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LET’S GET CUNTING!
“Gastro” Food & Drink
Mr Beau and myself, together with 3 of our 9 children (Akim, Jum & Bim) have just been on a special `Immigration Tour Excursion` in the UK as part of the package deal we got when we arranged a one-way trip in a small rubber boat to these fine shores. (Drinks not included).
We visited several establishments.
Is there nowhere left which just serves ordinary `food` and `drink`?
Instead we have `artisan` bread rolls; `hand-crafted` desserts and the `finest, professionally-selected` wines and ales.
I had a meal the other day, the meat of which had been marinated in rare mountain dew for 6 weeks and served on an eiderdown of saffron-infused pulverised potato together with a trio of 4 hand-picked vegetables.
For £95 that`s the last time I`m ordering sausage & mash from there.
And there was a vegetable missing.
https://static.oakhousefoods.co.uk/media/catalog/product/cache/336111bc363ebdc007831e2145326566/2/2/221_9.jpg
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King Dick
OK when I commenced my misspent youth dodging up old motors (first was a ’55 Bentley S1 since you ask) and trying to control my hormones and my rampant old man the tools of choice were the King Dick range. Classic British Brum made and very expensive and the lead in to many Carry On type jokes. They even make podgers (look it up) hence my choice of title for this post.
The podger in question belongs to sad cunt Matt Barr, a short fat geezer with a short name and an enormous 12 inch poker. Sad because he does not get to do much poking. In short fillies do not like it, they run a mile on sight. Reputed to be the biggest cock in Blighty – unless Cunters know otherwise. Cunters send your dickpicks to Admin for verification but do remember she frightens easily.
Mr Barr tends to get treated as a Freak Show and naughty fillies try to trick him on to TV Reality Shows and exploit him in a non-pleasurable Elephant Man fashion. I had a mate with an enormous plonker and he made a fair few pornos which as any Cunter who has appeared in one (Thomas the Tank Engine?) will confirm are bloody boring to be in, usually with a load of jaded lezzers and frantic studs who can’t get it up on time for the 20th take on camera (Christ call the stand in!). Good money while the stiffy lasts.
Problem with an exaggerated appendage is one tends to wear ones underpants out from the inside. That and the social embarrassment if you take my meaning. “Is that a Magnum in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?” The Dirty Harry variety that is, not the overpriced and shrinkflating ice cream on a stick.
Dring! Dring! – Mr Barr a call for you from Larry Flynt and Bang Bros Productions.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-13339927/Man-Britains-largest-penis-reveals-downsides-getting-thrown-yoga-assumed-aroused-used-date-wanted-OnlyFans.html
https://www.kingdicktools.co.uk/
Should you wish to exploit your talents start here:
http://www.onlyfans.com
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