Take us with you, Scotland


The masses of Twitter fucktards who are using the hashtag ‘Take us with you, Scotland!’ are Judas cunts of the highest order.

Tory government or not, those SNP pigs would never, ever get my vote or support. Any twat form the north of England who has been involved in any tweeted SNP wanking should be put on a ship: it should then be taken into the middle of the Atlantic, and then one our submarines should fucking sink it…

Nominated by : Norman

( errr… aren’t all our submarines based in Scotland? Just askin’ like! )

The SNP [3]

Steve Bell's If … 13.11.2014

The bastard SNP want to make the people of the other three nations believe they represent all Scots. As Fat Alex and Wee Jimmy found out, and as our new Scottish friend Mr FYSST pointed out, they don’t. In a democratic vote, the people of Scotland voted to remain part of the UK. Losing a two horse race by more than 10% is a major defeat.

The vile SNP seem to have a new strategy. Wee Jimmy has sent Fat Alex as her ambassador to London television studios to talk utter bollocks and piss everyone off so much that ordinary people in England, Wales and Northern Ireland vote to boot Scotland out of the Union. And a lot of folks are falling for it.

The racist scum of the SNP are treated with far more respect than the deluded buffoons of UKIP when, in actual fact, Fat Alex and Wee Jimmy spout far more bollocks than Farage and co. These racist twats who think Braveheart was a documentary do not represent the views of ordinary Scottish people.

Nomimated by: Cunt’s Mate Cunt

Alex Salmond [6]


Alex Salmond has fallen. It is customary for the political classes to come together to heap paens of praise upon their fellows whom they despise the most when they have come a cropper. Such a moment has again come in British political life. It is now Salmond’s turn to drink from that insincere and poisoned chalice as our leaders deliver their eulogeous obituaries. As a student orf history and as one who has lived through many such events in a blessedly long and cuntakerous life, may I add a few thoughts in honour orf the man.

Salmond, you fuck faced bulging eyed tosser, you have made it your living to dredge up every last racist prejudice from the sullen constituency orf resentful retards that you represent. Over the years you have pandered to their failure and like some jocko Hitler, have nurtured their festering inadequacy into a howling mob and unleashed it upon the English. You promised them a tartan paradise and like so many shite arsed jocko warlords before you have led them to ignominious defeat. Welcome to your Culloden you cunt.

On occasion you have a certain celtic fluidity with the English language and in the ears of your followers, the facility to turn shite into gold. Only problem is old sport that under the penetrating eye orf the television camera the ready smile and the generous bonhomie that you effect when it suits you is revealed to be as fake as fuck and merely the well worn artifice orf a professional politician. In faith, you come acrorss as a smug cunt. Like any true Scotsman you are the first to take English gold and all the trappings that come with your grace and favour lifestyle.

Worth noting that the cunt has been on the left wing trot and awkward squad wing orf the SNP and a long time devotee orf the socialist/republican cadre within it, hence Her Majesty’s dismay at any hint orf referendum success. Much has been made orf the cunt’s childless marriage to a woman 17 years his senior and I make no comments over claims orf impotence but I merely observe that that wobbly gut on the cunt coupled with a small cock makes for a simple natural method orf birth control.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

Keep Calm and Fuck Scotland…

31.01.13: Steve Bell on the wording of the Scottish independence referendumA guest post by Dead Pool winner, Sir Limply Stoke…

Ever since that pathetic Darling’s cunt in the headlights showing against wobbly arsed arch paedo Salmond in the last referendum debate, have been waiting for me blood pressure to come down long enough to get this out. Brown’s former bum boy let the jockey shite give him a kicking just before all the postal votes went orf. Handed the advantage to the jocko wanker gift wrapped and sealed with a nice wet kiss and a tongue up the arse. Beggers belief. Or does it?

Apart from his public school sexual inclination, why has Cameron bent over backwards to give Salmond every advantage possible – a long run up to the referendum, votes for the under 18s rabidly anti-English “Brave Heart” generation, any number orf financial guarantees, excluded the rest orf the country from such a fundamental decision making process that affects us all – the list is endless. And who has he left with the matches in a fucking gas filled room? The biggest shower orf shite on the planet, the Labour Party!

Correct. The “Better Together” campaign is being run in jockoland by labour party hacks while Cameron and his goons will not go near the place, content to let dumb cunts the likes orf Darling and Brown and Murphy fuck the campaign thus allowing Salmond and his Orcs to torch the place. There is no logic to this other than to destroy the bulwark orf Labour Party support in Westminster. In furtherance orf this blinkered political dodge the cunt Cameron and his wanking stooges are willing to destroy the Union. Buggers belief.

Once again there is no “Plan B” as the shite hits the fan other than to pour billions orf our money into rapacious jocko pockets in panic bribes as the cunts try to hold us to ransom. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Backs against the wall. Finest hour. Never surrender ect ect. Had a midnight war council with me faithful vulture Gristle, me butler and certain distinguished personages. Fortified with a few bottles orf me favourite whiskey (note spelling, as a patriot I am drinking Irish) it was agreed to issue the following communiqué:

Press Release: Most Urgent: Action This Day:

Keep Calm and Fuck the Jockos

Sir Limply Takes Charge

  1. Hence forward the “Better Together” campaign will be rebranded as the “Fuck the Jockos” campaign.
  2. All transport out orf jockoland – road, air, rail, sea ect will be subject to one way toll charges.
  3. All “artistic” jocko cunts particularly rock musicians and alleged comedians will not be allowed south orf the border upon pain orf castration.
  4. The border north between Berwick upon Tweed and Gretna Green will be patrolled by Big Issue sellers and aggressive Romanian beggers.
  5. North orf the border the sale orf Mars Bars for personal use will be subject to swinging taxes.
  6. Any “cool” black dude or musician caught wearing a kilt will have his bollocks cut orf.
  7. Play the paedo card (no, not me you cunts). That bairn sucking greasy cheeked tosser Salmond will be outed immediately alongside the entire jocko legal profession.
  8. Any jocko cunt (subject to clause (3) above) allowed to work south orf the border will be subject to an extortionate Jocko Tax).
  9. All bribes including, but not limited to, those paid by way orf NHS subsidies, bank bailouts, infrastructure, propping up ailing industries, positive discrimination and diversification (parachuting in tens orf thousands orf government jobs filched from the rest orf the country), will be repaid immediately to the hard pressed British economy plus interest.
  10. All jocko women will be subject to an Ugly Cunt Tax unless a personal exemption is arranged with Sir Limply.

As a true patriot and defender orf the democratic ideals orf our once great nation I await your comments and suggestions. To those that may disagree, allow me to quote the stirring words orf Cleisthenes, the father orf Athenian democracy “You no like, then you fuck orf innit”.