Golfers are Pretentious Cunts.
Golfers are by and large showy, shallow, pompous, artificial facsimiles of the human species. I know this for a fact; for my sins I am a golfer. I am in fact a member of a links course at a popular seaside destination and play a round 4 times a week, more if Mrs Ecunt allows.
See even the statement “I am a member” sounds fucking pompous.
The car park is littered with Jags, Mercs, Bmws and even a few Aston Martins. Fuck knows what they really think when I roll up in my 15 year old Fiat Panda and park in between them in a gap that they thought was wide enough to open their doors but not wide enough for another car to park in between. Ha got ya cunts my little Panda is about the same width as a large motor cycle and I don’t fucking care about a odd scratch or two on the door of a car worth about £400.
Don’t get me wrong I don’t bang my door into theirs but love to watch them struggle to get into their motors without scratching theirs.
Fuck me you should see some of the clothes they wear; pink strides, yellow tops, harlequin jumpers; grotesque. Sometimes I reckon they’ve just come from a gay pride march.
They love to talk about their new driver, (big golf bat not chauffeur)
“I ordered it from the States you know. It only cost £500, absolute bargain, same as Rory or Tiger use you know”. Fuck off you preposterous cunt.
One golfer I know and occasionally play with has bought a remote controlled trolley to carry his bats. Over a thousand quid for it just so he can piss about controlling it with an app on his fucking phone, whilst walking at the side of it. WHAT a CUNT. Mine cost a tenner from a charity shop, this means I have to push it. Such hardship.
My entire set of bats was bought from a pawn shop for less than £50. In the club shop they sell a variety of sets of clubs priced from about £500 to £2000. Fucking ridiculous. This is not me being tight or a reverse snob either, because if it made them play better then fine (maybe) but to most it doesn’t. I play off a decent handicap and regularly beat many of these cunts with my cash convertor specials. It’s the same with balls. I can’t remember the last time I bought a fucking golf ball, shit players lose them and I find them. You can pay £5 a ball.
Golf etiquette; “shhh, can’t you see I’m on the tee green” the cunt will say from 100 yards away. Now I’m no yob and if the bloke I’m playing with is playing a shot then I’ll be quiet but from 100 yards away you can fuck right off. I used to get aggressive and tell them exactly that; nowadays I simply say “don’t worry you carry on you won’t put me off from my conversation”!!, which really pisses em off.
Golfers are by and large massive cunts man women or beast. Though there are some tidy looking women playing these days. Good excuse to get lost in the rough ..Arf arf
Nominated by: Everyonesacunt