I’ve just done a job in Bury st Edmunds and as a simple northern lad, was shocked at the quite flagrant sight of men wearing red or pink jeans – In broad daylight without anyone taking them to task!

This is worrying as it could spread north and id like this deviancy to stay where it belongs.

Jeans are blue.Maybe black if feeling depressed, or gothic or your Johnny Cash.

But Pink or red? Well that’s the realm of duckys like your popstars and thespians not for waltzing about by real people.

Bury st Edmunds should have a fine for men who do this at the least, at best?

..a good hiding and sent to a ‘reeducation camp.

Its immoral.

Nominated by: Miserable Northern Cunt

“Use the App!”

I am seeing this far more often these days. The banks, supermarkets, DIY stores, airports, trains blah blah blah.

Now being a techiehead, I really don’t mind these apps, not that I download them all because despite the assurances from the owners of these things, they’re far from secure, and can easily be hacked if you know how.

But what really pisses me off is how the owners assume everyone has access to the internet/4G and a tablet/phone!

If you’re young then this probably won’t be a huge issue; but if you’re in your 50s+ or not of sound mind, you may feel rather unnerved/confused by all this new technology; not least having to remember two-tier authentication with password, passphrases and/or pin numbers.

Not far from me Copeland council are introducing an online booking system using an app for their household waste and recycling centres. So rather than just turning up with your car full of junk, you now have to book a slot before you’re allowed on the site.

Similarly, an off-road secure carpark area near me, is only accessible via the online app where you have to pay online and display a barcode on your phone, which will allow you on. There is no ticket machine nearby as you might expect. So again, it will cause more confusion and annoyance. On top of all that, by using the app from your phone, you’re leaving digital breadcrumbs of what you’ve been doing, how much you’ve been paying, where you’ve been and when! Such information will be farmed out to 3rd parties, and you’ll be spammed senselessly with appropriate shite!

Oh, and if you’re phone is stolen, and isn’t properly secured, then some cunt could play merry hell with your apps – especially banking ones!

If you know what you’re doing apps can be very convenient. But essentially you’re putting all your “electronic” eggs in one basket. And if that basket is stolen, hacked or fails, then you’re buggered!

Nominated by: Technocunt

People who say ‘chin chin’ are cunts.

I believe this is originally an Italian toast when drinking with friends and there it should fucking stay. If you’re a Brit and you say this, sorry but you sound like a cunt. What happened to good old ‘cheers’. Fuck me, I’ve Just heard someone say this and had to get it off me chest.

Nominated by: Cunty mcfuckwit

Media misrepresentation.

I believe that Media misrepresentation is overdue a cunting on these hallowed pages. I will start by pinpointing where I believe the problem first started in an obvious way. It was 1976 and the late Ian Smith gave a press conference in Salisbury (now Harare), in Rhodesia. We saw the complete press conference where he gave the speech. Famously I believe a British journalist asked him when black majority rule would be implemented. Most of the world heard the answer, “I don’t believe in black majority rule ever in Rhodesia not in a thousand years, I believe it will be a disaster for Rhodesia”.

If you saw that arrogant response on your TV you’d think what a cunt, but this was an edited sound bite taken out of context designed to undermine a logical sensible point which now has been proven, with the passage of time, to be 100% correct. It seems to be the MSM who indulge in this shit, pretty much anything that doesn’t fit the neo-Marxist agenda is vilified and misrepresented. The latest victim of this witch hunt is of course the Tangoman. The cries of facist, racist and mysoginist are bandied round by media outlets as well as blue haired, trigglepuff types. It’s designed to make people think something that is not true, but cherry pick sound bites to fit the agenda they’re peddling. Thankfully the silent majority see through this, and are not so easily fooled anymore!.

So old Ian you can rest assured wherever you are (not religious myself) the phrase “Smith was right” is now said more than ever throughout the illegally occupied Rhodesia and the world. I think those that misrepresent people’s views for their own agenda should be thoroughly ashamed, but they must not understand shame. Cunts to man and beast these purveyors of mistruths really are!

Nominated by: Captain Quimson

Pigeons.

After enduring months of lockdown dog days, the wife and I are looking forward to heading off into the quiet beauty of Northumberland for a ‘socially distancing’ cottage break.

This morning I spent an hour giving the car a thorough clean inside and out by way of preparation, and it gleamed like new. But returning from putting away the sponges and buckets, what did I find? A fucking manky, flea bitten pigeon sitting on the car roof is what I found. The cunt saw me coming and promptly took flight, leaving behind a spray of shit on the roof, windscreen and bonnet.

Now I’ll admit that just occasionally, I do feel a twinge of pity for these flying rats. It can’t be an easy life, hobbling around on rotting feet, scavenging a living by pecking at a pavement pizza. Then at the end of a weary day, it’s back to the comfort of your rusty, dripping railway arch, to relax on top of a six inch pile of your own rotting shite.
Sympathy tends to be short lived however when you have to return to your newly washed car to shift dollops of cack from it. Don’t even get me started on the damage that the bastards do in the garden…

My birthday’s coming up soon, and when the missus asks me what I want, I’ll ask for a powerful air rifle to clear the vermin from around the house. That’ll learn the cunts.

Nominated by: Ron Knee