Jools Holland’s Annual Hootnanny


It’s New Year’s Eve and yet again we are going to be subjected to the talentless putile shit that is Jools Holland’s Annual Hootnanny.

It’s enough to drive you to drink – but that’s OK as it’s New Year’s Eve.

Personally, putting shit like this on to see the new year in is all the convincing I need to go to bed and sleep through it.

Bring back Andy Stewart.

Or anything…

Nominated by: Dioclese

Mark Ronson


Why the fuck has Mark Ronson not been cunted before?

This rich privileged talentless fucker has a stranglehold on the music biz simply because he can pull off a half decent cover. Fuck me , the words original, talented, creative or even ‘can write a basic tune with three chords’ will never ever be applied to this rich cunt.

On the other hand he could pull off a very good wedding band playing everyones favourites. CUNT.

Nominated by: Vermin Cunt Spotter

Bono [8]

"I've got loadsamoney !!!"

“I’ve got loadsamoney !!! All tax free…”

That cuntpig fucktard Bono desperately needs cunting for a record eighth time.
( Happy to oblige… Ed.)

Over the weekend the cunt predictably waded into the so-called “refugee crisis” by lecturing his Italian audience on the subject: “We don’t know what the answer to the refugee crisis in Europe and Africa is, but we know that if we don’t figure it out, then Europe, which is a beautiful idea, will be no more. So we have to figure it out, whatever it is.”

How about you shut the fuck up until you have something more insightful to say, you speccy cunt? Or even better, how about you do something to draw attention to the atrocity of massive, systematic tax evasion and avoidance which robs the exchequer of much needed funds? Didn’t think so – you wouldn’t want to shit on your own doorstep, would you? Fucking hypocritical cunt.

I’d also like to cunt every single person who has ever bought a U2 record or a ticket to see U2 live. And furthermore I’d like to cunt the cunt who owns the glasses shop whose only two customers are Bono and Yoko Ono.

Nominated by: Fred West

Christmas Telly


Ever wondered why we eat and drink so much on Christmas Day? Well, it’s simple – it’s because there’s fuck all on the telly, that’s why!

Repeats of old comedy ‘classics’, repeats of old films, fucking Eastenders and Corrie (at least 5 times a day), Doctor fucking Who, Downton pissing Abbey and loads more crap, crap and more crap.

And don’t start me on the films! Independence Day, Jurassic fucking Park, ET, Shrek, 95 Carry On films, Star Trek (the original shite films), Back to the sodding Future, and dozens of other overcooked Christmas turkeys that they roll out every year. It’s fucking shite, that’s what it is.

65% of the BBC schedule this year is repeats because they know there’s nobody watching. And why is nobody watching? Because it’s all repeats and shite. It’s a vicious circle like a cunt with teeth.

Yep, Christmas telly is a right cunt. Watch it today and tell me I’m wrong…

Nominated by: Dioclese

The usual Xmas Telly will be on this year…

TOTP Xmas Special (presented by some Fearn Cotton type tart and with no guitars and drums whatsoever)
The Queen (The usual pointless babbling. While the rest of Blighty is in the shit with the wretched Coalition)
Strictly Come Mincing (A load of ‘look at me’ cunts and nothing more)
Doctor Who (Now known as The Clara Show, thanks to that Moffat cunt. Shite villains guaranteed)
EastEnders (‘I’m avin an affair! Is me sister me mum? You slaaag! Murder! etc)
Some Yank ‘Blockbuster (ie: crap)’ film

Nominated by: Norman

Neil Hamilton


For fuck’s sake what’s the matter with you cunts?!?

I cannot believe that no cunt out there has ever cunted this cunt on “…is a cunt”. And now just to make things worse, his cunt of a mate Farage has finally managed to get the cunt onto UKIP’s NEC. What’s the matter with UKIP? Have the cunts got a death wish?

This cunt is a fucking electoral liability. The rank and file membership think he’s a cunt, I think he’s a cunt and, frankly, it wouldn’t surprise me if the fragrant Christine thinks he’s a cunt.

Neil Hamilton is cunt amongst cunts; a veritable ubercunt; a cunt so large it could could swallow the Houses of Parliament. Whole. In one gulp. Cunts don’t come more cuntish than that!

Yes, Neil Hamilton IS a cunt – and anyone who disagrees is also a cunt.

Nominated by: Dioclese