    The tradition started in 1841 when a farmer grew a field full of lettuces by mistake and threw them into his neighbour’s field to get rid of them.
    His neighbour promptly threw them back.

    When scientists put the phrase, “I like lettuce” into the search facilities of the first computers, the circuit boards melted.

    We know more about the core of Saturn than the centre of a lettuce.

    Before fridges, you would use a few leaves from the outer layer of a lettuce, and the following day chuck the rest away as it would be going rotten.
    With fridges, there is now a drawer at the bottom dedicated to the remaining part of a lettuce, where it can be stored for up to a week before chucking it away.

    If all of the lettuce put into landfill every year were stacked up, they would reach to the moon and back SEVEN times.

    There are 46 different varieties of lettuce.
    When surveyed, the general public could name only Iceberg and Rocket before wandering away, disinterested.

    When a study group of 897 volunteers in Stockholm, Sweden were offered the choice between a lettuce leaf and a chocolate hob-nob, nobody chose the lettuce.

    Women, póófs and trannies sometimes try to make a sandwich look fancy by adding a lettuce leaf to the contents.
    They always leave some of the lettuce hanging out of the sandwich as otherwise, you wouldn’t have a clue that it was there by the taste.

    The phrase, “Could I have a little more lettuce with that?” has never appeared in literature or in song lyrics in any language in the world, ever.

    In the summer of 1895 the entire lettuce stock of the UK was destroyed by lettuce blight.
    Nobody gave a fuck.

    The domain name for Caserta, Campania, Italy
    Is ce.it.
    The website address lettu.ce.it has been available since 1996 at a price of 3 euros and is yet to be claimed.

    Supermarkets have to throw away 65% of their lettuces at the end of every day.
    The remaining 35% are sold to customers who throw them away the following day.

    Lettuces were never native to Italy.
    When Julius Ceasar first saw one in what is modern day Germany and was later asked what he thought of it, he is quoted as saying, “Veni, vidi, abieci”.
    I came, I saw, I chucked it away.

    The term for a lettuce grower is ‘cunt’.
    The plural is ‘bunch of cunts’.

    ©Lettuce is Wank. Volume 3. Artful Cunter Production Co. Ltd.

    https://ruhlman.com/the-hidden-health-hazards-of-lettuce/

    Reply ↓

  5. The BBC bias and quite obvious smokescreen regarding Reform and the Clacton by election.

    I may well be a bit sad, but I do enjoy cynicallywatching the results coming in from elections. so, naturally I wanted to watch the events unfold watching the tv with a large glass of red into the early hours. I checked online and the result from Clacton was forecasted to come in around 2am…..a not too late time to stay up in my book. I settled down to tune in just after 10pm….nothing ,zero tv coverage on any channels.The Burnham by election you couldn’t get away from it on tv…blanket coverage. Clacton…..fuck all. Went to BBC website and had to scroll right down until I found a small picture or farage and a link to a report, but still nothing live. In rhe end, I finished my wine and fucked off to bed around midnight. Woke up this morning to check the result on BBC website and guess what….two top stories about the farage £5m donation and how the enquiry will continue into it.

    BBC over the moon farage and reform being investigated, but night before it was as if he didn’t exist. This smacks . Cunts

    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cvgwz9delwwo

    Reply ↓

  6. Michael Cooper.
    Former DCI , current jailbird and gold-plated arrogant cunt.

    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cy7486yj6zko

    Cooper crashed his unmarked police car in September 2021, killing a 50 year old man and severely injuring a woman.
    He was using the vehicle without authorisation.

    When interviewed, he suggested he may have passed out but refused access to his medical records.

    It was revealed in court that in 2009 he had been advised to stop driving by a consultant neurologist after episodes of randomly collapsing, and to inform the DVLA and his employer. The arrogant cunt carried on as normal.

    In 2024 an internal inquiry found him guilty of gross misconduct and that he would have been sacked had he not already resigned. Really? You don’t say! So presumably he gets to keep his pension.

    After pleading guilty to causing death and serious injury last month, he was sentenced to three years and seven months.

    Just in case those at the back didn’t hear
    Three years and seven fucking months!

