Paris Lees

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Paris Lees “y’know” needs to be cunted. Saw her on last QT – jeez what an inarticulate, uneducated bitch? I had to google her to see what her claim to fame is and it turns out s/he’s a transgender- go Beeb. Comes over as thick as pig shit.

Once her 15 minutes are up she should fuck off to Thailand or somewhere equally liberal.

Nominated by: Frottom

Homebrew

Homebrew

I am going to cunt off home serve Beer/ Larger kegs.

My last experience was in 1989 when I bought a novel pretend barrel of beer with a little side end tap, 26 years later I had forgotten why I had chosen not to repeat the experience until last night.

I am currently on an alcohol reduction diet enforced by my girlfriend, I would normally get 2.5 glasses from a decent bottle of beer. 3 bottles consumed of an evening (by which time I like her a lot but she doesn’t reciprocate this love) but succumbed to a new 3 glass rule and bought myself a keg of Hobgoblin.
After reading the instructions fully I set the cask in place, made ready for operation, pressed the button and looked in horror at the large glass of shaving foam it produced… however a decompression valve at the top should undoubtedly cure this problem, no it doesn’t it reduces the flow to something in line with the last spurt of urine after a leisurely pee.

As you can imagine this creates a lot of “what are you doing in the kitchen” questions, gone are the days of open bottle and pour, back in two mins, now it is fill 3 glasses with froth, wait for them to settle and hopefully get one decent glass, toped up with a micro piss stream.

Who ever thought of these things is without doubt a cunt, they are impractical. Time wasting and frustrating.

My next plan will be to introduce the bloody thing to Mr Tin Opener see if that works.

Nominated by: Lord Benny

Christmas stockings

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Yes tonight’s the night when that old cunt Santa comes down the chimney to fill the kiddies’ stockings!

I mean, what’s the fucking point of that. It’s the 21st century! Where’s the fucking chimney and how does he avoid fucking up the solar panels with his fucking reindeer? And those Christmas stockings; how are you supposed to get little Johnny’s new bike and X-box into one of those fuckers. They’re too bloody small for anything half decent.

Fuck Christmas stockings. Just tell Santa to leave the fucking sack.

And I ate the old cunt’s mince pies so he’s right put of luck!

Yes, Christmas stocking are useless cunts. Get real!!!

Nominated by: Santa Cunts

Belgium

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What the fuck use is bastard Belgium? Apart from chocolate and horse meat sandwiches what has the capital orf the Euro ever done for the world?

Hercule Poriot (fictional),

Claude Van Damme (semi-fictional little cunt last seen tossing himself orf in the snow flogging an undrinkable yank beer)

Hotbed orf paedo networks involving the police and politicians (only too true)

Now Le Frogs wake up to the fact that Belgium is a nerve centre orf ISIL and instrumental in the Paris attacks (always thought Paris Carnage was a night club). What does little Hollande do in response? Bombs la merde oit orf Syria. Wrong my short arsed ami.

Bomb bloody Belgium (but spare the beer)

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

The WWF

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The WWF (fraud cunts) is a joke. It doesn’t do much at all. In fact you can make more in the exotic animal trade then the drug trade and if you do get caught you only pay a small fine.

The world was up in a rage over Walter Palmer but the fact of the matter is there is much worse hunters then him.Poachers, loris trade cunts which takes their teeth off with nail clippers and cunts in the ivory trade. Pretty soon there will be no elephants left.

I guess its easier to get mad at a individual who gets a few questionable kills then groups who take out massive amounts of animals for money and greed. Pretty soon there will be no endangered animals left because of these bloody dumb cunts.

Nominated by: Titslapper