George Osborne (9)

I feel sorry for George Osborne. No really I do! It must be terribly hard holding down all those highly paid jobs and finding the time to slag off Theresa May!

Now May might have fucked up big time by screwing up a election she should never have called in the first place, but George seems to have forgotten all about his 7 years as Chancellor. He seems to have forgotten all about Project Fear. He seems to have conveniently forgotten about the post referendum emergency budget he promised us and never carried out.

No, George just wants to behave like a spoilt petulant brat unable to accept that losing his job was pretty much all down to himself fucking up big time and that the austerity everyone voted against was the austerity he introduced as Chancellor.

Easier to turn on the very party you helped to lead and bitch on about the woman who sacked you than to admit that you’re a 100% 24 carat solid gold fuck up, eh George?..

Nominated by Dioclese.

Twatman and Robin’

osborne fox

Bugger me, now we start to see the true cut orf the jib orf the first outright Tory majority government for twenty three years. True blue at last? All I see is a red mist rising. Democracy? Under Cameron and Osborne we have a job share dictatorship. There is no cabinet government, just a secret stitch-up by two silver spoon lower ranks cunts. Duncan Smith’s frenzied self abuse during the announcement orf the Minimum Wage by Osborne was evidently a genuine reaction because it was news to him and the rest orf the Government tossers. Shot Labour’s prize fox with that move no doubt but I have absolutely no intention orf paying the inbred deviants that toil upon my a land a ha’penny more. Would destroy at a stroke a delicate rural economy that has relied for generations upon dependency and exploitation.

Inland Revenue given the strongest powers in the Western World to go and directly plunder the bank accounts orf honest hard working punters whom they allege owe a spot orf back tax. Despite massive trails that they would scupper this, the cunts have unleashed the overpaid blood suckers orf the bastard BBC. Any poor old bugger omitting to pay the draconian licence fee for the 24 hour unmitigated shite that passes for alleged programming these days will be committing a criminal offence and clapped up in the chokey at a time when prison suicides and assaults have reached an all time high due to tight arse Osborne’s cutbacks. Must declare me interest here, have never paid this despicable tax upon the culture orf the nation and at my age this has been legal for a good few years.

Once again the shite arsed SNP have proved to be first rate cunts representing a third rate race and shot me fucking fox. Cameron had been forced by his rural constituency to introduce a dodge whereby hunting returns to the countryside (not that it ever really left you bleeding heart liberal cunts) only for the Quisling cunt to lose his bottle in double quick time and withdraw the bill amendment in the face orf the SNP threatening to vote against the proposition which applied to England only. “English Votes for English Laws!” There’s more prospect of yours truly shagging Prince Charlie’s missus that that ever happening.

For the avoidance orf doubt let me state that your humble servant does not ride to hounds. Me old arse is now grown too heavy in the saddle and what with me haemorrhoids….takes a younger man.
Make no qualms about the sport. Spot orf bloodlust and savagery has been an Englishman’s birth right for many generations. Pleasure to watch a pair orf well trained hounds in action. Once the terrier men have flushed oit old Reynard, lead hound will nip in and grab his nose while number two takes a good old grip orf his bollocks. Then they do their best to pull foxy apart while some orf the older dogs come in and rip oit his guts. Don’t ‘alf steam on a cold and frosty morning. Blood spattered all over and old Reynard still making a game orf it. Old Reynard does himself no favours screaming away, only gets the dogs blood up. In come the terrier men and despatch him with a few whacks orf their shovels while the dogs finish pulling him apart. Then I like to get in and cut oit his liver before any other bugger gets to it.

Foxes liver? Highly prized in our circles. Dried and powdered down makes a profoundly effective laxative. Many is the cunt that has wandered in to our parts and been offered an extra topping orn his pizza in the pub. Half the village will look on waiting for the outsider cunt to erupt in a monstrous Vesuvius orf shite. Who would deny us our simple country pleasures?

Also you bleeding heart liberal cunts fail to appreciate the social function orf the occasion. The terrier men would be doing life in Strangeways if it were not for the distraction and gainful employ afforded by the hunt.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

Michael Gove [4]

Michael Gove

How heartening to see that, having briefly been withdrawn from frontline service for being a massive cunt to kids, parents and teachers (not to mention a toxic electoral liability) in order to be a massive cunt just to other massive Tory cunts, this cunt has now been given free reign to be a cunt to EVERYONE as Secretary of State for Justice.

What an utter, utter cunt. So much so that he cheapens the very word ‘cunt’ itself and we are reminded once more of the limits of language when it comes to conveying extreme depth of feeling.

Nominated by: OFCNTCHIEFINSPECTOR

Tory supporters

In the interests of balance, I’d like to cunt moronic thick-as-shit Tory supporters who fell for the barefaced lies and baseless scaremongering of an overpaid Aussie election strategist instead of looking at the evidence.

The Tory spending plans had been dismissed by the Institute for Fiscal Studies as the most innumerate and un-costed of all the major parties. Gideot The Towel Folder failed to give an answer to how his NHS commitments would be funded despite being asked almost twenty times. IDS didn’t consider it “relevant” or “appropriate” to explain to the electorate what they would be voting for. When asked by Paxman, Chicken Dave hadn’t a clue about the level of UK borrowing – sheer arrogant incompetence from the party allegedly presenting itself as the party of fiscal responsibility.

“We delivered all our 2010 commitments and I’m proud of that” lied Cameron when everyone should have remembered the VAT rises and cuts to EMA and Child Support he implemented after categorically denying that he would do so during the 2010 campaign. “The NHS is safe with us,” lied Cameron, when even former Tory Cabinet Ministers admit that the Conservatives have to deceive the electorate over their plans to dismantle and privatise the NHS or they’d never get elected.

The Tory narrative of “Labour’s recession” was another barefaced lie (Labour did not cause the global financial crash that has affected so many other countries even more deeply than the UK), as is the ridiculous idea that the UK was “going the way of Greece”. Chicken Dave’s rather pathetic waving around of the Liam Byrne “No money left” note should have been easily dismissed as a fifty year old in-joke at the Treasury (as Chicken Dave and Gideot surely knew it to be) which had actually originated with a TORY Chancellor in 1964. The “backstabbing” story was yet another lie – if you and your sibling go for the same job, why should there be an assumption that one is automatically more entitled than the other?

Now we all know the SNP are irredeemable cunts, but Chicken Dave spent the entire indyref begging the UK to stick together, bleating about the union he loves, then having got the result he wanted, proceeded to shaft the Scots and spent the entire election campaign demonising them to such an extent that independence is now just a matter of time. Given that the Tory campaign centred around scaremongering about the break up of the union, it’s slightly fucking ironic that Chicken Dave will go down in history as the PM who put the nail in the coffin of the union by prioritising Tory lust for power ahead of everything else. Not quite the legacy he was hoping for, I’d bet. I wonder if the Queen is “purring” now?

Of course, the Labour campaign team are massive cunts too for failing to effectively rebut the kind of crass lies that even a child could recognise, but the Tory cunts who fell for that crap need their fucking heads examined. But then these are the sort of cunts who trust the Daily Mail to provide an objective assessment of the facts, so I guess they get what they fucking deserve.

Nominated by: Fred West