    The injured woman is hopefully suing his arse off, and he can kiss goodbye to that pension, fingers crossed.

    I’ve Googled can your GP inform the DVLA, and the answer is yes under very strict rules, so what medic has the time to spend and is going to be arsed to bother?

    Maybe if they were legally compelled to notify the DVLA, tragedies like this might be fewer.

    Reply ↓

  7. Roys Bedoys is a fucking irritating cunt.

    This animated children’s programme features Roys, his family and friends. Roys is an ill mannered brat who behaves appallingly only to be taught a life lesson at the end of each episode.

    All great in theory, apart from the fact many children will be influenced by his arsehole behaviour and try to emulate him. One episode showed Roys’ friends retreating from him as he reeked of shit, having not wiped his hoop. Not before the little cunt tried to blame all his friends for creating the shyte miasma.

    Roys Bedoys needs a fucking good beating with a sturdy Adidas trainer. The cunt.

    Reply ↓

  8. My cancer journey.

    Except it’s not. It’s an out of control 120mph headlong dash towards a solid brick wall, and the brakes have failed.

    How I loath the z Listers, who pimp theirselves for views, and when you read the shit they spew, it’s a mole that has been successfully removed.

    In February, my lovey Bengal cat, Dexter, started snorting gung, after spending a fucking fortune, it turned out he had an inoperable tumour in his nasal cavity. I had him put to sleep, and I hope he can forgive me for all the prodding and poking he endured.

    In March, I started to bloat in my abdomen. I went to the doctor, who sent me for blood tests. Two days later I got the results.
    Terminal cancer with less than 12 months.

    I’ve been hospitalised twice, once for a temporary drain and I spent my 72nd birthday having a permanent plural drain fitted.

    I’m having chemo every four weeks, because it makes me more comfortable. It’s stopped the fluid build up, which is great.

    I can live at home, have a shower and put clean clothes on. I need minimal help.
    Lately, I’ve been getting pain, the morphine helps, but I long for a decent nights sleep.

    Anyway, enough about me, but if I stop posting you know whats happened.

    Reply ↓

  9. Right first off this Jason Arday bloke needs a proper cunting.

    Comes up with the sort of fantasy wank the pub tosser dreams up after 5 or 6 pints of Stella giving it large about being in the Falklands war or having joined the SAS and been part of that embassy raid. Despite being born years after both of these taking place.

    Anyway Jason claimed he was non verbal, suffered from this an that, how evil wwwaaayyyccciiissssttt people had sent a pigs head to his house and the police debunked it as bollocks.

    Copied loads of his work off other people, claimed to have donated loads of cash to charity, run a shit ton of marathons with a broken leg or something.

    Worked for some water charity, then played the race card every time someone thought his claims were quite frankly bollocks.

    Finally as the story broke the university which should have told the chancer to do one ages ago started investigating his bollocks claims and covering their arses.

    Well Jason resigned despite an open letter of support from the usual race baiting suspects.

    Now he’s been found dead, I’m not sure about that as I there was something in his CV about being the son of God an popping back in a few days.

    Anyway he’s definitely non fucking verbal now unless one of those Derek Acora psychic chancers decides to channel him from the afterlife and he’ll blame everything on Nigel Farage.

    Reply ↓

  10. Another thing that needs a cunting is the Emergency Alert system.

    There I was feeding treats to one of the cats when the phone flashes and an annoying wibble tone frightened the cat off.

    So what was so damn important who knows as it’s in Welsh and I don’t speak the language. Has Putin decided to nuke us and the PM is letting us know we’ve time to boil an egg, or the Orange man has pushed the button in error.

    Well shortly after the English version arrives to frightening the cats again. Turns out said emergency is a warning about fires in Wales and not to go burning the countryside.

    Well as the PM has banned the barbeque things and the fires are being set by feral yoofs it was all a bit fucking pointless.

    No doubt we’ll get another one about flooding when the wet weather arrives followed by one on imported brown rapey stabby folk being abused by the folk they’re raping an stabbing.

    The Emergency System is a cunt that failed to do anything except frighten the cats(twice)

    Reply ↓

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