Online Dance Parties

Online Dance Party is a cunt!

Does our collapsing society know no bounds when it comes to cuntitude?

No sooner has BoJo closed the pubs and clubs (including ‘Spoons), that the stupid masses take to CuntBook and GoogleCunt Hangouts to gurn like idiots, and prance about like Wayne Sleep with itching powder in his codpiece – along with other like-minded imbeciles – in online group chats cos…ME! ME! ME! IT’S ALL ABOUT ME! LOOK AT ME!!!

Prosecco skanks, soy simps (hoping a skank will notice), Fosters fuckwits, and various alphabet people acting out tropes of themselves, with Wham! blaring away in the background, all because they can’t go out with their friends (and then completely ignore them as they remain zombie transfixed with whatever smart device is glued to their hands).

“Yaaayyy! We’re all going to die! Yaaayyy!”

The COVID-19 virus is not selective but watching those morons makes me wish it had facial recognition and raise the country’s IQ points by culling these “hard of understanding” fuckwits!


Nominated by Rebel without a Cunt!

Charles, Prince of Wales

Charles, Prince of Wails…

Hold the front page! Prince Charles has tested positive for Coronavirus, Clarence House has announced. This was confirmed after Ol’ Jug Ears was tested by NHS Grampian on 23rd March. Oh woe, and thrice woe!

Unsurprisingly, in the current climate, questions Are Being Asked. Nicola “Wee Jimmy Krankie” Sturgeon has stated that people should act responsibly, and that “the Highlands should not be used as a place to ‘outrun’ the virus”. Former MP George Kernevan was blunter, tweeting, “this billionaire landowner disobeyed guidance to stay home, went to his second home in Scotland, is infected and has infected others”.

Others are asking the obvious question; how did Bonnie Prince Charlie (and his horse-faced other half) manage to get a test for the virus? His symptoms are described as mild, and he is apparently “working” from his desk. MSP Joan McAlpine understandably pondered, “like many, I wonder how he was tested, when many NHS and social care workers cannot get tested”. Scotland’s Chief Medical Officer responded that there were “very good reasons for that person and his wife to be tested”, but that nothing else could be disclosed “on the grounds of patient confidentiality”. Naturally. Now the Gruesome Twosome are “self-isolating”, except that is, for a platoon of lackeys to cook, clean, run the royal bath, squeeze the royal toothpaste, feed the horses and what have you. Charlie boy probably even has a peasant to take his medicine for him.

Meanwhile, Junior Health Minister Edward Argar says that “The Prince of Wales did not jump the queue” for testing. Well we all know that he didn’t, for the very simple reason that in his case, there’s no queue to jump. He and his ilk have never had to queue for anything in their lives, and never will. He was tested because he’s very rich, very well connected and extremely privileged, and I’d contend that anyone who thinks otherwise is naive in the extreme. It’s a cunt, but like it or lump it, it’s the way the world works.

At times like these, we’re always spun the line that “we’re all in this together”. Believe that, and you’ll believe anything.

Nominated by Ron Knee

The Liberal Democrats


A Busy-doing-nothing, deeply sincere and inclusive cunting please for the political party who is to the smack of firm government what Alan Carr is to heavyweight boxing – yes it’s the Lib-Dems, who, in an effort to prove how fucking pointless they are, has decided to put off their “leadership” election for a year (due to Coronavirus, they say, more likely there isn’t anybody good enough to take it up):

The current incumbent, as “acting” leader (though not acting very well) Ed Whatshisname, is up against dimwitted four eyed, EU worshipping fuckwit
Layla Moran (who yesterday whined that the government put “Brexit before breathing” as we wouldn’t subscribe to the EUs ventilator scam). The daft cow couldn’t lead the Monster Raving Looney Party as she is gravitas-free.

When will the sandal wearing, Archers worshipping, knit your own lentils supporters of this pointless party realise just how useless they are?

Nominated by W. C. Boggs

Lisa Nandy (3)

A “for the many not the few” cunting please, for Labour leader wannabe, Lisa, she of the bouncing knockers and strangely alluring smile, who has “demanded” Boris “agree with the EU to delay Brexit”:

Lisa, darling, you could give me a soapy tit-wank any day of the week, but does she realise how pathetic and weak she makes herself – and the rest of us in Britain – sound?

Old Barnier has a touch of the lurgy and we have to not only mop his fevered brow (through all the Max Factor he plasters over his decrepit mug), but stop him feeling any more stress by doing what we should have done four years ago. If he is too old and ill to do his job, he should fuck off to retirement.

No doubt Qweer Charmer feels the same way, but he is too cowardly to admit it. Becky probably has no view – she doubtless enjoyed the partying last night before the pubs closed, and is suffering from disco minge this morning. Richard Burgeon or Dawn Butler will lick her clean when they arise from their pits.

I hate to say lovely Lisa is a cunt – but she is, not least for not realising how little relevance her tottering party is to anybody, except the three gurning bleeders who want to lead it (over the cliff if possible)

Nominated by W. C. Boggs

Archbishop Andrzej Dzięga

Archbishop Andrzej Dzięga is a cunt, isn’t he?

God works in mysterious ways.

Archbishop Andrzej Dzięga, Archdiocese of the Catholic cunts in Poland, Chief Poobah of fairy Gobbledeegook, and wearer of ridiculous penguin hats recently said that Catholics should not only continue attending services, but also partake in the communion ritual. That means mingling with other credulous divits whilst also supping and slurping Jesus’s blood from the same, shared cup.

Whaat? How come? Well, because “Christ does not spread germs and viruses”.
Oh Lord, not another load of contaminated, soon-to-be-dead cunts. Yes, but acceptable as they’re Catholics. Let’s see how long those pews are chock-a for, shall we Andrzej?

Meanwhile in Rome, in a rather dramatic move, they’ve closed all the churches. Ah well. At least the kids will be safe.

Catholics: Whether they’re gullible cretins, choirboy-diddlers, ignorant mooks, or kiddie fiddlers, they’re always here to entertain us.

God was not available for comment because he doesn’t exist.

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous