As a change from obnoxious celebrities, arrogant jobsworths and arsewipe politicians, I would hereby like to nominate Frogs for a cunting.

No, not the ones across the Channel with the onions, Citroens and irregular bathtimes, but the green, hopping, croaking, ribbiting amphibian variety of Frog. They are without doubt the stupidest creatures on the planet. Allow me to explain.

Taking advantage of the recent warm, dry weather, Mrs B and myself decided to go to town on our overgrown garden, transforming it from a scruffy unkempt damp wasteland into a neatly trimmed area of neat grass with neat borders and a neat pathway, all topped off with a nice big shed so that yours truly can sit and drink gallons of tea, listen to Led Zep and tinker with my ancient motorcycles. The many frogs that had been lurking in the foliage were expected to migrate happily into the garden next door which is a student rental property and therefore has a garden that resembles the inner recesses of the Amazon. Instead the dopey little cunts (frogs not students) took to retreating under my shed, emerging only to get beaten up by the dog, or subjected to Gestapo style torture sessions, courtesy of the cat, that would impress Heinrich Himmler.

One daft little bastard even leapt into the whirling blades of my strimmer and got diced. Being the sort of chap who genuinely hates harming small creatures, I naturally found this somewhat disturbing. Froggy paradise lays only a short hop through the small gap in the fence to next door but the idiotic creatures seem to prefer living in the Froggy equivalent of Pork Chop Hill or The Western Front, which makes them stupid cunts with minimal survival instincts apart from playing dead, which gets them murdered slowly and brutally by man’s best friend anyway. Stupid little fuckers!

Of course the French are indeed cunts, as are students. And the SNP….. and Russel Brand…. and Piers Morgan… etc etc

Nominated by: Mr Bastard

The Voice newspaper


‘The Voice ‘ newspaper, for fucks sake! Talk about holding 2 opposing views at the same time! On the one hand you say black people should be treated equally, then you go and set up a paper for blacks only!

And you also lump all black people together as though all black people have the same views on everything you totally misguided twats. I’d love to see their reaction if a newspaper was set up that catered only for white people, that would be fucking stupid and so is ‘The Voice’

Nominated by: Ozmandias



Star Trek fans are pretty fucking mental, they could tell you the star date captain Kirk farted in season 1 episode 9.

Star Trek is shite. The premise “explore new worlds and not interfere with other worlds.” They break this prime directive every episode and then are found to be in mortal peril.

The solution is always a variant of:
rerouting, inverting or generating a sub space field or the warp core inverters/manipulating the plasma flow is the ways above.
the end

Fucking wank, on a par with Dr Who,

Nominated by: Peter Griffin

Red light jumpers


I think its about time for a special counting of those city dwelling cunts who don’t understand the principle of a controlled junction, or Traffic Lights for all the mouth breathers out there.

The three lights all have meaning as can be referenced in the Highway Code, sections 174, 175, and 176 specifically, and the lines painted on the road all mean something too. All drivers know these rules because you were tested on it before your licence was issued, so either you have a mental problem and should not be driving, or you are a dangerous cunt and should not be driving. Unless of course you are a Pakistani taxi driver; you probably got your licence by collecting tokens from Southern Fried Chicken joints so this cunting does not apply to you, you are already a set of weapons grade, desert bandit cunts (when you are not gang raping young, vulnerable children).

I am unfortunate enough to be living in the Socialist Republic of South Yorkshire, fuckers are a bit thick here, either that or they are militant lefty cunts, who think the traffic light system is scheme devised by Tory scum to keep them down, and under no circumstance will some tory try and tell them when and where to stop. As the stop light is Red, these knuckle dragging turd gurglers also assume that as its the colour of their beloved Labour Party therefore they are allowed to proceed as they were, regardless of whomever might have had the down right indignation to try and cross the junction on the green light.

This specific cock smoker in a twat panzer today proceeded to give me the finger for turning right in front him after the light had been red for at least 5 seconds because my filter was already green, before he continued on through the red light. Maybe he gave me the finger because he was signalling that this was what his wife is likely getting from the golf pro whilst he was flogging his arse in middle management trying to appear affluent to the other carbon copy, deeply affected, suburban lackwits. He was clearly an idiot, because the golf pro was more likely fisting his tunnel cunt wife. Thats 5 fingers, not 1. Or 4 and a thumb if you want to be pedantic.

Red means STOP, you teutonic fucking neanderthal cunts. And if it happens again this week, I might have to get all Kenny Noye on these fuckers.

Nominated by: The Captain

Cunts in TV adverts


That Travelzoo advert deserves a cunting… Those two tossers acting like seals need a hiding…

Same goes for that baldy cunt wiggling his fat arse for Money Supermarket, or that bearded twat dressed as Carmen Miranda on that bingo advert…

Don’t cunts like that have any self respect?

Nominated by: Norman

“You buy one, you get one free. I said you buy one you get one free!”

Yeah, I heard you – now fuck the fuck off! You seriously expect me to buy windows from a cunt like you ?!?

Nominated by : Dioclese